Captain

Birdsy,

I've been up in the Snowy Mountains for a few days and have not seen any lenticulars, so it looks to me like it may be a little too early. The strong westerlies usually come through about August.

"Gascolator, you play it with gas.""Where do you get the gas?" asked Dazzle who'd been very lenient on his spell checks lately.

 

Andy just smiled indulgently and said ".............

..... "Don't you worry about that Dazzler" said Andy with his usual confident charm "As I have this hat, see, and what I do is apply my Nan's pressure cooker lid and a touch of ..............

"......a big brass musical instrument that you don't see too often these days.""They disappeared like the rags and tubes with plastic seats" replied .............

.......... a regretful bull as he considered Tink's photo of the sad ending of the Tyro-Bickley-a-Cockroach (beware a new Human Factors chapter and compulsory day-seminar on the dangers of blue and white buildings), but it was just a fact that those big brass musical instruments created windage that was a tad excessive for Wrag & Tubers ..... and upset the W&B calculations of trikes.

"Anyone who plays a tuba while flying a Wrag and Tuber must be a wanka" commented AhLox casually while sitting at the bar of the Blue Otster trying to unlock the till as the next night's band did a sound check.

"WOW" added PoxyLox as the band got out their contrabass (see below picy) "But surely you can't play it with that end, as someone will need to put their mouth on it in future."

"This isn't a mouthpiece" replied Andy, the band leader, "This is a ................

It was at this point that an unposing figure from Taswegia waded (NauticalRef) into the discussion"How dare you reveal my outfit for the BoB B&S Ball" he wailed

 

"Now I will have trouble attracting a suitable........

........... member of the opposite sex."

"What means "opposite sex"?" asked AhLox ............................................ "And in addition, what is this "sex" word that some people use?".

"I know" said bull "It is .............

why we even saw a real ultralight aircraft in the hollilocks museum,Tink walked over to it and said ,my god those rag and tuby fliers sure are a real tough lot to risk flying in that why it's........

....... a shopping trolly covered in what looks like coloured dunny paper painted with dope by some dope."

TinkyWinks, who has a broard understanding of all RAA aircraft & who was one of the few on the forum who could put forward a balanced view, said "The angle of the dangle and the pucker of the dingle is all related to how they are hang'n in all wait shift aircraft. And by the use of the terms "wait" and "shift" I mean that all 2 axis pilots (sic) wear shifts when within a consenting clubhouse and have to "wait" a long time to get anywhere when on a X-dressing X-Country."

bull, who was one of WimpyTinks closest friends, was surprised by this description as he had always ..........

AhLox modelling one of the most popular shifts amongst the wait shift pilots, and it looks flash with gold epaulettes added, as marketed on cbay by HugeEeeeeen.

..... why the stuff is Sir Nobu speaking with a mix of German and Japanese accents?" asked Tink, who knew his accents and inflections from his times running his Old Bag Ops over the past 60 years. "Why" he added "I also ...........

Not one of those rag and tuby thingys would make it by then {as the headwinds where too strong and they went back in time }Holy tolebo cried bully as looking up a vast armarda of brightly coloured wings and things came forth across the sky ,why i must be dreaming cried ,bull {but it might have something to do with the mushys that he picked earlier today for breaky said arhlocks} as they where all white plastic thingys going to the big bird with white wings reunion, What the jabykanga through bolt gathering that i read about said turdy.No thats next week said pandy "It will ..........

...... possibly result in the biggest aviation rally the country has ever seen. By "biggest" I mean the largest rally area, what with Jabs landing at most strips on the way to do a quick valve grind or replace a prop flange or torque up thru-bolt # 7."

"Aporogies for butting in again" said Nobu. "But I just want to let youze honourable NES cobbers know that I have alanged for my cuntly to have a "NATIONAL SOLLY DAY". The government and the Empolor have agreed to it. However the only issue now is that the number of countries that we need to say solly to is bigger than the ...........

.........those rag and bone (pc avref which covers tube and wood) maniacs that fly through..............

