Captain

.........men are men, and women are fast, and.............

........... the other 2 categories (NTTIAWWT) are ..............

" Why didn't we get a mention?" asked Tan Skin to Tan Tric & Tan Gle as he chucked a tan-trum while going off at a tan-gent. ............... while at the same time Turbo did a full rendition of his version of "Thriller" (that is Madge on his arm below, and please see the video at 2.20 where Turbo shows his true form .... as previously witnessed by the 2 Axis blokes) and he wowed all the old (AvRef) biddies at the CWA's Grab-a-Granny (NTTIAWWT) Dance at the Bange-It-Holme Progress Association B&S Bush Dance and Yoga Class, where ..............

Why go coastal? Stay west of the divide and relax. Navigate via dams. Glenlyon, Pindari, Copeton, Split Rock, Keepit, then turn SE over YQDI (where you're welcome to stop over), cross the Liverpool Range using the cooling towers of Bayswater Power Station as markers. They're pretty much in line with YCNK.

I have done that exact route and it is a lovely way to travel, safer plus less chance of a hassle if the weather isn't quite as predicted.

.........."go home Turbo YOU $#@!""Turbo responded with a war dance and then all.........

........ the BarStewards fell about laughing and some even did a bit of a whoopsy again (resulting in the "dot-of-shame" on their DandyNong Bowls Club cream dacks).

(And as we all know, dear readers, the barstewards were very astute, because Turbo is, indeed, a $#@!.)

Turbo's "War Dance" is shown below (as performed by Turbine and the Bang-It-Holme Boys) and Tink is the bloke in the centre wearing the Cowra prison stripes and the Central Tablelands Visitor Centre Beany.

But one of the barStewards was actually a bit interested in Turbo and asked "What's it like to be a Cork-Asian?"

"Well" responded Turbs " While I am lactose intolerant, I float better than a 777 flaperon ....... and .............

........... he heard booing from a large group of supporters of the Dandynong "BarStewards", the local AFL team, that had come into town to be culturally insensitive and get pissed.

"I am offended, you bunch of heartless and insensate barstewards" said Turbo "As this is culturally insensitive to the Turbine peoples as a whole, and our Cork-Asian background" he added as he did an ancient tribal display to show how proud he was to be a Cork-Asian.

The crowd from the "Nong" booed even more and one even said "................

..."Moom-ba" yelled ElRatso which we all know is one of the Rats ancestors famous curses inflicted upon MexitoriaEvery year, people afflicted with the curse don their best bird like cozzie and launch themselves off a ramp into the great blue yonder praying to Turdboy (the God of all things feathery) to deliver them to the other side

 

Well, sometimes he does, and, sometimes he......

......... just sits back sipping his best Chateau TurdBoy Chardy and doesn't give a rats about anyone else.

"I shall take the top down this weekend, slip into my fluoro mankini (which he recently lent to Sam to go down the slide at the MCG) and I shall drive to Brighton and promenade with all the beautiful people ........... before I head to DandyNong and YKKA to also see a few of the fugglies." said Turbo in that dismissive voice of his that he usually uses to the servants.

But, dear readers, as you all know, Melbournistan was alive with the spirit of Moomba and had been flooded with interstate and overseas visitors who marvelled at the 1953 rustridden Bedford hidden under the float made out of a couple of packing crates and covered with a display of native grasses, but mainly paspalum.

As a result, Tubb was standed in Normanby Rd with the mankini splitting him in 2 and the 'Vette overheating and dripping oil.

"G'day Tink, old chap" yelled Nobu from the crowd that lined the street.

"ConItchyBum and what are you doing here, Nobu old mate?" responded Turbo after he realised that he couldn't ignore Sir Nobu.

"As well as enjoying the debauchely of the world class Moomba Festival, I have come back for the leunion and yeary cereblation of the Cowla bleakout" lesponded the Knob "And I ...................

THE MOOMBA FLOAT, ABOUT TO LEAVE FOR THE PARADE. THE FUN THEME OF THE FESTIVAL THAT YEAR WAS "BIODIVERSITY AND THE AUSTRALIAN CONSTITUTION". .............................. NOTE THE PRICKLY PEAR FARM IN THE BACKGROUND, PARTS OF WHICH WILL BE THROWN INTO THE CROWD AS A PROMOTION OF THE BENEFITS OF THE USE OF PRICKLY PEAR AS HEDGES IN SUBURBIA.

".........melting down and resale as 'Hospital Grade' steel for Operating Theatre instruments, which was another side line doing well until..........."

........ it was found that the previously well regarded "Turbo's Hospice" brand of hospital swabs & scrubs were actually made from the bit of fawn coloured fur (This is turning into a major scandal as subsequent forensic investigation has shown that this bit of fur was never acceptable or saleable as part of Turbo's line of possum skin bikini bottoms) from around the possum's .............

