Captain

33 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....boring, but they of course had never been given the password to the full and unedited version, where even Potus Obama had been a regular. He told some great stories and it's a pity circulation was restricted, because his language was from the Thai gutters. He certainly knew flying though and told us many stories about ..............

..... his quest for globalization.

And Turbo's above post, dear readers, was the initial exposure of the "NES Files".

These showed, due to initial FOI requests from Cappy (who is an intrepid investigative reporter), that CASA, the NTSB, ASIO and the ATO have been working with Wreck Flying to suppress some of the more humorous NES posts (some may say that these have been completely suppressed) and the technical innovation that is discussed in the NES which have potential to revolutionize the Aviation Industry (Eg Electric Drifters ..... although those words will now probably also be suppressed by some fascist Moderator, so don't be surprised if they put a line through those words as a starter to removing them).

"They did that to us at Twitter too" commented Elon when he gave Cappy a call for some technical advice on StarLink "But yours was wayyy worse mate." he added.

These revelations sent shockwaves through the Aussie establishment, Albo drafted a letter of resignation, Chris Bowen decided to continue to be a complete dill, and ......

ELON THINKING THRU THE STARLINK TECHNICAL PROBLEM BEFORE CALLING CAPPY FOR HELP

ELON AFTER THE CALL ONCE CAPPY SOLVED THE ISSUES

ANTHONY, ALL PENSIVE AND SAD, WHILE CONSIDERING HIS RESIGNATION

CHRIS BOWEN, JUST CONTINUING TO BE THE SAME SMUG CLUELESS NUFF NUFF

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

and then they were headed for Gunderbooka, still in NSW and voted the most boring........

..... place to be in Strayya by Facty, Planey and Old K, apart of course from spending time on the NES which they classified to be even more .....

..... Terramungamine, before .....

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

he KW was being driven by young Skip Turbine who'd hired a dredge and crane, hauled the ship off the bottom and cleared the beach three minutes before the Contract became legal. It was .........

..... a typical Turbine family move.

they really are soles croaked bull to a young nubile nurse after his throat op.

Well, young Skip had always wanted to be just like his Uncle Turbo, so he ......

48 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"His eyes aren't quite right!", said the manager after more close examination. The head carver disagreed. "He's got those close-set eyes! That's a mark of a true convict descendant, and besides.....

...., make those eyes more beady."

"And I disagree about his nose as his head behaves like a wind direction indicator with his beak as the fin, so his is ......

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...so he excised Flinders Island and called the bigger bit below it  #DemonsLand rewrite the Quatrains to a baser level to appeal to politicians, and the Admiralty introduced a rule that only Lords of the Admiralty could view the unexcised map.  Cookie was a very smart man. Turbo and Cappy had both seen it after Turbo had had two "Lord of the Admiralty" certificates made up by a letters man in Little Bourke St who.........

... was quietly watching these shenanigans.

"Hey Cooky, my boy, why did you not call in Van Demon's Land?"

Cooky took the Little Bourke St letters man down to the kosher deli for bacon and eggs, where he explained that he could no longer use that name in the Southern Hemisphere as somebody had registered the name and was designing something called an RV1. "This flying caper will never take off (avrefs galore) my boy" said the LBSLM and an RV1 kit aircraft will never be approved, I'll just ..........

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

When Captain Cook exploded and threatened to drown the scoundrels, they said their papers had been peer-reviewed; they'd all reviewed each other's, and all claimed to be scientists including CT the Elder whose paper consisted of thumb prints, which .........

..... proved once and for all, at a very high academic level, that if the cooking of Billy Tea over an open fire, the eating of eggs, or the importation of cattle was not banned by 1785 (12 years from what thereafter has always been known and revered as The Flinders Island Expedition of Discovery, Science Advancement, Climate Change Awareness and Ozone Layer Hole Identification [The FIEoDSACCA&OLHI for short]), human kind plus the fishes in the sea and even those cute little Quokkas in West Van Marky Mark's land will be doomed and in the colloquial language of the time, as per Mathew Flinders' diary, he said "We will all be #@$%&* mate".

But like Cappy, his GGG grand pappy was a visionary and was made of sterner stuff, so he .......

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The contract included "all the marine life, little fishes, dropped watches and shipping wrecks including the "Venus" and any objects, artifacts and the like that may have been used by, carried, referred to, or constructed including any copies of..........and so a race to raise the Young Endeavour began before the contract came into effect......and first.......

.... they decided to research the Good Ship Venus and use the design of the legendary figurehead doing what the song said it did, but using Turbo's head instead.

