Captain

..... behind him as the HQ ute that was normally used to start the Sprint Cars had done an axle.

"Mandy is a lovely girl, just a little misunderstood by those in WA, but she's ideal for correcting W&B in my Cat powered Ultraheavy (numerousavrefs)." said Turbo after the Offy had sprung to life and he was ready for the race.

This led to a period of melancholy for Turpid when he thought about ........

all rush off to fill themselves on Sky Blue or Scare Blu Christmas fare loaded with so much duck fat that Cap had to excuse himself even more frequently than usual. It was said that Brigitte loved Cappys mind even more than his body , however with the body in its current manifestation the mind did seem a trifle more...........

 

… attractive, although the poor bloke was often heard to say "The older I get the faster I was" about his racing (and shhhhhhhh, but let me quietly assure you that Turbid is the same when somebody mentions Speedway).

"Did somebody mention Speedway" he often says to the nurse as he lifts his chin off his chest & his eyes start to shine again. …….. "Ahhhhhh …….. those were the days, so sit on my knee dear Nursey and let Turgid tell you a tale about brave men, frightened goats, satisfied women, unfulfilled dreams and ……………….

TURBO ON ONE OF HIS BETTER NIGHTS.

.......so looks like the Plastic Surgeon and a new set of teeth for me. If only.........

 

……. I could find true love, as Posting on the NES just doesn't quite get me there, even though I can sometimes achieve multiple posts, but ever the bashful community person Cappy said "Enough of me" and all the hundreds of NESers said "Here here" before they …………..

(Turbo's last post is a little discombobulated and is without a smooth transition from the previous poster's excellent effort, but you have to humour him, eh? said bull).

He walked ....

 

...... upright with difficulty but with his head held high, because he and bull knew what Tinker & Onesie did not, and that was that those rebellious young bucks,  Planey & Hiho, had arranged a threesome with .......

anything can happen,,,and it did...………...

 

"I know" responde Le capitaine Incredable "is it any wonder that I'm so bitter and feel so let down (avref), and all just after I committed to a 5 year maintenance contract on the Concorde too. But then again, easy cum easy go I guess .......

THE CONCORDE, WITH BRIDGE ON BOARD, LANDING AT KAPOOKA INTERNATIONAL. IT MIGHT HAVE TROUBLE WITH STRIP LENGTH GETTING INTO NATFLY (OR WHATEVER IT IS CALLED NOW) BUT THERE IS PLENTY OF WING TO SLEEP UNDER (NOT THAT BRIDGE WILL LET ME SLEEP).

"Bouclez vers le haut et culottes vers le bas" Bridge would respond and everyone would have a good old multi-national chuckle as the Concorde sped her towards her beloved Capitaine de Aussie, while he made sure that she didn't bump into Turbs, Onesie or bull or she would surely dump the Skipper for more prime meat (but he wasn't so worried about HiHo or planey), however, then again .......

By way of further explanation, Brigitte loved Cappys mind even more than his body, for his sense of humour really got her going. An example was when he left the Union Jack on one side of her Concorde and had all announcements made in Aussie English, particularly when the Skipper would announce on each flight "Welcome aboard Bridge, sorry that your seat is over the wing (Concorde joke) We are heading down to OZ, so buckle up as it's time for me to push some scenery past the windows, if we don't have a prang on takeoff that is"

Cappy was so eager to start a spanking session with Brigitte, he.........

 

..... always remembered his instructor (before he first soloed after 2.3 hours) always saying "That was a spanking good landing". So he always continued in that .......

Just a brief clarification. Cappy has not been allowed to wear shorts since he was 12, for obvious reasons. Not even Billabong Boardies he said with false modesty. As stated above, the reason was obvious if you saw part of him in shorts. Onesie could not possibly be aware of this as he lives on a planet far far away and has only seen Cappy in his commando gear when he went.......

........it was at this point that he woke up with his hand on the cat.

