Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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.... a "square" is the opposite of cool dudes like Turbo and bull, who have lived their lives doing things that are the opposite of being a square. Back in the cool days of the 60s and 70s, bull was a Mod (who had indecent thoughts about Dinah Lee), and Turbo was a Rocker (who had crushes on Little Pattie & Judy Stone) {and still has}, yet they both owned Vespas and used to hang out at their local ..... Dinah Judy Little
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..... this, Dear Readers is where the NES gets a bit confusing. Is Turbs referring to the verb "to Kite" meaning to fraudulently float cheques, which is something that Turbs did to Cappy when Tubb was a little low on funds while up the Khyber, after which Cappy has always gone guarantor for all of his best mate's business ventures .... or is he referring to one of Cappy's favourite shapes, being a quadrilateral with two pairs of equal adjacent sides, & one axis of symmetry. The answer was simple, as usual, because ....... It is little known that 'The dog ate my homework" is still registered and licensed to Crappy under the law of common domain, and each time the phrase is used, even when Vladimir does so in the Kremlin, Cappy is paid twice per usage what Bob Dylon receives from Spotify each time one of his songs are played. A nice little earner and hence why he always buys the dog a Puppychino when he is down in Lygon St with Mick and a few of the crew.
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.... do you have the latest issue map of this region and in particular of the Henry St and Peel St area? He thought quickly, as he always did, and responded "I bought the March 2026 edition this morning, and i was familiarizing myself with the latest updates over a coffee and croissant, so the coffee shop dog must have taken it". The Walloper (CASA ref) pressed the issue in the regulatory firm way that CASA Johnnies do and said ".....
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... axis into a state of flux, and let me assure all readers that there was "flux" all over the joint, even running down the windows of the tram. After the jolt he could not roll (avref) or get himself vertical (avref), so with great effort and coordination (avref) he .....
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..... 3 more trips around the city on route 64 before he woke up (on route 64 all tram riders need to be very quiet & still while passing thru Moorabbin pending a machete attack), but Cappy remained on the roof as the tram approached Flagstaff, and he was still clutching the bottle of the demon Gin, but as he rolled over and stretched his legs, one touched the live overhead wire and a bolt of electricity passed along his ......
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.... so he spat the wine out, like the wine p@0fters do, but he was sitting in the Jackoff at the time and he missed the spittoon that he always keeps between the rudder pedals, often laughingly referred to as a barffoon, as an upchuck is almost impossible to resist when bull is in PIO (sorry pio) mode and when he exceeds 4Gs, the juices start flowing. To settle his stomach bull took another swig of Grey Label and thought about his favourite pussy in order to quell the stench. Then he realised that he was in that fatal lifestyle spiral of good grog, visits to "Cat Farms" (see below photo) .... and that, Dear Readers, is what Turbo has been referring to all along in his thousands of promotional references in the NES .... where Tubb is now competing with The Wizz to be Melbournistan's premier Cat Farm proprietor, because it is similar to his experience at .......
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..... there had been periods of blackness (or more correctly, a strange dirty darkness) in his life, where a Wolf Blass black or grey label did the trick, and while he was not a member of AA, he did belong to the AUF and WF, the MAGBRGA, & the Prawn Trawler's Cooperative Council (PTCC) so he was forced to mix with quite a few card carrying piss-pots, some of whom (Turbo and Onesie ref) are Grange drinkers and think that Wolf Blass's finest (before the TWE takeover [Often referred to as the Turbine Wine Estate, although the ownership is cleverly masked]) was ....
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..... bull reaching for his spare 750 ml of fuel that he kept in a Wolf Blass Grey Label bottle that had been stored in the ......
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Crappy thanks Onesie for his help and looks forward to being normal again. But surely his post should have followed the well-established NES protocols and should have been in italics, which I have done above to save his reputation.
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This response by our Turdbro has elicited 2 responses at exactly the same time. A new record for the NES, and a credit to Turdy, which reflects to detailed thought that he puts into each & every post, plus the vitally interesting content of his contributions.
