Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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.....n imitation of Xi while squinting in the "Come hither" look that has won him so many accolades from the radies over the years. And speaking of accolades from the fairer sex, see the below photos of Abecar. The 1st is from his visit to Moorabbin to solicit donations from Tubb and from Turbine Industries, + to see if he could crack on to Turbinia. The 2nd photo was taken after a baby kissing visit to West Hobart. Xi loves Stray-ya and always puts his feet up when he comes down to watch the cricket and to fly some raps in the simurator, on the way to sitting for his multi-engine A380 licence. His sim training was going well and he was always well ahead of the 380, before he .....
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For any of our hundreds of thousands of NES readers that have not been to WA, below is a photo of what Abe/Bob looked like after he went over the WA for a couple of hours to kiss a baby.
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... with a 6 shot revolver, and one particularly wealthy would-be assassin had a Desert Eagle chambered in .50 Action Express, so hiding was useless unless inside a Sherman tank, and even that would be marginal. So El Ratto did the next best thing .......... and surrendered ...................................... but with the righteous intent to use his well-proven unarmed close combat skills to .....
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.... some bloke stood behind Old Ratty as he watched little Joany Sutherland at the Mudgee Opera House, and he heard the familiar click of a hammer being pulled back & cocked. Not wishing to do a full and complete impersonation of Old Abe (who always looked a bit like an anorexic Bob Carr), Old Ratty took up defensive position #4 by hiding behind the lady (and she could certainly smell that smell) in the seat beside him and .... Is this Abe or Bob or the Old Rodent? Only Mrs Lincoln would know because of that embarrassing birthmark on the end.
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Financial Results just released a little before midnight on Easter Thursday - Record results have been reported by Turbine Extra Sharp Machetes P/L, and also by their sister company Turbine Machete Bin Fabricators, Painters and Distributors PLC. During his comments, their Chairman, Turbo, advised "These results signify that free enterprise capitalism is alive and well in OZ, as we were able to find a solution, after creating the need, in a manner somewhat similar to Pfizer and Billy Fences, and a recent pandemic or two." Then he added with typical Turbo candid humor "But we are pretty confident that the paint won't get knocked off the inside of the bins by machete blades, so there should be another quid to be made, as they will be resaleable in future as Vinnies Clothes Bins".
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And ..... with its usual tight discipline, the NES is now back in 2-story mode. No wonder this site is more popular worldwide that the Joe Rogan & Sam Newman podcasts combined.
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..... AUF types, all of whom were wearing their Wreck Flying cravats and their AOPA boxers, but while that did look to be a bit of a w@nk, all were thankful for receiving the hundreds of thousands of JUST BULL sponsorship dollars, which allowed them to ......
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..... new Sovereign Citizen friends, and quite a few female admirers too, as when Turbo leaned to the left, the ladies noted that he dressed to the right (like a counterbalancing pendulum), and when he leaned to the right it flipped over like the bob in a grandfather clock ..... but with Turbo being the stud that he is, it was more like a cross between a metronome set on fast, and a feisty 8 ft King Brown trying to escape a snake keeper's bag. However, it was Georgy T that then introduced Turdbro to the darker side of Melbournistan society, when they threw a hijab over him, went into the western suburbs and proposed some .....
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..... because the Thanamopulos family were the brickies that built the Tower of Pizza, George was the ideal bloke, as a psychologist, life coach and part time Melbournistan cabbie, to help Turbo with his leaning. Not many people know that in Vicmanistan, leaning a normal life is not what it used to be, and that is why Dezi left his job as a full time Sunday School Teacher to also try to lean a normal life, and look what happened to him. Turbo's time in the Sovereign Citizens movement was relatively short lived, as he didnt have any more gold coins, and he leaned a bit too hard to the .....
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.... realized that his Equine operation (a partnership initiated by bull with an Arab Sheik and a Russian Oligarch, so there are therefore AK47s in every stall), was draining all of the horsey runoff directly down to the just bull concoction joint/Brewery ("Brewery" is a fancy term used by Turbo for what in reality is a tap, a hose, a few pots and pans, and a 2nd hand canning line). This gave just bull what many considered to be a unique flavor and bull was keen to retain that advantage, save that tetanus is always a risk in horse poo & downstream products, but bull evaluated that risk and found that he could .....
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Cappy apologizes for interjecting here, but having been contacted by numerous interstate and overseas NES readers over the past few minutes, I wish to make the following points: 1. While Turbo has admitted here to following the "Maccas" principle, I must stress that he has not been investigated nor indicted for following the "Epstein" principle .......... although, on reflection, I do need to disclose that Tubb does have a PA who is the daughter of a Mossad agent. 2. Turbo's latest post would appear to confirm, thankfully, as it had been suspected/asserted by some of his detractors on Wreck Flying, that Tubb was not Dezi Freeman in real life.
