Captain

28 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....."out to lunch" on a couple of cylinders, cylinders now needed because a gust of wind had flipped the aircraft upside down and it was arcing down to the ground, the corners of Cappy's moustache whipping dangerously close to his eyes. The corrugated iron fuselage was making oil can noises and.................

...... it was at that precise time that the natural Cappy skill, supreme effort, pluck & determination kicked in as he just proceeded with his usual low pass for which he has received numerous AUF Awards on the dark web where most crusty old AUF members hang out.

One of Crappy's particular skills is to make his low passes underneath Earth Return Wires (ERWs) on his mate's farms, and he has been asked to teach this skill at the Cropduster's Annual Convention (the CAC), but Cappy thinks that those posers in their Turbine Air Tractors are just not ............

5 hours ago, bull said:

.inherent capabilities by................ 

..... being overweight and having no location for the charts or ERSA (and bloody hard to get W&B right with a 14 litre Cummins up front), which the Ramp Check disclosed to be ......

5 hours ago, CT9000 said:

.....stop and the 14 litre Cummins engine roared into life......

...... and said in his usually understated manner "There is a chance that this flight might make AUF history, so does somebody have a video camera and a rabbit's foot?"

"I sell rabbit's feet (although some are still a little blood-stained" volunteered CT, who was always out to make a quid and capitalize on ............

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He pushed the polished Mulga throttle handle...........

..... to the .....

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

............The Lang Hancock Exhibition, which has no souvenir shop and takes six months in a caravan to see, or ................

...... the beach at Monkey Mia, where OT entertained the crowd by performing his fabled Pilchard and Sourdough Feeding-of-the-Multitude stunt in 2 shows per day + a Matinee on Saturday and then a fair dinkum miracle on Sundays after he strolled across the surface to feed the dol..........

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Of course the Track family knew that old Seamus was the first person not only to fly, but to make Geraldton from Perth without a GPS or compass. It wasn't until Jack Track, in 1948, on a Mining trip through Geraldton came across the old dump and............

...... where our own beloved OneTrack had been dumped, Moses-like in the bullrushes ...... except in WA there is bugger all papyrus, so they use Caltrop (which is why OT is sometimes called "CatHead" by Turbo, Crappy, bull and his other close mates) and is still extracting the prongs from his flip-flops all these years later.

Given the above, NESers can readily understand why the Geraldton dump has been deified and highlighted by the WA Tourism Department as a "must visit", prior to seeing .......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo hit the phone to research the matter, and found the amazing truth, that would rock the WA establishment when.............

...... he identified that there actually IS a WA Aviation Establishment (WAAE), which just added exponentially to the Amazing Truth that Turbo discovered, which was that .......

1 hour ago, bull said:

.......and the Gender Queer Journal...... [GQJ].........all this abbreviation was baffling OT who was now trying to...................

...... change his own abbreviation, because everyone in the QTPLQRSTU community (NTTIAWWT) knows that OT refers to ......

9 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

What is not generally conceded by the British is that Captain Cook had misread magnetic for true on his map and finished up jammed on a reef in South America, which led to the English term "Off to a rocky start", and from then on, as there was only one way to go the Australia from there the route was followed by all Australian Captains, even though it was the biggest zig zag in the world and........

......... even became compulsory with GPS routing, as has so often been said by crusty aviation and marine types ..... "You can't trust these new-fangled lectrical devices and what happens if all of the 500 satellites fail at the same time?"

A sextant is therefore still essential in all Qantas (avref) cockpits (inexperienced creww thought it must be a Sex Tent packed away in the crew sleeping quarters), as are the Inclusivity Instructions (II), the Wonders of Gay S*x (WoGS) (with introduction from Joycey), The Drag Queen's Handbook (DQH) and the ............ 

26 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Portugese, remnants of the prolific Cook Tree in Australia. Not Many people know that Captain James Cook's name was really Miguel Sanchez. The Admiralty, sticklers for appearance had given him the more English name of James Cook. A hundred and fifty years later someone in Holywood was doing research for a script, came across it and .........................................................................

