Captain

....but before they did they replaced an equal number rivets in the Capatin's plane, and hung a pink barbie doll from the ceiling which made his batter than Loxy's, and....

 

...... the speeling on the NES contingued to be atroxious.

"It's my autoerotic corection on my deputer" said .........

“.........time rebuilding the engines and replacing 2/3 of the rivets in the beer can. Then we flew......”

 

... (avref) ......

..... the horizontal hula on the bar as he regaled the crowd with stories of his low passes and his 8G pull-ups in the 737.

"For goodness sake give him a Max water tanker and we won't have to put up with these stories for too much longer" said UniRoot.

"Come here young Onesie" said Loxie "Why, I remember when I flew the Sportstar down to Yarrawonga in company with The Captain where we had a merry old ......

........foxy.......

 

.... Samantha Boeing and they boing'd at least thrice that evening, before he saddled up again to .......

..... make-a de fuss".

The crowd went mad, the video went viral and PoxyLoxie, true to his name, caught a .........

..........."Real men fly Boeings!" Just who the reporter was who went off-message and departed the socialist line no one knows, but suddenly Loxy was a Rock Star, people were again saying "If it's not Boeing, I'm not going",  and Loxy stayed loyal to his Pepsi-CFS roots, and

 

...... that was because he had had a few.

"I know how I can help you Sam, as I am a real wordsmith" said Loxi. "It was me who originally came up with the Boeing/not going catchphrase." And I also came up with "You can't go far in a SportStar" and the killer is "If it ain't an Airbus then je non .......

.....make the drop.

 

Samantha looked at the blackened rear section of the 737 fuselage and thought "Maybe I shouldn't do a promotional tour with him; I might have a real one here, he probably doesn't know a Number 1 from a Number 2 nozzle, and....."

 

..... he obviouslly has what it will take to restore confidence in the MAX." "Plus he is an absolute hunk in those yellow dacks, so can help me out in another area as well" ("Is that a brass fire nozzle or are you just pleased to see me" she thought)

Ahlow heard her mention the 737 MAX and just said quietly "Just a small bottle please, Sammi my sweet".

"Oh well, perhaps I can just use his masculine powers and have him do the labels on the fuel and water caps." thought Sam.

However the ABC reported saw an angle and fronted up again to say "..........

........ had another of his flashbacks to the days when he had trouble with keys and padlocks and stuff.

And then the revelations flowed out of Loxie like the waters flowing down the Darling at present.

"When I saw the MAX sign I just thought it was talking about Pepsi, who are a major sponsor of the CFS" said AhLo (Pepsi were actually reluctant when first approached and this only came about when they became aware that Coke were sponsoring the arsonists).

Then PoxyLoxy continued "And I also have to say that I really surprised how little water & retardant the 737 held."

"That is a surprise" said an ABC reporter, as he tried to turn our beloved Loxie into the Gumly Gumly equivalent of Greta Numbnuts "Does that make you say How Dare You?".

But Loxie was unmoved when he added "But XXXX (avref) does it ever hold a shxtload of fuel. I was really surprised and tempted to head non-stop over the Disneyland where I have always wanted to go."

Samantha sidled up to him and whispered in his shell-like ear "Do you think that you might have used the wrong tanks?"

"Oh" said Ahlo in the way that he often has to "Double triple XXXX, XXXX, XXXX. Is that why the tank caps were labelled arse about face and why the fires tended to flare up a little when I ...............

......we all know that a 737 doesn’t have a prop, but it sounded good. He found a mic and, deepening his voice, said “Firebird One requesting pushback!”

 

”Jesus Loxy, just Drive straight ahead; you’ve got two miles” came the voice of his bowling mate Ernie, who was the tower controller at WWIA. LooseLox reddened and looked for the throttles, and then.....

 

..... said "Ooooo Errrhhh. What are all these duplicate instruments for? Surely you don't need all these spares? And what are these extra levers? Then he blushed again (like he used to when all the girls laughed at it) and called out "Clear the other prop" phoned the HF Szar and asked "Is that other one a spare or do I kick both engines in the guts when I get down near the end of that long straight concrete thing that planes use?".

