Captain

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

bum. That was in the day when they were sending people into space and people took notice of them, and Turbine then focused on selling space technology to rich people, and today there is a Turbine takeoff somewhere around the world every 47 minutes. Many of them just drop back to earth, but hey, it's a numbers game and .................

...... as long as they crash (avref) very hard (groundref), the money is in the bank and the company is registered in the name of a bean-counter called Luigi Turbini on a small atoll in the south pacific (Turbo had been hoping that Global Warming would submerge the accountant's office ..... and the accountant) and has been doing his best, via burnouts in his Vette in Lygon St, to make it happen, however ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

"I know about the Coles deal" said Turbo ...........

..... and Elon relaxed because he thought that Turbo was referring to the old saying "You've been taking Coles to Newcastle", so he assumed that the normally blank look on Turbo's face was his usually unsuspicious, laid-back, Aussie attitude, but Elon had misjudged Turdboy (you don't get a Corvette and a bevy of aircraft by being a dill) who is actually as smart as a whip(pet) and intellectually well ahead of the game (Turdy had actually designed self-landing (avref) 1st stage boosters (sortofavref) and a Falcon 9 rocket back in 1974 but when he took the designs over the Florida (after 4 days living the high life at Disneyland [Turbo always fancied Mickey's chick, Minni and was out to "get" her ..... only to be disappointed when he went the grope and there was a 60 year old Mexican bloke inside the costume]), NASA looked at all of the designs and told Turdy to bite his .......

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

"Ooohh!", said the blonde breathlessly, "I had no idea you were so smart you could design an interstellar space vehicle, all by yourself!?" "Lady", said Elon with his trademark silly grin, "You could say that......

...... that I am the designer of the ISV, and you would be right, but do you also know that I invented and designed the IUD, and I am just the one to provide a personal fitting if you have the ........

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....was sceduled to land there, but as usual Elon had got it backwards, and during the first trip (Elon does secret trials for everything now)  one of the Elonaughts [newAVREF] boinged up to Jupiter; Elong should have supplied them with suction cups or..................

....... a weight belt made from Tesla batteries.

Then Elong, who was usually a bit slow and unable to develop new concepts, thought of a great business opportunity "I shall invite Turbine Fun Parks (Turbo is one of the few people whose intellect can keep up with mine) to install a new whiz-bang Park on the moon, specializing in Boinging and we will use the lack of gravity (avref) to make cash (necessaryforanavref) .... or as I so often put it scientifically "<G = $" and people will pay us a motza to boing from the Moon to Jupiter and then I'll charge them an exorbitant fee to bring them back in my new ........

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Fences aren't a problem, just slap it down hard and you're over the fence. Rough landings aren't a problem, it just bounces off again, and there are four legs eliminating the tiresome old farts that still long for the days when they could weathercock off the runway and into a ditch. Pilots who had been telling everyone how smooth and precise they were for years were placing advance orders in the hundreds, but ...........

........... the crusty old AUF types took a step back when Cirrus decided to flick their parachute system for a TASU under each new aircraft (avref).

They had tested a TASU WITH the chute, but the S22 boinged up again into the chute, so efficiently thst it wrapped itself up like the metallic wrapper on a Wagga kabab, so the test pilot took a week to cut himself out.

"We definitely prefer the TASU to the Chute as a solution" said the bloke from Cirrus, plus Elon Musk bought 2500 TASUs for use on the moon when he .......

15 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....never done it with a Kangaroo, even though he had done it 3 times in Denni. "Do you have to jump in tandem with the Kangaroo?", inquired Mavis, who was completely mystified why Cappy would want to do it with a Kangaroo. "No, you don't need to jump along with the Kangaroo", said Cappy, "But it does help if you wear your.........

... Oscar Pistorius springy legs, as that confuses the Kangaroo after you take it to dinner and .......

CAPPY, BEFORE HE GOT HIMSELF REALLY FIT, DOING HIS OSCAR MOVES WHILE TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM THE ROO, AFTER SHE HAD PAID FOR DINNER AND THE PLONK

7 minutes ago, onetrack said:

......big bum, because I've seen him bare-arsed and totally drunk at the Denny B&S ball, where bull made everyone laugh themselves hysterical when he tried to copy Cappys walk and talk, and he simply looked like a.........