 

It wasn’t his cat; it was grey with an ugly sunken face and looked a nasty piece of work. With claws extended and a snarl it lashed out at Cappy and caught him on the pinky. Knighthoods were no longer on his mind and.....

 

....... when he looked, it wasn't pink any more.

The infection was devastating but Brigitte offered to fly in (she is so posh that she operates her own Concorde [which the Skipper bought for her, so don't tell Emma]) and suck the poison out.

The Captain was so crook that he thought that this might be the end (of his end) and he therefore called Brigitte to say "........

Le chat that caused le problem. What a piquer.

....Doof Doof” Turbo thought it would be some time before it became a hit.

 

Captain had treated us to a nostalgic walk down memory lane. Her Majesty told Turbo she’d crossed her fingers each time she’d knighted him so it didn’t matter; she’d keep doing it as long as he kept bringing those jars of Kapooka honey. As for the scrubber he drooled over, don’t tell him but the babes at the Grong Gring BNS ball would leave her for dead and speak....

 

.... ing about the GG Scrubbers, Cappy had previouly tried to weave his magic on them but the knockbacks were brutal. And none of them, except Her Madge, understood the aphrodisiacal powers of Kapooka Manuka, however Brigitte understood it only too well, for ze mange-ing but also for ze rubbing on ze ........

Below is the picture of Brigitte that she gave to Cappy to carry in his 17th century platinum & diamond locket thingy around his neck (and close to his heart). I post this just in case any of the other NESers are asleep at the wheel, Brigitte-wise.

And why wouldn't she see a fit & bronzed Aussie flyboy in the prime of his life, as a lay down misère compared to Emma ze Surrender-Monkey?

"That's understandable I reckon" said the 1st Nation's Native Australian Scone Cook (who was back in OZ after playing ruckman (and having a blinder … he kicked 3.11.29 which is pretty good out of the ruck), in the game against Zanu PF) as it's comparable with how I find the west-coast-girls, and that's why I wrote the song …………..

https://player.vimeo.com/video/160554553?app_id=122963

 

"Not bluddy likely", muttered Cappy again. "The last time I presented

 

..... myself with my dacks on I got knighted so I don't want that again as a double knighthood will make it harder to interact with my "ordinary" mates on the NES, but on the other hand it might give me a better chance with Brigitte Macron (or "sweetheart" as I call her) and then I'll .....

.......get a photo op with you under the truck and a spanner poking out the side, and you'll slide out (don't worry about that, we'll pull you out with the Land Cruiser if we have to), and you'll be talking to camera with an African American face, shiny white teeth and waving the spanner to show you're involved, then say something like "They tell me Albo was up on the fireline without a regulation fire suit on; what a callous regard for CFS standards, and....."

 

………… no, I'm not doing a Justin Trudeau impersonation (although Justin does do a good impersonation himself of being Justine Trudeau when he's having one of his little bitch session with Emmanuel Macron en francais …………………….. and I'll tell you something else about Emmanuel Macron (or Emma as the diplomatic community calls him)" said Scott. "The best thing about Macron is his missus".

"How dare you say that" yelled Greta.

"Oh, put a kipper in it Greta. Geeeeez you are becoming a pain." volunteered bull "And …..

"That's a brilliant idea, Scott", said Turboplanner, who had seen great opportunity in the bushfires himself, and who'd wangled himself a media consultancy position within Cabinet. "But if you like, I could present an even better opportunity by..........

 

…..….. using the Coulson 737 as a photo Op and then we use it to fly (avref) back to the hulla skirt clad shielas in Hawaii. You'll get your deposit back on the holiday and we can stay there for a few days debauching."

"Are you sure this is a good plan, Turbo, my quiet little Aussie mate?" asked Scotty "But I do like the idea of getting my deposit back from that shared AirB&B (partavref) joint.