Curses, Andy gazumped my post ............

..... hail and sleet and snow, because they are brave and dedicated souls who never ever give up.

"This obviously needs a new chapter in the Inhuman Factors course because we now need to warn all pilots about flying in hail and snow and sleet and we need to do something legislative about using bones to make a basic aircraft. Soon we'll be killing whales again to get whalebone for other than Turbo's corsets."

"I can suppry all of the whales and bones that yez want" said Nobu in his latest brog. "And that will allow yez to .........

...... when Billy Shorten-Out, who was looking for a cute & cuddly angle at the moment suggested "Perhaps I could say "Sorry" to the Great Whites, then give them a few hundred million $ and ......

.... was off the Mourning&CryingALittle-ton Peninsular and saw a Great White, but we wasn't so great and wasn't even white, plus the Blue Ringed Occy is a just a tiny little tacker that we from f'n Q would just call a f'n entre, or a f'n ............

........but there was no answer. Bull had sold up his grass roots machine and walked away, saying only that he was going to the NES, where as we know, the aka's hang out. There's Ratso, who built an aka, Salty who not only flies akas, but recently was in the news flying a Spitfire, and Hatso who flies an aka. "He'll be in good company" said Turbo, "we've all forgotten the insults and........................"

......... are prepared to also forget about where he comes from and his previous somewhat weird flying proclivities. Why, we are even prepared to almost treat him like one of us."

"I'm not so sure about that, Tubby, old mate" said Salty when they met for some gnocchi and port for brekky this morning "As he is sure to winge like a stuck pig, just like all f'n Q f'ers do about how cold the weather is down here, how there are no brahman calves to cuddle, how the airspace is so cluttered, and ...............

A nice promotional article for the group over there, however this is really nothing ground breaking as that wave has been soared for years when the westerlies kick in and conditions are right.

........ "Ben is right, we ARE all the same." postulated bull "If you prick me do I not get cranky and report you to Eeeeeen, we all obey the 12th law of thermodynamics, we all fly behind engines that stop more than they should, we all have wings, we all break (the) wind & we all wear gold lame jump suits with puce epaulettes, pink longjohns & fluffy slippers when we fly. The only difference is that I get there 5 days later, but I have 5 days more fun on each X-country, I get to meet many more service station owners and I get to count the ............

.... the top of the RAA pecking order.

"I don't understand why you all don't just get along" said Ben Tley. "You all have the same basic interests and who cares if you fly a plastic thingy, one of those RV beer cans, or one made from rags and tubes? Why, chaps, I even know someone who was considering purchasing a Tyrone-Jack-a Cricket, although he rebadged it as an Algenon-Jaques-eu-Grillon and fitted it with a cravat, but in the end ......... who really cares? Take me as an example, I get on well with Alf Romeo, Cory Vette, Aston Martin is a real sweatie, although that plick Nissan GT-R is starting to give me the irits in the World Endurance Championship ............ but as I often say to my Mexican and Palestinian servants, why can't youze bastards all just get along?"

bull was flabbergasted as he hadn't thought about it that way, so he went to the Library of F'n Q in Blackwater intending to read up on the subject, but instead he just snapped and responded " ...............

.... they really don't like it when you cut your toenails in the aircraft either."

"That's hardly fair" said the bloke who owns the other Jack-a-cricket, then he added "Tubes rule, dude."

bullbous considered this and replied "And rags ..............

..... beloved HatShatt'r to decide to go 3 axis, and that dear readers is the story behind Andy's ...........

......... viewfinder of his GoPro.

"What's that?" asked Andy "Surely that bloke in the black habit shouldn't be making a habit of doing that which I limit to geese? I sense a visit to the Royal Commission coming on".

So Andy banked to the right and almost passed out with the extreme trike induced g-forces. "Gee those g-forces tickle my g-spot" commented Andy as he touched his .................

...... circling (AvRef) and pulling stunts like all good Trikers do when they are filling in time, or don't have a chicken to choke.

