Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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.... even after a fully mechanised Chico Roll production line was installed, the demand kept building and an opportunity was established to turn the statue into a "Big Thing", with a rotating restaurant inside the head, so that .....
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..... the Council had done a deal to buy the poxy Mextorian Dan Andrews statue (which depicts him covered in windscreen glass & standing triumphant over the Bike Boy), so they quickly cut the bike boy section off and remelted it, then took an Oxy to Dan's face and prepared to remodel that using a bust that is the combination of Rock Hudson (NTTIAWWT) and Alexander the Great. The CWA girls in the town were a bit excited, but given that Turbs and Cappy were still on their mission, the girls were safe and the ......
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.... when Turbs was found wandering the streets of Moorabbin in his PJs & with his Teddy under his arm. Some well-meaning NESer went to Moorabbin HiFi and bought him another cheap & on-special VR headset and showed him which end of his body it fitted onto, so via a dodgy Wi-Fi connection at the local Coffee Shop (Moorabbin Mocca & Macchiato Makers) Tubb was back at the controls of the drone (isn't technology wonderful) and ...... A photo from the MM&MM website as they tried to get it fitted.
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Apologies to our thousands of dedicated readers, but Turbo dropped his virtual reality glasses and broke them, so the Drifter Lurking Drone is now over Thailand following the same track (OTref) as MH370 ..... but worry not, as not many people know that Tubb is very adept at getting out of bad situations, and I am confident that he can either get us back to the Spratleys to save Doubty, or we will find MH370 out west of the Abrolhos. Cappy is just the Weapons Officer and is not permitted to touch the flight controls, so I am waiting just like youze thousands are.
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.... because Turbo is ever loyal to his mission buddy and has often gone wayyyyy out of his way to hide Crappy's indiscretions. Cappy particularly liked The Tazzy Devil and Daffy Duck cartoons, and even more when they were dressed up in those costumes on Pornhub, but as is usual for Cappy, the mission and his best mate came first, so he dedicated himself to being just the Weapons Officer, turned off Bugs doing stuff to Daphne Duck and .....
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..... Turbid tracked (OTref) towards the Spatleys on a Langley approved watch, wait and see (WW&S) mission which required a terrific degree of patience, something that Turgid has in spades, as proven by his waiting to see the Libs back in power in Vicmanistan. Langley had given him their latest set of Virtual Reality goggles, where he can idle the Drifter (now operating as a Lurker (Bernieref) Aerial Asset which he can just maintain station gliding into the wind at idle at 27,000 ft, monitoring all aspects of the flight (and targetting) thru the left side of the VR headset, while for a long mission such as this, at the same time he can watch Bugs Bunny Cartoons or torrid porn through the right side of the headset. Turbo chose the ......
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.... so Doubtfire had 2 guardian angels, with Crappy keeping in touch with her via the Aussie equivalent of 2 fruit cans and a length of string, only available between 6.46 & 7.02 pm on a good day because the ASIO budget is tight (and the Minister needs to fly over to the [Fly In F$%k About] FIFA World Cup), and Turbs has the full resources of Langley, Elon's satellites + rockets, and he also has a squadron of personal drones, which is apt as he can drone on at times. Turbo's favorite Tool (apart from Cappy) was ......
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.... black sunnies and a black bedsheet can do for a woman's attractiveness. So, any Chinese ISIS leaders on the Spratleys were in deep strife once Doubty gets there and dons the ASIO issued "official mix in with the locals grandma disguise" (the usual ASIO OMIWTLGD kit), which also includes ......
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..... which had originally been owned by Pope Alexander VI — Rodrigo Borgia (or Roddy to his mates), and had been gifted to the Skipper by Sophia Loren, who was a relo of Roddy's. The crushing of those precious beads occurred when Cappy learnt that Doubtfire had been coopted to ASIO in the ISIS Insurrection Section and in true Canberra fashion, she was about to be sent to the Spratleys dressed as a Chinese grandma to see what ISIS leaders she could find. Now Doubtfire is a comely woman with red hair & considerable cleavage, so for her own good Crappy thought that perhaps .....
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..... to be ....
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..... which was made all the more incriminating when, in full view of Doubtfire, who was transfixed, Turbo zipped up ........................ his parka and ......
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..... because after her relatively short time transferred to VicPol it was clear that she was speaking in riddles, just like Jazzy does, but more importantly, like all VicPol coppers, all they respect of physical force ................................ or cash (Apologies, or course, to any VicPol wallopers that have squirrelled away enough of that backhander/brown envelope cash to buy a recreational aircraft and are now enchanted by the NES). Turbo took that spike stick and lined up to ......
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..... flexed his magnificent back, neck and arm muscles, the 5 big ABUS paddys broke, and the stocks burst asunder .... think about the Hulk but even more magnificenter. (This dear readers, including our thousands of international subscribers is believed to be the 1st time that the word "asunder" has been used in this beautiful tome) [Please also note that international subscriptions to the NES are available via Turbine International Subscriptions of Oman PL. Eean doesn't know that there is a quid being earnt from his NES (Eean is to blame for starting this), but he's such a good bloke that he won't mind]. With the stocks smashed forsooth, your Captain went down to the copshop to see Doubtfire and he stood betwixt the cell doors and her desk, where, reminded by Turbo's last post he said "Hey Doubty, did I ever tell you that I shot Tubb in the freckle with a three-oh up the Khyber?" To which she replied "Why didn't you tell us earlier, as we have been trying to catch him red handed for between 6 & 8 decades, and if you can give us some ......
