Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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Onesie, AKA "The WA Ling Ling", has his latest best quality, special price, you like my seester, E-Excavator in operation throughout WA, he sold thousands of the buggers and is now almost constantly falling off his wallet. https://www.facebook.com/share/v/17iTPRi5Fb/
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..... Quarters being played by a lone AI based robot bugler, who was better than a normal bugler and never got that high-note bit wrong that human buglers always do. Now, it is little known that WA is "all-in" on the green revolution and that is because most WA citizens have only ever seen that range of dull and crappy ochre colors, so green was THE new thing. So in line with the Corvette E-rays, the Rainbow E-Serpent had taken over as the lead robot/automaton based mythical animal, all the Choppers were E-Helicopters (and were starting to dot the landscape as they ran out of electrons and there was no charging station nearby), and one of WA's leading entrepreneurs had formed Onesie's E-Con-glomerate (which is more Con than Glom ..... he would have called it X, but that was taken), comprising E-Dozers (the D11-100%E is a cracker), E-Thrusters, E-Boomerangs, E-Witchety-Grubs and E-Water. The only issue is that WA has bugger-all power generation, but the ever-optimistic Onesie just saw that barrier as an opportunity and started the E-Electricity Company with which he would make the eastern states Green with E-Envy, and he would .....
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.... the smell of the prawn oil was the least of their worries, after the itch kicked in, and a 5 mile root march was planned over to ...
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... wad from a belt driven shotgun. The RSM, who was responsible for the adjudication of the war games, insisted that a bit of pongy prawn juice would not a surrender make, so forced the crew back inside while regaling them with stories from up the Khyber, where prawn oil was used by the troops to put behind their ears when they went into town, and they .....
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.... looked at its squiggly bits and thought that it was an Abrams, so decided to attack a Centurion during an Aussie Army exercise in the back-blocks of WA (Back-Blocks is actually a suburb of Perth because the entire joint fits into the east-coast description of "In-the-Sticks"), so the Thruster just casually wandered over from Jan-in-the-cot (Jan was a famous Perth hooker who specialised in aviation types, hence her name on the airport) and decided to come out of the sun at high speed (45 knots) to strafe the Centurian with a spud-gun and a .....
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.... dinner, which hadn't been cooked by either of them, however a brave and much decorated ex Bavarian junior officer named Eines Track did the culinary work. It is little known that Eines rose to prominence as an even braver soldier and inventor during WW 1 and those squiggly things on the lower sides of tanks were named after him. Eines survived the war, then was given the boot by Adolph & emigrated to WA, which he actually thought was Argentina without the Portuguese lingo, and he settled in harmoniously with the ......
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.... then Cappy's caring and sharing nature kicked in as he splashed on a litre of iodine, applied the red hot blade of his bayonet to quarterise it, followed by a pink kiddies bandaid over a folded used tissue. And all of this, dear readers, occurred within 50 mm of Turbo's dangling ......
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.... Labor's finest minds. "Do yez know" said Jazzi "That the horn of a bull, when applied posteriorally, can leave a mark almost identical to a Three-O at close range, and the famous scar on the underside of Vicmanistan's favourite son?". An article on this subject was about to be published in the very prestigious Vicmanistan Medical Journal, the "Lance It", but Turbo, ever the modest professional, declined to allow his scar to be forensically examined, and that ....
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.... "Put on these red T shirts and get ready to .....
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...... "workers" at the Turbine Goat Farm (TGF) out in West Shepp, which is the largest in the southern hemisphere, so Tubb needs all of those rather swarthy bearded gentlemen to "look after the goats", and to ......
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Which is identical to what is the outcome of a normal Turbine Corporation Board Meeting or AGM. .... Jazzi was actually intending to go to Shepp for a Latte and when her entourage of 130 accidentally ended up in the Mallee she said "Erky perky, I now have sand down my undies, so are we actually in WA ..... or some godforsaken desert like joint NW of Toorak? Well, whatever, get me the F out of here and I'll do meet with Dan in the Melbournistan MASH hospital and get instructions on what tax to raise next." But the entourage actually loved the Mallee and wanted to work out how Peta Credlin had done so well, and was a pretty good sort, coming from an in-bred backwater dump like this, so they ......
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... the Turbine Cartels (TC-13) located in Shepp-aloa and Stanhope-aloa, or the Jalisco district in south Moorabbin. Those Mextorian areas are notorious for .......
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..... took a liking to Cappy's cousin, Cappy, and offered him a position as his personal body-double (complimentary kevlar vest included), & his .....
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..... and instead could all get a short-term plastic bottle-based rework every few months. The most popular facial remakes were Les Patterson/Turbo (same thing), Chopper Reid, Penny Wong, The Twigster, Rose Hancock, ......
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..... the wealth of the Turbine family was chasing Elon into the stratosphere (real high avref), but then a bloke from the backblocks in Tastarctica lodged a complaint with the High Court because part of the plastic in his plastic surgery said "Drink Coca Cola", ................... while his wife's said "Pepsi Max" under her left eye. This brand competition led Turbo to ......
