Captain

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Soon he was over.....

..... the largest farm in the Turbine Cat Farm Conglomerate (the TCFC) and commenced his descent onto the TCFC runway 27 which is used to fly old Qantas and Air Lingus 747's full of cat meat to markets worldwide where it is sold as chicken or Pangolin.

In fact, there are rumors floating around that Covid 19 originated in one of the TCFC farms in central Victoria (could have even been from close to the area of the 5 sacred rivers, as for a short time it was known as DG-19) but Turbo's massive international and UN connections meant that he could deflect it to be that it started from one of the sole trader, Freddy Lee's, pet pangolins in the Wuhan Wet Market.

"Turbo is a plick" said Freddy to the Wuhan Daily News.

As evidenced above, Turbo and the rest of the spivs in TCFC can be ruthless and as a result Tubb received the Hillary and Bill Clinton "He's even worse than us" award in 2021 because of ......

.... a plan that he had previously discussed with bull, as it was how bull (avref) had escaped from the Bone CWA ladies when they had held him as their sex slave ...... and while the Bone ladies hadn't threated to "blow bits off him" as the ATF guys had, the Bone ladies had certainly threatened to "wear bits away", so he took bull's plan and .......

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... for one thing I put Yassar Arafat with the girls choir, and that's not a good thing to do"

Willis ..........

..... was surprised at this as he had always liked and admired Yassar plus he had won a few shekels from winning Yassar Arafat look alike competitions.

Willis also admired Yassar's hot wife and this encouraged him to take on the role in Aussie as the spokesman & part time bomb chucker for the PLO, where he came to the attention of Turbine Security Forces PLC, which meant that ...... 

SUHA FANCYS WILLIS TOO AND HERE SHE IS AFTER A HOT NIGHT AT HIS JOINT BELOW A PHOTO FROM WILLIS'S LAST WIN AT THE EASTER SHOW'S YASSAR LOOK ALIKE COMP

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The Voice said "I want you to.............

..... beget .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....put up a proposal that we ban pork, and now I have to consider the Pork bellies futures market, and it's not Sunday for another four days, but of course I could.................

.... go with the name Pork Scratchings" which Turbo thought of due to that itchy red & moist rash on his upper (right up the top) inner thigh.

you cant use the name pork said bull, who is an expert on the foibles of the Jewish and Muslim cultures.

"They'd sell better if you called them cat scratching" said ..........

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......turn the sod into a pillar of stone, and said "Try Chewing on that Cowabunga!", but he ..........

..... turned to salt instead so I lost a lot of credibility, which gave the Muslims a leg in to ....

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....On the first day it was hard work because I had to make the Earth as it is today. When I went to the Bank looking for funds, the Manager said "Who do you think you are ....................?

 

 

.... so I had my son boot him out of the temple and then ...

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......leopard skin coat. Willis was the "Black Sheep" of the Turbine family and got a great kick out of embarrasing the others.

 

He'd show up at...........................

..... Turbine family shindigs and be relatively indistinguishable from all the other black sheep, then regail them all with his story about how funny it was when he flicked on Ign # 1 and one of Andy's hands went missing almost simultaneously. "You should have seen the look on the wimp's face" added Willis with a chuckle.

But then he blurted out the words that all of the family agreed with yet kept suppressed "For goodness sake, can we stop talking about f'n Trucks, Speedway, Airbloodycraft and the NES."

Turbo, the acknowledged patriarch of the Turbine clan, pulled Turbinia close to him, in a slightly paedophiliac manner, and replied "...... 

4 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....hand prop the ED.

The engine didn't seem to be starting so Willis asked Andy to swing the prop for a while and he started tweaking the controls and switches, one of which was the on switch for the electric motor which took off one of Andy's hands. "Get in" yelled Willis, "We....................."

..... can get away with this ED red handed. Well you are anyway, and please try not to bleed on my ......

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The cats moved down the street to ........

...... seek their next victim as they had learnt to all act in concert and to hunt as a pack (just like the girls do at the Bone CWA ... hence poor bull's torrid experience and why that drove him to bugger off to VD Land).

Andy the Aircraft Handler teamed up with Willis the Confessor & decided to form the Catholic Cat Scratch Gang (the CCSG), so Willis dressed Andy's wounds and Andy gave Willis a few Hail Marys before they proceeded to .........

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

biting andy aircraft handlers that came near. It wasn't every day you tried to hold the wing for a mate and it bit your fourth finger off, so Turbo put the ED away for the night. All night the ..........