..... a poor decrepit version of the diety around Denni that is your beloved Cappy.

The previous marketing slogan for that area was 'Do It In Deni" and while Cappy is normally a modest type, he can confirm that he has, indeed, done it there.

As for big bums, well, that is another story which involved numerous sheep, a fox, 3 Angus steers and a ...............

48 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....and she proceeded to take off bull, when he was the Comedian at the Bowen RSL and had everyone rolling about on the floor with the segment on how he lost his capitals at a Two Up game, and they were wetting themselves when she imitated him flying his Tyro, but when she .................

..... added an adlib into the routine that she entered the circuit crosswind at 350 ft (how was she to know that this was "the AUF rebels way of sticking it up the establishment"), the off-duty CASA dude in the audience jumped up and yelled ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..........mind, such was his quiet charm. His pickup line "How are you off for capitals?" tripped them up every time and ..........

..... they would look at bull, some with disdain but every now and then one looked with passion.

if you don't ask you dont know said bull

"I like his understated manner and lack of capitals, plus his lack of punctilliation is a real turn-on" commented the Elle McPherson lookalike "It makes me go all gooy and I just want to "take" bull, in the nicest possible way, and .......

Just now, turboplanner said:

.....electric hair dryers on the grounds that one of them might work. Cappy was proud of his hair which looked light Don Trumps. He was careful to do the same rough job with the spray tan too and.....

.......... Crappy also has a bevy of supermodels hanging off his arm, each anxious to be chosen as the next Mrs Crappy. (Truth be told, it was a session with a few supermodels (and I don't mean J230's on this occasion) that caused bull's turn, and to add insult to injury (well, a bit of a turn anyway) when bull spluttered a little, the models didn't even ..........

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

He jumped on a plane and headed east to ............

..... cut Turbo out of the deal and also to dump on bull (Onesie said that bull hasn't really been crook and he was just having a nice lie down because he is a bit slack), and what he said about that CT from DG is a scandal.

But Crappy kept a calm demeanor and stayed loyal to his long-term great mate, Turdboy, bull from bone, that CT from DG and especially Planey (avref).

Crappy's loyalty to his close mates is a thing of legend and something that Xi admired and wanted to leward by offering Clappy the fleedom (sic) of the City of Wuhan, free Pangorins for life and a host of other rurks & perks, starting with a gross of .......

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......he came up with a plan, which they put to Chairman Xi that would ensure Dan got more belts than roads, and Chairman Xi, for the first time laughed with his eyes as well as his mouth, and ....................

...... instantly said "Yep, Dan certainry is a XXXX. Now how about you and me have some Peking Duck eh Clappy?"

"No wuckers" Xi, old mate" leplied Clappy and they headed off to ......

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Of Course it didn't take too much time before Cappy had them getting into the gin, and at the right moment he asked "What are you guys out here for?" We don't know" said the leader sensing that Cappy was fishing "We think that Dan XXXX went to china to take photos of our smog and embarrass us." he said "That Dan is a XXXX" said Cappy, already missing his daily routine, and with that the group was a team, and they came after Dan with ..............

....... a gusto that is rarely seen in the public service.

"We rike Clappy as his Chinese helitage makes it much easier to communicate, prus we can ret him order the tucka without him using just the numbers." said the reader of the Chinese operatives "And that Dan broke certainry is a XXXX".

To this Clappy nodded inscrutabry and said "I aglee that Dan is a deadset XXXX and ..........

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......learning to swim (he'd been constantly teased when he stood on the shore shivering, but his favourite excuse was "No swimming instructors in the Khyber Pass chum!") and he now stretched out through the muddy slime for the edge but was kicked in the nuts by one of the pigs, squealing in the same octave as the pig, and in great pain as he climbed out and looked up just as ....................

