Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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Below is the stingray barb that the Gendarme plunged into Tubb's thigh, here cleaned up to remove the bits of our mate that remained attached to the barbs. This is the real version as housed in the Eaton Alumni Old Boys Club, and the one in the Speedway Hall of Fame is an exact copy. For those concerned NESers that have contacted me, the name of "Tubb" was given as a mark of respect by the enlisted men up the Khyber. It was a bit like calling a red headed person "Bluey", as Turbs was always the model of regimental fitness and remain so, even now, as the ladies of Moorabbin know to their cost.
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..... with the deft touch of the FFL (and their distinctive hats), the Gendarme speared him in the thigh using what Tubb recognized was a Gipa Gupa barbed spear, which used the type of barb that got Steve. "What did you do that for?" asked Tubb with his usual calm grace of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. "Auntie Joan at Gipa Gupa is an Auntie of mon, and she sent me a Kadaitcha telepathic message ........ but backed it up via Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp and Tiktok, to deliver justice for her, as she has evidence that you jumped the start during that race up there. Turbo, ever the brave soldier, took out his Leatherman and pulled out the barb without even saying "F..... The very Kepi blanc that the Gendarme wore while spearing Tubb, now housed in the Speedway Hall of Fame, with the barb from the stingray.
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.... had to drive his Bedford car transporter from Manchester to Avignon where a 100 lap Super-Modified race was to be held in the courtyard of the Palais des Papas, and where the winner would be made a Cardinal with a ticket thru the Pearly Gates. Turbo thought that was a ....... Turbo's Super-Modified on its wheels and undinged .......... for once. Here at the practice track at the back tradesman's entrance to the Pope's Palace. As you can see, Turbo was a bit of a porker (Muslimaversionref) in those days.
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It is Turbo and Turbine Optometry that have promoted the BS of the "Thousand Yard Stare" as a real consequence of battling various natives in out-of-the-way places (perhaps such as Daraweit Guim) and driving longish distances in a truck while hoping that the chassis doesn't crack (again). In truth Turbo stares because he can be a little bit vague at times and his Bipolar affliction might be about to transition him into his Savant state (think Dusty Hoffperson in "Rainman").
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.... because, over there they specialise in snails, Mirages (avref), astacus leptodactylus, cuisses de grenouille, Airbuses (avref), surrender, and ....
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.... when you are on a Fly (avref) in Fly (avref) Out (FIFO) contracts and fresh Geraldton crayfish is on the menu every day, you .....
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.... bull, who had amassed a fortune in Bitcoin, so was comfortably well off and just bought a couple of trawlers for fun, was drawn into BITJOCK because, as he so often explains to Cappy, he loves decentralized digital currency that enables peer-to-peer transactions without the need for a central authority like a bank or government. "i hate the gumment" said bull as he explained his fundamental philosophies for success in the digital space, and then he stunned Crappy by adding ".....
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.... because the story reached legendary status, and every Cadillac in Washington used zip ties to add a set of undies, with skiddies, on their bonnets .... all a bit like Esso did with the tiger-tails in your tank. In a press conference Kev proudly commented that this was about the pinnacle of his career and as a result, following advice from Turbine Marketing, Kev went all out for the Merch sales, and produced a set of red (and brown .... a colour now known in the rag trade as "Rudd's Crud") "Kev's Own" brand of undies and he even produced his own brand of named brown zip ties. Kev's standings, and bank account, went up then went stratospheric, when the trend took off in China, where he spoke the lingo, and a billion sales meant that .....
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..... Kevin's undies up the ......
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..... she was hired by CASA to be part of their cuntry roadshows to the plebs (kudos to OT for introducing this term to the NES) in the bush, where her special subjects were W&B for dills, Get-Home-Itis for impatient dills, nose rings of the rich & famous, Christian genocide in Nigeria, Turbine Mining & the use of child slave labour in Central Africa, and then her ever popular applause filled favourite, .....
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Which is a good trick, as the Hutu kiddies only have small nose rings when they are five.
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VicPol wishes to apologize for all of the IUDs that are being sucked into the LHM. Please visit our offices at any time to recover lost devices ..... and see bull in the tent next door, who is offering free refitting.
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.... Turbo came up with a concept developed by Turbine Coup d'états & Putschs Inc, where he planned to be the mastermind/power behind the throne, rebadge VicPol in brown shirts (but on 2nd thoughts they were already in that mindset), install Jeff Kennett again to repair the roads, recover the machetes using Melbourne Uni's (secret) Large Hydron Magnet (which circles the city and is centered in Moorabbin), and to send all of the Labor voters up to Nhill for "Mental Reprograming". As part of his public statement as he took power, Turbo said "Jeff still has a few good years in him, VicPol have already taken over the Uni's LHM and machetes are being sucked in by the hundreds, as well as the machete bins and assorted other metal bits, and the 1st buses for Nhill have already left, containing the most rabid of the Labor voters ... so things are on the improve, and if you voted LNP you have nothing to fear unless you are a ...... Turbo heading out to the balcony to make his announcement/decree. .