...... cats kept at it and so did Turbo, thinking he was young again ... (please review the above video and appreciate that part of what Mavis was remembering, in addition to the torrid lovemaking, was that Turbo was a bit of a Ranga back then and his breath smelt like cat food).

As the cats fought on, Andy the aircraft handler, a new arrival in the NES, lusted after the ED minus the cats and he snuck over to the hangar to ........

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

He did a run of Catskins for the Electric Drifter. On the day he tried them out he'd been tired and forgot to plug in the ED for the 16 hour mandatory charge before take off, and the cat skins were HEAVY! He got it off the ground, but couldn't make altitude and the tallest thing straight ahead was the Catholic Church, where it happened that old Willis Garside was in the confessional telling a long story about snitching the neighbour's grapes and before the priest could reply there was a huge crash and Willis thought God had tried to strike him down and missed, so ........

..... Willis went outside and after inspecting the damage said to Turbo "You are supposed to take the cats out of the cat skins, mate".

Just then a couple of the moggies came to and went at it just like those in the below video.

When Mavis saw the video she commented "That's the way that Turbo used to make love when he was younger."

Turbo was embarrassed about all issues mentioned above and he tried to .........

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...................went on to the Universities, and that's why we see such nonsense about Climate change, parking fees, speed limits, noise limits, great parties and .................

..... misrepresented preservation orders for pigmy possums, tasmanian bulls & WA .........

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...ree-Fall 1000 feet after dropping the SV into its back from a vertical climb or......

... was it actually a TSV? ................. (a Tenterfield Saddler Vampire) which are covered in the especially thin and light, tanned skins of pigmy gliders and this gives the TSV the revolutionary 85:1 glide ratio ............ which saw TSVs winning soaring competitions all over the world, leading to a massive overseas orderbook and to demand outstripping supply, ........................... which resulted the near extinction of pigmy gliders.

Airfix also made a TSV model which was covered by the real thing using the pelt of a ten-day-old Pigmy Glider.

The Pigmy Glider catching & snuffing industry employed children who spent their school days catching PGs and their weekends tanning the .......

THESE LITTLE BUGGERS WERE CONSIDERED TO BE THE FUTURE OF THE AVIATION INDUSTRY .............. UNTIL WE RAN OUT OF THEM.

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......discussing how he was dressed when he sang the song, and what was under his Turban.

He'd taken most of them up in his Sadler Vampire [accurate Vampire] and they all had stories to tell of climbing to one mile high, as they called.........................

... it, but most were getting ready by the time they were at 1000 ft and were pretty toey by 2000 ft.

Taj really liked these flights to the magical 1 mile high, as it gave him a chance to do his 2 favourite things, to Fly and to F.....

Ratty also notes from Gobble Maps that The Goebbels Ice Skating rink and the Goring Plunge Pool are joined by an unusually shaped tree-lined avenue subtly and disguisedly named the Swoss-Ticker Memorial Avenue just off Stuka Square, so Ratty thinks that it might maybe look like it appears that there could be a slight possibility of German cultural influence in Berlize.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.time when the clouds gather over Bombay, and the Tiger Hunters get together in the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel and start telling stories of .............

... the recording session when Taj first played his greatest hit song “You Don’t Miss Your Water (‘Til Your Well Runs Dry)” from The Natch’l Blues album which was a favourite of the tiger hunters' wives, who used to play up while the blokes were out on the hunt. The thing they favoured doing was ........

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

change its name to Berlize, but it hasn't been gazetted yet.

As usual Turbo is ahead of the times. However Cappy's suspicions were further aroused when he noticed that one of the most popular towns in Belize Berlize is known as Brandenburg and in that town the biggest family group is the Himmlers followed by some other little known German H names..

https://youtu.be/VUYZ2lsoEuM 

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

[Re the quote and comments, Turbo apologises; he was both on the phone in conference regarding an oil well drilling project in Berlize, speaking Berlician,  and writing the post in English at the same time "shive" is the Berlician word for shiver.]

Cappy the cynical investigator just checked Berlize as he was interested to learn the lingo. WF members will be flabbergasted to learn that Berlize and Berlician do not exist and Tubb has been one of the few caught fantasizing in the NES................. or is Turdo referring to his uncle Otto's story about the Germans who moved to Belize in the last few days of WW2 and changed ze name to reflect their former capital city?