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..... would leave their kids with Turbine Child Minding, so this provided free nippers on which to test the Milk-O labelled Margarine byeproducts. Whenever the kids said Milk-Ohhhhhthattasteslikecrap, Tubb always insisted that 10 more nippers were tested before a definitive decision was taken. There was a constant flow of new Milk-O products and formulations that came into OZ from Turbine Wuhan Labs PLC and it was only after Turbo moved production into old concentration camps in Ukraine & Belarus that the Wuhan lab was forced to go batshit crazy in association with some US dwarf who ......
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.... not many people know that the Turbine Corporation control and are behind the Wilmar International company, which commands a 16.4% global market share in Margarine production and sales. It was Turbo, the great industrialist, who initially chose the name "Marge" after one of his 1st loves (she took Turbo's raspberry during a torrid time together on the bonnet of the 'Vette), and this transitioned on to be named Margarine after he had an affair with Irene soon after Marge gave him the flick. (After Marge & Irene, he was addicted to "it" and has been ever since, such that the term was initially "nymphoturbiac" before it was changed to be multi-gender & non-Turbo specific). It is also little known that the Turbine Canola Co have 100% plant breeder's rights over that crop and will not sell seeds to anyone else, so every yellow crop that you see, worldwide, is owned by our very own Tubb, and in that way he is the margarine boss of the world, and also the ..... The reason why Canola crops have such tough/hard stalks is because they designed it after Turbo's .... and he is therefore personally responsible for all of the glider wheel punctures from when they land-out in harvested Canola paddocks).
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..... fly (avref) left hand down, until the wind blows in through the other door and his coordination pendulum swings back through 90, so as well as wearing out his jocks from the inside whenever he chooses to wear them, in a Robo this is almost ..... Below is a reconstruction of Sids flight, which shows off just the right skills for mustering. Don't worry about the smoke, as 2 of the oil rings were stuck at the time in the Lycoming, but have come good now.
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.... when he does that the breeze goes straight up the leg of his stubbies, and blows his coordination indicator back through a 90 degree arc to lean 45 degrees to the left, and while Sid enjoys that and it puts a smile on his dial, he can't help but ......
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... Sid was on the make, although a little saddle sore, so he made a mental note to buy an R22 for the next droving task. He would specify the R22 with a single central seat as, like Turbo, he is as bandy as a butcher's hook and needs the extra cabin space, because he can't ......
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.... because she is playing hard to get, and in addition, the Kidman Turbine clan had always been nasty to her dad, and she .....
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..... Sir Sidney Kidman Turbine and the fact that Turbs was the only offspring that embraced the cattle baron lifestyle, although Turbo has been proven to be anything but baren as he circulated throughout the bush mustering his massive herd. And now that Gina has become one of OZ's biggest cattle property owners, Turbo has set his sights to play in her garden too, by ......
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... so emblematic of the rascally Aussie spirit. And that, dear Readers, is why so many people from the middle east apply to come to Australia, as they all also have a keen sense of dry humor, and love to laugh & chyack with the Aussies at musters and B&S balls, and while standing around Machete Bins having a milkshake. On checking his calendar and his circadian rhythms, it is clear that when Turbo was 17, Cappy was merely embryonic, but he was soon able to call out typical Bay 13 smartarse things over the fence to Dougy Walters, say sarcastic pigeon fancier stuff to Bill Lawry, get tips for catching hot chicks from Warny, and to ......
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.... their explosive vests & machetes checked at the cloak room, then immediately chug-a-lug a yard (914.3553794574825 mm) glass of VB to prove that they were worthy of admission to the muster. The leading Rag Head then asked loudly, like they do, "أين يمكننا استئجار بعض الواقيات الذكرية وخيمة صغيرة؟ (Ayna yumkinunā isti'jāru baʿḍ al-wāqiyāt adh-dhakariyyah wa khaymatin ṣaghīrah?") The Marshal, who was a member of the Deni Coffin Cheaters, so spoke arabic and was looking for a blue, said "You can't hire condoms here mate, but swags can be obtained from the CWA chicks in Bay ......
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.... old Rag and Tuber who had grown up familiar with the imperial measurement system, realized the significance of the Virgin's height exceedance limit, and then realized again that there might be a trophy to be had ... or at least a little action. Even Dicky Branson got involved, as given the scarcity of the V subject, he wanted to use this lass as a tangible figurehead for his airline, so she was photographed in a similar pose to the lady on the bow of Jeff Bazos's yacht and was then painted on the nose of every Virgin aircraft .... see example in the photo below. What a way to put Deni back on the map. That same imperial system literate person also often fielded questions from metric system people, such as "How long is 8 inches?" to which his response was to unzip and .......
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.... the latest fashion amongst the rag & tube Set has been to cover their aircraft in the LGBTQMRX & pride colours, and therefore a ripe 25 year old Virgin is safe, at least from the blokes, so she could .....
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.... to dump the altruistic thoughts and just go for the money as a dancer at the Blue Oyster, where virgin's get a higher rate, yet nobody believes them, because.....
