Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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..... spoke with Be Be about Hezbollah sleeper cells in WA, being controlled by some bloke/target Ayatollah One bin Track. Soon Onesie's phone was hacked, he had a new pager, he told his 3 favourite girlfriends not to come around to the usual love-nest (& only one at a time too for a while), plus most importantly he .......
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I assume that all NES readers are of the high IQ variety, same like the contributors, and as a follow up to Tubb's above post, all will have head of a potentate? Well Qi has identified WA and its leaders are impotentates.
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Further to the above note, I have just been informed by my media monitoring contractor (MMC) that the Shanghai Daily Bugle has reported that W-T Thorn is a good and faithful member of the Party, President Xi has full confidence in him, and Thorny is an all-around good broke, but he has appalently disappeared and was rast seen standing in front of a 150 mm howitzer down near the coast.
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..... sullounding Taiwan, which as I have said is an issue I have handed over the Won-Ton Thorn, or Thorny as we call him." "Thorny has already impremented a pran to cut off Taiwan's supply of Dim Sims, after which he will strangle their supplies of Oyster sauce and flench flies." said Xi, then he quickly added "Oh clap, Thorny thought that when I said we needed 100% of their suppry of chips I did not mean flench flies, so Thorny is a bit of a dope and I'll have him strapped to the sharp end of a cannon this arvo, then send him, or part of him, acloss the Stlait to .......
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..... as he was sitting outside for the reading, he alraedy had Spratleys windblown sand chafing inside his undies. But Xi just laughed at OT's discomfort and said "Werr, U R rucky that it is not led sand rike that clap that you have in the west". Then Xi added "Hey Onesie old mate. U wanna know a rittle seclet? Western Austlaria is the onry leason why we have not yet invaded, because I'd lather have the Uiga & Tibetan issues than to have to bugger alound dearing with .......
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.... that Onesie could have the next batch that makes it through the Strait of Hummus. OT settled down to wait patiently, so he borrowed War & Peace from the Spratley Book Exchange. The book was printed in Mandarin, so with his phone he was able to translate each page and ..... OT reading War & Peace. His phone is on charge off to the right.
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The following document is particularly relevant to the recent discussion, and Snarler also gets a guernsy in his dinner suit (or could that perhaps be PD?). I am yet to speak with Johannes to see whether the character at left is meant to be Cappy, Turbs, Onesie or the bull.
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.... being able to be loyal to HD, even as you pick up the footpegs and other bits that have fallen off on the way to the pub. Many Senators secretly stick up for Lidia, as she, Mehreen & Fatima are the life of the party at the Senate Easter and Christmas shindigs .... and when Lidia and he Bikie Boyfriend (BB) do their Laurel and Hardy comedy routines, the Knees-Ups really kick on, to the extent that .....
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.... not known to own a farm. "Check the ROPE" said Pauline, which had been digitised and enlarged a few years in anticipation of Turbo getting elected and doing a Winston Churchill to save the country. The Register Of Pecuniary Entries was examined, and it showed that Lids owned the footboards on her CFMEU boyfriend's Harley , plus her entry was wide and had been used as a ......
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.... was relocated into a half-grown eucalyptus tree that was growing in a big pot at the back corner of the chamber, which was so placed as to be available to provide leaves if a short notice smoking ceremony was called for, ..... or if Parliamentarians wanted to disguise the smell of weed smoke. A stuffed Koala made from kangaroo skin (surely an ironic feature of the Aussie tourist industry) had been zip tied into the tree by Lidya, and the other 2 non-Christian ladies had also attached a snow globe containing the likeness of the Ayatollah (they all look the same, so nobody knows which one it is). "Snarler" (no, not Jacky Lambie) found that when perched in the 2nd Y in the tree, he could still spit on the floor and also on the back 2 rows of the Labor Party, so he made more friends due to his .... Lid's Koala
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..... his life in the favelas of SP and who never again sucked on a dry Sao, because the packet after packet that his mum had forced him to eat had damaged his saliva glands (sucked 'em dry they did) to the point where he needed to .....
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Dear NES readers. While Turbo would prefer that this abbreviation stand for Social Media campaign or Samsung Mobile campaign, Cappy knows from his time up the Khyber with Turbo, and from seeing the post politics behavior of little SPK, that Turdy is actually referring to a Sado Masochistic Camp-Pain. Hence why both SPK and Turbs have been rejected as One Nation candidates in the next Vicmanistan State Election, as they both cum with too much baggage, even for Mextoria.
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..... said "Someone has knocked off my dried arrangement", but then she put on more makeup and spent an inordinate amount of time explaining that hers is not dry and is arranged in a conventional fashion. While bull doesn't mind that, he actually prefers the arrangement from the country that includes the major city of Sao Paulo. (It is little known, dear NES readers, that this town is the origin of the famous Arnotts dry bickie, which was developed in Sao Paulo by a bloke named Raul Vovo, who sold the recipe to Turbine Bickies and Cakes PL, and they on-sold it to Arnotts for a fortune and a royalty deal. As part of the original contract, TB&CPL also owned any future recipes that Raul might come up with, so when he perfected the Iced Vovo in a favela above Rio, TB&CPL moved quickly to ......
