Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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..... Turbo could sleep the sleep of the righteous on a bed of mallee roots, as he usually does (10 hrs of deep sleep, no wuckers" is the way in which he often describes it). As most members of Aircraft Pilates and Wreck Flying well know from his posts in the technical Fora, Turbo is what we call in Australia "Fair Dinkum Righteous" or FDR, because, as it says in the Bible, The Koran, the Torah, and the Kharma Sutra "Ye verily, anyone who is shot in the freckle by his best mate, and survives, is both righteous and blessed" and that is why Turbo has formed the .....
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..... and I'm well known as an inspiration in B&S rooting circles. Why, my king-sized double swag has known some .......
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Their new and effective internet advertising slogan is "De-tree the planet with TLC".
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..... so the ABC immediately categorised him as an anti LJBTQMRS, trans hating, Rotax loving, Nazi, fascist, Trump lover, whereas the Reporter was undercover from Pravdah and .....
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.... little Chrissy Bowen was put in charge of free-felling all native forests across our great brown land (well, it would be once all the trees had been cut down, air dried, piled up & burnt). In response to a lucrative contract, Turbine Land Clearing took their D12's and 2000 m long chains and applied their mallee clearing practices to all of the planted forests, and soon pine trees were horizontal and looking like the aftereffects of the Mt St Helens eruption. "It is so much better without trees" said Albo/Raj to Rajeena as it's so much easier to see the horizon (avref), and as he stood on the verandah of his waterfront joint on the NSW mid nth coast he came up with the slogan for the next election "From the mountains to the sea, Skippies will be Free .......... of trees, Koalas and ......... TLC did a great job on the pine trees throughout Mextoria, see below photo. "Cop that" said Turbo as his cleanup crew prepared to knock down those few recalcitrant sticks that were still standing ....... and to also tap any remaining koalas, wombats or sugar gliders on the head with their repurposed Seal Clubs.
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.... Albo, who had changed his name to Raj, and his latest wife, Rajeena, because they .....
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Dear readers of the vintage of most AUFers will appreciate that the decoration WAS in a "most un-Australian manner" however these days the decoration shown in Onesie's photo are now standard in 5 suburbs in Sydney and 8 in Melbournistan. It's still 1975 in both Qld and WA so the Iphone won't be released for another 32 years, and they will be fine for a while.
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Thanks for your excellent post, as always, Turbo. I had not realised that the GRU had added a 2nd level since I was last out there to unblock the dunny, a long-drop which is hidden behind the green dorms and snooker rooms. (As all NESers would know, it is not easy for Rajs to block a long drop, so it was not the most pleasant of jobs). PS .... Cappy has added another 1.5 Stars to the Motel sign after he bought the site, which he did as a blocking move, as the GRU will surely need to expand and cappy will then have them by the short and curlys.
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It is little known by our interstate and international NESers that Grongy has long been the spiritual home of the Australian Indian Community and the Grongy Regional University has done a fine job edumacating them via their Student Visa program. GRU regularly (always) achieves a 100% pass rate and produces more PhD's than Harvard. It is well recognised that a "Grongy FuD", as they are called in the business community, is a sure-fire line to trucking success and the GRU is located on a sprawling 800 sq.m campus adjacent to the Grongy Water Treatment Plant. A recent AI search has also disclosed that Raj is the most popular baby's name in NSW, for both boys and girls. In response to several taunts by other envious NSW country towns, the Lord Mayor of Grongy has today issued a statement denying any similarity with what has happened in the Somali community in Minnesota. "It is just a coincidence that there are so many Autistic kids here too, cobber" said Raj Wilson. Postscript .... Cappy has recently been approached by several Commanche and Sioux families who applied to get their brightest kiddies into GRU and were knocked back. I will be taking this up with the GRU Chancellor, Raj Dean.
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..... with Turbo and 3 of the Kings Cross Partners working on the details of his Statement in a private setting while making what would eventually be regarded as an improvement on the Shane Warne videos, as after all, everything needs to be recorded accurately when you are preparing a Statement and with Turbo having similar appetites & being the fine Shane-like physical specimen that he is, who can blame the KC Partners for wanting that little bit of extra .....
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..... "Why does this rabbit have a fluffy tail, claws and a bell on a collar that says "My name is Tiddles"?" And with those 3 simple questions, he had discovered what subsequently became known as "The Great Turdbine Cat disguised as Bunny disguised as Chicken Scam", which is but one reason why Turbo, in disgrace, had the red dot ceremonially & forcibly removed from his forehead using H2SO4, in a .....
