Captain

.... profits surged even further after Turbine BOM found out how to deliver appropriate weather to whoever wanted it and this led to the phenomenon known as the 'Turbine Effect" where one cocky wanted rain and it p*ssed down as a result, while his mate was having a "stalk rust" problem (the fungus on the wheat stalk, not the cocky's lack of use) so T-BOM delivered low humidity mild days right across the fence.

The money flowed and after a new algorithm was designed (by the great Turbo himself), weather was eventually arranged & could be ordered on a hectare by hectare basis all across the country .... then the real big news was released and the holy of holys was also possible when any AUF pilot could pay a (substantial) fee to arrange tail winds for the entire flight, except when on final.

The people were ....... 

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......pantographs where they shouldn’t, causing skips leading to modelled results which.....

..... made Global Warming look like a dead set cert.

"They have been fudging the figures ever since I was in short pantographs" said Turbo "And there is a quid in this Global Warming caper, just ask Big Al Gore, so that is why I have bought them and renamed them Turbine BOM Inc."

This caused a bit of a stir as the credibility of the BOM has, for years, been the same as the ABC and that meant that BOM emplyees came out in ......

4 minutes ago, onetrack said:

As a result, the Fanshaw-Turbine Forecasting JV rapidly gained a negative perception, as regards its weather conditions forecasts, where the forecasts were......

..... always standing with one arm out of the window, and often also stuck their ......

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........over time, and by subscribing to the Farmer's Almanac, ............

.... the Elders Weather Prediction Service and by having a squiz at the 1Root's flasher's anorak, progress was able to be made to ....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

the general public was not as worldly as NES readers and .........

..... didn't get the Turgid Plonker's sense of humour either, but then ......

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

..... and this then meant, that every time someone called out .....

...... "Hey, you", he would call back in a broad Scottish accent "No that my seester, she live in Glasgow, you want massage?".

Soon .....

This message sponsored by Turdbine Massage and Chyropracty PLC, (incorporated in Belize).

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Zac got to hear of this, and, realising he was in trouble, change his name by deed poll to "Turnbull",

When they heard this, Zac's mates replied in a broad Billy Connelly type accent "What sort of a wankish name is Turnbull Turdbine? He should have kept it as Zachary.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

but it wasn't long before someone pointed out that meant the same thing or worse so Zac changed the name again. to .......

..... Allan Turdbine, but the name Allan also had brought with it terrible connotations about ......

...... used it as the personal seal of each dictator leader of the CPP, as for the Chinese people that represented ......

Juan Brown has nailed it.

It will be interesting to learn what was discussed in the SeaWorld operation about left hand circuits when they converted to these choppers.

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Brits created an elaborate ruse that the Spitfire had been designed by a Percival Grimes and the hit squad rubbed Grimes out, so they had to .......

..... find somebody else to ascribe (a fancy word meaning to "dob in") as the designer of the Spitfire.

At that time, Turbo's Scottish 7th cousin Zachary Turdbine (note the original authentic Scots spelling), was a dunny cleaner at the Ministry of Defense in Whitehall and he got wind (dunnyref) of this opportunity through his illicit liaison with the Minister's secretary whose name was Terry.

Zac applied and got the gig, so while he was dodging more Hit Squads (& a Musso Squad from Italy ... not to mention a Stall (avref) Squad from Russia), he was also paid a royalty for every Spitfire ever made (and gave long lectures on several world speaking tours on how he came up with the shape of the wings), including a healthy royalty on all of the subsequent Airfix kits, which made the UK Turdbine family very ......   

35 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Hitler had sent a Hit Squad

Now THAT is funny.

And sounds so much better than Goebals sending a Balls Squad.

...... a demand to identify, once and for all, who was responsible for putting the "Cess" into Cessna, or the .....

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and all Turbine employees received a $100,000 bonus

Given that nobody knows Turbo's real identity, based on this hint could he perhaps be Clive?

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The Share price pulled ahead of Berkshire Hathaway,

This heralded a swathe of Turbo TV interviews and all of the world media then gave Warren B the flick. Even George Soros was on the outer in preference to receiving pearls of wisdom from Turbo. Tubb even has his own YouTube channel after he purchased what he renamed as Turbine Google.

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo was tempted to start a 760 Kg Recriatonal Aircraft production line similar to Henry Ford with floor boards made from the crate the parts were delivered in, and free drip mounts, oxy bottle clamps and robotic nappy changers for the pilots, and ........

... this, dear friends, was where reporter's eyes started to glaze over, even those employed by Turbine ABC and Turbine Channel 9 News found it hard to ..........

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... the Turbine stock price which has almost passed ........

..... out, coma-like, based on the Turbine Industries CEO having made a shock announcement which .....

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....straight down. Theo thought for a moment which could be quite dangerous, and hit the accelerator he went up like ......................

.... the shares in Turbine Bitcoins & Coal Mines P/L which .....

20 minutes ago, onetrack said:

..... suddenly realised that he was in an Opel Facet, and not a Facet Opal, which made a whole world of difference, as Opel only built cars, and never built anything that could fly.

