Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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...., perhaps another Paul Keating. It is not often that we can break world significant news on the NES, ..... but for all Vicmanistan based members of Wreck Frying and the NES, I can disclose that Afghanistan has this morning agreed to offer compassionate aid to Mextoria under their "Turban, Tea-towel and Goat-Track" initiative, and as one of the conditions the Taliban have promised to be less authoritarian that Dan, plus to have Mextoria back to Afghanistanian standards of living by 2045.
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The Turbo kiddies in OT's shearing shed, waiting for their ice-cream, yams and sand. The girls most resemble their procreator.
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.... vanilla icecream. After the deprivations of Mextoria and the stigma of being the discarded fruit of Turbo's loins (Up the Khyber Turbo used to joke to the locals that there is a lion in them loins) the nippers from Moorabbistan loved the newfound freedom of Western Australia and the bon-vivant of Uncle Onesie, with their only complaint being the sand up their jocks and in their icecream. "Eat up you little wooses" replied OT as he gave them a clip under the ear "As the men and the ankle-biters of the great West are made of sterner stuff and besides, we need you Mexicans to pick & wash our strawberries". It was at that moment that the cute little turbine look-alike nippers knew that they were in for a crappy WA life, would never make it to Cottesloe, Peppermint Grove, or Dalkeith unless they were there to clean the dunnies .... while at the same time one of the nippers "borrowed" OT's phone and received a response from ChatGPT about their rights to the Turbine fortune via the response "All it needs is to prove that you were spawned by one of the great man's taddies and there is a cushy life ahead, if you just .......
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.... has been taking in displaced Turbo sired Mextorian waifs who had made it across the Nularbor, and he is retraining the poor little buggers via the use of .....
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..... went commando, and without the kevlar undies to protect his agates, Turdy paid 5-year-old kiddies 2 pieces of bubblegum to start his car each time he needed it. Not many people know that Turbo has always treated young kiddies as disposable, the same way he does with his pussies and his ......
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... Turbo realized that hanging out with Mick Gatto in his white Rolls was the way to go, so he gave donations to Mick's charities, sent him Xmas & birthday cards, got his hair cut in the Melbourne gangland style, and used to frequent the Love Machine (Mexico's equivalent of Wagga's Blue Oyster Bar). But Turbo had been just too successful and quickly found out that he had replaced Carl Williams without even trying and had numerous crims offering to join the Turd-ton, as opposed to the Carl-ton, Crew ..... and in a flash Tubb had his own Benny Veniamin trying to polish him off, (even Crappy was offered a contract, bearing in mind his reputation for having plugged Turbo previously) so that .......
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.... anyone else with a garish horseless carriage, as they get a bonus for booking any red car, as they are always the fastest, with bonus points for sports cars, double bonus for American iron (and leather), and a special expensive gift (and a new medal) for booking and handcuffing any ......
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And Crappy looks forward to someday having a second close mate .... but is confident that this would not demote Turdy from his coveted position.
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Cappy thanks his best and longest mate for this sympathetic yet accurate description and hopes that Tubb continues to enjoy the cartoons that Crappy posts on his FB page.
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...... but that is one of the most effective disarming tactics that Cappy teaches at the KKPUCS, and once relaxed, Krissy consulted with her public relations advisors (Turbine Public Personas Pty Ltd) who had previously advised her to get more medals in order to disguise her ample chest, and whose other clients Gracie Tame, Chris Bowen, Ayatollah Khamenei, Joey Starlin and Benito Mussolini, all thought that TPPPL were the .......
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..... she was last week out of new paint so repainted the Drifter again the same colour that it was 15 dive bombings ago, and the coppers moved in to arrest her based on photographic evidence. As this was of major public interest, the wallopers arranged to arrest her the next time she flew to Sydney, and the AFP's Krissy Barret arranged a new medal with a Dayglo ribbon, and a ......
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.... out of control, but now under the non-elected Jazzi, Vicmanistan is on the way back. And Cappy's Corruption Report is about to drop, also, ....... so stay tuned. Not many people know that Crappy has been consulted by most state based higher courts, and when it comes to the history of Mextoria, Crappy has been kept very .....
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..... the Albury side of Albury-Wodonga, and they were of course at pains to always remain in NSW airspace, as straying over Vicmanistan is similar to wandering into Nth Korea, except that instead of a missile up the freckle like in Nth Korea, in Mextoria you are forced to shoulder part of their debt, so that every adult onboard the Herc would then owe Jazzi Allan about $247,000, and that would also mean that .....
