Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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.... ,"sone" being a Mesopotamian word meaning "a few" or "several", and 1st discovered by Turbine Archaeology when they broke the Cuneoform writing code using Turbine AI. 'We don't need no stinking AI" said a TA spokesman "As we have access to the great man himself & he broke the code before smoko, + quicker than that gay dude played by Bendabit Cumabatch, at Bletchley Park, before he .....
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.... and with that Crappy remembered Ahlox's prophetic words "We only fight fires that are on the flat, because we can't get up any big hills ........... and if it gets over 40C at any time, we are entitled to stand down & go home, just like the teachers and the polys do". This reflected badly on the NSW & Vic Gumnts and they issued a statement that said ......
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.... (Plethora of avrefs), but then the penny dropped for poor old Crappy, when he realised that Loxy was just trying to drive a wedge into the relationship to have Crappy dump on his best mate and comrade of many decades. Crappy turned and said "A pox on you Ahlox (Shakespearref), for while I am prepared to grant you a conditional coffee-drinking & flying mateship, I cannot entertain attacks on the TurgidPlonker even if he isn't entertaining." Then Crappy continued on "As Turbo so often says to me, Amicus est amicus and then as I so often respond Sodālis est sodālis, so sod-off-Ahlox (discede Ahloxus) if you cannot accept my loyalty to a long-term mate, or my penchant for Latin on occasions. Ahlox immediately replied "I, capetane, in malam crucem!" (because AI does not translate "F U Crappy" which is what he actually said), and Loxly then .......
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.... , and woe betide you if you stood back to let them into the lift first." It is little known that at the 1st meeting between Goldylox and Crappy, convened to slag off Turbo while sipping caffein, (27 other members of Wreck Flying wanted to attend too, for that very purpose), Crappy asked Loxy for a length of fire hose and a shiny brass nozzle with which to impress receptive ladies and the vulnerable public. "Those were the days" recollected Crappy as he dwelled on his close association with AhLox and flying in close company with his beer-can all over southern NSW and south of the Rio-Murray. As Goldylox so often said "You'd think that we would run out of issues about which to slag off Mextoria and TurdBoy, but the opportunities just keep on coming like a shooting gallery". "I don't like those needle joints either" said Cappy, ever the stalwart for civic morality. "And I'll tell you another thing Loxy" he added "......
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.... Crappy bought a bucket hat just to commemorate it. However, in true Mextorian fashion, and just like Jacinta, the bucket that tipped over was full of s.....
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..... said "Alan?" "Yes" she continued "But with 2 L's, and that means .....
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Oh, ..... so the computer ate his homework again. Oh well, at least we are off and running again. But, Dear Readers, was that actually a shoddy reaction to Tubb's past criminal exploits being exposed to sunlight ........... or the fact that you all now know that he drove an FE?
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And so, Dear Readers, it is my melancholy duty to inform you that the NES has ground to a halt ...... a little like Mextoria. And it is too late for Turdy to add some dots via an edit, so the NES is basically fxxxxd .... again, like Vicmanistan. But it has been a good ride, while it lasted and 954 pages is not to be sneezed at.
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... he proudly held it aloft, as it was a timely reminder of back in the days when he drove a battered FE, when the 'Vette & the Turbine Conglomerate were just a gleam in his eye, back when he was famous & known around the docks, the markets & within Pentridge as "The Moorabbin Chisler". Some of his scams were legendary, and he often sat Chopper on his knees while inside H Division, and regaled him with the MC's exploits, many of which Chopper subsequently used in his books. (It is little known that during his various stretches in Pentridge, Turbs celebrity criminal status meant that was always given the place of deference & honor, and used Ned Kelly's cell, which was never locked & had been tastefully decorated with period furniture). That Chisel was a candidate to be a prime exhibit in the Vicmanistan Criminal Museum & Hall-of-Fame (TheVicmanHoF, which, given Mextoria's proud & dominant criminal culture, is regarded with similar status as the Smithsonian), and Tubb had rejected several offers from Jacinta & the Vicmanistan Governor General, who wanted The Chisel to be gold plated & placed between the Machete exhibit and the ......
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..... shape of which would put Formula 1 seat molding technology to shame. As a result Oscar Piastri showed a lot of interest and contacted Turbine Moulded Seat Technologies P/L who, ever astute, had picked up the licence worldwide. "Why did you spell "Moulded" that way?" asked Oscar "And can I have a drive of your Little Red Corvette (thanks Prince), as I have never been in something with that much grunt and finesse?" Turbo thought about it and said ".....
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...o, .....
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Crappy's great uncle, Winchester Cook, used to shoot off with Annie too, but he boastfully maintained that his had a different meaning.
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Crappy apologizes to his best mate and all others who are involved with the Turbine franchise. Crappy was sucked in, again, by the accuracy of the Turbine family's intergenerational aural storytelling, and the realism of it all, as he could immediately see Turbo (the great man himself, and not his GU), sailing through the air like Nadia in a tutu, then skidding to a halt on the veranda in his R M Williams kangaroo leather high healed brothel creepers.
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.... where he sauntered up to the bar, like John Wayne in chaps (arseless leather dacks, and not real blokes), and asked the barman for a light ale from the Moorabbin Boutique Brewery (they distribute internationally, like YellowTail), to which the barman replied .....