........ after I pick them up I sell them as spanner bracelets (see Turbo's promotional photo below).

These products have been added to Turbo's line of possum skinned lingerie and all sell like hot rocks.

"When I bought the 'Vette the valley was full of a complete set of AF ringys, 7 plug sockets & a few spare Jabiru thru-bolts that the previous owner had dropped down there, all of which I have used for ..............

TURBO'S LATEST METRIC LINE AFTER HE MADE ENOUGH TO UPGRADE TO THE GOLD PLATING.

....... from the front cam seal onto Turbo's ............

.....but Benny Tley, who actually drove a 1956 VW Karmann Ghia, which had all the power he could handle sometimes got his facts mixed up with his.............

........ impacts on the NES's redacts.

"Anyway" said Ben "The '56 Karmann Ghia is a rare appreciating asset collector's item (ExcuseToGiveYourWifeRef) (see spectacular photo below so who wouldn't want to own one) and is so much better that a "Vette or a Viper." he added so as not to give the impression of being one-eyed.

Turbine III esq looked at the below photo, loved the sporty colour, walked outside to look at his red 'Vette, then gazed in the mirror and said ".............

BEN'S KARMANN GHIA.

A RED VIPER WHICH BEN THINKS IS A DOG.

TINK'S CORVETTE.

.......... he always experienced problems opening the flaps (of the tent).

"These zips are tricky" said AhLox as he continued to try to move the slider thingy "They must have been made by Assa Abloy or his brother Nasser."

"Did you see that Turbo got a mention on the Mourning Show today" commented Madge "What a dick".

"I saw it" said Benny Tley "It was a joke, as we all know that Tink only gets turned on by a cast iron block (and alibi), a transverse leaf (he can be bit of a tea-leaf sometimes) and natural aspiration through a downdraft (AvRef and HolleyRef) ...............

........... allow his standing as head Moderator to stand in the way of a double entendre, or a good in-your-endo, or a triple .........

turnips and the leave my breath smelling like i just ate ...............

...... atenolol.

"Now hold it right there, bull" said a nearby member of the CASA Inspectorate. "I believe that atenolol might be an aphrodisiac and also prohibited under the WADA code, which means that your recent win in the Midgeville & District Aero, Gliding & Drinking Club Inc's short landing and flour bombing competition can be appealed by Madge in the .............

....... when my lady friend (NTTIAWWT) asks me to put a bag over my head before she agrees to have .........

......... took off (AvRef) to practice his instrument approaches to Midge Point International in the Parasol (which is fitted with a clock, a thing that shows how fast you are going in mph (f'n Q goes metric in 8 years time), and a dial that shows bull's height in fathoms (he is 0.7 of a fathom).

"I don't know what's so hard about this instrument flying caper, eh, as going solo to practice instrument approaches under the hood is just the same as ..............

STOP PRESS .......... STOP PRESS .......... STOP PRESS

BULL HAS BEEN SUSPENDED INDEFINITELY FROM WRECKFLYING, AND HIS LICENCE CANCELLED FROM THE AUF, FOR ACCUSING ONE BOARD MEMBER AND ALL OF THE MAGNIFICENT MODERATTI OF POLISHING THEIRS EXCESSIVELY.

"WE ALL KNOW THAT THEY DO IT, BUT IT SHOULD NOT BE PUT OUT SO PUBLICALLY ON THE INTERWEB" SAID A SPOKESPERSON "WE HAVE A 'THREE STRIKES' POLICY ABOUT "POLISHING IT" (TURBINE IS ON HIS 4TH THREE STRIKES SUSPENSION AT THE MOMENT ..... AS YOU HAVE ALL KNOW FOR A WHILE THAT TURBI GIVES HIS A GOOD "POLISH" AT TIMES). OUR 3 POLISH POLICY IS GENERALLY SIMILAR TO THE AFL, AND STEVE MUSTY&CLAMMY HAS BEEN SELLING POLISHING KITS FOR YEARS THAT PUSHED THE BOUNDARIES, BECAUSE EACH CONTAINED AN INSPIRATIONAL CENTREFOLD PHOTO OF A TOPLESS CWA COMMITTEE.

"YOU ARE ONE TOO" RESPONDED BULL DEFIANTLY.

........ I'm on my way to take over the WORLD. 1st the RAA, then Midgeville City, Regional & District Council, then the SAAA and I'll go on to squeeze Eeeen out of WreckFlying ................. then the big one where I will assume the position (NTTIAWWT) of top-dog Moderator, so that ...........

The much beloved Ratface respectfully advises TurdBoy that subtlety is spelt like that and is not really part of Ratty skill set, is not really that common in recreational flying circles, except perhaps for blokes like Blank Page & FT where the message is often so subtle that nobody can work out what they are getting at.

....... turbo "And please make special note that for safety's sake, you need to be looking into the end of this round barrel thingy with the hole in the middle when you push the trigger." as he quickly moved out of the blood splatter area.