In this instance, Andy pulled out his POH and used it to jam the throttle full open so that the Trike roared forward to a staggering 65 knots (to achieve that speed he was also decending a little in order to buzz the Chev club nudists), then he took out the bible of all Trikers, which is kept at hand in all Trike c*ck-pits at all times, and he started to read chapter 6 of "Cunning Stunts for Triker C..............

.....teeth and left foot. That was until he got ambitious and started chasing geese, who reversed the.....

......... weight and balance calcs in Andy's trike when he would scoop up the geese during flight while they were mid-honk, then before they were all landed (optimistic AvRef) he would buzz the local all-male nudist colony (ShrinkageRef, BeerGutRef & ErkyPerkyRef) and ............

...... choke a crook looking chook (he used to take the good looking chickens home ...... but that's a court transcript for another day) with his hands behind his back (a standard BBOT party trick) & using only his .........

........bought one of those trikey things, became a feral, and Met.........

..... allica became my favourite band. Why, me and Slash and Fang and Viper and Andy were well known in HGFA circles as the Bad Boys of Triking (or BBOT, as we used to say acronymically). In those days the new-fangled moving picture talkie "Bad Triker Boys" had just been released at the Odeon so I became known as the James Dean of Bang-it-holme, bull-with-a-boner was known as the Marilyn Brando of f'n Q and Andy became known as the .......

....."he aka are all out to get me" wailed bull "I only...................................."

....... like the aka daka records while Bon Scott was the lead singer.

"Ah, those were the days" said Turbo "I was a sprightly young whipper snipper working as an extra when they did Dirty Deeds on the back of the semi in Melbourne and I played the bagpipes off screen that made Bon look so good. The girls couldn't get enough of me and my bp's. Then I .........

........ send them notices about Eeeeeeen's latest NES merchandise, see below, (and please note that the initial 500 T-shirts have been sold out since going on sale at 3 pm today, more stock expected tomorrow) or to have the new Turbo T-Shirt for tykes which discusses the definition of W&B as it is applied to Trikes...........

WARNING .......... WARNING .......... WARNING ..................... LITTLE KIDS LOOK AWAY NOW PLEASE.

As part of Turbo's "Black Bag Ops" (see his shocking admission in post # 10009), or as some unkind NES'ers have been heard to call them, his "Old Bag Ops", HEYSIO agent & Chief Investigator J. K. Rodent can make public under a recent Pubic Freedom of Information Request, that Tink has his own website and it's in his native lingo too .......... see www.turboplanner.com ...... and if that's not enough to be banned for 2 months, or injected with plutonium on the tip of an umbrella, Chief IR doesn't know what is, except perhaps for ..............

My Aunt is out in the garden sunning herself au-naturel, so she was having trouble hiding her pen, but she yelled out that Ratty also has his own website which also includes an aluminium aircraft AvRef .... see http://www.captainratandtheblindrivets.com ...... and in addition, your beloved Captain's latest girlfriend is shown below, exhibiting fitting devotion.

...... with the following tatt to be added next week, suitably located a little to the right (or centre) ............

........,The Quad Bike entered a steep climb, with Turbo holding his fingers over his eyes to simulate IMC, the Yamaha engine screaming, with no sign of a dropped valve, when he was passed by one of those pseudo ga..........................

...ucher cells very similar to the one in the photo.

"That pseudo-gaucher cell shows that you have a bit of a problem, Tubb" said his caring mate Ratty.

"Do you think that you are the 1st one that ever told me that?" asked Tink.

"And I was shocked" said Andy "That you are as good with quad bikes as you were with outboards (see the below photo after Turdy took his new quaddy for a slow spin on his front lawn)"

"We have banned him flom owning any of our ploducts" said a Yamaha spokesman in a worldwide pless lerease. "And we hope that he switches to Merculy or Bombardier so that he buggers their leputation instead of ours."

Andy thought .................................... tick, tick, tick ............................................................................ ......................................................... ................................................................. if'n he goes for lag-tube he could easily ruin McCullough's fine reliability leputation too, before he moves on to ..................