Captain

.......... as the wind (AvRef) picked up he climbed rapidly at 75 fpm to find a most favourable cruising (sic) level at 290 ft, where he was only going backwards at 27 knots TAS and a VMG to his next wee-point of minus 31.7 knots.

"At this rate my bladder will burst before I make that next wee-point" he yelled to his rag-&-tube mate in the .............

<BREAKING NEWS!>

There are reports today that a man has been taken to the local hospital after a flying incident at Midge Point in F'n Qld. A Local Nana and her Nobu sidekick have told us that the man after hitting the deck was heard to mumble "Bloody Red Bull...They said it would give me wings.....and all I got was heart palpitations and a headache........"

 

Nana was heard to suggest that was taking minimum aircraft to a new minimum......"He shook the can flipped the lid and inserted.........

........... a heated pitot tube (AvRef). He then added a ballistic chute and said "Voilà, recreational aviation is now safe."

bull immediately also went ballistic. "Heated pitot tubes are for GA types and ballistic chutes are an unnecessary addition as they can't deploy effectively at just 300 ft, so stick ya modern new-fangled .........

......... rant about the need for the RAA to get back to basics.

"It isn't an Ultralight unless the engine drops its guts every 30 minutes and we stay below 300 ft" said Turbo with considerable force.

"Too right" added bull "As we must stop the GA wankas from highjacking the AUF".

Turbs sat under the wing with the locals and asked "What engine do yez have in it?"

"Bugger off Tink" one of them replied "The pilot has gone off to get a Gerry can of ULP, so can't you see that this is just a ..........

"It's not Spanish, it's Portuguese, you Philistine" said Andy who was delighted with his chance to go all biblical.

"Hold on" said Phil Stein "Did somebody call me?"

Turbo wondered how he would extract himself from the acute embarrassment of his Spanish faux-pas and recalled ..........

of the judge,s gravel as the law suits built up ,and the rats started deserting the ship. But all was not doom and gloom as turdy was saying ,cried Sir Nobu vhy I,ve been given a floor thingy in my weet.................

........ Bix packet. I'm gunna collect them and make a full sized Jack-A-Cricket, with the clear plastic packets all glued together for the fabric) then submit a builder's log to the Sports Pilot Magazine. It will make riveting (AlAvRef) reading, I'll retain bull to do the spell-checking, the Magazine has contracted to pay me a retainer of $15,000 for the initial précis and the first 15 episodes, and nobody will ever wake up to the fact that bull is actually doing double duty as Professor Avius."

"Obrigado" said Andy, who just loved Barzilians and who, after a few Caipirinhas, would exhibit his to anyone who was sick enough to look.

"Now hold on there just a minute, Andy" interjected Salty (or I think that is how you spell what he did when I met him in the Dandy-Nong Coffee Emporium & Adult's Shop where he was masticating a berry muffin) "As I don't really think that is a ..................

.....moved to distance himself by removing his black and white polka dot bandana, and having his ponytail removed, as well as.......

What actually happened was that when things were getting very hot in YPLO and it looked like [Hatso warning] Yassar's goose was cooked, Turbo was given the black bag op to take care of his partner, and on the basis of the Sherlock Holmes story that the most obvious place to hide something was right out there on the mantlepiece, he arranged a minor makeover for her, persuaded John Howard to stand aside and installed her as Prime Minister of Australia, where .....

......... getting a Brazilian and having his chest (IsThereOne?Ref) waxed. Turbo wasn't all that happy with the result (see the below photo, taken in the Morrabbin briefing room where he was having trouble (again) interpreting the latest NAIPS).

"What the ............

Turbo, who is well known in the Aero Community, amongst truck owners and in the Corvette Owners Clique as a "Maintenance Fanatique", was also insisting that the following maintenance program be followed for his new look ........

........... "I think FH is just misunderstood" said Andy "He is always fair, unbiased, objective & he is also ...............

........ known as a bit of a hottie (NTTIAWWT) in the New Gisborne Bakery where he and Turbo meet on a weekly basis to solve all outstanding aviation issues, to critique the Board and to discuss Madge's posts for the week. (They often laugh so hard that they both walk out showing the dreaded "Dot-of-Shame").

Turbo was disturbed (ObviousRef) ......... that these secret meeting with Nev had been exposed in NESiLeaks and knowing that he is the nearest thing that the NES has to a "Deep-Throat" (except of course for that trick that Andy does), he .............

Ratty called in at the New Gisborne Bakery recently to try to catch up with Nev and Turbo as part of his his ride from YKKA to YGOR on his way to YPLO for a dive with the YSHARKS. Why GOR you ask? Well it is a world class ride when the weather is good and Ratty thought that a discussion with both Nev and Turdy would enlighten him and certainly not bore him to tears. Ratty also reports that he couldn't locate Yassa Arafat's missus anywhere at YPLO.

