Captain

56 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........need to push harder for the same result, and there were injuries which these days are given the name “RSI”, but used to be called..........

 

..... a wa..........

34 minutes ago, bull said:

..........shaggin area ,and the local .................

... bicycle was ......

4 hours ago, CT9000 said:

......at 588kg. just for the engine did not leave a lot of gross for the rest of the airframe or pilot, not to mention fuel.......

.... which had not been thought about for many months, let alone mentioned, so there was bugger all in the tank + it was stale, so that .....

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....tying Turbo to the tail after a night out. This always had unintended consequences when Bull practised his Chandells and Half Cubans and sometimes.........................

..... a quarter Puerto Rican named Ricardo who flew a ......

On 04/02/2023 at 11:27 AM, onetrack said:

"Whoever heard of a......

...... GT F***** 500 being stuck up?".

bull certainly is and Turbo is, without doubt, a little up himself, but they are nicely balanced out by Crappy, SingleRoot, CT and Spacey all having their feet firmly on the ground (avref), however that "balance" is fragile and all it would take is a .....

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

............and following that advice there was a rush of 7328 orders for GT500s; if there weren't any W&B charts you could do what you like with them........................

..... , even whack a lycoming in the back to carry more tennis players & evade the ATF & border whallopers.

The lycoming powered versions were designated as the GT500 FU series and became widely known in the anals of AUF history as the GT Fxxxxx 500, where they ....

52 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

.......it does not matter any way because w&b charts do not exist for these aircraft, so loading is not an issue......

...... yes agreed bull, shove as many in the back as will fit he demanded as weight & balance calcs are for wimps ...... and there is a quid to be made.

The GT500 (on which bull had stuck a 2nd plastic fuel filler cap to make it look even more like a Lotus) became "the little plane that could" and an enid blyton style story book was devised (with a substantial advance paid by Turbine Publishing) so that .....

20 hours ago, bull said:

GT500

So bull has bought a Cortina eh, and added wings (avref).

He has even tried to add green bits to make it look like a Lotus. 

Could bull actually be Harry Firth incognito (as I no longer think bull is Chopper Reid hiding out), or is he .....

13 hours ago, bull said:

Breaking news

Well now ....... that has certainly put a dampener on the NES, plus has removed one character (albeit very temporarily we are sure) that we can't put XXXX on anymore, let alone continue to call his pride & joy a Jackoff.

So what next?

8 hours ago, bull said:

Breaking news " Notice to all NESers, the famous and handsome aviator named Bull will be retiring from the NES for a short period

Very best wishes bull. We'll be thinking of you and rooting for you ............ and so will your thousands of NES fans. 

36 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

......in this instruction sheet for the start up process for the electric Drifter ; " please make the switch in the on position immediately 

otherwise death or serious injury may occur. Then follow the instruction for to make the start happen. This will cause motion of the attached propeller. Seat belt may help lessen injury consequence of movement. If machine fail to proceed as need start process over." ........

.... unless the propellor attachment flange (made by Bright Sunshine Flower Tiger Industries) has already departed the shaft (as supplied by Golden Lion Wishful Dragon Collective), as per Turbo's sad experience with poor chinese manufacturing tolerances stated some posts ago.

The Make Start Process Over Try instluctions were identical to the 1st set and that caused all sorts of .......

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

He was shocked...............

...... also to learn that some deviant in Turbine Prosthetics and other Bits had taken the "other bits" notation seriously and had slipped an order in (sic) to print a larger XXXXX, and had obtained numerous orders on both the dark and light webs.

Turbo was shocked (but then he was also impressed with the size of what was printed) and when he discussed this with his closest friend, Cappy replied "Well you would, wouldn't you?" and then Crappy added ".............. 

20 minutes ago, onetrack said:

more inflomation and

Note & Critical Health Warning - Did OT perhaps mean to type "inflammation" here? As if so, that could be bad news for the Turbine 3D finger printing business if Turbo has used substandard or 2nd hand material in his printer ..... which his track record would sometimes indicate he is prone to do (in the past he has sourced stuff cheap from Wuhan ........ court action pending).

12 minutes ago, onetrack said:

So one morning, Turbo was very surprised to turn on his Apple Mac and receive a strange message that read, "Prease to advlise that new version of Erectic Dlifter now avairable! Prease crick on link below to find out more inflomation and to.........

..... have rots of good ruck.

Then the below would flash up on every page that Turbo opened every after (and for the rest of his days).

"This is worse that out of spec nosewheel parts" Turbo said, before he rearized that he was .....

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo used his "FingerPrinter" app which whirred away for 6 days

Comment from Cappy - Isn't it amazing what 3D printing can do these days. Who would have thought that new fingers could be printed that way, even if it does take 6 days to make one, many finger amputees will be very thankful. But how do they attach it so that blood circulation can continue? Ohhhh ........ sorry ......., I just found the website of Turbine Prosthetics and Miscellaneous Other Bits Corp, so please ignore my initial question.

Further comment re the final lines in Turbs' above post - Turdboy has obviously had an unfortunate experience with Chinese supplied parts. Just say'n. 

