Captain

8 hours ago, Captain said:

had a bonfire constructed on the Mosul oval, made out of ......

...... the banners from each time the Mosul Redbacks play the, Erbil CrockJumpers in their footy trials to attempt to become the 20th team in the AFL and to relocate to Tasmania.

"Why would we possibly want to relocate to an even bigger sh*thole" said AH when Gill McLaughlan came to see them play as part of his Bomb-Chucker's Inclusivity Round (BCIR - sponsored by SemTex), where ......

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

So a new thread entitled "horses" appeared, but no one wrote anything..........

..... and the originator was criticized for there being insufficient (horserefs).

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........his lunch of cold goat, which he kept in the wing profile. Western flyers had not yet begun to use this practical aid to long flights.

He called his unique aircraft a Mosul Mack because ................

....... he came from Mosul and he always liked the bulldog bonnet ornament.

Al-hammad's (known to his mates as AH [and to his critics as A-Hole]) biggest issues while flying off the hours after he finished the Mosul Mack (MM) was that the ladies of Mosul knocked off the muslin to use while belly dancing, the Bulldog was less aerodynamic than his papyrus based abacus calculations has indicated, and as he flew past Mosul Heights and over the west Mosul near the International Yacht Marina (IYM) he was targeted by a shoulder fired missile (SFM) that had been given to Ukraine by Poland, but sold on the black market as Chinese Happy Dragon Smiling Lion fireworks to some kids who had a bonfire constructed on the Mosul oval, made out of .........

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Finally someone who'd just joined the thread pointed out the obvious "All the keys are upper case" he said and everyone had to agree except ........

...... for bull who piped up that he has always used an Azerty keyboard that has also been programmed to type backwards in Arabic when not being used for his contributions in the NES.

"The Azerty layout makes my typing much quicker in the NES and I can also correspond with my Muslin aviation (avref) friends, because .......

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Someone chimes in with “short for Tim Tams with no Tams”

Which was a significant issue for bull as he had always been one to bite the corners off his TimTams and suck (CASAref) his coffee thru the bickies.

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

which was written all in lower case, too, so bull could understand what he'd actually acquired. However, the day came when someone saw............

..... the opportunity to solve the problem and a wiparound-for-a-mate (a wfam) was held within the NES to purchase a new 21st century keyboard (not yet available in Tasmania) with which .......

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........bull session every hour with different speakers explaining the history and custom of the peoples, their ancestry and the movements and speech of the .................

.... aviation (avref) community.

"Yeah" piped up bull from his session of ecstasy "All people who have a heart turn should experience this, and if they survive, they are good to sign themselves out, ........... but sticking with the NES for a mo, (which is not easy), what is this lingo used in NOTAMS (avref), SITREPS (avref), METARS (avref) and all that other fair dinkum aviation (avref) stuff that I find a bit ponderous (and full of capitals), so I just listen to the weather on 7 STR Strahan radio which mostly says "Blowing like stink most of the time".

Then bull added "Just hang on there sweetheart and I'll show you where my scar is, so that ........

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....compass swinging to the north.

Cappy ............

....... supported the girl's suggestion, as he would do anything for his mate bull (Cappy has even tried to buy bull a year's supply of punctuation marks & capital letters ....... plus a nurse to rub his scar).

"Go for it ladies, with my blessing, he's at the ground floor coffee shop" he said "And I have arranged for there to be a ....... 

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......waited expectantly, but Cappy had slippped a disc and it was a case once again of so close, yet so far away. To make matters worse, Ratty McRat came out on deck in his kilt and the attention turned from Cappy to ..................

...... a ratty looking scots person with legs akimbo ...... but not much to show for it, even in his mini-kilt.

"No" said the ladies "If Crappy can't perform (airshowref) we want bull Tyroref), as we reckon that just 2 of us could send him to god, and from what we have heard of his performances in and around Bone, he deserves to go out with his .....

5 minutes ago, onetrack said:

....the pool deck - where he immediately went sprawling, as a result of excessive amounts of oil. "Well, I'll be xxxxxx!" he cried as he picked himself up off the deck, to the raucous cheers and hoots of.........

....... a dozen "ladies" of varying ages, size, and experience.

5 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Well, I'll be xxxxxx!" he cried

....... "And that's exactly what we have in mind" they chorused, as they ......

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Chuck sailing the yacht had never done a day's work in his life and he realised Ratty McRatt was a relative, quickly gave him sailing duties such as ...............