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..........normal for Cappy at that time of the day.

HELP NEEDED - Do any NESers or NES Lurkers have any spare ......s and know how the NES can continue on from this blind ally that Turdboy has taken us down?

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy blew a gasket blaming everyone else so he was sent back to the office to find out what was .......

.... the plan, and he came back confused and dazed, which was pretty ......

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...... a shive went up and down bull's spine .....

No Turbs. As you well know, bull hasn't been allowed anywhere near sharp objects (let alone a shiv) for the past few years and his medical problem was up at his neck, not up and down his spine. And if your spelling is actually correct, because of his other well-known issues, neither is bull allowed to have anything to do with any broad bungs that are hammered into a hole in the top of a cask when the cask has been filled.

25 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

behind ......

..... and bull's is not a pretty sight.

Cappy is dedicated to bulls wellbeing and sent him a PM asking if he is OK after his throat operation (and to apologize again for thinking that bull had had his scroat cut off).

On the other hand, SingleRoot and Turdfeatures (nor CT and Planey) didn't care about poor bull and the favors that he was obtaining from the nurses. "One had said to bull "If you let me eat your grapes, I will give you a .......

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

What to do? He could send in the PLA to help the Singaporean Govt put down the rioters (at least 6 feet down) - or he could arrange for the Chinese Navy to round up and transport........

..... them to the Spratleys where 1500 could be locked up in the dongas belonging to Turbine Spratleys Corp.

In parallel with that, after Turbo had seen Mike Cannon-Brookes' bank account he sent for a deed-poll application form but was unable to decide whether he would thereafter change himself to be called Turdboy Cannon-Turbine or  Turdboy Turbine-Brooks .... or even perhaps Turdboy XiJinTurbineping (as he also fancied himself as a dictatator [but more dick than tater).

Onesie had a strong opinion on this and also wanted bull's thoughts, so he .........

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

penny saved is a penny nett.

Alerted by his friend's post about W&B, Turbo sold them on to a Cattle property in the NT which was going to use them for cattle mustering.

It had been some time since he had looked in on the Electric Drifter venture, which didn't seem to be making money and in fact he had forgotten what the shareholding was, so .....................

..... decided that the only fair thing to do was to rip off any other shareholder that is involved.

Turbo is a big deal in the Vicmanistan investment scene, and he is probably somewhat equivalent to a combination of Mike Cannon-Brooks and Twiggy Bushland (apologies, that's Doctor Twiggy Bushland) except that Turbo is a much bigger A- .......

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..............Chairman Dan was aware of his business venture and about close it down because he wanted everyone on the underground trains, so Turbo just put the pallets in, leaving the yellow clowns out and offered free trips for union officials which ensured bumper queues at every porta port, so he bought 36 Chinooks from the US Army. The problem was that the Chinooks blew the weatherboard houses down, so he moved the owners to Wodonga and built concrete slab Turbine Burger pps which took off. For many the Wop Wop Wop sound of a Chinook was very familiar and they flocked to pay the Five Dollar Fares Turbine were offering. Soon ...............

...... Tubb also did a special deal on 2 Eurocpters from up Surfers Paradise way. Their W&B was a bit out due to the 1/2 tonne of black gorilla tape on the front, but as Turdo so often says "A bargain is a bargain" and other somewhat similar sayings like "A ....

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....helicopter transport to epi-centres like Moorabbin, Sunshine and West Footscray, where..........

...... Turbo had arranged to put portable Heliports (really just a stack of old manky fruit pallets) in the front yards of homes of receptive poor people (a bit like the circus does when they put yellow blow-up clowns in front yards to advertise their shows).

Turbo called them porta-ports and had now added Cowes, East Fortscray, Malvern and North Footscary into his "Helliweb" (c) when he found that .......... 

27 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

No one knew what -30 degrees felt like, but ........

..... thought that as long as we can do it in the next 12 years, everything will be sweet, as Melbournistan had a hot day for the Aussie Open so that MUST be Global Warming, and -30 sounds reasonable if that is what Chris "The Guru" Bowen recommends (after all he almost got his endorsement correct for the NT Solar Farm and the long power cord to Singapore .... which went broke last week).

Meanwhile the NES Files were being released each week by some mole (Turdoref) in WF and when CT's Mafia ''Ndrangheta burial scam was revealed, half of Australia realized what a dead set CT, our CT really was, yet millions of them still used DG International for their $50 cheap flights to the Gold Coast, and .....