Captain

......lifting a fat lady off the stage before she can sing........

 

…….. however Tink was taken to task by the NES Police before his post # 10453 could be made public.

"We have investigated this matter and have made a determination" said the NES Walloper. "You can't use the term "fat" any more you Dandenong Nong "As now she can only be referred to as "a person of inadequate height for her BMI" and that dumpy sheila also cannot be referred to as "lady" as she is now a person of "indeterminate sex" (whereas Turbs is a person of "indiscriminate sex") and her singing is crook too.

It was here that Takata-San stepped forward under all the ceiling mounted condom balloons at the B&S Ball, flashed his magnificent sword, again pulled the Moorabin Mauler (up to his full height) and offered 3 boxes of airbags which were specifically designed to retrofit into Tubb's 403 Pug and …………..

a rhythm that was..........

 

………. approved by the Vatican and the Houthi Rebels which are both well known & admired for their rhythm methods and hydraulic tapdancing, which are two of HiHo's key & core skills, but that all is as nothing when ……...

………. become controversial due to the TubbyPlunger's use of racist terms, his alcoholist reference to the demon drink, his white supremacist reference to light coloured candles, his age-ist use of the term "feeble", his anti Muslim reference to something or other, his Wizzard of Oz-ist reference to dreams and fantasy worlds, (not to mention his unnatural & unhealthy fixation on Judy Garland when she was a firm young thing.

This was all done to disguise the fact that the Tubster had just consummated a deal to pick up the agencies for 4 brands of Recreational Aircraft and as a result he has announced his candidacy for the RAA Board and Presidency. "I see your single aircraft agency and raise you another 3, then once elected I'll be able to get the 900 kgs weight limit thru in the interest of all members (of course it's all for the membership), then I'll ………………………...

Then the big Pratt and Whitney fired on one of its 8 cylinders and gradually they all came on line.

 

Tomorrow they would fit the guns and bomb racks and……..

 

…… as usual Turbo had it wrapped around his ????? "I thought it was "Wheezing Death", which is what I do every morning after a couple of hours of passion giving it the berries."

"Turbo must be a sex maniac" said Kaito to Nobu "If he giving it the bellies ….. and then I hear that he prays a lot with his ………….

THINK It’s 10000 feet. The Captain’s gun assisted memory was becoming shorter every year but that sometimes happen when you’re past the tens of millions and climbing. Idly he messaged the Captains of six oil tankers to Strait the run through the South China Sea, and had just picked up the bottle of gin which was .......

 

..... Bombay Saphire no less, the rugged Captain's favourite and the initials of which match many of the TurboTinkler's posts on serious aviation related matters that .....

...Turbo realised they better get started.

 

The first flying lesson didn’t go well. Turbo had chosen Nob to be the instructor based on the operation which was to be the complicated procedure of attacking warships at Battle Stations where dodging gunfire was an essential skill and the difficult skill of not undershooting or overshooting was essential. On reflection, he felt it was a mistake choosing the 100 hp Brumby, even though it had that whining Rotox gearbox.

 

Nob had said, I show you take off. Now there were two slight problems with that; It was 77 years since Nob’s last take off from Guadalcanal, and he’d had 1130 horsepower at the throttle.

 

As Nob yanked the Brumby into the air at an impossible climb rate, Eye Bolt yelled “Shut!!!!!”

 

“Canopy Shut” responded Nob, who thought he had missed a check. The airspeed rapidly decayed, and Eye Bolt asked “How old are you Nob?”  Nob replied “I 99, getting letter from Crean next year.”

 

Eye Bolt shuddered, but just when the aircraft was on the point of stall Nob said “Your prane”. “Now we practice attack”, said Nob and aimed directly for the Cowra RSL where………

 

Turbo realised the combination of Nob and Eye Bolt in a Spratly attack coping with the notorious Flying Hoses might not be a simple as he thought. Something would have to be done about Nob's training methods and...........