..... taking care of the considerable needs of the ladies who were on board.

Ratty ate a hearty breakfast in preparation for the daunting task that was ahead of him, oiled himself up, then poured a dozen double Pims and walked out to ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

"Ratty" called on the radio that he'd run out of range in the Drifter 17 miles out to sea, so.......

....... he immediately did what all of the McRatts have done for centuries, which started with TutankhMcRatt who built the great 1000 m high sand pyramid of middle Egypt, however that was a failure but not a total loss, as the remnants can still be seen today in what has become known as the "Sahara" (which is Egyptian for "left over pyramid bits"), with a fair bit of it also blown into WA (ohhh the sand, the sand) on the jet (avref) stream.

The lectric Drifter & its Chinese batteries spluttered (they don't actually do that anymore ......  as the revs just die aaaaawwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaay) and as a result Ratty did what all good AUF members would do. He looked down at the water, said "Well xxxx me" then bent over (which is not easy in the Drifter full of batteries) to kiss his .......

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......fell asleep, and he would wake up to find fries all over him, patties down his shirt, and a pickle ..................

.... in both nostrils. 

"Apologies Tubb" said Sir Baanard "But with my failing eyesight, on 1st reading, I thought your post said 'panties down his shirt', which is infinitely more preferable to what ....

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

Accordingly, he sat down again, without getting the coffee. By this stage, both OT and bull were becoming irate, as it appeared to them, this Barista was nothing but a........

..... low paid, low quality. low rent trainee from Mackas.

"Please wait in the drive thru bays and I'll get the order to you asap" said Sir Baanard (who knew all the lingo from the Boggabri Mackas when he would work late to save the license of an AUF member, and the Golden Arches crew would still be unable to get his order to him before he ......

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....we will now be referred to as having the same brains as sheep.

"Baa haa haaa" laughed the Secretary, and received the death stare.

Baan Baa had, in fact, been named after ............

 

.... Sir Baanard Turbine who was a Baarister (and Tyro owner) with chambers in Gunnedah and Boggabri (so he was in the big league), specializing in getting AUF type off charges that he considered were obviously ..........

12 hours ago, bull said:

That explains why i had to walk down 6 floors to the coffee shop to eat a dried out sausage roll!

 

G'day bull and glad to see that you can still walk. Is that the same coffee shop where all the sick people struggle down to get to, so that they can have a durry outside in the cold? (And perhaps even try to crack onto the sick lady also having a smoke?)

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....provide a brain for study. In the end they took a shortcut and used a sheep's brain, and this led to the legislation known as Section 52A, Baa Baa ...................................

.....which caused consternation, and even worse, in the Namoi Valley town (& grass strip) of Baan Baa.

"CASA are taking the p*ss" said the Prez of the Baan Baa International Flying Club "As they well know that .....

56 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......the standard letter writing protocol which dictated that ...............

..... letters should only be written once a letter of approval was obtained from Canberra.

Further, it was an edict that no letter should be written, considered or drafted without the full Paper Cut Safety Protocol (the PCSP) being put in place, as defined in the major OH&S Document, which nobody had actually seen in hard copy because of the paper cut danger (PCD) and even digital copies had a warning attached for Keyboard Fingertip Bruising (KFBs), Tablet RSI (TRSI) and smart (or dumb) phone brain injury risks (BIRs).

This latter potential BIR injury has never actually been proven because the investigations (under the CASA ACT subclause 35,679.(B).56429,(d).12) of 5 subcommittees (5SCs) had stalled when trying to define a Male and Female Brain (M&FB), then to actually find an employee that was not on a sickie or stress leave, who could actually .........

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......those nasty non-inclusive, bullying words"

The Stock Transport Association members unleashed their cattle dogs on the Fluoro C.A.S.A FOIs, and these were the meanest mongrels on earth with teeth the size of steak knives and claws that could just about disembowel an unsuspecting jackaroo. The Fluoros ran for Moree, not realising how far it was ...........

...., so they pulled up outside the Tait Toyota dealership to have a typical CASA meeting.

"Does anyone have any paper cuts or other personal safety concerns or examples of where you have been offended, that they wish to report?" asked the guy who had the seniority.

Four hours later he moved on to agenda item 2.

"Who wants to bend over first to have the PP spines pulled out of their clacker, but more importantly, surely there is somebody else that we can blame for this and who can we persecute to make us all feel better?"

