Captain

....red shirt rorter!  (which is several steps up the truckie scale from the fishnets).

 

"I make no apology for that" said Daniel, "because I've been an admirer of Turbo for years, but I'm not Turbo, I just don't have enough skill and expertise to do what he does."

 

"When Victoria lost the Turbine Cat Farm to Queensland" I was devastated continued Dan. "You'd still be driving on dirt roads in Queensland without the massive haul of State fur taxes, and food taxes. Turbo's masterpiece of selling Kentucky Fried Cat thoughout China, and the Rat's chain on the Sub Continent allowed Anna Bligh to retire and run the Banking Industry after that, while here I am having to bullsh!t about electricity prices, try to find another unsispecting country to export our rubbish to, and learn what an NRL is.................."

 

……… but despite all of these protestations, Daniel and Tinky Wink could not separate their personas.

As was established to be an immutable fact by The Life of Brian, and I quote ……….. "Only the true Daniel denies his Turbidity".

And besides, Daniel could take off without wings (avref), given the size of his flappers (see the above photo) and the below pic (for comparison) of Tink that I just captured live & secretly thru Turbo's computer camera while he was watching his early morning porn.

"If they are not the same bloke I'll eat my hat" interjected the onetrick who was very glad that he lives 3000 kms further west (alternatively 26500 kms further east), but he did regret ………..

Our beloved Turbo (note the helical shape of the back of his head and hence his name).

.................on the clothesline which ripped a large hole in one of the stockings, and fishnet stockings with holes in them had been the hallmark of Volvo drivers started in the G88 era when they wore out the seat of their pants, and progressing through a series of models which all took a toll on the drivers, whether snagging a stocking leg as the seat coils popped out, or snacking a stocking knee when the power divider switch lever starts drooping. Captain being a pink Suzuki rider wasn't aware of these nuances, didn't even know you had to wear a blue singlet, and walked straight into the trap when he put them on and....

 

…… looked into his full length mirror.

"Wow" he thought and said as he turned sideways to show off the entire package (fully glimpsable thru the fishnet), because Dear Reader, he had an obvious talent plus he had a strategy of how he could use his talent to advance the cause of Recreational Aviation as a whole (or hole) and Rec Flying in particular …….. if only he knew or could deduce what the heck Turbulence was trying to impart in his post #10580.

So if Eean or any other clairvoyant reader can assist it would be appreciated, as Rec Flying's beloved Skipper cannot decipher "snacking a stocking knee when the power divider switch lever starts drooping".

The Skipper is aware of the naughty connotations of Tink's words "snacking" (which the Cappy always enjoys) and "drooping" (which the Cappy never does) but when forensically examined in its entirety, it sounds like a discombobulated Daniel Andrews speech to the Labour Party's Annual Convention (where the theme for 2019 is "Aldi Bags and their Implications").

Then the penny (or $100,000) dropped and after re-reading Turbo's 5,233 posts on Rec Flying, the Skipper's deductive intellect, strategy, and Investigative Journalism talents enables him to now, definitely and positively disclose that Turdboy is actually Danny Andrews The Premier Dickhead of Victoria and the below photo proves that conclusively (further confirmed by Daniel's uncanny resemblance to rocking Roddy Stewart).

The thousands of NES readers were stunned. "That bloke's a wanka" (which is extra proof that Daniel is Turbo) they said in unison "And in particular he's even a …………..

Turbo wishes to strongly refute this photo; it has been retouched.  Turbo has never worn a striped suit in his life, would never wear a poofy flower, always wears a tie, and always has his hair neatly cut, except for...

 

..... the bits where his substantial scalp is bursting through, like a ......

Photo of Turdboy, taken last week.

He does indeed look like Rod Stewart, is is it the way James Stewart looks now, 6 ft under.

..in relation to the sexing of a crayfish which was under......

 

.... the influence of one of the Turbit's date rape drugs, which he usually reserved for .....