Theo was wondering why some clown would fit a propellor to an Opel Facet car - then he realised, there were plenty of dreamers who wanted a flying car - and this Opel owner was obviously one of them.

 

As the Opel gathered speed, Theo also realised not only was the Opel owner being left in his dust - but one of the levers he'd pulled was for extending the wings from the roof!

The wings were now fully extended, the Opel Facet engine (all 1.9L of 4 cyl wheezy GM/Opel engineering) was now pulling 5250RPM, and the Opel's wheels were lifting off the ground!

 

Theo desperately looked for the location of the flight controls. The controls still looked like a standard Opel car. He pulled back on the steering wheel in desperation, and to his great surprise, the Opel got airborne at a somewhat lazy rate of climb - but at least he was airborne! He looked back, and the crowd was getting smaller. He looked forward, and the trees and cows were getting smaller.

 

Then Theo had to figure out what turned the Opel in flight. He turned the steering wheel left, and he banked left. Eureka! He turned the steering wheel right, and the aircraft banked right. Whoopee!

He was keeping it under control! But where were the rudder pedals? Surely not the clutch and brake? Tentatively, he pushed the brake pedal, and to his horror, the Opel went ........

 

AND THERE YOU GO PLANEY AND FACTY. THERE ARE MORE AVREFS (AVREF) THERE THAN AT AN AUF BOARD MEETING

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Theo did and looked for the starter button, so he pulled a few levers and the engine [avref] started and quickly went to full throttle. He .......

..... did a spoonful and started to sweat, or was it the other way around, but anyway, he .....

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

On this day Theo ..........

..... was on high alert for errant FlyBoys (or even better if it were to be a FlyLady), yet he still had the words, timbre and rhythm of Good King Wenceslas buzzing around in his head, and the .......

PS ... as all observant & deviant NESers would know, Good King Wenceslas went down ..... but little further details are known, however Stephen may have been involved.

HERE IS THEO WHEN HE WENT TO BACK THE NEDDIES.

..... the head pest had been identified as none other than T.....

28 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....camera and be recording .............

.... in a manner that is known in Cappy's legal world as "up skirting", but in Turdy's more squalid world he just passes it off as .....

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.... bodyguard with express instructions ....

Wowee said Onesie as he called up Cappy. "On 1st reading I thought that he wanted me to be his "body-double". I was immediately terrified, as I don't think even Jack Nicholson or the bloke who played "The Mummy" could make themselves look that crook".

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It was a big version of the BoB, that you can come in,

I expect that Moderator 11 will be calling Turbo about that one, as you aren't even allowed to do that at the Wagga Blue Oyster.

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The WF clans ran for cover like rats in a mouse plague as bull walked through them with that stare of a born-again Tasmanian on the lookpout for a snitch. As he turned the corner ........

..... he realized that Turbo was actually just a gollywog with a crypto fetish, but that he might also have a small ...... 

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....Young Socials (They wanted to attract more members and then indoctrinate tham rather than admit Socialism) where the youngest member was 82 and freqiently posted on social media as ..................

..... "turboplanner", a name that they lifted from the owner & CEO of Turbine Industries (A corporation with hundreds of subsidiaries), which also is (or was) the T in FTX and "a"s & the "e"s in Alameda Research also come from those very letters within his name "turboplanner".

(Rumor has it that Turbo also spent time in the Bermuda penthouse commune and that he was "very close" to Caroline Ellison who had a crush on him).

Turbo called last night, and I could hear his ankle bracelet buzzing when he said, "I didn't know, I just made an innocent mistake, help me please Ratso".

Based on that assurance I have decided to take his case and will be posting on the NES from California for the next few months as US Courts love it when a QC appears before them (and bull has taken the brief as my instructing solicitor, while Onesie is also keen to help as Turbo's .........

CAROLINE WITH SOME BLOKE THAT IS REPORTED TO BE ONE OF HER MAIN SQUEEZES.

THEREFORE, THIS MAY POSSIBLY BE ONE OF THE VERY FEW PHOTOS OF TURBO.

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......a failure because the Wackers bred like rabbits and emigrated to all parts of the world including Australia, and these days impart their wisdom on ...............

..... the ABC, the Turnbull Times, Channel 9 News, the Incidents and Accidents forum page, the Freightliner Owners Forum and as part of the  .....

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...........he could be a member of the famous Wacker family of aerobatic fame in the 1930s. Three generations, all augered in when they got into a spin the same way. The grandfather had taught the son and grandson.

 

It was tragic .......................................

...... but as an effective cleansing of the Wacker gene pool, it was ......

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Eddie wacker here, this is my first post slow please goesy on me. I'm from Ohio.

Doe he mean he sniffled (sneezed) eating a Mandarin? darn forgot to finish in the middle off a sentence, never l...............................................

Welcome Ed.

There are a few others on here who exhibit your family name, and is it true that to Yoda related perhaps are you?

But Ratty knew that to Turbo Edward a cousin may be.

That is because .......