Captain

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....which admittedly travels faster than his home made aircraft.

Cappy was miffed at this comparison and...................

.... made the point to his NES colleagues, and to the thousands of local & international NES readers, that Cappy has never been game to even dream about owning a red American Sportscar, let alone feel that amazing torque and the grip that is engendered by the transverse leaf suspension (Cappy has spent his entire life living in the shadow of his great mate Turbo, and picking up an occasional crumb from the Turbine family table) .......... but then again ........

3 hours ago, Captain said:

Turbo will never be able to relate to those that buy Scratchies in an attempt to lift themselves from their poverty-trap, to thereby step up to ........

...... even a chick-magnet powerful American sportscar.

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo admits to finding it difficult to see the end in the above post, let alone working out what "scratching the number" meant,

AND THERE, DEAR READER, is a prime example of Turbo's lack of connection with the common man (cappyref and bullref) and why Turbo will never be able to relate to those that buy Scratchies in an attempt to lift themselves from their poverty-trap, to thereby step up to purchase a Drifter or a Thruster or one of the other fine aircraft that Turbo has denigrated over recent years.

Once Turbo returns from his ceremonial duties at Chuck's Coronation, I will counsel him on being more down-to-earth (avref).

......... there has not been a single case of constipation since .....

6 minutes ago, onetrack said:

(Unfortunately - and ruining the Captains fabulous story - OT has to report he contracted the dreaded COVID whilst on a break on the Gold Coast. I guess there is some sand there, but I didn't get much chance to dig in it! .... )

Oh well, at least it was a better, eastern, strain of Covid.

Anyway, let us rejoice, and thank the Turbo, that Onesie is well again, and that the aviation world is on a level (avref) plane (avpun) again.

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

(OT offers his apologies to Cappy for neglecting the NES in recent times. OT has been ill with the dreaded COVID, but he didn't get the finest hospital treatment, as bull did - and neither did he get the goodies from the hospital cafe, that bull has been bragging about. OT had to be content with a few pills, and the occasional cup of tea, and a biscuit. Such is life.)

The Crapster accepts OT's apology and is aware from several easterner spies behind the lines in WA, that during Onesie's delirium he removed some floorboards and started to dig.

After excavating 4 tonnes of sand, somebody was able to get through to him and ask "Why are you doing that?".

In his Covid and AstraZeneca fueled, glazed eyed, stupor, he mumbled "bull said there is a coffee shop with a hottie coffee lady down there and I want a piece of the action, even if she doesn't have true-blue WA Aerian blood, and is just a Tasmanian".

Help was called and OT was safely coaxed back to bed with the only thing he remembers, which is a few tranquilizer pills, a Liptons teabag and an old stale SAO.

(The back-story is that some family prankster had slipped a blue pill in with his panadols).

(The front story is that once recovered, OT was heard to ask "Why is there so much sand down my jocks?)

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

"But what about the airworthiness inspection?" inquired Cappy. "This isn't your average DG, rabbit-shooting Morris Minor, we're looking at here! This is a ........

.... sophisticated piece of aviation technology (even if it is a Piper), that even ........

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........Thruster and buy a DL"

And here, dear NES Readers he fell into the trap of thousands of AUF members reaching for that dream goal, the Cessna; he didn't have the cash, even with selling 35 pair of rabbits a day, so ................

...... he bought the next best thing, a ........

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

His Wanker Rotary powered Thruster was hurting his eardrums with its shattering pulsations, oil was dripping all over him and he was being burnt by steam coming out of the seal gaps, and failed to notice the shadow of the Dreamliner which had just landed behind him............

. .... , but fortunately, Thrusters (avref) are little and DreamLiners (avref) are big, so it ran right over the top of him, and didn't even muck his hair up.

He was lucky that the DreamLiner jockey was a bit late with his reverse thrust (he had been having his legislated break with a hostie (avref) until the aircraft (avref) turned final (avref) on auto-land, using the finest computer software that Boeing could produce, and he was still washing his hands as they touched down.

"That was the most thrilling thing ever to happen while flying (avref) a Thruster" said CT as he emerged out of the DL's shadow and as a result I think I will sell my ......

5 hours ago, Captain said:

THE LATEST CHINESE SPY BALOON PHOTO OF DG INTERNATIONAL

IT KICKS TULLA'S ARSE, EH?