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My Dear NSEers and our thousands of Avid Readers (ARs). On your behalf I offer our combined thanks to Turbo for the above post, as it is extremely rare (even harder that finding a bloke who landed in France on D Day) to have a first-hand account from somebody who has performed all the procedures for stopping a 19th century Steam Train, and then landing like Nadia Comanechi on the porch of the Lone Star. We are, indeed, a lucky bunch.
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... has all his bits, as the buzz saw and the cattle guard on the chooty certainly look like they could readily remove his ......
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Crappy has only one word for Onesie and that is "Don't knock if you haven't tried it" (well 7 actually) as Cappy had leant to dress like a girl while up the Khyber and the locals soon identified him as a little on the fuggly side. In fact, he looks so crook that the locals used to walk straight past him and head over to the Turbine Goat Farm just down the road, where goats were just ......
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... because Crappy had dyed his hair blonde, wore a cheap hat from the Launceston MACKAS (free with every large Big Mack Meal), which Cappy reckoned was specially made and claimed that it represents the Spanish abbreviation for "Make Colombia as Kosher As Sh!t" and he (Crappy) had paid a non-refundable deposit for Greenland, before he was about to invade Jamaica, Panama, Cuba and Canada just for fun. As a result, Crappy has been invited to speak at the WEF straight after Don, who is now seen as Crappy's warm-up act, and he will .......
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.... this presented an enforcement issue for President of Colombia (POC) Crappy, as he had already started a somewhat similar scheme of reintroducing the "Cain" back into the Coke -a-Cola worldwide and also into Pepsi and into Dr Jurd's Jungle Juice, from that pub west of Newcastle. "Hey" said Cappy the POC (Crappy admits that he has also been called a POC many times in the past), who had been seduced by the highs of the drug trade, as evidenced by him saying "Coke laced chips washed down with coke laced coke makes for a pretty good business model, plus a .....
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Crappy has received hundreds of requests from inquisitive NES readers to identify Turbo's friends in the above snap, which was taken by yours truly with my Box Bownie. From Left to right we have Ita Buttrose, Turbo (the great man himself), a young Rose Hancock, Joe Bjelke-Petersen and Princess Di (she was with me but in retrospect I should have hit on Rose).
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..... pretense of happiness, because nobody had really laughed in Venezuela since Nicky and Cilia had taken over. And Bull, the people's magnificent, proud, and handsome El Toro, really cut-the-mustard with the Venezuelan chicks, and while some branded him as El Liberatateror, while others like OT used the somewhat cruel term Dicktater, the "tater" reference was clear & repetitive, but it was not like some thought, because the shape of Bull's head was like a passed the use-by date unpeeled Yukon Gold with 20 or so lenticels scarring the surface. However, as Bull has demonstrated within the NES, he is a fair-minded and .....
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Dear NESers and our thousands of readers. Please make allowance if Turbo is not on the air so much this weekend as Turbine Corporation is presently dealing with the flak from raids on Turbine Learing Centers Minnesota Inc, and their need for more prefilled invoices and photos of miscellaneous kiddies during the learing process. Got any pics of cute little nippers? Please send to Turbo via the NES. It says something about Turbo's age that his 1st reaction was to get ready for the latest Board Meeting in black-face as a Minnesota Minstrel. Turbo and the rest of the Turbine Corp board about to go into session. Note that they are 60% female so that quota is met, and they are confident that no further criticism can occur. "Nugget" Turbine is 2nd from left.
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.... that he, BULL, was the boss of South America (and once SA has been subdued BULL expected to take charge of the Faulklands, Drakes Passage, Antarctica and its northern island Tastarctica), because with BULL's best mates being Turdy/CIA 3489Delta, Crappy/MOSSAD Kill-Team 6 and Onesie/ .......
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..... needs further consideration, because both the Portuguese language on the eastern side of South America, and the Spanish language on the western side, demand lower case for any new el liberatateror (experienced & astute NESers and Lurkers will immediately recognise the essential historic reference in that name to "taters", which were 1st discovered in Brazil and which are really nice when mashed or baked). So Turbo as usual, unlike Albo, has shown his excellent reading of the room, and thereby exposed the ancient juxtaposition of the Capital letter and the lower case structures of Sth American society, but in that area precedence in social structures is more often established by the capital letters and numbers associated with the AK & the 47, being what bull/Bull has always called the .......
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..... took on the role of being the Simon Bolivar of the 21st century. "after all, both our names start with b" commented bull "and I have a great vision (a gv) where I shall re-amalgamate venezuela, colombia, panama, costa rica (where cappy will be my prefect to get his gold project up and running), ecuador, bolivia, peru and brazil (where turdy will licence the hair trim for application around the world, and he shall be my off-sider there because he looks so much like the dude that runs the show in brazil now, see photo below)." Then bull/simon continued "i shall be known as el libertador (which is also a spanish bomber famous for winning WW2 [avref]). After putting a deal together with javier milei, who was already a mate of bulls from the prawn trade, el libertador went ...... Turdy is the spit of Alexandre de Moraes, so is a lay‑down misère for the Brazil gig. In fact, I don't know which of them it is in this photo, as Turdy has a frilly poncey little collar too.