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.... that healthy mix of Godliness and Satanic virtues, while observing Venus at will ("There it is" he would say while pointing up) and occasionally discovering a new continent or 2. As a result, the Cooks, and Cappy in particular, were always in demand/great fun at Dinner Parties and could speak in a captivating and interesting way (He is in more demand on the speaking circuit than was Chopper Reid in his prime) on almost all subjects that the ....
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.... the Devil (CFIavref), and look out, as when Satan gets into your life you can end up like ....
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..... them getting damaged and being similarly afflicted to Turbo ..... and therefore, needing to flop it out occasionally for the rest of their lives. The Troops did not fully understand, as they were all invincible young bucks who thought themselves bullet-proof, but Cappy is respected & had always interacted well with young fighting men, so when he sat the regiment down over lunch and spoke to them about the issue, he made some progress, but not enough. It was then that he wheeled out his pièce de résistance, and trotted Turbo out onto the stage dressed only in his undies (many admired his firm muscles and great fitness up top, but that only made them suspect that there must be something terribly wrong elsewhere). Many were physically ill once they saw the ooze from the three-oh wound, but before Turbo dropped his badly stained jocks (erky perky). Once they were down around his ankles the outcome was horrific, the mental scarring of the troops was terrible, so thank goodness Cappy had had the foresight to arrange for 5 Chaplains to attend to handle the counselling. Four Ministers and a Rabbi walked into the room and the Rabbi said ".........
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..... pet rooster. This 1st became known during a physical inspection in the Regimental Barracks (where they grab 'em and say "Cough") ..... and while Cappy tried not to look, he became aware of the damage, but just assumed either Turbo's Mohel had used a rusty set of clippers, or Turbo had been inducted as a First Nations Warrior and been done with a broken oyster shell. Now that we know the full story, and I'm aware that PA knows too (I admit it, I told her), there is a chance that even though it is a bit of a mess down there, it appears to have a certain attraction for the ladies (& the aristocracy) so Turbo is likely to get an increased number of offers for a .......
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..... see the video of bull after he stitched extra wide industrial strength velcro to all of the conjoined surfaces of his seduction clothes, ready for a quick exit if the opportunity arose? He is still trying to get out of them, and in addition, the hook bits have almost rubbed through his .......
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..... "As long as you don't plug me there (with your three-oh that is, & where Turbo is oozing from) you are hired dear Cappy. BTW, let's have a PIMS to get you all loosened up, and do you put in more effort than bull?" Cappy, ever the loyal mate, said "You need to make some allowance for bull, like we all do, as he is only around occasionally and his shift button is broken, as are a few of his other buttons, but he is a .......
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Cappy's only comment is that he is envious, as bull seemed to be enjoying it immensely ..... and he did not seem to be moving any more than he needed to (that was a complaint from the Coffee Lady too) in case PA fell off & bent her crown.
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...trophied. at ease, yet proudly at attention. "Wow" said PA "I've seen a few, but you are certainly still at attention while you are standing at ease. That is very impressive and my stallion, Blackie, is envious, so I guess that I can make an exception and go to the ball with a Colonial". "No wuckers Annie, and I'll make an exception too" replied Cappy "As I usually prefer B&S Scrubbers, but in this case I will .......
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..... the stables where one can be my "Farrier"" ........ (and with that came a knowing giggle). "Great deflection, Annie. You are a beauty-bottler" said oneroot, (hot on the trail of #2) "I shall front up at the stables as your personal farrier, and after shoeing your horses, we can get some fresh hay into the stall (avref) and .....
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..... kaput every time it rained, so his 1st bag of nails was used up, and he used the 2nd to explain to Anne what it means at a B&S Ball when, in the middle of a progressive barn dance somebody asks, " Are you interested is getting nailed?" and you .......
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.... "Do ya", ....... or "Does your 'Vette have a back seat", or "If you perform well, it will be "Arise, Sir Turbo" or .....
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..... holding someone less than half his age, while Turbo, half inverted, flashed a smile at his (Andy's) Mum and also at Anne, because at that stage of his adventurous life, Turbo had always fancied a cucumber sandwich, and was going through his mother & daughter experimental phase, and Anne had always ......