AMSA were horrified when the new registration application came through and they reflected upon the way that the carved figure of Turbo was ......

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

so the sharks stayed focused onTurbo's legs, and .........

.... one said to the other "He hasn't got as much meat on his bones as Harold had all those years ago (in shark language of course).

The bitterness about the Young Endeavour has lived on for decades because Turbo also made the guests (sic) pay a third $1,000 to use the exit gangway, and this led to Turbo being known as ......

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Now, staring into Lindsay's eyes with Lindsays finger stabbing at is chest, this was the point where most people caved in, but Turbo said ".........

... Now settle down there Foxy, as you know full well that I have the resources to well and truly ......

I note that Turbs mentions "General Genghis Khan VII" and I apologize to readers for that error, as Turbo has obviously misremembered .... because it was actually General Genghis Khan VI that took us a couple of weeks to repulse & to smack his bum.

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

He smiled at his friend Turbo and said “What if we.......

..... buy off this Cappy wanka, get the use of his name for *#%@ all, build a replica of his ship (we'll call it the Young Endeavour as nobody will have thought of that before), we'll also buy all those out-of-date dinosaur statues from Clive (who is a good mate) and we'll do thousands of Jurassic Park tours to Tasmania, which is about as Jurassic Park as you can get, then we'll get this Cappy clown to walk down my special steps at the weekender and he'll be ..... 

On 12/01/2023 at 4:22 PM, Captain said:

..... and I confess that we have not done enough to adequately maintain Turn 12 at The Island, where I am aware that Cappy almost .....

..... bought it after those other 2 blokes hit the inside wall". Then Foxy added "And just to be clear, Cappy of course didn't have the funds to "buy" Phillip Island, he just went close to ending it in a big one. But while Cappy didn't have the readies to buy, Turdboy is well known to have gone from an oil changer to a game-changer, and Turbine PI definitely has a nice ring to it, plus with his massive profile in the Speedway and world aviation scenes, I reckon he could ......."

Your delightful Rat has just added this in an attempt to prop start (avref) the thread again as the NES has stalled and nobody knew or cared or were interested to contribute to his near-death experience.

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Lindsay rolled his eyes and said "I knew this day would come........

..... and I confess that we have not done enough to adequately maintain Turn 12 at The Island, where I am aware that Cappy almost .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Linsday had never got the clap before but this time it got him good and he wailed .......

.... then recited the bible in Hebrew, before belting out a few books of the Koran, quoted Budda and Confucious and then the big one when he recited word for word Turbo's Chairman's address at the London meeting of Turbine Religions P/L (TRPL).

Lindsay had just assumed that Turbs and the pope were having a TRPL management meeting before Tubb's appointment with the Archbishop of Canterbury and Martin Luther's great great great great grandson that afternoon.

Lindsay was certainly impressed and said "Turdboy has come a long way since he used to change the oil in my trucks and only ever did half those that he charged for, but I never realised that he was a god botherer, so if he ......

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......decided whether to give Albo another push, but Albo was used to Labor's "robust discussions' and tripped Dan from behind. Dan was about to get some extra scars on his face.....................

.... when the Victorian general public heard what was being discussed so stepped in and stuck it to Albo in the most vicious of attacks (these attacks by the general public were akin to, if not worse than, the tactics used by VicPol ....... so they were really bad).

"If this means that Dan will bugger off to Canberra, then we'll do whatever it takes to Albo to ensure that .....

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

as he took a quick look down the first landing stairs .....

..... and thought "I just flew (avref) horizontal (avref) for several second then landed (avref) with a thud (bad avref) and landed on my considerable empennage (avref)".

"I thought that you were about the die" said Mrs Dan to Albo in what appeared to be a well-rehearsed speech.

"This might be my chance to make the leap into Federal politics" thought Dan as he ...... 

27 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....not important and he bagged the bunny.

 

Meanwhile  Albo had flown to the Fox compound for a half day BBQ with Lindsay and Dan who was on his best behaviour. Sydney and Adelaide were about to get shafted and..........

.... all Dan could say was "Watch the steps".

Foxy's insurance broker thought the same thing.

But Albo wasn't worried as having been a Minister under 2 numbskull PMs, he is a fearless statesman and he .......

.... as that bunny was a bit of a fruitcake and had always wanted to go out as "death by pope". (See his troubled FB posts).

This indicated some psych issues for that leporidae, but that was .....

29 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...not only blend in with the community, but experience life as it really is and he was quickly handed a Sako Quad and three cartons of ammunition and sent out with ..............