"No worries PM, old mate" replied Turbo " As this is how long it takes to turn that 737 around and besides, we could only afford 20 litres of that red stuff that gives the water that colour, so the CFS is saving up for another 20 L drum after we repair AhRocksoff's crappy appliance, then we'll ………….

WE THINK AHLO IS A BIT OF A WHINGER EXPECTING FULLY OPERATIONAL EQUIPMENT TO FIGHT FIRES ……………………… A CALOUS MODERATOR

....dons a fire suit and steps up to the fire.......and then calls for Albo to put his money where his mouth is and get into a fire suit but .....

 

........ don him to it & Albo continued to look like an inner city lefty that bull, in his previous guise used to eat for brekky.

But then Albo struck a cord, when as ususl he worried about the disadvantaged & downtrodden, so surrounded himself with Penny & Kristina before announcing that our borders would be opened in order to take refugees from the Zhosa/ Palestinian conflict that was sweeping thru Durban. "It's the least we can .......

........ at least one good one before she ........

....... as Turbo well knew, while the outrage was profound and the PM came back from his holidays to sort this out, most Aussies and also Queenslanders (under Wally Lewis's secret leadership) delighted in being outraged and took up their electronic quils to ......

......dog which was a signal to Bulldozer to attack any person nearby with his two tonne clamping effort jaws. Bulldozer......

 

....... was a cruel way to take the mickey about our mate from bone.

"Naming your dog after your mate and suggesting he is dozy is a terrible indictment on Turbo and is akin to calling Onesie .......

......his mate OneHit’s missed golf strokes, but he paid him back by....

 

......... stroking his own .........

bald pate, of which I'm rightly proud. I don't get referred to regularly as 'Kojak' for nothing. In fact, it's so shiny, Wu Fat had to don welding glasses against the glare - without them, he could see nothing".

 

...... and with that simple statement by the UniRoute, the worldwide riddle of extraterrestrials has been solved.

"Yes" said some UFO Expert "They were all sightings of the reflection off the Turdbropongers shiny melon, as he flew (avref) through the sky (avref) with the sun reflecting of his bonce like light off a disco ball (what we now know is that his crown (casinoref) is not smooth, but has multiple disco ball-like flat sections caused by ......

.....shiny......

 

....... but oversized ........

"....Hero!" said Hiho whose BO was high. "We.......

 

……….… use the same deodorant, me and Tink, as he did me a job lot at mate's rates on one of his Scintex fumigators filled with that mixture of liquid cow dung and Lysol. I might pong like he does but at least it keeps the flies off my …………..

………… "Tool??" volunteered bull, trying to be helpful.

"No, no, No No No" said the Cappy, ever defensive of his best (and only) mate "He is actually a bit of a ………...

....True Blue Mate, someone you'd want next to you if there was another Gallipoli, someone who'd shoulder the load of making a decision about who was going to buy the toilet paper, someone who wasn't afraid to read a ten page report before committing the members to a doubling of  annual fees, someone who'd second the tough motions, someone who'd bring in 10% new members every year......................a genuine Australian, and there are very few .........

 

…….… of those around any more who don't have English as a second language (not that there is anything wrong with that).

However all was not sweetness and light, as is the normal position of the characters within the NES, because the Human Fcutors Szar had been keeping a close eye on all of Turbo's posts in case they can "Get the Bastard" which is the Deep State's standard position, where they have infiltrated CASA, the NTSB, the NDIS, FIFO, ISIS and the AUF (the Szar had not yet caught up with the name change).

"Prepare an indictment, or any other type of dicktment" said the Szar, "As I want Turbo impeached (again) quick stix."

"We'll help" volunteered the wrecks that are the Wreck Flying Moderator Team.

"Now hold your horses (equineref)" said the galant Captain OAM, QC, VD & scar, as I will do this pro-Bono (U2ref) to help my mate Turdboy (reprobateref), who while obviously guilty of something, is a bit of a ………….