The HF Szar smiled knowingly, pulled out his Form 267 Charge Sheet, then .....

....... blame can so readily be apportioned by those living nth of the Murray. "Batman was a bit of a dick" said bull "And they have continued on in that tradition."

But then the NES and the aviation community came alive when our beloved AhRoxOff received the call we all long for.

"Can you fly a 737?" they asked.

"Too right, FMD and can I what" said Ahlow who never swore. "I've got 5 hours in my SportStar and they are a similar type."

The 737 operator was desperate, and after all, they were both just recycled coke cans, plus he had heard about how similar the SportStar was and all AhLow needed was a 10 minute refresher on the simpler cockpit of the 737, a signature on his licence, a quick Human Factors 737 endorsement (the 737 version of Don't try to get home if the weather is crappy) then he was away. "Clear prop" he yelled enthusiastically and did a Toyota jump, but ...........

....... proof that Daniel's long running stoush with the CFS had resulted in the Mextorians hiring Turbo & the Morans to nick as much of the Cockroach's gear as they could and replacing it with broken down crap with Mextoria crossed out and NSW painted on in limewash.

But Ah-well was astute (and was a lot of other things as well) and was onto them. Daniel, who was a close mate and ally of She Gin Ping, thought ........

PS ..... TO OUR EXTENSIVE INTERNATIONAL AUDIENCE ............... NO .............. IT IS NOT A SAD INDICTMENT ON THEIR PERSONALITIES THAT THE AWESOME TURBINEPLUMMETER AND THE BELOVED CAPTAIN ARE SUBMITTING POSTS TO THE NES ON XMAS DAY. NOT SAD AT ALL.

Turbo streaked for the Corvette, hit the starter and was across the State line in a few minutes.

 

Chief Inspector Doubtfire...........

 

..... was heard to observe "This Turbo XXXXX is either a Moran or a Kelly (albeit apparently rocket propelled, so please all wear appropriate PPT), therefore bugger the Christmas spirit, I'm issuing a kill order and there's a meat tray in it for anyone who can ......

OUR THOUGHTS ARE ALSO WITH THOSE MODERATORS THAT EEEEN HAS FORCED TO WORK ON XMAS DAY, TO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR AND MODERATE THOSE QUESTIONABLE POSTS WHERE ONESIE CROSSES THE LINE, AND WHO ALSO HAVE TO BE ON DUTY TO WRITE NOTES ABOUT THE MODERATOR'S THOUGHTS BEING WITH THE MODERATORS THAT ARE ON DUTY ........ THE DUTY MODERATOR.

WE ALSO AT THIS TIME THINK ABOUT THOSE LASSIES & LADS THAT ARE ON DUTY ROSTERED ON WITH TURBO TO DRIVE THE ORE TRAINS FROM RSA TO WA. CAN YOU THINK OF ANY WORSE SHIFTS THAN BEING STUCK IN A 4000 KM LONG TUNNEL, WITHOUT VENTILATION PIPES, WHEN TURBO HAS AN ATTACK OF HIS WORLD FAMOUS FLATULENCE. "SUPA DUPA ERKY PERKY" VOLUNTEERED PLANEY.

......inspired more activity, including Turbo, who'd had a chip inserted in his wrist so he didn't need pockets.

 

He was shocked at this unforseen twist. "I'm not hiring any more plumbers" he said, and I'm certainly not going around slapping anyone else on the XXXX with my wrist. From now on it's machines only for me, although I can see some advantantages when I go out for a coffee, and ........."

 

...... everyone comments about the chip in my wrist, and how that positioning is so much more convenient than it being on my shoulder, where it has been for the past 50 years.

Constable, now Chief Inspector, Doubtfire made another NES appearance at the Moorabistan Central Crime Command and gathered all the Dicks around for a meeting, where she said "Turbo has admitted in writing to slapping people of both the male & female persuasion on the XXXX ......... and as some of you would already know, that is particularly incriminating as males don't have a XXXX, so I'm proposing that we .......