..... instructions to clean the bunnies out of CT's bottom 60 acres but not to bless or swim in the 5 rivers, which are already blessed ............ and particularly don't look under the mulch at the end of the runway.

He thought that the Sako was a great piece of gear, but only after the trigger gets a light hone, although he had always preferred Leupold optics (who had sponsored the recent repaint of the Sistine chapel) to the cheap scope on this Sako, however popes can't be choosers (note the use of the small "p" to retain his incognito & camoflaged presence) so he allowed an extra 25 mm over the bunny's melon and squeezed ......

44 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..... CT drew the short straw .........

.... which had been laid as part of the mulch to disguise the site of the latest 56 vertical burials at the end of runway 15.

"Why have you chosen to draw that particular piece of straw?" asked the Pope who was in his civvies for this visit (he liked to wear cammo gear when relaxing) and thought that he could ..... 

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....that one of the Cardinals had been transferring money from the sacramental wine budget, the biggest money flow in the Vatican, and paying off Judges, lawyers and victims in Court cases after they told him that just receiving his blessing wasn't going to be enough.

 

One of the first things Turbo tried after being appointed to the Vatican was blessing a hot little number in the coffee shop and she told the Pope and ..............

..... he just explained it away nonchalantly as "That is typical of Aussie AUF pilots and that is why they fly off for hundred dollar hamburgers and to chat up hot little numbers by offering to take them to the 5280 ft high club in their Jacka (although it takes 'em about an hour to get to that height & they therefore forget why they are there)" so he fully understood the AUF culture, both male & female, which he thought of as ...

Turbo's GG, Josh used one of the latest flash units to obtain risque photos for his book as his prose was always pretty bland (a family trait) and when the flash went "POOF" FTW just dismissed it as "Don't worry thats just Josh T and we suspect that he is one too"

JT GOING POOF

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The Pope said "Humility is a blessing my son, but I need these xxxxxxx accounts sorted sorted out, and then .......

..... The Pope said in latin "Maria McKillop te respicere paulo similis, so it will be no wuckers to have you sainted."

Turbo, who has a PhD in MYOB jumped right to it, but wasn't game to eat any food that had not been taste tested by his dedicated tester, Cappy (who is a true mate & had volunteered to protect the soon to be St Turdbro [the Aussie to Italian translator was shifty so they got his name spelt wrong on the initial paperwork and it went through all wrong to the end]).

It was in the middle of the 1st MYOB run that Turdy discovered ........

TURBO LOOKS A BIT LIKE THIS BUT A LITTLE MORE FEMININE, SO THEY WILL ULTIMATELY AIRBRUSH A 5 O'CLOCK SHADOW ONTO HIM.

CAPPY IS STANDING ON TURBO'S RIGHT (IN DISGUISE) AND THE 1ROOT IS ON TURBO'S LEFT IN A TYPICAL WA "WE ARE BETTER THAN THE EASTERNERS" POSE.

..... the Euro & £ plunging into the unhappy toilet.

This dear readers is the power of our NES compatriot, my closest mate, and our very own world influencer, Turbo.

However he is the type of leader who can always take on more responsibility, so after Pope Benedict & George Pell both shuffled off (respects etc) the current Pope gave Turbo a call to see if he would be willing to sort out the issues of the church ..... and then quickly added "And no, the church is not for sale .... but we can flick you a sainthood if you do a reasonable job".

Turbo called bull for advice and asked ".....

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Soon .....

... Turbo also posted something on Twatter which sent the Chinese economy into a worse recession than is presently being caused by their housing crisis, when Turbo posted that he no longer likes Short Soup or Dim Sims.

When someone of Turbo's standing says something like that the world really takes notice and this immediately .....

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

............overjoyed and Turbo had 2.3 million followers of Twitter, some of them literate.

There were a few unhappy pilots who had ordered a head wind on finals, and the BOM had forecast two different winds, but Turbo waived one of the fees and all were happy except .................

..... for those few blokes and blokettes who complain about everything (surprisingly some are even members of WF).

Given that Turbo was a natural competitor to Elon Musk (they have similar intellect and foresight), he started Twatter.

"Why did you call it that?" asked Cappy "Well, for some reason I was called a twat when at school and when studying at higher learning institutions for my multiple degrees (those universities have since been purchased & restructured as part of the Turbine U conglomerate after last century, Tubb wanted to compete with Alan Bond).

Twatter went berserk with millions of members in all countries and that started Turbo looking at a takeover of TikTok. This pitched Turbo directly against Xi (who is actually a bit of a fly-by-night wimp) and Tubb was confident that he could ......