Ratty had always thought that Yassa was punching well above his weight when he cracked onto her in her younger days, see below ...........

...flame grill a possum rump in 1.22 seconds (Turbo is well aware that no one wants their steak cooked now, just as long as it has stopped wriggling), does not mean he has no other surprises, as guests, as against gate crashers like the Rat found out last............

........... yesterday when Nev crashed (AvRef) the NES.

"I am 'mazed" commented Brine "The FH just seagulled in, grabbed a chip and crapped on poor old Ratty's parade to 10,000, made no useful contribution (he is obviously dysfuntional at the moment and pissed off about the punches that the Royal 'mission is landing on his Union comrade buddies and the anti windfarm arguments are also sapping his energy), or am I being ungracious and was Facty referring to the wasted energy in the Bangeholme Burglar's methane production? As usual, Facty's posts are the bit hard to see clearly (AvLookoutRef).

"Now hold on there Salty" said Turbo, who is always looking out for the underdog and always wanting fair debate where FH is concerned. "He may have another gem to deposit, or is he just about to grab another chip and then crap on the table again out in Ratsack's aunt's garden?"

"I think FH is just misunderstood" said Andy "He is always fair, unbiased, objective & he is also ...............

NEV'S RECENT APPEARANCE IN THE NES.

AND IS THIS HIS NEXT APPEARANCE?

...connected to the hot gaseous air in the dining room to run the 24 burners Turbo needs for the exotic dishes he prepares."No one will be.................."

 

....usual commie commentary, wanting us to do all the work while he lays back and takes our................

 

 

He even came up with a second prize for Turbo - a week at The Voice rehearsals.

in order of the above ............

..... "Nobody will be ................... surprised that Turdy will propose a Consome of Possum, an Entre of Possum's nuts in a Koala jus, a main of Possum cutlets with a pine-nut salad drizzled with ballsymick virgin oil, and a desert of possum and berries on a bed of Cuss-Cuss toenails."

"Geeeeez Louise" commented the chief judge dude in the cravat at MisterChef, that is a masterpiece of Victorian Cuisine and Quaintarse (AvRef) will want that in 1st class by the end of the week, but just because Turbo can ..................

..... and takes our ........ womenz.

....... The Voice rehearsals, .......... and the 3rd prize was 2 weeks at those same rehearsals.

....... for the good of the local community. "He could do such good if only he would apply himself" added Facty, who was forever sticking his beak into other people's beeswax.

"I agree Facty" said Eeeeen "If only that methane could be made use of instead of being a listed HAZMAT Lygon St ignition source."

"Don't worry everyone as I have just had acceptance of my idea for a new TV show, where MisterChef will be doing a program on the use of methane for cooking. The preliminary title is "Cooking with Turbo", where a long high pressure hose will be ............

My Aunt is on top of the world (she would be cock-a-hoop if she had one) because the quality of the NES has gone stratospheric (AvRef) because the mighty Nev (LegendAvRef) has deigned to grace us with his ................

THE FALCON THAT EEEEEEEN PUT UP AS A PRIZE FOR 10,000 POSTS. "Eeeeeen sure doesn't dick around when he puts a prize up, does he?" commented Salty as he watched Ratso going about his conversion training.

No .......... stuff it ............. I will.

And here is a picy of Tone in Greece, wearing one of Turbo's possum skin rugs.

.................................................................................... You can have post # 10,000, Tink.

????? ......... heart (NTTIAWWT) ?????

..... cut 2 holes in the crutch area you can use it as a balaclava.

"That's a beauty maaate" replied Tone while he used the scissors with great skill (PilotRef) and put on the 2-holer modified version of Tubb's top seller deluxe lined bikini bottom "Hands-a up-a maaaaate and give us the key to your .............

AHLOX MODELLING THE DELUXE VERSION POSSUM SKIN BIKINI ABOUT 30 SECONDS BEFORE TONE WHIPPED OFF THE BOTTOM AND CUT THE EYEHOLES OUT.

........ try not to add disproportionately to the RAA fatality stats (FatalityStatsRef) (OtherPostAbout1aMonthwhichismorethanTinkgetsRef).

"I'll give ya fatality stats" said Tone after he sold another possum skin bikini. "Didn't youze see the middle picy in my mate Mr Rat's post # 9991. (WhyYouDirtyRatJamesCagnyRef)"

"Calm-a down-a Tone, maaate. I made-a that bikini." said Turbo proudly doing his best Tony Soprano impersonation while reaching for his RAA & CASA certified "(Alleged) Gangster Sub-human Factors" text book, course notes and ...........

The pen of my aunt is getting twitchy out in the garden, as she just noticed that the NES is on page 500 with just 5 posts to go to 10,000. She expects Eeeeeeen or AhPox to probably jump in and steal all the glory.