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL NES'ERS AND TO OUR THOUSANDS OF READERS & FANS WORLDWIDE. MAY PEACE BE UPON YOU ......... THE MODERATION TEAM.

AND OUR THOUGHTS ARE PARTICULARLY WITH THOSE FIFO MEMBERS THAT ARE ON THE FRONT LINE IN THE 2019 XOSA/PALESTINIAN CONFLICT.

........at least tuck in your shirt, the plumbers crack is absolutely driving everyone to distraction ......

 

....... "But" said the ever practical & commercially astute Onesie "That is where the new customers swipe their credit cards to make their payments. It's not called a plumber's crack any more".

"Erky perky" said planey & tried to shut the NES down for being unAustralian, which only .......

.......began production to the howls of local dingoes and large rabbits. At first production was slow, but.......

 

..... then it got slower.

"Call the Muskstick, as he knows this issue" commanded Onesie to Eeeen (who was unused to receiving instructions).

"Up yours Onesie" responded Eeeen in a fit of pique "And please wear undies when at work, or at ........

.... it heralded the release & popularity of the Full Glass Cockpit Drifter SFGPQ (which is also rated for the FNTPLQ community).

With Drifter sales about to go exponentially thru the roof (or ETTR as the aviation & twitter community like to say), Eeeen and Uniroot formed an incorporated Joint Venture) bought out the Drifter factory, transferred production & staff to Southern Cross (which is as similar to Chenxianmin as you can get) and they .....

His big mistake was when he took off, and........

 

........, specifically against the gospel according to Human Factors, he armed the .....

IT MUST BE RECORDED HERE THAT AS A RESULT OF THE SPIN MENTIONED IN POST 11469, MATT ASKED FOR AND RECEIVED TURBO'S AUTOGRAPH.

TURBO, WHO IS A QUIET AND UNDERSTATED SORT OF A CHAP, NOT GIVEN TO PUBLIC UTTERANCES OR DISPLAY OF ANY TYPE, WAS UNHAPPY ABOUT THIS BUT GAVE IN AS MATT SEEMS TO BE A NICE STYLE OF A KIDDIE.

......knock over a seagull or two, and then pulling up into a wingover, or even a loop to have a look at the local scenery before........

 

....... as Turbo always expresses it "recoverying from another bloody wing stall and spin" (plethora of avrefs).

But the crowd on the beach were rapturous with applause, so good was the spin that they assume it was Matt "Turbo" Hall at the controls, because in true Turbohall fashion he recovered from the spin 300 ft AGL and flew (avref) half a knot below the 200 knot limit (Turbs' throttle control is legendary) thru the goalposts at the showground at legal attitude and height to be accepted into next year's redbull air races (if'n there were such a series in 2020), but as a reinforcement of his skills, an email soon arrived from the Blue Angels asking Squadron Leader TinkyWink to .....

.....will allow them to get the same view of a beach as they would if they stood in the back of a ute, but .......

 

...... then again, nothing beats a high speed low pass down a beach in a Drifter S, being pushed back into the seat as the engine howls and the prop claws for traction (like an FA18 with rag wings) where the wake turbulence will surely ......

.........pull the cord on the old Seagull to go fishing, or...........

 

.... just experience the delights of recreational aviation, the finest way that a physical wreck (like some who contribute to the NES [but not Turdy or the Skipper of course]) can relax yet take calculated risks which can be a pain to arthritic backs during summer due to the thermals, but which ......

CAPPY IS EMBARRASSED TO SEE THAT WHILE HE MENTIONED OFFENHAUSER POWER, TINK IS FROM 1 OR 2 GENERATIONS LATER FROM THE DAYS OF MAX DUMESNEY .& STEVEN GALL. WHAT A FAUX PAS.

Turbo breathed the beautiful Mentanol fumes, then coughed, forgot to look up and......................

 

...... Tink was on his ear again. "Geeez I'm getting sick of being upside down (aerobaticref)".

For, as dear readers can surely detect, Turgid has gone all melancholy and wistfully (and perhaps even wristful ..... not that there's anything wrong with that) as he remembered those good old days when he could sit in a chair without groaning, or when he could ........