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.... the population of Tasmania was identical, ethnically and dna-wise as those in Polynesia, which had originated in Taiwan and picked up various other features as they travelled south and "did" various other cultures on the way. The big difference in Tasmania is that Turbine Whiteness Ltd had taken a franchise from Michael Jackson and all Taswegians were treated, some insensitive souls say "bleached" accordingly. Even those who emigrated from Qld to Tazzy were given the treatment as Turbo had been quoted as saying in a policy statement "Surely nobody would voluntarily emigrate to Taztarctica, so if they are that bigger dill then a dose of Chlorine and a nose job won't do them any harm". The other 26.65% of the population were ......
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.... that this was a pretty good plan, but ever the ideas man, bull suggested that the Covid Checkpoiints should be revived, as they are available cheap and were much more effective than the Fruit Fly (avref) security system (where everyone now just bypasses by driving around on the tracks in the bush that leave the highway 5 kms before & after each checkpoint). "your car gets dirty on the track, but you still have your mandarins & cum-quats" bull commented. "we'll leave the covid signs on the checkpoints and everyone will immediately want face nappies, so we'll make a motza out of selling those, and in addition to stopping the trucks for a useless PCR check (which we will also sell, then resell/reuse 10 or so times), we can have fun shoving cheap chinese cotton wool buds 120 mm up people's snozzes, before also stopping people from heading home for Christmas to see their dying relatives. it will be great, and if anyone is silly enough, i also have access to 200 million covid jabs that australia chucked out but which i caught in my prawning nets, so there is a quid to be made, and we can also .....
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"Hey Tubb" she said after waiting 50 minutes for him to get off a pay-per-minute call to Thailand. "Your mate at CFCL is interrupting the food chain and is pulling the chain of all Mextorians too, so I suggest that .....
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... D-Day camouflage + those efficient Jabiru wings adjusted via angle-ginder to the shape of a Spitty. skye was so proud and he .....
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The above posting by Turbo is very prescient, as it was often said by Ernie Dingo that the big eruption of Krakatoa in 1883 started harmlessly as a Smoking Ceremony prior to the opening of the Krakatoa CWA's Annual General Meeting. ..... and after putting on the paper hat, bull rode away on the pink unicorn that fell out. While bull was described as "a little on the aggressive side" in a few police reports, to be fair bull has always mentioned that the wallopers at Queens Beach were unprofessional and had never liked him. However, it was also clear that "Jabiru Pulling Aparting" could not be allowed to continue, or similar civil disobedience will lead to chants like "From the Burdekin to the Sea, Bone will be Free, or Cost Even Less" that will become endemic (Bone is the hot bed of Qld's mango based political insurrection) based on the marches & protests that are increasingly taking over the Bone Town Square, and .......
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.... and within 15 minutes of Turbo's last post, Chris Bowen was on the blower. "Hey Tubb, It's Chrissy B here" he said "Will this new power source get me out of the poo with net Zero?" "No Chris" replied a rather surly Turbo "But I can give you a couple of free moggies if you like, however there is no net and there is no ......
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..... hydroponic mallee root shops, all designed so that city people can sneak them home to grow them on their apartment balconies. As a result of great marketing by the Quambatook Country Women's Progress Association, mallee roots became a fashion accessory. This fitted in perfectly with the new tree-hugger fashion of having the outside of buildings covered with vines and flowers, except that once the mallee roots exceeded the 5 cubic metre hydroponic pot & had sucked the 100 mm dia hydroponics water/food supply pipe dry, the "Roots-de-Mallee" (as they became known in Venice, Paris & their twin city of Moorabbin) went berserk & took over the ...... Once the "Roots-de-Mallee" got a foothold, they were able to strangle all of the plants shown below in just one month, and take over the entire area. Mallee Roots therefore became the Cane Toads and Rabbits of the 2025. (Some Trendies even tried to flush the mallee roots down the dunny, like they had done when the crocs got too big, during the 1980's pet baby crocodile fad).
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..... unearthly prices on CAT & Komatsu spares. (He doesn't really have Komatsu spares, so when needed he just puts 5% black in the CAT yellow and sprays old clapped out CAT pieces as new for Komatsu gear). As well as Esperance #1, OT also lists "Pearly Gates #3" for those wanting Leave Passes (The Big Fella is Pearly Gates #1 and Onesie's mate Peter has been issued with, & has signed for, PG #2. On the other hand, Esperance #2 connects the caller with .....
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.... a 4 hole punch, 200 clear plastic paper holder (foolscap size because they are cheaper) & 6 reams of A5 recycled paper from India, so that the ....
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..... Turbo could sleep the sleep of the righteous on a bed of mallee roots, as he usually does (10 hrs of deep sleep, no wuckers" is the way in which he often describes it). As most members of Aircraft Pilates and Wreck Flying well know from his posts in the technical Fora, Turbo is what we call in Australia "Fair Dinkum Righteous" or FDR, because, as it says in the Bible, The Koran, the Torah, and the Kharma Sutra "Ye verily, anyone who is shot in the freckle by his best mate, and survives, is both righteous and blessed" and that is why Turbo has formed the .....