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.....gest bits, because he still had on board the super sharp damascus steel filleting knife that bull had bought for him in Japan. But he needed to move quickly, and he did not have time to toss anything off because that would not weigh enough to make a difference anyway, so he decided to dump fuel like the big boys do. This would be a delicate balance between remaining fuel and the distance to the "1st bit of the runway" (an important technical term), but he was a well-trained AUF pilot who also watched all of the Blancolerio UTube vids while having breaky each day, so he was well prepared and gave a landing briefing to his passenger "Combine 3 of those seatbelts and shut TFU until we are down, stopped and alive". Then he commenced the really difficult bit, which was to .......
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..... n AUF License holder, he never gave a rats (cappyref) about MTOW or W&B, and with her taking up 2 seats + the aisle, he just kept it straight a level and accepted that the ROC would be 20% of the normal, but it was .....
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.... got excited, as you often do in the run-up area, but when she reached for his ignition switches and flicked them, one after another, ... and repeatedly, he almost .....
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..... throttle lever, and when her magnificent hands started to do their work, he .....
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.... because the noise from Turbo's PA28, with its perennial broken exhaust, sounded similar to when the Whoopster let rip, and Tubb made a comment about the need for Whoopie to lean it off a bit. She (?) expressed surprise and went straight for the ..... Yes Turdy, and you are correct as usual to question that, as Cappy can confirm that the SN was 00000000000046356476596, and it was a 747SP that had also been fitted with the triple by-pass that saw Nos 2 and 3 phonetically out of sync with #1 and #4. So the sound was just 1/10 of an octave off The Brown Noise.
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.... , and it was an original 747 too, fitted with Pratt and Witney JT9D's, so the blast shredded Cappy's RMW moleskins (well known for handling the heat from blasts, and hence their use as part of Elon's astronaut uniforms to the ISS and to the Moon). Whoopie was proud of herself and was confident that this blast would make a podcast highlight reel, however Cappy could not find the BIC and was about to search Whoopie's .....
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..... Crappy whipped out his BIC lighter, and as his thumb hit the little roller thingy at the top, Whoopie went one step further, rolled onto one cheek and ......
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.... that was easily addressed, as there was a Labor Party Conference at the joint next door to the Studio, where Jacinta Allen, Penny Wong, Katy Gallagher and Kistina Keneally where all available, and the beauty was, they didn't need costumes ..... although nobody wanted to see them in their cozzies either. The Studio was dumbfounded, the Director was perplexed, but Turbo knew a commercial opportunity when he saw one and he quickly identified that .....
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..... in the presence of greatness, and the associated extreme animal magnetism, so they ....
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.... prepare for his Monster-from-the-Black-Lagoon-scenes. Many female humans found Turdy strangely attractive in his Monster suit, and as they stared in thru his gills they could almost sense the possibility of there being a personality and empathy, & they felt his strange clammyness, so that they knew that they had been ....
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The Smolnek pussy is up the top there on the right.
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.... and it has been a thing of movie making tradition, and legend, that key grips and lead actresses (with the occasional lead bloke) so often lose their ..... Important note for concerned NESers ..... The Smolnek pussy is OK after being talked down from the highest Sequoia, and being stroked inappropriately.
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..... and Crappy apologizes for he dear best mate again, as while our thousands of NESers will be interested to know, but as only I know from being there, Tubb is a little delirious again from the punishment that he received from the KGB in 2005, where Vladimir himself gave Tubb a flogging with a barbed wire Teddy behind the Iron Curtain, in a situation that has since been borrowed for the recent Jason Bourne doco, where Turbs is the speech coach, the stunt driver and the choreographer for the .......
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..... after some research, we now know that one of the chicks is going steady with bull, while the other still sunbathes on that beach in the razz, even through she is in her 80's. As for the Aerochute pilots, one is running for an AUF Board position this year, so that should make things interesting, as a bit more Derring Do at that level in the AUF can only .....
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..... "Things to do in Melbourne that require a touch of Derring Do" and after the mentions about "Walk in the main street after 5 pm", "Visit the overloaded Machete Bins", "Hang around Carlton and film a gangland shooting" or "Have dinner with Mick Gatto by donating $20,000 to charity", he spotted an article about the Design Criteria that had been used for the construction of the Westgate Bridge. Once he saw reference to the fact that "A C-130 Herc could fit easily", that steel trap, yet quirky, mind of his started firing and this made the Challenger decision seem both logical & delicious (and even tingly wingly in the nether regions), so he .....