... Even I don't know what sex I am now, so how are my enemies going to work that out!!" "Oh, they'll work that out alright", said Doubtfire, as he prepared to ....

 

...... undertake an internal examination, for Constable (I think that is how you spell it {as this is how you put the "stable" back into the Constable}) Doubtfire is a lady constable of the female persuasion.

This, dear reader, just proves how androgynous are WA persons generally and the one-trick pony in particular.

"I agree" said Anne, who is a key member of the Drogynous clan out of Geraldton, and who sexes crayfish in her spare time ... about which remains an open case within the RSPCA as at mid October.

Then it dawned on Tink (who always had the hots for Dawn Lake), and as Tink often said "I am the Carl (or is it Roberta) Williams of 2019 & I will retain Lawyer Y & Lawyer Z as well as Lawyer X as they had complete access into the Vic & NSW Wolloper Service and could surely ......

.....  It was after he accused the Judge of being a glass half empty that the water jug was tipped over him and....

 

…. The Judge said "Go try 15 days in the slammer and see how you like an ass half full".

………. his spell-checker was stuffed and all the thousands of NES'ers had to waster half a day each trying to work out what the stuff he was talking about.

Tinky Wink's fautly spell checker also got the attention of a few Fly-Boys (and Fly-Lasses & Fly-Its [Gender neutral reference]) when he labelled the main runway at YSWG as 06/250 ……….. and that was the start of the great Wagga Wagga grass strip experience (and experiment), where REX and Quaintarse (Alan Joyse reference) fitted mud wintertreads to their regional aircraft and ………………..

Tink having a quick durry after completing painting the numbers on the strip at YSWG

Turbo after being outed by The Onetrick …...

......attempting to inject more AVREF into the NES when the Captain’s around, things such as stories on a proposed policy to get the parents of FoIs to marry, and a book in how to speak English for ATCs, who really are such nice people, and....

 

..... are some of the hottest lovers known to blokes, blokettes and blokelmpbqs.

"That is why I got into aviation in the 1st place" said HidyHody "As I knew way back then, after Tink sent me that naked photo that is also on his ASIC card (although in his case it is an ASICK card), that there were more than 2 genders, but then again ......

...Cat D7 dozer, when it's set up for.....

 

..... pushing excreta uphill, which is what Turbo does in most of his serious posts in RF. An example of this is .....

..... a twelve foot blade.......

 

..... which is a fair sized prop on a ......

....RealDoctor Meter Off, even at the "Quack" level, and the interviews went on for months and Turbo was called to the AMA to give evidence that the doctor couldn't even get a ten cent piece out oif someone's nose, and he was evenually struck off, but went on to become Prime Minister of.....

 

... Knew Zulland.

"But make sure" added the Doc "That every time you inset a 10 cent piece, or anything else, that you count how many go in and then account for those that come out. With your inability to count above 3, Tink, you are at risk of clogging up your works, and also always remember that where the 10 cent piece(s) come out of doesn't always reflect where they went in."

Turdy's close mate onetrick looked pensive and thought, with disgrace and embarrassment, about the time that he was feeling Toey (against Toey's will I might add) and inserted .......

.....testing doctors to see if they were genuine. This one wasn’t and couldn’t even get ten cents out of him to.....

 

... touch Turgid's .......

.......nose to ......

 

.... disguise his 20 cent habit of.....

...STUFFED!”

 

Turbo still resented the time he innocently put a 10 cent piece up......

 

.... his own ......

..... crude (oil) flows freely (like Turbo's love), accommodation is plentiful and the goats are nervous.

"Justa look ata that" said Turdy "i built-a alla that wall by the Harbour but do-a they calla me Turdboy the wallbuilder? No-a they don't ...... but justa one indiscretion, and-a you ........

..... The Turkish raiding party were overcome by Turbo's hospitality. "All we get at home is cold goat!" they wailed, and Turbo entertained them with movies of the old times at Gallipoli when.....