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..... that was when he developed the idea of selling a "just bull" sports caffein-based drink using the beans from his Tasmanian Coffee Plantation. That plantation had been a bit of a failure to date, but apart from it being in the wrong soil, at the wrong elevation (AMSL - avref), at the wrong lat and long (avmapref), with the wrong temperature range, the wrong humidity and no low-paid natives to pick it, bull now realised that the advice he had received from Turbine Plantation Consultants had been a bit optimistic, and just a little ....... Here is the design that Turbine marketing came up with, although Turbine Legal advised that litigation was possibly in the pipeline. bull didn't care as he is an aggressive no capitals risk taker.
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..... out & pop down each of the peepers, then shove a grape or 2 into Riny's weeping sockets, ...... and if you can get past that without having a dump, I will get out desert, which is a roadkilled (from our grill to yours) Tassy Tiger, full of natural yoghurt, that has been .....
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.... Xi who blinked (but nobody could see whether he actually did or not) and Xi looked at his CCP Chef before saying "Can you make these tapeworms taste rike fish?" to which the chef leplied "No wollys Boss" and the razy susan was immediatery filled with sauces and other stuff specially designed to go with that enigmatic taste that tapeworms have after they have been cooked in fish sauce. The meal started well with a great deal of whatever is the Chinese equivalent of bon vivant, but then Tubb wanted to show off his Oxford & Cambridge trained dinner party repartee, so he introduced a mild tone of ..... Plesident Xi brinking Plesident Xi not brinking
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..... Wuntrak's Homestead Paddock was the site where Xi's Goldey had a cr@p on his astroturf, then dragged his bum (the Goldey, not Xi) in order to get rid of the sand and the tapeworms, before it .....
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A typical Sunday at Onesie's joint. That cottage is one of many used to house staff. The main residence is a few clicks up the driveway so as not to have to look at the common folk that keep the OT pastoral holdings some of the most efficient in the west. But oh ........ the sand.
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..... the Tolles Stlait Isrands were conquerable in their own light. Albo immediately appointed Chris Bowen as Chief Negotiator, Xi offered him 2 superseded solar panels and the deal was sealed. In usual Turbo style, he .....
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..... then realised that One bin Tlack himself was a dull red ochre color from exposure to (decade after decade after decade etc (you know what I mean as there have been lots of 'em)) the prevailing WA windblown sand, bull was the colour of cooked prawns and smelt like that, or was it the Bone Bordello, and Cappy spent 6 hours a day in an electric sun-bed and mood control pod, with whale sounds and running water that makes him pee involuntarily every 40 minutes (sometimes like he used to when on a 7 hour cross-country flight in his ASW28 [avref but only GFA in relevance]). So it was up to Turbo and Xi, who himself has a sort of dusky brown Genghis Kahn type of colouring, and after reflecting on the above it was agreed that Turbs was the only one that is still as anglo-pink as the day that he was born, even though he had ......
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Have the visitors gone yet? ......... As someone has eaten my grapes?
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OT has been known for quite a while as "One bin", as being the carefree rebel that he is, OT has always put his bottles and cans in with the normal garbage.
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..... spoke with Be Be about Hezbollah sleeper cells in WA, being controlled by some bloke/target Ayatollah One bin Track. Soon Onesie's phone was hacked, he had a new pager, he told his 3 favourite girlfriends not to come around to the usual love-nest (& only one at a time too for a while), plus most importantly he .......
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I assume that all NES readers are of the high IQ variety, same like the contributors, and as a follow up to Tubb's above post, all will have head of a potentate? Well Qi has identified WA and its leaders are impotentates.
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Further to the above note, I have just been informed by my media monitoring contractor (MMC) that the Shanghai Daily Bugle has reported that W-T Thorn is a good and faithful member of the Party, President Xi has full confidence in him, and Thorny is an all-around good broke, but he has appalently disappeared and was rast seen standing in front of a 150 mm howitzer down near the coast.
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..... sullounding Taiwan, which as I have said is an issue I have handed over the Won-Ton Thorn, or Thorny as we call him." "Thorny has already impremented a pran to cut off Taiwan's supply of Dim Sims, after which he will strangle their supplies of Oyster sauce and flench flies." said Xi, then he quickly added "Oh clap, Thorny thought that when I said we needed 100% of their suppry of chips I did not mean flench flies, so Thorny is a bit of a dope and I'll have him strapped to the sharp end of a cannon this arvo, then send him, or part of him, acloss the Stlait to .......
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..... as he was sitting outside for the reading, he alraedy had Spratleys windblown sand chafing inside his undies. But Xi just laughed at OT's discomfort and said "Werr, U R rucky that it is not led sand rike that clap that you have in the west". Then Xi added "Hey Onesie old mate. U wanna know a rittle seclet? Western Austlaria is the onry leason why we have not yet invaded, because I'd lather have the Uiga & Tibetan issues than to have to bugger alound dearing with .......