 

[Photo of Turbo’s Warbird, the Mitsubishi A6M Zero 210-118 B flown by Nob, rebuilt by Turbo at a cost of $3.5 million.

 

Picture taken in Turbo’s hangar. Turbo on the left, Nobushi Kayabashi in grey jacket, his son Ed Cummins on right. Front Row Dimity Cummins and Sol Lee.]

 

[ATTACH]40798[/ATTACH]

 

Captain rang Ian and said "How am I supposed to answer the Moorabin Mauler's above War & Piss tome? Some of his stuff is as long now as it was years ago, which was the reason why Cappy retired hurt with eyestrain after reading Tubb's NES posts a decade ago. "Heck I'm tired" Skipper added "But just as I feel that I must contribute every time somebody flys IFR into IMC (so just about daily) I reckon that the MM is playing with fire to put the Knob in charge of new StewedAnts when everyone knows that the final parts of each flight, before the ciruit work, is always a 10 minute drill on the basics of Khama in the Khazi "Keep the gunsight closs on the Airlaft Callier that I've painted rife size under the windsock and see what fun it is as it gets bigger … and bigger …… now crimb back up to 750 ft and make a tight slow circuit without using any downwind sector ("750 is the new 1000" The Knob always then said as one of his final jokes that all the new pirots always remember fondly, "As nobody can leary judge 1000 acculatery flom the glound and CASA will just ……………….. 

....we'll be needing to check his testimonials."

 

Oh no you won't, said Aysha the Geisha, springing nimbly into the Brumby as the plot lurched yet again, fending off the rabid hordes with a knitting needle from his wig while coolly running through his prestart and firing her up....

 

……….. "Fired up? said Aysha, "FIRED UP? FIRED UP?" "I'm hot to tlot" she screamed, as she had always lusted for rugged Pilot types, especially those bucks that fry Savannah S's, but then there is ……………...

….. "Geeeeez Louise" said Nob, "Get your sword out of my hand. I'll need a gallon a Sake (and I mean the broody good stuff too) before you can assume that I'm into anything like that."

On that cue a pasty looking little jerk from the Melbourne Fridge Festival ran between them and tabled an accusation of "Yellow Face" against the NES. "You can onry use Japanese actors to pray Nobu or youze are lacists" he/she/it screamed "And we haven't yet decided what nationality or gender (or even species) you must use to depict the Tubbyplunderer or the HihoSlanderer …… but we are certain that Aysha the Geisha is actually IRobert, so he's OK, but then he/she/it added "We, the up-ourselves thought police, need you all to flash your gentletels (or even your ladytels if you have them) so that we can check out what gender youze really are, as we reckon there must be about 8 different types here atm, HOWEVER ………..

......confused by Planey's behaviour at starting a double thread this ear;y in a story, and believing he may have turned psychopath, Turob decided to take a bath, but....

 

..... Turob had to ask the age old question, again, "How many times & how long can I wash this for without being suspended." Then, as usual he ......

"Spratt answered"...With a booming loud OMG it's the Capt, the NES king, no one is safe, he's back, we need to hide in the...

 

.... Karzy.

"NO YOU DON'T " Commanded Eeeen from on high in his best big-boy voice "This is a Rec Flying site not a motoring page for Ford Anglias and Simcas ....... (and with that the NES went back 11,000 posts and all the old phart contributors were young again) ......

....flying restrictions by a certain Captain.

 

Captain Spratly was sitting in the Reading Room at Raffles Hotel. Raffles had long since been bypassed by the Latte set, but he was happy sitting there alone, taking Earl Grey tea from the finest china cup and saucer, and leisurely reading The Times. His wife Ki Lee was out shopping.

 

Suddenly he sat bolt upright, “Blast!” he said and a waitress Sol Lee, rushed up and asked if she could help. She often did, but now was not the time.