..... a VicPol recruitment officer targeted him as the "Right Stuff for Dan's blackshirts" and the female probationary cuntstables laughed at his shrinkage, which was apparent because of the .....

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........the flagpole by tying the lanyard on to the nozzle.......then he turned the hose on........on the way down the water droplets picked up every colour of the rainbow and soon the group of people around the pool looked looked like Mardi Gras marchers. Cappy had ................

...... finally succeeded in ...........

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

....and got ready to do his garden hose act, which involved wrapping.........

.... it in tissue paper in the colours of the rainbow flag, and sticking it up .....

47 minutes ago, bull said:

.....good enough to use on the weekends as a training aid at night for [MOB] purposes for the coast guard. The blackhawk captain [avref] said his head stood out so well we could..............

.... be used as the inspiration for the next version of Shrek, where he is older, his missus had chucked him out, Donkey had dumped him for a younger man and he had just failed his 3rd attempt at his BFR (avref) .............. but there was a brighter said & that was that ......

27 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....tan sprayed legs, pink T Shirt and arm muscles while holding the stare of responsibility. He picked up his microphone and gave bull a spray for splashing, issued a warning to ...............

..... not look up the leg of his shorts (as, at the same time he issued complimentary magnifying glasses) and realised that giving bull a spray (spraytanref), when the wind (avref) is blowing just meant that onesie became more orange than Don and his hair was ......

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Planey was in the Lifeguard's Tower, and .....................

..... wearing short shorts, in which he was flexing his magnificent ......

On 27/03/2023 at 4:35 PM, turboplanner said:

With One Track's shoes it would fly severely left and with Planey's shoes it finished up in the pond in the pig pen where ..........

......... about 20 pigs (and 2 probationary cuntstables) were getting ready to .........

On 27/03/2023 at 4:35 PM, turboplanner said:

........shoes.

Since everyone has different size shoes it produced a different result for every pilot.

For example with Turbo's shoes, the 95th percentile male shoe size, the aircraft would fly in a stable condition. With Cappy's wide but short shoes, it would fly to the right. With One Track's shoes it would fly severely left and with Planey's shoes it finished up in the pond in the pig pen where ..............

NOW HOLD ON THERE TURDY ..... What about bull? He only had a little bit of an attention seeking "turn" and you can't/shouldn't have/how did you know before the obituary (cross out those that do not apply) write him out of the NES just yet. This is a lesson for all NESers not to give TinlyWink too much info or he will have you 6 feet under and out of the story in no-time.

Crappy on the other hand, just for the nobody-that-cares (the NTC), is in New York preparing for his F22 training (Crappy thinks the F22 is better than the 35) and he should be combat ready about Easter (Crappy is a fast learner (a FL  ....... at FL65).

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

its maintenance simply to walk around the engine with an oil can

....... to catch the flow/flood of the drips.

24 minutes ago, onetrack said:

The lucky rabbits feet had to be oriented in the finest Feng Shui traditions, to assist with aircraft sales to Asian clients. This procedure involved facing the......

...... east, reciting the DG Anthem and the Progress Association Pledge, wiping the oil of your boots, and inserting the lucky rabbit's foot (the LRF) into your own ............ 

30 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

He'd had experience dealing with poms and it was felt he could round up Turnbull and Rudd, but ..

..... Stan decided to play tricks on him, although Mavis thought Blakey was worth a bit of effort to get horizontal (avref) & would certainly be an improvement on .....

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turnbull & Rudd

It is little known that these 2 were the inspiration for Turbo selecting his TurdBro name.

On 24/03/2023 at 5:49 PM, turboplanner said:

...cut out for this type of manouvre. Most of them have joined MOCAS, an association where people can have a moan at anyone they choose, the most popular being .............

..... the lack of aviation references in the NES, the lack of accidents in the Accident & Incident section of WF, and the lack of diversity in the NES (but how can the NES be more diverse & inclusive as it makes allowance by including a Sand Monkey, a Taswegian and a couple of Mextorian Dan Lovers (MDLs).

The Chairmanship of MOCAS was divided equally between Kevin Rudd & Malcolm Turnbull and together they made .....