Captain

.........Turbo's mix.

 

"I often use it at difficult Association Meetings" he said "In the Meeting Notices I sent out I'd have the start time showing as 7:30 pm for the dodgy ones with an agenda, and 8 p.m. for the honest ones. At the 7:30 start the Scintex would be purring under the desk, this time filled with Phenyl and the dodgy ones would all be gone by 7:45. Made making decisions much easier, especia,lly.........

 

...... as the dodgy ones are all dills."

"I always wondered why those meetings were so short and we could all go early to the pub." said The Skipper, "So now I know that the TurgidPonga thinks that I am a real .........

.....stop the XXXXXXX.

 

Turbo uses a Scintex fumigator filled with a mixture of liquid cow dung and Lysol. Place it over the shoulder pointing backwards and run. It lays a stream which has the March flies fighting each other for a drink, and they'll leave you alone until they've eaten the whole trail and had a good sleep,, but then they remember who was doing the running and.....

 

....... this, of course, was redundant advice because all of Turbo's mates and everyone else that ever attended a Fly-In (avref) with him, or whoever worked with him for all those years can remember that pong and hence his name Turboponger.

"You know how smells can be recalled years later because the human olfactory senses are so sensitive?" said bull with a peg on his nose "Well Turbo has been abusing that (and us) for years, as he must have sprayed some under his arms, yet I have patented it as the most effective killer of Cane Toads ever identified. (I'm marketing it under the catchy name of "bULL SIHT", but the Ponger is ......

.......the world's most venomous sand flies.

 

If they get a good bite, they'll turn your blood to water and you'll bleed out on the sand and......

 

..... you'll need more than Bushmans to .......

The Splatrey sandfries are harder to repel than Mavis after she's watched a Tom Jones video.

........tended to wear down after a few of the Captain's famous skids, leaving the pilot's delicate parts exposed to.....

 

...... the searing Splatrey sun and the sandfries, oh my god the sandfries, which may be worse in bone but are still .......

.......he knew he had to slow it down slowly so he got Wu Fat to hang his arms and legs out the sides and it worked beautifully with....

 

....... the added advantage that Cracka also provided his own skid below the aircraft (avref) which aided the landing but which .......

The Drifter reared into the air and they were gone. "Now we have to ........"

 

...... somehow get this bloody thing to slow down enough for a circuit as he was PIC of the S version of the Drifter. Best I enter a 10 mile downwind so he gave his call "Splatrey tlaffic, Dlifter Xx-XXXX (Turbs always uses that number to avoid fees) is on a high speed downwind, presentry abeam Hanoi and intending to .......

........The Krugerrand exchange rate these days is so bad you could hardly buy a Big Mac, and most people thought they were old useless coins, but the stopover in PNG, which Turbo and WF had agreed to,  gave them enough times to take a few bags up and bury them on the Kokoda Trail. Not many people knew that Krugerrand were stamped in pure gold, and nor did the Chinese Minister for Finance until........

 

....... Tink and Cracka made the mistake of showing him the 1 oz fine gold stamp ("What dumb plicks are they, eh?" commented bull in his best manadarine).

"Stone the crows & FMD" said the Minister in Chinese, before he ........ 

......shipping the bag money to honorable government, which......

 

....... caused a problem for both bull and Singularroot as, unbeknownst to HiHo & the Turbulantone, this WA & Qld consortium were shipping commercial quantities of Krugerrands through the tunnel, as backloads on the ore trains, in an attempt to influence & distort the world's gold market, but with Fatty & Turbs doing the same thing between PNG & China, the world ......

Unitrack & bull have millions & millions of 'em

....I don’t believe in flying without an engine, especially.....

 

....... between Darwin and the Spratleys when Wu Fat (or Tubby to his mates) is .......

.....just because three spat pistons out the exhaust. Two with rods through the side, one with plugs melted, two seized and one which threw props every time there was an off-shore wind, didn’t mean this one would have problems. Turbo was going out to rescue Gina from Wu Fat; he gave it full throttle.....

