Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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.... the luxury of actually eating the prawns that he had caught & was marketing at huge margins. But soon a section of the population from Qld said "But how can we also use our BBH's to open our pop-tops of XXXX or VB, .... with which we build our Modern Middens (MM's)?" bull, ever the one to think his inventions through in advance, replied "........
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Where Kate was heard to utter the term "WTF?" To which Bill replied "FAFO" and the room went silent. "Wowee. Bill must have taken a job up in the Pilbara" postulated Alastair.
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.... via his PhD in Griffon Archaeology was fortunately able to identify this particular bronze griffon as one that had been stolen from the 3rd dynasty tomb of TutanTurbine, by the renowned archaeologist Light-Fingers Wilson, and had been transported into Vicmanistan as payment of a debt. That meant that ......
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Then she added, in an even more alluring tone "Teach me all I need to know about "Strategy".
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It is little known that Turbo and the rest of the King's Counsels have always retained a child-like innocence and when Turbo saw the turkey leg hit Alastair's missus in the gusset, he yelled "Food Fight" and lobbed a plate of mashed potato at Joey. The tables erupted and never before had everyone had so much fun at The Australian Club, particularly when the reception was for Prince of Wales and his bit of Fluff. But Bill and Kate joined straight in and targeted Turbo, the most well-known, most highly qualified, & well-heeled, of all of the attendees, with a well-executed crossfire of pavlova. Then, while nobody was watching, Kate sauntered up to Turbo in a highly provocative & sultry manner, and said, in a stuck-up pommy accent "I'll show you my scar if you'll show me yours".
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.... brief (Lawyer-insider-joke). "Actually, not only did it hit me in the brief (continuation-of insider-lawyer-joke)" responded Mrs AWT "The turkey leg hit me right in the gusset, making that the 1st time that I have ever .......
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.... take up his plum job as the main spokesman for Jazzi at the next election, which we all know is completely controlled in Vicmanistan by the law firms of Turbine, Putin & Maduro Ltd, and their main competition of Turbine, Qi & sons. This battle of the legal titans is sure to be ......
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Is this a subtle sign that that homme, Michael Vos, will be coaching again in Melbournistan for Turbine AFL Pty Ltd this year?
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BEST WISHES FOR 2026 FROM CRAPPY TO OUR THOUSANDS OF NES READERS ..... AND PARTICULARLY TO EEEEAN, WON-TRACK, bull, AND THE TURGID- PLONKER. IT HAS BEEN FUN AND LET'S HOPE THAT WE ALL SURVIVE THE NEXT 12 MONTHS. JUST 48 MORE PAGES AND WE'LL PASS 1000, SO NO-WUCKERS.
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Onesie, AKA "The WA Ling Ling", has his latest best quality, special price, you like my seester, E-Excavator in operation throughout WA, he sold thousands of the buggers and is now almost constantly falling off his wallet. https://www.facebook.com/share/v/17iTPRi5Fb/
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..... Quarters being played by a lone AI based robot bugler, who was better than a normal bugler and never got that high-note bit wrong that human buglers always do. Now, it is little known that WA is "all-in" on the green revolution and that is because most WA citizens have only ever seen that range of dull and crappy ochre colors, so green was THE new thing. So in line with the Corvette E-rays, the Rainbow E-Serpent had taken over as the lead robot/automaton based mythical animal, all the Choppers were E-Helicopters (and were starting to dot the landscape as they ran out of electrons and there was no charging station nearby), and one of WA's leading entrepreneurs had formed Onesie's E-Con-glomerate (which is more Con than Glom ..... he would have called it X, but that was taken), comprising E-Dozers (the D11-100%E is a cracker), E-Thrusters, E-Boomerangs, E-Witchety-Grubs and E-Water. The only issue is that WA has bugger-all power generation, but the ever-optimistic Onesie just saw that barrier as an opportunity and started the E-Electricity Company with which he would make the eastern states Green with E-Envy, and he would .....
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.... the smell of the prawn oil was the least of their worries, after the itch kicked in, and a 5 mile root march was planned over to ...
