Captain

…… nobody was game to mention that bull's uncle was a bit fuzzy about the details. "Wuzzy?" questioned Brendahh and …..

......involved taking someone's eyeball out while conversationallly inviting them to give away classified information, like what they were given for breakfast, how they found the Sergeant Major, did they get blisters and other military stuff. If you helped him, he would put your eyeball back and give you a friendly wave goodbye, but this time he was to meet his match in a Bren Gun toting Sergeant named.........

 

……….. Brendahhh (because the Skippy military were first to embrace [that was one of the main reasons] gender equality on the Kokoda [since then called the Koklesskoda] track).

"And to answer your very insightful question, dear SU, we found the Sergeant Major to be totally excellent ….. down in the bushes by the multi-sex latrine, examining his ……….

......was always out of tune and required a specialist to make him work. The specialist was bull's uncle, whose grandfather had taught him how to sort out people of German descent, primarily by a 303 bullet  to the front of the head, but Weber's grandmother's second husband was......

 

.... named Stromberg (a lauded Germany family just one behind the Krupps) and he had a special technique that ......

.......these three formed the Australian War Committee (Bob Menzies being in London as part of the British Cabinet) which sent 105 Australian kids up to Kokoda to take on 2000 Japanese, who must have been led by .......

 

……. Tacka's uncle, who was known by his tloops as Wacka (Wakanabi).

"2000 of us is about the light latio for 105 blave Aussie boys" said Wacka "Except that SUCarby's uncle, Weber, was one of the 105 and he ………..

PS … Recent research from the Skippy War Memorial makes it evident that the Uncle of bull from bone "the mostest best awesome jackaroo pilot in all of Skippyland", (and his snatch {avref, bull thinks]) was also in Kokoda at that time. "What's a burr and where is boner?" asked Wacka, who had a fair bit to learn about FNQ & their weirdo customs, … eh?

..he new weapon, the atomic bomb, which.....

 

...... made a little bit of a difference to the outcome of the war.

"Bwang & capow" they went.

One other little known fact is that the Yosemite Sam character was based on that great Aussie outback bloke SUCarby, Foghorn Leghorn was styled after an up and coming great pilot, Foghorn Wontwick,  Daffie Duck on a past pwesident of the AUF and ........

.... onetwack was exposed as being Mel Bwank, and showed his best wascawy twick when he .....

......Foxwhistle which he normally uses to attract foxes. The fix hears a sound like a rabbit trapped by the leg and creeps towards the sound and gets his head blown off by a 30.30, but now and again.....

 

.... the rabbit fakes it (a bit like Quo used to do with Tink ... "It wa onru a quid after all, so what he expeck?" She exprained) and the wabbit pulled out his own ....

...... for want of repetition, he had caught his sleeve on the throttle.

"That's not his sleeve" interjected Eeeen, who had been keeping a close eye on the NES of late, afraid as he was of a boycott or backlash from the CMFEUPZ, or the LMBTQOS or the Halal Certification Phatwaa Association, or the Letterbox Wearers Conglomerate, who are affiliated with the Save the ISIS Brides Cabal (geez they are adding up eh?). "It's his .......

PS - The new legislation will protect the journalsts of the NES from such consequences.

.......sleeve caught on the throttle. He hadn't noticed and when Foxy........

 

... -Loxy (as opposed to Ahly-Loxy but similar to Goldy-Loxy although different to Poxy-Loxy) pulled out of ......

..... frightening, when his hand slipped off the end, and his .....

...... to borrow a lazy $20 to chuck (turbulence avref) into the raffe, eh"

"No worries, eh" responded the ever generous and supportive-of-his-mates Skipper.

Bull bought the tickets & hoped for the best.

There was silence at the bar as the raffle was drawn and bull had his fingers crossed, as the silence was making bull nervous.

"Geeez I hope we win" said bull to nobody in particular, because there was nobody else there.

Bull's borrowed $20 won the $2,50 chook, however it was late october in bone & the chook was already manky, which just goes to prove that halal certification isn't everything and that ....

...........applied for Turkish Citzenship, and........

 

... but was only granted White Leghorn citizenship on a trial basis.

"We don't want him & his non-existent vagina" said Erdy Erdogan to his .....

EXPLANATORY NOTE.... Tinks 3 girlfriends and numerous nippers were over in an ISIS camp in Syria after Tink (now known as Turbo bin sick el planner) had become nervous & confused from stage fright when making his Jihad (& Gee-hosaphat) video and had submitted his demands but threatened to cut his own head off unless they were met. However he missed them and their letterboxes, so he ......

. To get out of trouble he had to make a Fatwa (big baby) and this would be difficult because....

 

.... he was lacking a vagina, but that had never stopped Tink before, so he .....

...aught it in the winnower which began.....

 

..... a long and complicated investigation, as Mufti/constable Doubtfire thought he said "widower" which was against Sharia Law and was not Halal certified either, so ......

"I'm only trying to help you abvoid what happened to my sister when she said she'd been canola'd after rubbing her leg up against a young farmer at the Deni Ute Muster. The problem came when......

 

...... the the young farmer, whose name was "Problem" rubbed his leg one too many times and c........

...... an oil covered rock & a hard .....