 

He didn’t hear her; his mind was racing back to the time…..Naming those islands after himself had seemed like a master stroke, but now his project was in danger of……

 

... overstepping the mark. Ahgetyourrocks off chimed in, as he always does "His name isn't Spratly" he glowered "Its Sandy Island and he just uses Spratly when he's going to love em & leave em, like the Turboplunger does at every truck stop around OZ ........

"What a social climber" said Ahlox "Raffles my considerable sized ar@e. You are in the Singapoor Rissole where they are holding  a chook raffle, and a crook chook it is too".

"And talking about crook, I could pick an Abus 9000 quicker than you can pick that snoz of yours. Lucky your not in the middle of your famous Singapour Aero Crub water escaporogy extlavaganza."

"Eye say" said the Earl, "I wonder if the all powerful Ian will object to what Ki & Sol are doing under the table while the raffle guy calls out "2 fat ladies, 111" and Spratly answered ......

.......... do what I did in Sylia, where I was lesponsible for the detailed mapping of the border with Turkey ..... and arso for ensuring that all of the ladar rocks worked well on all the MIGS, however while me and Vrad are gleat mates, those Lussians just won't .............

NOB AND VRAD GETTING PISSED IN DAMASCUS LAST WEEK.

.......... all well know the Bra Boys business mantra that you can't sell wet crack, or damp cocaine, or ...........

Ahlox during his time as a member of the Bra Boy gang.

Arhlocks has been thinking of ways to earn a bit of extra readys,I know shouted Tink ,my mate in Deniliquin said that if i ever wanted to earn some extra cash,,to give him a call . So the eveready duo set out for a new adventure into ak47,s and some nose candy ............{ps turbo has asked all nes members if anyone wants to buy a vette,the legal fees are killing him]

.......... but in typical Turbine fashion (where every arrest and conviction has always had a silver lining), he plans to buy the Sting (and the 45 kgs) back at the proceeds-of-crime auction, then sell it all on at a massive profit and order a new super-doper-charged C7 with the proceeds, plus he will upgrade to AK53.8's and a couple of ...............

TURBS WANTS THIS COLOUR SO THAT NOBODY WILL NOTICE IT AT THE AERO CLUB, AND SO THAT IT WILL BE MORE UNDERSTATED THAN HIS RED ONE. "I'M OVER ALL THE YOUNG BLOND CHICKS THROWING THEMSELVES AT ME" HE SAID.

Fact # 1 - Turbo missing from the NES.

Fact # 2 - Oldish pilot arrested at Deniliquin for drug & gun running.

Fact # 3 - Turbo unable to account for the income stream needed for the high cost of buying, owning and running an immaculate 'Vette.

CONCLUSION ............

NES NEWS NES NEWS NES NEWS................Tony Abbot has appointed a review panel to ensure the entrants in any MISS or MRS events in Australia are really a miss or mrs ...The leader of this review panel is Turbo and his executive assistant is Ahrlocks ,the media caught up with the duo as they where leaving a meeting at the Blue Oyster Bar in {cencered]after running about two steps ,the reporter caught up with Turbo {he can,t run far these days]and he had this to say............

........... "Ahlow is going to show me some pictures of various ladies (but why do they all have staples across the middle?) , and he said that he will be interested to see one too ...... and after that he is going to show me what a non-lady feels like, but then he said we will "give it a miss" which I assume means that .....................

A few years ago there were lectures being held, but I can't recall whether it was by the AUF or SAAA, at one of their annual fly-ins, where suitably interested wives were given basic instruction on the basics of how to get down in this very event. And from memory it was very well received and attended.

NES NEWS .......... NES NEWS .......... NES NEWS .......... NES NEWS .......... NES NEWS .......... NES NEWS .......... NES NEWS ..........

MADGE APPOINTED AS "MISS CASA 2015" (This story is embargoed until 6 pm on August 25th, 2015).

We are pleased to advise that Madge has appointed herself as Miss CASA for this year.

In a prepared statement Madge advised "I saw the story about The Gulfstream Girl and thought I would do something similar to help promote "The Recreational Pilot's Friend", being the ever efficient & responsive CASA.