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... wad from a belt driven shotgun. The RSM, who was responsible for the adjudication of the war games, insisted that a bit of pongy prawn juice would not a surrender make, so forced the crew back inside while regaling them with stories from up the Khyber, where prawn oil was used by the troops to put behind their ears when they went into town, and they .....
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.... looked at its squiggly bits and thought that it was an Abrams, so decided to attack a Centurion during an Aussie Army exercise in the back-blocks of WA (Back-Blocks is actually a suburb of Perth because the entire joint fits into the east-coast description of "In-the-Sticks"), so the Thruster just casually wandered over from Jan-in-the-cot (Jan was a famous Perth hooker who specialised in aviation types, hence her name on the airport) and decided to come out of the sun at high speed (45 knots) to strafe the Centurian with a spud-gun and a .....
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.... dinner, which hadn't been cooked by either of them, however a brave and much decorated ex Bavarian junior officer named Eines Track did the culinary work. It is little known that Eines rose to prominence as an even braver soldier and inventor during WW 1 and those squiggly things on the lower sides of tanks were named after him. Eines survived the war, then was given the boot by Adolph & emigrated to WA, which he actually thought was Argentina without the Portuguese lingo, and he settled in harmoniously with the ......
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.... then Cappy's caring and sharing nature kicked in as he splashed on a litre of iodine, applied the red hot blade of his bayonet to quarterise it, followed by a pink kiddies bandaid over a folded used tissue. And all of this, dear readers, occurred within 50 mm of Turbo's dangling ......
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.... Labor's finest minds. "Do yez know" said Jazzi "That the horn of a bull, when applied posteriorally, can leave a mark almost identical to a Three-O at close range, and the famous scar on the underside of Vicmanistan's favourite son?". An article on this subject was about to be published in the very prestigious Vicmanistan Medical Journal, the "Lance It", but Turbo, ever the modest professional, declined to allow his scar to be forensically examined, and that ....
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.... "Put on these red T shirts and get ready to .....
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...... "workers" at the Turbine Goat Farm (TGF) out in West Shepp, which is the largest in the southern hemisphere, so Tubb needs all of those rather swarthy bearded gentlemen to "look after the goats", and to ......
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Which is identical to what is the outcome of a normal Turbine Corporation Board Meeting or AGM. .... Jazzi was actually intending to go to Shepp for a Latte and when her entourage of 130 accidentally ended up in the Mallee she said "Erky perky, I now have sand down my undies, so are we actually in WA ..... or some godforsaken desert like joint NW of Toorak? Well, whatever, get me the F out of here and I'll do meet with Dan in the Melbournistan MASH hospital and get instructions on what tax to raise next." But the entourage actually loved the Mallee and wanted to work out how Peta Credlin had done so well, and was a pretty good sort, coming from an in-bred backwater dump like this, so they ......
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... the Turbine Cartels (TC-13) located in Shepp-aloa and Stanhope-aloa, or the Jalisco district in south Moorabbin. Those Mextorian areas are notorious for .......
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..... took a liking to Cappy's cousin, Cappy, and offered him a position as his personal body-double (complimentary kevlar vest included), & his .....
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..... and instead could all get a short-term plastic bottle-based rework every few months. The most popular facial remakes were Les Patterson/Turbo (same thing), Chopper Reid, Penny Wong, The Twigster, Rose Hancock, ......
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..... the wealth of the Turbine family was chasing Elon into the stratosphere (real high avref), but then a bloke from the backblocks in Tastarctica lodged a complaint with the High Court because part of the plastic in his plastic surgery said "Drink Coca Cola", ................... while his wife's said "Pepsi Max" under her left eye. This brand competition led Turbo to ......
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.... the population of Tasmania was identical, ethnically and dna-wise as those in Polynesia, which had originated in Taiwan and picked up various other features as they travelled south and "did" various other cultures on the way. The big difference in Tasmania is that Turbine Whiteness Ltd had taken a franchise from Michael Jackson and all Taswegians were treated, some insensitive souls say "bleached" accordingly. Even those who emigrated from Qld to Tazzy were given the treatment as Turbo had been quoted as saying in a policy statement "Surely nobody would voluntarily emigrate to Taztarctica, so if they are that bigger dill then a dose of Chlorine and a nose job won't do them any harm". The other 26.65% of the population were ......