That is when the car washing bloke from Taits leant over the fence and said "...............

54 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......taunt the "Fluoro Fairies" as they called them, and it wasn't long before the ex CASA people, used to intimidating the more effeminate flyers.....................................

....... , dragged themselves up to their full height and yelled with a lithp "We are highly offended by what is being done with those Cacti and .......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The CASA IIs had been renamed Cockatoos in Goondiwindi within 45 minutes of the first crew entering the first roadhouse out of Mebourne, such is the power of the CB., and they were waiting for them at the BP Goondiwindi with a Prickly Pear Welcome. It .........

... wasn't pretty, but a fair crowd turned up to ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Next they started carrying six guns on their hips

SIDE COMMENT - Which is a lot of guns for a short-arsed, overweight, obnoxious and opinionated CASA FOI (these are just the sort of people who would knock off grapes while alongside someone's deathbed .... or even when you have an ingrowing toenail), but it did boost their already inflated egos.

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Minister Called a Press Conference supporting all FOI's and won substantial support from the public, who joined in and .............

..... all said, in unison, "We love the Govt being involved in our lives, We stand with Dan/Albo/Vladimir/Xi/Edi/Adolph/Kim/Jacinda/Joe/Kamala/Penny/Chris/MarkyMark/The DweebWhoRunsTheGreens (Cross out those that do not apply) and give us free money)".

When CASA saw this reaction, they decided that it was time to make their move to take over the supervision of Motor Vehicles generally nationwide and restructured their most obnoxious staff to be part of CASA MkII, as the acronym stands for Cars Attract Special Attention and ramp checks were implemented at every Servo, Home & stoplight ................. with imported red go-fast American sports cars receiving special vitriol.

"Your street directory is out of date" was their favourite and attracted a $25 fine because it applied to 95% of the vehicles checked, and the public was so meek, particularly in Mextoria, that the CASA (MkII) people (sic) could be even more obnoxiousable, before ........

51 minutes ago, bull said:

disclaimer"i never got any fruit!

 

Disclaimer Explainer...... You have been conned mate. You are always given fruit when you are crook, and your family always scoff it down when you are asleep or unconscious. Family cannot be trusted on this issue. 

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

So Joshua Turbine built Colonel Hexagon Nut and Hardware Emporiums throughout the United State, and sold the Australian franchise to a WA Chinese who'd landed in Robe with all the other Chinese and had no sense of direction, so he walked west instead of east to the Ballarat and Bendigo Goldfields and made a fortune selling dim sims to the people of Perth. His name was Bun Ning ..........

....... who cooperated closely with a Farmer named Wes, and together they .........

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

.....extracting himself from the crumpled cabins of Turbine e-Drifters (avref), after the extension cord pulled out of the 3-pin wall socket, and the e-Drifter ran out of power and crashed.

 

Harry Turbini became world-renowned for these kind of exploits, but his greatest escape exploit was after he was found guilty of defrauding shareholders in the Turbini Inc corporation, and sent to Risdon Prison, Harry managed to squeeze out of a 75mm window gap, faster than you could say "Turbo ripoff", and when he was asked how he achieved this amazing feat, he replied, "It's easy, once you've been a .........

.... Turbini you will always been a slippery customer.

"I also learnt from bull, because a faked being crook and got heaps of sympathy and free fresh fruit" added Harry, or Hazza to his close mates.

Harry, like his nephew Turdboy, also had an eye for the .......

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......Turbini Island, refused to be swamped by the IPCC Ocean level dictated by the United Nations which wouldn't be quite so united if they knew what was going on.

For an IPCC licence fee Turbini Island was included in the World Ocean Recording System Tippingpoint. (WORST).

In 2005 the IPCC had installed Measuring Poles around the coast to a height where the ocean would cover them in 2019, but ................

...... as always, there was a 13 year window until the sky would fall in ..... or in this case the Island would flood.

"Flood schmud" said Luigi "After all, watta ya gunna doo" so he used the poles to practice his footy with an intent to join the Freo Dockers or whatever rainbow serpent name they were using at the time ............ and if Freo itself wasn't inundated by rising sea levels.

It is little known that the Turbini name is the Pacific Island is equivalent of the Rioli clan, with many generations of great football heritage. Tony Turbini had played with Hawthorn, Turbo Turbini hadn't made the team but still plays with himself, and Harry Turbini specialised in ............