 

... he had found the goats to be both warm & receptive.

"All you gotta do is take 'em out to dinner & a show" replied Turbs "And then .....

To our dear throng of NES readers, (where the NES is trending on Twitter) I must advise confidentially that the withdrawal of US troops from Syria has caused a major incident down Moorabin way when officials from the Turkish Embassy raided Le Maison de Turbs.

"We thought the Turd was a Kurd" said Erdogan in his speech to the UN (who were all asleep at the wheel and rooting for Greta to win the Nobel "Troubled-Little-Teenager" and Manipulated Dickhead Prize).

Then Mustafa, Turdy's personal bodyguard and oil wrestler added "But we have decided to keep him as he is such a dag (Turdy reference), he is funnier than Julian Assange, and you should see what he can do with a Kabab and a bucket of …………………..

[special Note" For anyone who wants to copy this unique skywriting design, the white bits are the easy part if you can hold a bearing and make a Rate 2 turn without losing altitude, spinning etc, but the balls and highlighting are particularly difficult, especially if there's a wind.]

 

P.S. that one was drawing in CTA and required about 256 separate radio transmissions to get each move approved. We all had a beer afterwards.

 

...... "The balls take balls" commented Eeen who is a skywriting officionado "Not to mention his Hammerhead, and that's why Tink & his right hand are so ..... "

..... which disclosed that Turbo's real name was Albert, Vickie's consort, and it was Turbo's invention of, & royalties from, the "Prince Albert" which has funded his aviation pursuits since 1896 and which was also the object of his skywriting performance, that was well known as .......

Turbo at the coronation.

And a photo of Turbo's latest skywriting effort over Port Melbourne ....

...found to contain more pee than tee, and the caravan park owner had told him he might be evicted.

 

"You've been driving pressurised bulldozers for too long", the Manager said " and unless to trake down that top shelf where you keep all the booze you're....

 

..... mystified like I am about the Turdster's use of the word "trake", which turned out is an old Cherokee term of disparagement, with connotations about the issue Turbo had been charged with in 1964 as a 40 year old virgin, when .....

.... the heritage was clear from that photo that everyone's beloved Skipper is related to Elizabeth Warren and therefore destined to be the "First Bloke" if Liz wins the Whitehouse.

"See the high cheekbones?" said Liz. "That means I'm a Cherokee Indian and the crappy Cappy is my Medicine Man".

"All he has is Panadol" volunteered the onetrick pony in the put-down of the year, whose TeePee had just been ....

This area was later named the Icarus Sea and a nearby island named Icaria (now YICA), and of course the world’s Peak Aviation Body was named ICAO.

 

The Captain was so overcome that Turbo had given him this famous name that he forgot...................

 

…….. that it was a terrible pun on Turdy's own nickname "IckyArse".

"Our beloved Captain is a great bloke and a terrific pilot" said Turdy, factually but generously "And I thought it funny to stick him with my own ……………….

A little known photo of Turbo at a Moorabin Gay Bar.

......you're going under the knife and your little green apples will ne used for salad at the local Flying Club (avref), where they don't know.......

 

…… your old name and from here on you'll be Anne Drogynedes, a lady of Grikk descent and the plaything of a Melbourne taxi driver." said the Turbot, who's lack of talent always went some way to contributing to his dearth of stratagem.

Then the rodent perked up (as he'd been trying to get rid of that fur-ball for days) and trotted out that old joke "If I'm over weight, the only way I can lose 10 kgs is to cut a foot off the end of it."

This brought a smile to Turdboy's face (which always made him look like he was auditioning for The Joker), he drew himself up to his full height by pushing down hard on his walking frame  and winked (bloody spellcheck is always an issue with that word, as every time Tink is involved it wants to substitute an "a" for the "i") at the onetrick and commented ………………..

Below is that well-known Turbot smile that does so much to allow him to snare the CWA Ladies, this time taken by a security camera after a particularly egregious Morrabin crosswind landing.