...........and then there was silence as the Cherub's engine cut out. He pulled back hard on the stick, and the Cherub dropped a wing and headed for the ground. Lockily he remembered Turbo's sound advice "Engine out, stick forward fast" amd he salvaged the situation fifty feet from the ground only to be blinded by the yellow haze of 500 acres of Canola crop. The Cherub had a glide ration like a cross cut saw and settled into the Canola, which ripped the bottom out of the Cherub allowing Canola seed to squeeze up his legs into his underpants and under his shirt and wipes all over the exposed parts of his body. He stank like a skink. Quickly turning the fuel tap to "ON" he waited for someone to come along, and it was Turbo, running as fast as he could, but as he good nearer he hesitated. "POOOH!" he yelled, "you stink worse than a polecat!"

 

"I might be dying" replied the Captain, his voice breaking in fear. "I................"

 

……. have been fading in and out of consciousness  and through the fog of delirium I dreamt that the Onetrick has given me a full body massage with margarine.

"Erky Perky" chorused hundreds of NES readers "Did your dream/nightmare have a happy ending?"

"Happy ending?" said the brave Skipper "I smell like the winnower in a canola harvester and he took advantage of me."

"Was it Rape?" asked the crowd, which was a pretty leading question on a public forum such as this.

NES readers can now choose from the below 2 replies, which will select the future direction (avref) of the NES (so it will all be your fault).

Reply #1 (with due deference to The Life of Brine) …. "Well, …….. at first".

Reply #2 (Rural in-joke) …… "No, you dill, ...…. it was Canola."

………………………... 

HELP PLEASE ………...

Your dedicated newshound Skipper has been fascinated with the US/Ukraine discussion and the term used there "Quid pro quo" and Skipper is confused (which is very unusual) as your ace reporter Cappy had heard stories from his great mate Turbo from back in the '50's (He used to be known as "SU Carby" back then) that when in Woolloomooloo he would often pay a quid to a pro named Quo, so how come Tink's lascivious past is coming up again when Tink no longer can?

…….. superglued himself to the bull's horn (I think that is what it is called).

The bull was angrier than a delayed London train commuter and …………..

......"I'll save you Hi Ho, yelled Turbo as he ran past"

 

"What from replied Hi Ho wiping the oil from his googles"

 

The goggles arced high in the air as the bull connected; he now had three targets and was snorting loudly, when......

 

...... from up in the holding (and cuddling) paddock came 2 particularly attractive heifers.

The bull considered his options.

"Should I continue tossing off HidyHody?" he thought "Or should I saunter over and show those 2 heifers my .....

As evidenced by the hundreds of PM's received from fans of the NES, your delightful Captain has been sorely missed while he has been getting over the below the belt …… or below the cassock …. reference to him, by Turdhead, as George Pell, not because it contains "fiddling" connotations, but because Cappy is an agnostic and this slur might mean that he needs to attend high Mass tomorrow, when Cappy was intending to go flying. The main delay was also caused by the issues around obtaining legal advice about taking action against Turbo and obtaining all his details for the subpoena. "It's not worth it" said the QC "As Tubb will just run is usual non-compus defence and he'll walk again. Nobody in Mextoria or in Melbournistan will ever convict this Premier".

Then Cappy remembered his mum regaling him about their Viking heritage, so Onetrick's post touched the spot (a bit like George might have) and below in the 1st pic is a shot of Cappy's viking birthmark, and below that is a candid of the Skipper at dinner last night.

Onetrick was impressed and almost …………..

..... and as everyone knows, the numbers 9900 and the designation F86 are highly charged codes in the LMBTQIUN community, generally similar in meaning to the yellow hanky that The Onetrick uses in that club in Freo.

Turdy knows all those signals and responded to The Pony with a PM that commenced with the following paragraph ......

EDITORIAL COMMENT - Dear Reader, we apologise to all races who may be offended by the dengration of the various races by the onetrick & The Turbo. One their behalf we apologise unreservedly as the stolen generators & inverters have been located in a 40 ft container parked behind a Freightliner behind Tink's joint. "That's not my Freightliner eh" said Tink in his best impersonation of Ernie Dingo and Dave Gulpallil.

......no longer owning the F7 230 6x4 with sleeper cab. It was so slow you could put a mower deck on it and contract to the road authorities to make extra money on the trip, steered like an itchy bull, and humped for 200 metres every time you took off, but it was home......better than the old chicken coop out near the rabbit-proof fence he lived in now. He picked up his rabbit stick and went looking for.....

 

….. Lasseter's last ride, plus the reef that he rode her on.

(As an aside, Dear Reader, you can see from the last post that Turbo was in a lot of strife, because whenever he has been outed in the NES, he reverts to trucking analogies to hide his shame. And just imagine what a boring tit he would be at dinner parties, talking about axle sizes and the number of splines in a Freightliner diff. Why, that might be even more boring than Daniel "Tinky-Wink" Andrews (the Turbot's alter ego) when he takes all the girls from the office, down to Lygon St to regale them with tales of the cancelled expressway and the time he flew his PA28, LSA55, J160, J170, V115, AA5B, C210 out of Moorabin on his way to the Sydney Truck Show, when Danny was just a …………..