...... there, in ancient Tahitian script was written record of the Tahitian equivalent of the Bone CWA, saying "Oh Miggy, that was fantastic & you are the best we have all ever had", as they had a post coital durry and started to learn Portuguese in the hope of a free trip back to Miggy's hometown of ........

AS AN ASIDE ........... CRAPPY'S INVESTIGATIVE SKILLS HAVE BORNE FRUIT AND THE PETER GARRET/TURBO CONNECTION IS COMPLETE (REFER MY FACT FILLED POST OF YESTERDAY). FOLLOWING MY OWN INVESTIGATIONS AND AFTER TAPPING A FEW SPECIALISTS THAT WORK FOR ME AT ASIO, PLEASE SEE THE BELOW RE GARRETT TURBOCHARGERS. PETE AND TURDBOY ARE ONE AND THE SAME, AND HE IS PAYING FOR HIS NEW CORVETTE VIA HIS GOVT MINISTERIAL PENSION. (I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY TURBO'S 1ST SUGGESTION TO MEET FOR OUR WEEKLY COFFEE AND A CHAT WHEN HE WAS LOOKING FOR SOME CAPPY GUIDANCE, WAS ALWAYS AT THE COFFEE JOINT IN PARLIAMENT HOUSE (I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT HE JUST HAD HIS HAND ON IT, BUT IT MUST HAVE BEEN TRUE).

Performance Turbochargers - Garrett - G GT GTX GTW Series Turbo TBG (garrettmotion.com)

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

XI had never trusted Kevin, he didn't know why, but he wasn't going to change stream now especially after all the parties on the Spratleys with Turbo and Cappy liberally plying ........

............ "Hey, hang on" yelled Cappy "Me not ribelarry plying (me not National Cuntly Party plying either), although I must admit that I do sometimes "inquire too closely into another person's private affairs".

"Bugger Kevin 04.5" said Xi "As I want dilect access to Peter Gallett. He was Mr Pink Batts, he rooks zactry rike Turdboy and he arso dances exacterry the same as Turdy ....... see berow video." [Prease refer to the old Confusious saying "If it rooks like a Turbo, if it dances rike a Turbo and if it smells off rike a manky pangolin, then it must be a Turbo]

As Turbo so often does, he obfuscated by singing "What do we do when the beds are burning, say fair's fair, let's pay our share, LET'S GIVE IT BAAACK"" (perhaps referring somewhat contloversialy  to the Splatrey Isrands), however on this occasion bull and Onesie (who both claim 1/16 native Aussie blood, because there is a good quid in it) were both wakeups and responded with the immortal line, ........

PS - Onesie and bull both claim 51% Chinese blood too, so that they will be put in charge after any possible invasion. Down there for dancing eh?

TURBO DANCE COMPIRATION

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

There was a silence, then Cing Huk Lee jumped in and read the details fluently ( since all Chinese had received urgent instructions from President XI to map and learn every road, creek and gully in Australia.

Mahatma Singh interjected with "OH! Noo, Nooo, noo, noo; Armidale is not being there today at this time ...............

........ because Armidale had disappeared from the face of the earth (some say not before time) after the application of new Chinese Teleport Technology (CTT).

The Aussie aviation (avref) community only learnt of this while ASIO were flicking around the dial trying to listen to the gallops, as they had an office quaddy with a fair chance to win, and they heard a radio broadcast from Shanghai which in part contained the words "What is the siglificance of the numbers 124.2 and what the f8#2 is a CTAF? Should that perhaps be CatF as Turbo told us in his rast seclet leport.

So it was then learnt that Armidale had been captured because Xi thought that is where our 34 Subs will be built (then slid down the hill into the Tweed) ......... but because he had blabbed, this also disclosed that Turbo is the new Berlin Betty or Hanoi Hannah, except in this case he is Shanghai .........