Madge then posted the below promotional photo and added "I have just noticed that this involves the position of "Miss CASA" and in all fairness I have to advise that nobody will miss CASA."

"But what if someone needs to check if I am still a "Miss"? she added "Although I would allow Turbo to find out, as we were born in the same year, we go to the same gym and we use the same facial creams."

MODERATOR'S NOTE

FROM THE PHOTOGRAPH IN POST # 10311 IT CAN BE SEEN THAT TOMO IS ALSO ATTEMPTING TO PROVIDE THE FULL STOP AT THE END OF "AUF."

THANKFULLY HIS HANKIES HELD.

THIS IS TYPICAL OF TOMO'S ATTITUDE TO LIFE AND HIS DISDAIN FOR THIS EXCELLENT FORUM.

I HAVE RECOMMENDED TO "FEARLESS LEADER" THAT TOMO BE BANNED FOR 2 WEEKS AND THAT THE OLD STOCK OF CLEARPROPSHOP HANKIES (& A CLEARPROP CORK) BE SUPPLIED TO HIM.

Below, for the interest and information of new Forum members is a photo of Fearless Leader, taken during his PowerPoint presentation at the last Moderator's Workshop.

Also shown are the items of new merchandise that FL has bought in. These will be on sale if there is ever another NatFly.

This cloth badge is an AUF collector's item as it was originally worn below the E-Paul-Ettes by Huge-een when he tried to be one.

This photo shows an example that is similar to the disdain exhibited by Tomo to the line-up of Moderatti. And that cat is providing a full-stop too.

......... write the code for Sumotori Dreams for android, however Turbs was very embarrassed by the below photo from Sumotori Dreams, when ................

...... Turbo also mentioned that fine Japanese firm, Sumotomo, but what Turbs REALLY meant was a snide reference to the fact that Tomo is a bit of a porker and uses 4 blue hankies, sewn together to cover his things.

The NES crew were dismayed and Ahlox said "That's typical Turbo, a real par-are-sole and a ...............

Tomo and Madge at the Midge Point Karaoke and Dance Club doing a ploglessive barn dance. Madge is the one with his knees strapped. (Note the large number of Cowra escapees who moved to Midge Point which is Australia's only "Sanctuary City" ..... where they took over the Rissole and bled rike labbits). If you turn your screen upside down you will also see that Madge & Tomo are trying to spell out "AUF" in generally the same way that the Village People spelt "YMCA" (NTTIAWWT).

......... write the code for Sumotori Dreams for android, however Turbs was very embarrassed by the below photo from Sumotori Dreams, where ................

.......the old Sapphire."It was only a single seater, but we fitted in somehow; we didn't bother with those things then, just went out and had fun.

 

It took from Gumly Gumly to Leeton to get off the groound so we stayed low, flying in and out of the chicken sheds. Ten thousand startled chooks are really a sight to see, and...............

.......... that is where I got the idea to incorporate the chicken dance as part of my Chippendale extravaganza" said Turbo "Which I quite cleverly rebranded as the "Chickendales" and this started the ...........

(Tink is the bloke in pink wearing his very seductive sock holder-uppers).

Even Nobu and a few of his mates got into the act as shown below ...... and the girls went crazy..

.......... make myself look like the handsome pilot in the below photo in his snazzy Tazzy flight suit."

That photo made Turbo fondly recall his 3 years as a Chippendale.

This REALLY got AhLox's attention (NTTIAWWT) and he .............

......... but Turbo was in a funk (yes, funk) and was going back to basics.

You all, dear NES-o-phyles, know that expression "The older I get the faster I was" or "The older I get the more coordinated were my turns", well Turbo was going through another Rag-&-Tube period (NTTIAWWT). He looked lovingly at his Jaques-à-Grillon and said "Bugger the Aerostart. I'm going back to basics like us Rag-et-Tubers do, so get me some ether and castor oil and I'll ..................