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Yes Tubb, you are correct as usual, but Loxie was more like the dark-haired lady in Abba ..... and he could put on a beaut Swedish accent too, when the time was right. Loxie was the Swiss army knife of accents ..... and I suspect that he still reads the NES occasionally too.
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... the theme from Hawaii 5-0 and the RO replied with the theme from Kojak. This all did nothing to solve the aviation (avref) issues as the ground (avref) got closer (avref), but everyone had a good giggle and thought ..... Note Max Klinger as one of the drummers, after Korea and he flicked his dresses.
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Dear Turdy. It appears that one of your posts, or one by OneRoute, or from bull, has gone missing and this lack of continuity is disarming for older NESers like Crappy.
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Dear NES investigative branch. Could Turbo actually be Mike Fleetwood using a VPN and dropping promotional hints as per the above? I fought with Turbo up the Khyber and thought I knew him well (he was always a good drummer), but perhaps with his side hair and beard longer, and after his infamous facelift, he spent a short while unrecognizable and displaying his musically creative side, ...... plus trying to crack on to Stevie Nicks, as he always liked blonds (and they were few and far between up the Khyber, hence why he gifted all the native girls peroxide in old hair shampoo bottles).
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.... bang made him .....
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..... as he had found Christianity but was not yet confirmed. The same thing goes for the Mayor of Tehran, as he has been the 8th one in the last 4 weeks to wear the blood-spattered chain, and he wanted to ......
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.... zoomy barrel roll, which a 380 achieves effortlessly, as they were initially & actually designed as a strategic bomber with windows, and have been seen barrel-rolling across Iran and dropping the French equivalent of Bunker Busters (the barrel roll enables the 380s to chuck the BBs sideways too, which is a major strategic advantage when you have an Iranian missile up your clacker). This confused the heck out of the Iranians and many Control Centers (most of the staff of which were members of the Iranian version of the AUF before their admin center was blown to Smitherines [a small-town 200 kms NW of Bethlehem] by the IDF) were all heard to say "WTF is that .......
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... his favourite comedian from the Goons, so he responded, "Does your derg bite?" And Xi threw himself into the sketch, as Xi has a great & effusive sense of humour, so he said "Zat is not my derg" ... see below for full context ..... you can just see Xi playing that part, can't you? As a result, even the Sim speaker wet itself laughing. "I ruv Strayan sense of humour, eh" added Xi as he patted the Instructor on the knee and added "Do you want to get a reum?". The Instructor, who was of Uigur heritage, responded .....
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.... "Ah" said Xi to his Instructor, "The old "PMTCITMPODASIWO" message that we all train so hard for, so it is just muscle memory that ........
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..... then did a series of things at once. It tried to surrender to the Lufthansa simulator in the next building, then it put its nose in the air (avref), voted left, attacked the British (describing them as pig dogs, + it put sh!t on Shepherd's Pie and Haggas), and it strutted around the building while expressing admiration for Brigitte Macron, before ......
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.... reflexively defended all Chinese manufacturers of hydraulic actuators, and particularly those made by the "Happy Sun magical Moon reclining Dog" company, where one of his girlfriends is the one that pushes the final seal onto the ram before it starts to rust. It was just after he finished that thought that the alarm sounded, the stick (avref) started to shake and a warning said "Avertissement Terrane' followed by "Arrête-toi, espèce de con", so Xi pulled the T shaped lever things back to the rear and replied .....
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.... and the Instructor (avref) said "This is an A380 Airbus simulator, mate, so there are heaps of levers & buttons that we are yet to get to, as the Operations Manual is in French and is 2078 pages, so don't worry too much and just use the other levers that have dymo labels in Engrish stuck over French writing." Then he added "No, mate, I take that back, let's live dangerously and hit a few levers and push a few buttons as this is just a SIM, so what is the worst that can happen, except if we blow the hydraulics on the up, down and sideways (avrefs) activator thingys down in the basement ..... so give it a go and let's live dangerously (AUF avref), but definitely do not ....... Xi pushing a few random buttons and the Instructor waiting to see what happens. The bloke in the 3rd seat has stepped out for a nervous-one (avref) and a durry.