Then Turbine III considered his predicament and said "I am concerned for my previously unblemished reputation and am worried about bull's exposé on my activities at the Big Dolphin and my brilliant concept of the Leaning Tower of Gunyarra (what a dibber-dobber bull is), so I'll sell the 'Vette & my AA5B plus I have given notice to the building society in reference to a couple of my Superannuation term deposits. As a result, I have decided to fully fund the "BIG MIDGE", ............. just to shut bull up."

"Wow f'n Wee, eh" said the President of the Midgeville Regional Council (the largest and richest in Stray-Ya, eh) "I am f'n .................

......... he already has a parasol and had always wanted the part of Baroness Elsa Schraeder (who has a real nice part), as he has spent all his life studying girls (although at the moment he defines "girl" as any female lady person under 65), although he does not have any of the pictures so often studied by ............

Ratty has to this day always thought that a Paedophile was a nail file that they use when you have a pedicure and Ratty's Aunt can attest that Ratty ain't one. "We are a VERY close family" she said with a gleam in her eye, then added "Ratty is definitely AC."

..... wringer.

Meanwhile Turbine III Esq had gone missing (a bit like our dear Loxie at the moment) and he appears to be on the run following bull's expose of his Leaning Tower of Pisa con (which was a pissa of a concept) and his attempted Big Dolphin fraud, as have both been picked up for national publicity by Four Corners and Bananas in JimJams.

"Turdy is pubic enemy # 4, 786 X 10 to the third power" said the head of cyber-crime at the Midgeville CIB and he is considered dangerous ...... if you get near his wheezy cough, but .............

....... is Andy ............

...... Bronny Bishop "sniff test".

"I couldn't land me chopper there without having to walk 20 metres" she added, "And Turbo ..........

Turbo ,s new design has the latest simulater design that tilts the whole building so that passengers can enjoy the banking and twisting of........

...... "Dats a typ of-a Tooorbine, as he pinch-a my design-a" yelled Tommy Pisano who is still kicking after 750 years and had migrated in 1370 to pioneer cane farming in Ingham. "Is-a no wonder that-a the wait and sheeft & HGFA guys theenk he is-a dick ......... eh?".

"Where's ya patent, Maate?" asked Turbo, following proven legal principals.

"Patent schmatent, maaaate .... eh" responded Tommy the architect "I speeek-a with the authority of Mr Beretta 9 mm, eh, and .............

HERE IS A PHOTO TAKEN IN 1770 OF TOMMY GIVING JIMMY COOK THE ITALIAN SLUTE AS HE SAILED UP THE HINCHENBROOK CHANNEL, PAST INGHAM ........... AND REPEATED THAT SALUTE TO TOOOORABINE 245 YEARS LATER WHEN THE LEANING TOWER DESIGN CONTROVERSY BROKE. (A SALUTE NOW WIDELY ADOPTED BY THE WAIT/SHIFT COMMUNITY WHEN DISCUSSING WEIGHT AND BALANCE WITH OUR BELOVED TINK.)

MODS please take note that turbo has once again broken the entry rules of the NES by not continuing the story line.cheers......,,Now back to the story............but said,that would be on condition that Ahlox would............

........ abstain for at least one day (a big ask) while a peer review is carried out on the design of the "BIG MIDGE" and while legal & title checks are made on the 150 acres that was destined for Midge Point International (or YMIP as it had been preliminarily designated).

The investigation will centre on (1) how bull was able to obtain committments for 200 slots (NTTIAWWT) a week each from Afghanistan Air and Mid-China Airlines, (2) how he had developed that canal to bring cruise ships into the wharf & ferry terminal right in the centre of Midge Point, (3) whether that land was cleared and levelled legally, and those approvals are hard to envisage when that land was World Heritage listed and had previously been covered with a huge grove of Angle-stemmed Myrtles (which bull knows better as the Gossia Gonoclada) and contained the last remaining population (it was actually a cute little extended family group) of Bridled Nailtail Wallabies.

"I think we are in the poo" said Tink.

"No wuckers, maate, eh." replied bull "We'll do this the f'n f'nQ way, as I have a few mates in the Midge Point Regional & City Council and I'll arrange for some retrospective approvals, plus I'll flick a few shekels to some mates in the CFMEU and all will be sweet."

"I know that those Bridled Nailtail Wallabies were useless and only tasted like stale chicken, and that Myrtle tasted terrible in a Crepe, but I don't know whether ............

THE MIDGE POINT CANAL AND FERRY TERMINAL IN THE MIDDLE DISTANCE, JUST WAITING FOR THE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT & "BIG MIDGE" TO BE COMPLETED.

A SMALL PORTION OF BULL'S HOARD OF SHEKELS.

...... there is an offer on the table at Coughs&Splutters that we can make use of the Big Banana as a ski tube on the Big Midge's ..............