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......sabre-toothed scrubcats, a species Turbo had invented to keep people from prying on the cat farms, of which there were now seven in Tasmania, with...................

.... that just being a tiny percentage of the international Turbine Cat Farms inventory.

With a Chinese spy in our midsts, Cappy kept a legurar eye on the IPOs and NMEAs etc of who is where and what on Wreck Frying, just rike Eeeean used to do, and Clappy noticed that Wun seems to have settled here in the Never Ending Stoly.

"I lead back fru all pages" Wun said "And boy there are a rot of pages. Do these particurar wliters ever sreep as I noticed that Turdboy (that funny name and I rike him arready) arways posts about earry morning pee time? But I arso noticed that many of the stoly terrers speak excerrent Chinese, and this is particurary noticebre in the rast hundled ......

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

CASA backed down and .........

..... the JO Shortwing became a favourite amongst the Wish-Upon-a-Star croud.

They were also a favourite for those that did not have a straight runway and had to build a strip around the side of a hill on the farm (I seem to recall a detailed technical treatise on the issues involved when this was discussed previously in the NES), where the JO shortwing would land itself on curved runways (but the curve has to be in the right direction ..... and that made runway operations a bit of a bugger when the wind changes to the opposite direction), until one of the WUaSc tried to put one down on .....

9 minutes ago, onetrack said:

anyway, no-ones gunna notice that bit, its too far away for them to see when sitting in the cabin and no-one ever looks up close at the wing when theyre on the ground, theyre just happy to be back on the ground!  and besides .......

.... I don't ever have any issues, but my mates keep donging their scones on the longer wing, whereas I think that is funny.

And anyway, I enjoy flying (avref) round (avref) in circles (Pythagorasref) and all of the jackoffs have been made that way ever since 1962, when .....

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......Turbine’s “Living The Dream” promotion.

However the ED business was failing;  no one wanted an electric Drifter. 
“I like Blueheads” said CT; “they’re not really aircraft” said Lemonface who had been building a savannah kit for 12 years, “......

....... I am a perfectionist" he said "And as my mantra I have always used the well-known Leonardo DV aircraft construction saying "Measure 10 times and cut just once after thinking about it overnight or across the weekend".

i do the same thing said bull when i ............

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Ot came up with the name "OneBite", and ........

..... everyone knew that he was on a winner, so certain to be favored to win the much-coveted top gong Turbine Promotional Award as sponsored by Turbine Marketing & Truth Stretching Corporation. 

The "OneBite" name is particularly attractive and alluring when you see it on a sign in arabic "ون بايت" so who could resist going into that store ..... and even more-so in hebrew "ביס אחד", so there is the opportunity for cost saving cross border promotion, for OT to solve the Palestinian/Israeli standoff and for world peace to be achieved (although there may still be a need to nuke the Iranian bomb factories .... or send them a truckload of manky unrefrigerated burgers which would have the same outcome), all just because of Ahab's Luxor-belly camel hamburgers, OT's wonderful foresight and ........ 

Crappy also suggested to call his burgers جمل مليء بالقطط but OT thought that was too obvious.

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

his wasn't going to be an easy one - until suddenly, OT had another brainstorm. He'd simply......

.... hide the issue in plain sight and provide increased value for his customers at the same time.

OT would stuff the camels chockablock with cats prior to cooking, which would provide an interesting combination of texture, colour and taste, plus the even more brilliant part of this plan is that OT decided to call them .....

Onesie's 1st thought was to call Crappy for advice, who suggest that he name then "Catel"  burgers, but OT thought that may have become confused with "Cattle" ..... however, Cappy quickly added "Who cares if the punters get confused as it's all about the money. We are not trying to win the Nobel Prize for concise honesty".

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........bowells. He realised that in the US Turbo’s CATburgers (which the customers all thought were named after Caterpillar dozers, about the only thing manly to look up to in the US) were distributed by 3500 H.L. Hunt Kenworths pulling refrigerated vans.

OT ordered 100, then ....

 

.... realized that the sea freight for those rigs from the US would cost him more that the pyramid, and while Onesie is a commercially realistic and resourceful chap, this did set him back for a few minutes, before he .....

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

US Turbo’s CATburgers (which the customers all thought were named after Caterpillar dozers,

 The confusion of these customers is well founded because Turbo had every component, including the tiny little lettuce strips and the single drop of cat poo relish, stamped with the below logo.

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He leveraged the new income by buying an ED and offering scenic flights around the pyramid, and .........

...... which he also used to aerial shoot every camel within 150 kms of the pyramid as part of his MacOnesie's Camel Burger Co (the MCBC), which he had started on the QT to take on the TCB conglomerate..

However, the bulk shooting of camels hadn't been fully thought through. as everyone but OT was aware of a shortage of cold storage in Luxor.

"I'll just hire a few dozen mobile chiller units from Cairo, Yemen and Ethiopia" replied OT.

"What is this "refrigeration" of which you speak?" asked Ahab and OT immediately evacuated his ......

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

However, there was one small fly in the ointment

and some bigger ones in some of the burgers too. Just say'n.

Ref ..... the 2022 report of the Egyptian Health Inspectorate.