AS YOU CAN SEE, QUITE A FEW FLIGHTS LAND LONG THERE, SO AS TO MISS THE MAFIA BURIAL GROUPS.

And have a look at those 5 majestic streams.

If you look closely there are a few (still) live Peter Cottontails at lower right, and some bloke sneaking up on them in camo gear carrying his pea rifle. "G'day CT".

........ the difference between a "turn" and an affliction that is serious enough to rule out a concerted attack on the coffee lady.

"It sounds to me like Bull has the equivalent of an ingrowing toenail if he can still skip down 6 flights of stairs and then have enough energy to "try-it-on" an innocent old coffee lady" wrote OT, somewhat vindictively. (Meanwhile Onesie himself has gone missing, so may have matched bull with a "turn" or something similar ..... or is OT just busy advising Marky Mark to get him out of his China difficulties?).

Cappy, of course, leapt to bull's defense as he and bull are mates, Turbo didn't give a rats (rattyref) as usual, Planey needed a quick avref (avref) or he would bail (partialavref) from this thread, and that CT from DG slaughtered a few other cute Peter Cottontails, banked (avref) the lease funds from the DG International Airports Corporation and responded ..........

THE LATEST CHINESE SPY BALOON PHOTO OF DG INTERNATIONAL

IT KICKS TULLA'S ARSE, EH?

AS YOU CAN SEE, QUITE A FEW FLIGHTS LAND LONG THERE, SO AS TO MISS THE MAFIA BURIAL GROUPS.

1 hour ago, Captain said:

Erole Foch had stubbies

POSTSCRIPT ..... Erroll also wore tight bike pants, because he found that stubbies did not show off his manhood sufficiently well, to compete with bull.

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....pointed out  that as new designs came on line, more and more ultralights had real Yokes, some with electronic istruments in the hub like a Formula 1. Others took issue with the BRRRRM noise and suggested it was more like a RAAAAAAAAARRRRR, and this caused a split in the ranks with one saying the 1915 Erole Foch had stubbies and .............

..... others being much more cynical, believing that Errol had just knocked the baffles out of the muffler to make it sound faster, but that was ......

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....landing. This followed claims by some people that when landing their aircraft, they "stick it every time",

One negative person asked how you get it unstuck again and that caused a massive thread to rage fo weeks with graphic details of over 70 ways to take off, including......................

........ pushing the thing that causes it to go BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRM and pulling back on the thing between your legs (in many examples).

The use of the term "between your legs" caused uproar amongst the trans-gender and LMBTQXYZ members of the AUF, who were offended and who ........

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

And the discussion switched to which glue you apply to a .............................

...... soft ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.........gnashed their teeth; three said it was worse, 2 said it wasn't quite as bad as that, one said the FA18 was not as good as the Superhornet, one said the Sopwith Pup was exellent in its day and six had a discussion on conducting Flyins at their home airports to save on the cost of fuel.

But one ......................

..... also commented that the thread drift was unacceptably high, but about what is normal for Wreck Flying.

However, another put his teeth back in and said " It's one of the great things about being inside the NES, that thread drift is prized and some of the biggest Drifters (avref) are on here .... not mentioning any names, of course."

"How come we came the Court to see Crappy get convicted, and we ended up in the NES with this mob writing about us" said one of the others, who was obviously one of the leaders as he had a high-performance red walking frame.

Then the chorused reply came back "That's because we have been .........

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......you can't convict my Client for grabbing the balls of an Official because I have here 17 depositions that he has no balls.

The Judge thought for a moment, then said "Attempting to" and added "Two Consecutive Hours flying a Thruster!"

Cappy went white; a sweat broke out on his face; everyone knew that flying a Thruster was akin to Transportation. He said ".............

...... and not just "Transportation" mate. That is equivalent to Transportation for the term of my natural life."

With that the 60 Thuster owners in the public gallery became irate, pulled themselves up onto their walking frames and ..........

6 hours ago, bull said:

...It is the determination of this court ,   that Cappy is to be sentenced to a term of............

....... three years community service ................ and I direct that he serves that as a CASA Information Officer, charged with identifying & promoting all of the beneficial things that CASA does for the Wreck Flying community."