.....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...with: Do you know something we don't, and Turbo handed over a 30 page Affidavit writtem by a local school teacher, and 2 hours of video of a somewhat unconventional party.

 

The Journalist gasped after he'd read it and............   

.... realised how erky perky it was to see Turbo & bull in drag, reading the ERSA to impressionable .....

On 16/03/2023 at 7:48 AM, bull said:

.promote democrats,why his latest campaign even got an imbecile elected to president of a country with more nuclear bombs then Australia has roos!!!! ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Yeah turdy [shouted OT] but your indictment to appear before congress to explain the disappearing domestic cat population in.........

..... stantly received adverse coverage on CNN.

"Fair suck of the sauce-bottle" said Turbo, giving his best Hoges impersonation "In the spirit of aviation (avref), and given my impressive motivational skills, that imbecile is a uniquely talented individual, as he has the proven ability to fall UP stairs."

The interviewer thought this through and responded "...................

10 hours ago, bull said:

CatNN at an interview a bit later, it was disclosed a major event with these new cathodes which will change the whole narrative of the story on the NES. Well tell us said Cappy [who was invited as an "expert"]????

witness and................

..... in his professional standing as an amateur gynaecologist (which he often practises not standing) and .......

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....could be categorised by ..............

..... their ability to overcome global warming.

 "Particularly the new types of cathodes" suggested Cathy, to .......

.... Catasrophic events, which ......

PS - For the avoidance of doubt, Cappy advises that he is particularly partial to blonde short-haired cats.

23 hours ago, bull said:

 Now Cappy was soon to be seen............

....... to be the lovable cat fancier that he truly is, as Cappy had discovered the joys of the cat when he was about 16 and he had been fascinated by them ever since.

"I have always loved playing with them" Cappy said in an interview with .....

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....he had a permit and ...................

.... is therefore offering both types of drag products, but specialising in monogrammed thongs that are guaranteed to have been worn by the great man himself, as evidenced by a signed photo and a Turbo skidmark ...... 

8 hours ago, bull said:

..............lotza shit,,,, and the hotza could outdo the fonza in the zotza game ah turbo? Now all this confused the shit out of Cappy who.......................

...... thought that Turbine Drag Shops sold superchargers and big fat wheels, not thongs for big fat blokes, however Turbo explained that ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Australia was a better place, and in future......

...... Turbine Drag Shops will make a motza from his .....

57 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...........a small credit card capture for each litre produced.

TF fuel was marketed like mobile phones where the Online advertising was the same no matter what button on the Ad was pressed. Press "Price" and an infotainment message of 15 minutes plays and outlines the vast empire of Turbine Holdings around the world, livestock 37 million, land 50,000 square kilometres, and the need to avoid any CO2 emissions which led to TF fuel. Hit the "Specifications" you get the same message, hit the "Facilities", you get the same messages.

The online keylocker showed that one customer stayed on line for two hours before he finally clicked "BUY" for 27 litres of TF fuel for his Hyundai HGetz, and then ............... 

......... if the customer clicked on "Contact Us" they received a saucy picture of Turbo wearing a Flight Suit and a suspender belt (Turbine Marketing insisted that he cater for the 0.00000013% of the population who are ACaDACa, who are non-binary or who just like to dress up in lady's undies (NTTIAWWT)) ..... and in a very clever twist, the photo then changed to a he/him, them/they, she/her, it/is, cat/dog, fish/mammal, bird/flyingfox, snail/slug video which ....... 

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

"But where is your source of Hydrogen coming from?", inquired one particularly nosey Govt Head - a question that annoyed Turbo no end, as he didn't like nosey questions - or in fact, any questions at all, because he knew that.........

.... the Twigster (sorry ... Dr Twigster) had knocked him back as his Green Hydrogen Supplier, so he was sourcing it as Red Hydrogen from a plant in Wuhan, manned by Uighur Hydrogenation Experts (UHEs) and exporting this branded as Turbo Fuel (TF ... where Turbo receives a personal royalty [Clive P-like]) via ......