 

..... in his 2 stroke Drifter (avref)

"They might drop their guts on the back of my boat but would never dare do that on an aircraft (avref) as .........

.......story best kept from the thousands of ears of NES readers and focus on the boat which carried.....

 

..... a reliable outboard, something that Turbo doubted, as he'd never experienced such a wonderous thing, but then again .......

.......ends with a Ford Everest launching a boat. This caused much scratching of heads, but  Turbo and the Captain wouldn’t  tell......

 

..... young bull that Turgid had skipped a few importent stages & that there are some wet & yucky bits prior to the boat being launched, but that's another ......

Gina read his note and looked shocked. "This is worse than my plan to defeat Rose getting her hands on all of Langs money and royalties!!", she gasped. "You're utterly ruthless!!"

 

"Yes, I know", smiled the Nice Rat, showing his toothy grin. "But you should see me in action on a bad day, when.......

 

………… I weave my evil so completely and cheerfully, that it is just like I am doing it with religious conviction."

"XXXX "said Gina "You really are a bad XXXX."

"Oh, stop it with your flattering talk, darling" the ever so nice Rat replied, and what happened after that shall go unreported, save to say what happens in Hammersley stays in Hammersley.

This tempted bull (the most loyal liberal in the world), to ask Tubb "Where do babies come from?"

To which Tinky, an expert in this subject and in everything else uterine, replied "Well bull, it starts with the copulatory process and ...............

For the benefit of our thousands of NES'ers who don't know or appreciate him, here is a recent photo of bull as the number 1 supporter of the Libs.

In this picture he is preparing to go to the bone barber shop to have his eyebrows trimmed.

He and John Howard often meet up there, as the barber in bone specialises in cutting wire.

"That's terrible!", complained Turbine. "Do you mean to tell us those F-35's that cost us mega billions, are now about as useful as the proverbial hip pocket on a singlet!?"

 

"I wouldn't go so far as to actually say that", said MM. "What I would like to say is.....

 

..... that they are going to offer a nett saving when recycled to be part of the new submarines."

"Don't you think that might be a nett wank and waste" said bull still doing his best impersonation of Bob Menzies as the Lib's # 1 supporter, and until Greta .........…......

The lovable Rat has a mind like a steel box and is often caught out when he refreshes this page but the thread goes over to the next page, so aaaaggaaaain he apologies to the HiHoSlanderer about jumping ahead and has deftly included HidyHody's ending in here.

..... where the rejoicing was greater than at a BBL game when the Perth Thingamejigs are playing the ........

Albo himself had come to the NES, and was...........

 

………… looking to bond with a group of Scott's "Quiet Australians".

"you won't find too many here" said bull, who was a big fan of Anastasia Pallachuck and a loyal long term member of the bone Worker's United Club (where Mave was still turning tricks).

"Ah comrade" said Albo "It's nice to meet a man after my own heart, a soldier for the workers, someone who stands up for their rights (well, their lefts really).

Then they joined arms (touching each other tenderly) after flying (avref) out to stand under the Tree of Knowledge where they sang "Solidarity Forever" to the tune of that Guns and Roses ditty "………..

THIS IS ALSO THE ANTHEM FOR THE PERSECUTED FLYBOY MEMBERS OF WRECK FLYING.

bull is dressed as the 4th lady from the left and Albo is the bloke that looks like Eddie Obied. Daniel Andrews sent his apologies as he was up in China at the time signing his One Yellowbrick Road deal, and giving away Mextoria's future.

....... "I just proved that all these years later my slide rule still fits into my back verandah"

"Is that still Rule 303?" asked Breaka-bull "Or is it now Rule 7.6?" showing his knowledge of modern weaponry.

"How dare you" yelled Greta.