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Turbo the Urban Archeologist (UA) is 100% right about this. Bone & the bloke with the flour are definitely the origin of the term "Pointing the Bone" ........... and bull is the origin of the term "Having a Boner".
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Once Charlie got the leaves dried out a bit, the ceremony was undertaken by someone who was obviously a very successful hunter.
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..... ding and said "Quiet while I play the "Welcome-to-Cuntry" recording that Quaintarse have lent me, followed by those cute yet snotty nosed private school kiddies singing that Peter Allan ditty as a bonus cultural embellishment." (Those kiddies were all checked out and endorsed by The Leprechaun himself). Charlie, ever the opportunist, grabbed a bunch of mango leaves and tried to kick off a Grade 3 Smoking Ceremony (There are 5 grades of Smoking Ceremony, each with their own scale of charges), but like everything else in Bone, those leaves were water-logged, so he ......
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.... with his pedal-to-the-metal (Corvetteref), but the correct phraseology was actually with his throttle-lever-to-the fabric, Herb and the Velcraptor (the middle 4 letters is what observers did when they noticed it, with its blue head covered in a pair of Herb's old army surplus goggles, glass lenses and all). "Hey look, 2 blue heads" said Mavis who knew her 2 strokes (that's all it took with Herb too) & was rostered on by the CWA next to the Tea Urn on their "Beg for Donations Table" at the Bone International & tippy top secret A10 Military (confidentialref) Airport, just as Herb did a beat up with the Rotax 30% over-revving & a harmonic vibration 1/2 developed in the vertical stabilizer, both of which leading to the Velcraptor showing a bit of concern ..... as he/she was sitting where the pistons would go if it all turned to custard due to either a cold or hot seizure (you can and could never be sure which it would be). Herb tried to calm the Velcraptor, as he knew what damage they could do if they panicked, so Herb trotted out his best calming line to shout above the noise of the wind and the piston slap, which was ......
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..... the Manager of the Rissole's dining room was a clueless Mextorian Dick, why would Clarry Nott from Nth Bowen Heights want to feed the birds in the 1st place, why the Club Manager was CASA-centric and is he a spy for the aviation control body in Can'tberra, ......... and WTF is a Casawery?" Then the proper Cassowary jokes were trotted out, ..... including several hilarious puns about the spelling of their .......
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Cappy is relieved that OT is so prescient as to be aware of the above, and he notes that OT's hide is thick, yet his insightful mind & sparkling personality are not.
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Crappy apologizes to OT and his family for the overstatement contained in the above. Tubb can be a little harsh at times.
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.... had seen what bull got up to in the privacy of his own home, and so "The Bastard" followed bull's licking technique (which concerned many of the CWA ladies [who used to be known as CWA Chicks]) and that resulted in ..... "The Bastard", in the early stages of sitting down and about to lift its leg into the "cat position" or alternatively to assume the "bull position".
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..... 3 from the platoon were designated as lookouts stationed on the outer perimeter, while the others sat down for a spell, put one leg in the air, and licked themselves ... then changed over so that every cat had a lick (but only of their own, of course). Have seen that, the Cassowaries gave it a try and with spurs as dangerous as they are, they killed 30% of their own group, but those that survived enjoyed it a lot. The Cats saw what happened, and .......
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..... in response to panicked calls from the Bone Neighborhood Watch, TCF sent an expeditionary force from their sh1thole in the wilds of Vicmanistan, knowing that those gigantic striped, green beret moggies will never come back (not due to fatalities .............. as after all, why would anybody or any animal go back to Mextoria after escaping to Qld?). The Moggies in this taskforce had been specially trained in fighting against big blue headed birds that have sharp slashing cat-killer spurs, as Turbo had fitted stainless spurs & little blue hoods, to emus as part of the training regime ......... then needed to get rid of 15 tonne's of assorted Emu bits that the moggies had dismembered in training. When the Moggie taskforce arrived in Bone they said "Geez it's humid (like everyone does), ....... and then they got down to business and ...... A promo photo of the Turbine Cat Farm's top trainee. Same pussy with cane-farm cammo, and in action in the main street of Bone.
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.... bull, a combat veteran (he had had a lot of bad blues with one of his early girlfriends that had slashed the tyres on his Monaro), didn't run but instead went towards them like a very agro Eastern Brown, and pulled out several cartoons the subjects of which were cane toads + he had a spray can of Cane-Toad-Pong (CTP, made by Turbine Assorted Fruity Pongs P/L) which he used like a Minnesota ICE agent uses pepper spray. The Mango Thieves wanted to fight, in true Qld tropical tradition, but in this case they recognised that bull was the real deal and he could ......
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..... this freaked him out, via a vivid flashback of turmoil & bloodshed, not to Nam, nor Korea, nor even to the Zulu Wars, but instead to the deadly Mango skirmishes around Bone, where bull's role had been to ......