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..... Lord Stamer locks us up then sends us to fight in Ukraine, don't ya know". Wotrack on the other hand was a staunch believer in the republic and his right to free speech (and concessionally priced CAT parts). The differences between Raj and Won couldn't have been more stark (cricketerref) and with Wontrack also being licensed to open carry (where he favoured a 50 cal Desert Eagle ["A big-old pistol made by bad-ass Hebrews" ... as the song says]) tucked into his belt below his ample stomach. Raj didn't like his odds and he ..... https://youtu.be/5nMDmNcvPE0?si=QYpvVstwQHUlX-5S
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..... beach-ball sized falafel into the equivalent of 700 ta'amiyya. But just as the crew were about to hook into the tasty treats, the equivlent of a CASA tyrant came in and said "I note that Turbo has reported that a power cord has been run over, so please get me the Test & tag paperwork and the inspector that signed off on this. And where is the training module & the module completion sign-offs for the Rib Cutter? The room went quiet and it was obvious that applying 1st world procedures to 3rd World WA factory operational practices would result in a s&!#fignt, so quite a few Rajs stated to walk backwards towards the ........
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..... Now the Wotrak gut is well known west of the border. Some say that it is a genetic deformity and some claim that it is a male phantom pregnancy, but one thing is certain and that is that all of the Wotracks have it and on aircraft (avref) with a centre floor mounted stick between the pilot's legs, the Wotracks always need to have the stick moved forward. (The Wotraks also all carry a mirror on a selfie stick, & some need that mirror to be of the enlarging [flattering] type, but that is another story for some future NES expose.) So Raj was in fear, but the rest of the workforce downed tools to see what might issue forth from that massive gut when it has been lanced. They didn't have to wait long, as .....
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.... a 20 kg sledgy with which to make the final adjustments to the ......
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..... said Swami Sarasvatti, who then asked Turbo what is meant when his name is preceded by "Smarmy" instead of Swami, and why ......
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O(U)T has a 27 hp angle grinder specifically designed for engine number erasure, and he can even make all traces of the 7 disappear from a D7 before he sells it as a D10 still under warranty.
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..... untraceable, and I hear on the underworld grapevine that "Untraceable" is your middle name, so .....
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.... but the lawyers said that they would do him a special deal on the bill + chuck in a huge cooking pot of butter chicken & 20 nan breads ...... if'n he would just bugger off. Little did Raj know that his lawyers were also partners in Turbine, Turbine, Turbine & Goblegravie, and they would be happy to sell him down the Yarra if needed. But, then the sandgroper firm of Track, Track & Track offered to take up Raj's case, as they had been Bondy's lawyers through the bad times and had just been representing The Twigster while he was trying to extract himself from the Green Hydrogen venture (sic), so Raj pricked up .....
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.... but Turbo's celebrity status was boosted even further, if that was even possible, when the PM designate offered to sign the site where he had shot Turbo, so that Turbo could then have the signature tattooed, and photographed, for posterial posterity. Just to be clear for our thousands of NES regular viewers, the entry wound was plumb in the centre of Tubb's perineum (he was touching his toes doing calisthenics at the time) and he must have moved about 25 mm, as Cappy had aimed for his freckular spot ....... where it would have been impossible to see the wound if Cap had been on target. ..... the truck that poor Raj drew from the pool was one that had received 4 chassis repairs by the Turbine Disguised Chassis Repairs Co, which had been formed specifically to limit the reputational damage that had been caused by Tubb's faulty chassis design slide rule (Turbo had bought the slide rule duty free in BangCock, but didn't realise that the reason it was cheap was that it was 3 inches shorter than normal). Raj briefed Lawyer X with the intention to .....
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.... your beloved Cappy is proud to say that he was one of the Gang-of-13 on that fateful Canberra day. As many of the world's leading aviation scribblers/dribblers, including Turdbro, WonTrack and bull, will attest, the so-called "AUF Day-of-Knives" made Gough Whitlam's sacking look like a Kindy Christmas Pageant, ..... but the members were ecstatic, Life Memberships were passed out like confetti, Get-Home-Itis was cured once & for all, and the AUF community of happy aviation wanderers went on like ......
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.... after Won's demands (He has always been the power behind the throne at all political levels in WA, and also has some sympathy for the frozen souls down in Tastarctica) for a stacked secret ballot was overturned, based on a show of paws, the meeting (from meeting rooms in Burnie and Rotty by animal Skype) voted for the steroids to be replaced by meaty bites, chicken pellets, & smarties, so that the .....
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Cappy adds the following (avref) as there haven't been too many lately, and in deference to the affiliation of the NES with Wreck Flying and Aircraft Pilates.
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.... care, or couldn't understand, why they should be the goad-ees when they had made it into the Prelim Final this year. But then, the Rats knew that the Toads were rejoicing up in Qld with the Premiership in hand and tiny little toad sized Lions jerseys had been supplied by the club on a complimentary basis. By comparison, the Quokkas on Rotty and the Tazzy Devils on the Sth Island had nothing much to celebrate and were seeking to .....
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..... branded the Rat army as right wingers and Nazi party members, while they characterized the Toads as immigrant asylum seekers, and suppressed all photos of Toads yelling Palestinian slogans, calling "From the Hinterland to the Sea, Queensland shall be free", below a placard of Greata Thumbird, who's similarity to a toad did not go without comment. Nigel Farage and Donald Trump sent pre-recorded messages of support for the Rats and Chris Bowen took .......