"Stick a sock in it you Swedish twerp" responded the Palestinians, who were 7.11.53 up against the Zanu PF's 5.15.45 and Hamsa was also getting out his best pouch of agates. "These Zanu clowns can't kick for nuts" he added.

"Yes" said Turbo admiringly, "They are well h.........

RULE 303

"Geez Louise & stone the goats" said Ahmed to Machmood "It might be Xmas & all that (good will to all men & similar crap), but HidyHody is trying to drag the NES back to aviation (avref) topics. If he wasn't such a nice bloke and a fluglift (avref) guru I'd be tempted to actually censure him via Rule Semtex and strap a .......

.....acting up. Since the tunnel had now been built, and the ore was going to be mined by Xhosa warriors, who would find new ways to wreck the excavators, dozers and haul truck, the company didn't need Palestinians, so they were given a handsome bonus  and given a free ticket on the bus to the north, heading or their homeland.  They reache Zimbabwe what Ahmed said "Why don't we try a bit of terrorism; these people look like they'l scare easily.........................."

 

....... as Zanu PF are a bunch of pussies and the MDC Alliance are akin the Santa's elves ..... not even to mention ZAPU (splitters)."

"Good on ya Ahmed" said Machmood to Sal (previous Salman but he had gone all Aussie) "I reckon we should take them on best out of 5 at AFL then Snooker and then Dibbles, before we see whether we need to fight 'em, because .....

"Kickback?? Did you say Kickback!", said Cappy, his attention suddenly diverted from counting his money to what Fanie was saying. "How did I not know about this.........?

 

….. and has little Bobby Mugabe approved it?"

"How dare you" screeched Greta "Don't you realise that cute little kiddies are dying from the climate epoxalips and here you are trying to make money, you grasping capitalist pigs."

"Pipe down you little twerp" responded bull, who was getting sick of being told what to do. "I am not an animal" he added in the style of the Elephant Man.

Meanwhile, the flood of fresh air into the tunnel, powered by the pair of quokkas was making everyone happy, including Greta because it was not powered by fossil fuel or by the old fossil flyboyz on Wreck Flying (avref), but the Palestinians, who are usually so easy to get along with, were still ………….. 

THIS IS HOW BULL SPOKE & FRIGHTENED THE HECK OUT OF THE CROWD AT THE TUNNEL ENTRANCE.

TURGID IS THE BLOKE IN THE HAT AT THE BACK.

GRETA WAS HAVING A KIP AT THE TIME AND GOING THRU ONE OF HER SILENT PERIODS.

.........mining, since that waqs the primary function nd the work was..........

 

..... stopped as there was an as-built tunnel approval issue.

"The plans call for a ventilation pipe every 5 kms" said an officious building inspector chap or chapette from Southern Cross.

"How dare you" said Greta.

"No wuckers" responded Turbid who was used to fixing major stuffups (CASAref). "Chuck me that last breeding pair of quokas,  a bit of poly pipe and .....

[FOR OUR THOUSANDS OF NATIONAL & INTERNATIONAL NES READERS, AN EXPLANATION IS JUSTIFIED .... IN RSA IN AAAFRIKORNS, "SOROS" IS AN ABREVIATION FOR "SORRY-OLD-RICH-ORRRR-SOLE"] ...... NELSON THE MODERATOR

........ I do accept that it could be more environmentally friendly."

"How dare you" said Gretta, who had floated down on a raft made of used Ikea packing crates because she hates flying (avref) and supports non democratic globalist regimes (socialistwankaref) like FIFO, SOROS & the EU "Dont you know that there are children dying, Turbo's wasting resources on looooooooooooooooooooooong posts and your tunnel is now a .........

...... dealt with under rule 303" he said as bull went into full character as Breaker bull (or Breakable for short).

The Palestinians ducked out of the tunnel and immediately claimed an area for their homeland, looking to cut off any ringlets that they could find.

Turbo's fake passport said that his name was Ivor bin Silly and he rose to the occasion by ......