..... that Tony Mockbel hid out for 3 years while working in the local boutique and bikini shop, a yellow 'Vette does not stand out, and Turbo could undertake that 2 axis course (AvRef ..... but some might just say TrikeRef) that he always wanted ..........

....... impress his partner (CivilUnionRef - NTTIAWWT) and said "Hey, Jules, chuck a few hoops over this, and then we'll ............

TURBO'S 'VETTE ON THE WAY TO LUNCH IN LYGON ST ON A TYPICAL SUNDAY IN MELBOURNISTAN.

AND TURBO IN LYGON ST AFTER A CROOK OYSTER.

AND THE RESTAURANT AFTER TURBO'S LATEST FLATULANCE OUTBREAK. "THOSE OUTDOOR GAS HEATERS ARE DANGEROUS FOR BLOKES WITH A BIT OF WIND" HE IS QUOTED AS SAYING.

...... thankfully had not seen what he had undone and taken out of his ............

NEWS ....... NEWS .......... NEWS

Turbo is c*ck-a-hoop (NTTIAWWT) at the moment because Corvette's C7R won the GTE Pro at Le mans and that will double the value of Tink's 'Vette.

But I suggest that you all spray Glen 50 on those hoops before using them again.

........... flames coming from the broken exhaust on a 912.

"That's a thought, where I can get kudos, some cash, and a promotion" said the CASA inspector (and raincoat wearer) "I'll require retraining of all pilots, I'll bring in a new 2-day Course called "Human Flatulence" (I'll invent a new buzz-word like "Get-it-out-there-&-light-it-itis" which will be about as meaningful as that "Human Factors" & "Get-Home-It is" garbage), I'll write & publish the text book, and I'll legislate to prevent the breaking of wind in all recreational aircraft (AvRef) powered by a 'tax ...... and then we'll ...........

Ma tante just noticed that it will just be 14 more posts to 10,000 (.......... or 10,000 as it is pronounced in French).

Burnt valve syndrome, which is something related to methane, significant alcohol consumption, and is usually prefaced by "hold my beer, and watch while I......."

...... light this.

But to do it after a Thai feed in the main lounge at the Australia Club was just too much, even with Turbo's elevated membership status and .......

..... failing a leak-down test whenever he takes a leak.

"Not to worry" said Turbo as he cleaned up after himself "It's just a ..............

..... an alternative manufacturer of exhaust valves.

This is a matter that Tink knew quite a bit about, as his own personal exhaust valve had been playing up over recent years and was showing signs of ............

" ....."I believe these devices will be unsafe unless there is a manned control tower to....."

........ bungee off (see below pic of Turbo's bungee tower located down near the wind turbines where the creek is at its widest).

Note Turbo's private coffee shop and Corvette merchandising stand at bottom left of the bungee tower, where they also sell kits to clean your undies after bungeeing.

"Wow f'n Wee" said Andy "Turbo must have a quid".

"Now, I don't want to boast" replied Turdboy "But .............

Now, dear readers, your beloved Ratty must break in here to advise that Turdboy is a lovely bloke (despite what some other forum members might reckon) but as his closest friend I feel duty bound to tell you about his attempt to feel all warm, fuzzy and environmentally responsible through his foray into wind energy.

"I'm gunna get into this feel-good wind energy ripoff caper" he pronounced and submitted his written application just at the time when Jules rolled Kevin 07. As a result, Turbs qualified for the Rudd subsidy and then also for the Gilly subsidy, plus that supercilious shiny headed bald bloke from Midnight Grease also sent him a couple of hundred grand to have Maison Turbo insulated, and to build a school shed out the back to cover Turdy's BBQ and Pizza Oven (if you ever go around to Turbo's joint for a knees-up, like I do each month, you will have a great time).

As a result of all of this hard-earned Labor cash, Turbo made money from the original purchase and bought 50 of the latest and greatest wind turbines from some bloke named Kemlani.

"I'm flush with funds so I'm gunna stick them in the back garden at Bange-IT-holme, however they stick out like canine testies on the top of the hill at Maison Turbo, so I have put them down on the creek out of the way where they'll only keep those koalas awake." said Tink proudly.

Nobody from the Govt has been around to check it out, so the original cash is sweet, however Turbo is very disillusioned about how much 'lectricity they havn't generated.

"I can't figure (NanaRef) it out" said Tink, so below is a photo of the installation looking to the south, with Carrum Downs on the hill in the background, (that part of Melbournistan is a jungle ..... and even worse than Dandef'nNong) and with the rows and rows & rows of Turbo's Turbines just behind that bend in the creek beyond where Tink's AA5B is on final to land on the turbine access road known locally & on Garmin GPS's as "Tricky Turdboy's Trunk Track & Airstrip".

"Can anyone work out why they won't deliver the promised profits?" asked Turbs.