"Ahhhh fair go Judge, mate" responded Cappy's QC "I am instructed by my truly excellent client that what you have directed is nigh bloody impossible, and while my client's bravery, skill and fortitude has destroyed the Cookaburra population and as a result has been made honorary Chief of Bora Bora (by Mrs Chief) what you are now asking is akin to making Joey Biden compus again, or to make Kevin Rudd modest & bashful, but most of all the reason why your direction is unworkable & improper is that ...........

45 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Made a valiant attempt to divert the DOI by grabbing his balls and shouting “COUGH”  but others had tried that before and......

.... were dismayed to find that he likes it.

"You have to start somewhere in your quest to be a brain surgeon" said Cappy to the Judge. "I come from a broken home, I was molested as a child (by the girl next door but the Court doesn't need those gory details), I was one of the stolen generation and I think I am also an .......

14 hours ago, bull said:

for another liaison with the coffee lady

BECAUSE bULL IS SUCH A GOOD MATE, CRAPPY RANG THE COFFEE LADY THIS MORNING TO SET IT ALL UP AND AS SHE SAID "I'M UP FOR IT AS HE IS HOT IN HIS HOSPITAL GOWN AND BUNNY SLIPPERS ............... BUT I'M CONCERENED THAT BY THE LOOK OF YOUR MATE WHAT I DO MIGHT BE HIS LAST AND I DON'T HAVE ANY PROFESSIONAL INDEMNITY INSURANCE". I TOLD HER I WOULD TALK TO bULL AND HIS MEDICOS THEN REPORT BACK. NOW THAT IS WHAT MATES ARE FOR.

1 hour ago, bull said:

All good shouted OT ............[who was feeling a little left out of the NES] we can just........

......... write me back into the story, in fact I suggest that we add both myself and that CT from DG into a vitally interesting tome ............. if only we had something interesting to recount .... so just give us a little time for us to caucus and to identify something riveting (avref) about our personal lives before we will get back to you all with a storyline that will lift the NES to a new level (avref) and please Planey (avref).

And with that, bull made a more determined pass at the coffee lady, and the NES ground to another halt, pending a ...........

bULL (PRE "TURN") LEADING THE VESTIL VIRGINS BOOT SCOOTING GROUP .... (HENCE THE GAPING RED V POINTING AT WHERE THEY MISSED OUT, AND PLEASE NOTE THE HIGHLY SUGGESTIVE GREY VESTIL INSIGNIAS)

(NOBODY BELIEVES THAT ANY OF THEM REALLY ARE).

NOBU IS ON THE RIGHT IN HIS FAVOURITE LONG WIG

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

bull had won the circle work by ground looping a Tyro, and the old Cafe was rattling the floorboards that night when the trophies were .......

...... dished out.

"Bull may be a bit on the wrinkly side (even back then, well before his "turn") but his cool actions in the Tyro mean that he is not yet a fogy, so as well as being a very competent & endearing line dancing boot scooter, we reckon that he is a ......

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

bull received an award for finding the extinct breed of kookaburras and the Royal Society renamed them Bullkookaburras in honour of ........

....... bull's outstanding work.

"bull searched high and low (avref) throughout the eastern states, identified several sub-groups and undertook detailed genome analyses, then wrote a white paper that is post-doctoral in standard & detail (it is outstanding & publishable even without a single capital letter or punctuation mark) and bull achieved all that from his bed after his "turn", even with a few trips down to the cafeteria for coffee, a quick dart and to try to crack onto the lady in Ward 6. So let me tell all here present, and through the media to the world at large .... particularly to the Nobel Prize Committee in Stockholm, that bull's performance was Stephen Hawking - like (before he died of course, ....... as we do not wish bull's "turn" to end up the way that our mate Steve did)" said the President of the Royal Society, with considerable feeling.

The audience went tropo with excitement and yelled ".............

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.................he was of Royal Blood.

Cappy decided he would get one up on Turbo and introduced ..................

...... Turbo to Prince Harry (who Crappy saved during one of his undercover tours in Afmelbourstan), who has royal blood and who has the same hair colour as Cappy remembers his great mate Turbo having 50/nay 60 years ago.

Turbo and Harry got on like a castle on fire and Turbo took him to ......