Captain

"Holy Moly!!" said bull, "It must be that The Fakir has turned your aircraft into a flying bomb, and is going to commandeer it and detonate it, as soon as you get airborne again!!"

 

"Not possible", said Crappy, "I've ...…

 

…….. undertaken an RAA & CASA course on Human Factors associated with Fuckirs and other fXXkers who attach bombs in aircraft (so that solves it all as Human Factors solves everything, including coughs, colds and sore holes) and therefore I will not take off trying to get home into Cyclone Allan, nor will I take off when I know there is a bomb attached, so I will instead call up Acccchhhmed the HF approved terrorist bomber and for a few scheckels more than FIFO are paying him to keeeel me, he will …….

...'re looking for someone to sweep the swarf off the floors."

 

The all-in brawl lasted nearly 30 minutes when a huge BANG! shook the ground. Everyone froze and......

 

"SXXT" said Turbo who, as we know, is an expert on astro physics.

"I reckon that was another THE Big Bang" added Turbo Hawking.

"What is that" asked bull who was full of trepidation and loathing (for Turgid has that effect on people).

"Sit down young bull" said Turdy in the nature of a kindly grandfather. "The Big Bang is a theory and a cosmological model for the observable universe from the earliest known periods through its subsequent large-scale evolution. The model describes how the universe expanded from a very high-density and high-temperature state, and offers a comprehensive explanation for a broad range of phenomena, including the abundance of light elements, the cosmic microwave background (CMB), large-scale structure and Hubble's law (the farther away galaxies are, the faster they are moving away from Earth). If the observed conditions are extrapolated backwards in time using the known laws of physics, the prediction is that just before a period of very high density there was a singularity which is typically associated with the Big Bang. Current knowledge is insufficient to determine if the singularity was primordial."

"FXXX" responded bull "No wonder you XXXX yourself when you heard that loud noise, as you are a bit primordial too in appearance ........ but will I still be able to buy my usual ............

"I'm a Human Fuckir" came the call from Rotty. " Is there a job for me at the RAA?".

"We had forgotten about you" responded the TabloidPublisher "And we ………….

Cappy yelled "Clear Prop", and swung the key again - and Turbs vanished - but the engine still wouldn't crank. It was becoming increasingly obvious to Ratty, that the torpedo had sapped all the current from the battery when it was launched.

 

Following this rather slipshod disclosure by Onesie, the CASA and the RAA instigated a Select Committee to identify the issue. The result is that all private aircraft, even the rag & tube guys (who are really bitching about it) are required to call "Clear Torpedo" at least 30 seconds before "Clear Prop" on each startup.

However the all powerful Human Factor's Subcommittee are now very concerned that this may compel pilots to fit sights and attack HMAS Brisbane each flight, prior to turning base each time ("We can't trust our pilots to have any brains" said the HF Szar), so the manure has really hit the Prop down on the 25th floor of RAA House.

"Not where you're concerned, I haven't", said OT with a toothy grin. "Do you want the cables and cart, or am I going to........

 

….. have to clamp them onto your ……...

He turned the key, and ......

 

..... poof, there stood Turbo, who himself was a ..........

Turbs in the shower with his friends and their temporary towels.

finally after much ado The Captain got out to the taxi way,and the check list could be heard being checked,but the last one on the list was disarm explosives before takeoff,,,so the cappy diligently leaned forward and flicked the switch...………………………..

 

.... "Oh crap" he was head saying "Did that say dis.......

AND THERE BULL GOES AGAIN, WITH THAT TERRIBLY PORNOGRAPHIC DEPICTION OF MRS BULL ENJOYING THE EXPLOSIVE END OF ONE OF THEIR NUMEROUS LOVEMAKING SESSIONS. THIS IS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH, (ALTHOUGH IT APPEARS LIKE IT WAS OK FOR MRS BULL), AND BULL IS NOW ON 0.35 OF A FINAL WARNING ..... MOD

All of the paperwork used the below photo ID and was immediately accepted by the Aussie Government and the Security Dudes (most of whom looked like bombchuckers too) at the ATO.

.....we'll also get rid of one of the Bushpigs as well". "But there's problem with your plan", said Ratty."No-one can get into the ATO office in Canberra", it's totally secure - and besides, it's only staffed by computer robots, not humans, because humans make mistakes, and computer robots don't!"

 

"Well", said AA, "We'll organise to steal an aircraft (avref), fill it with explosives, and fly it into the ATO office, and blow up all the computer robots! That'll fix the tax problem!"

 

"Now we need a suicide volunteer to steal and fly an aircraft", said AA, "Everyone who has a pilots licence (because we need to be legally accountable to CASA on this), and who feels like killing themselves occasionally, step forward".

 

At that, Ratty stepped forward, not realising he was on a suicide mission - because his hearing was no longer the best, due to many hours sitting next to screaming Rotaxes sitting on 6000RPM and Continentals sitting on 3000RPM - because Ratty loved going places, fast!

 

Upon sighting Ratty stepping forward, AA couldn't conceal his excitement. "Ratty, you're the MAN!!", exclaimed AA, "Now, step into my office and we'll finalise this scheme to.......

 

……. take out the ATO. All Aussie's will love me after this, as it'll be a victory for the quiet Aussies. "Hey, that's a good political slogan, I might be able to sell that to Scott" said AA.

Once in the office, AA presented the Skipper with all of the necessary Pre-Bombing paperwork, all in accordance with ISO 9001. "It's all standard stuff with no catches" said AA "and has been signed by all the other guys and gals."

First there was Public Indemnity Insurance "This costs us a motza" commented AA, then Workers Comp "These rates are bullsXXt and exhorbitant" he added, then there was Personal Accident and IATA Travel Insurance, MediBank Private dispensations and Letterbox Depreciation Insurance. Next came the CASA paperwork, the Explosive Vests over State Borders approvals not to mention the Plant Quarantine docs and the ……………..

Meanwhile the Palestinians have latched onto a business and promotional opportunity on Rotty, where their initial attempts at escape have been turned into a major Tourist Attraction (winning the award for "The most useless piece of crap that has been used to drag dough out of Visitors" for 2019).

"It's amazing how an excess of cash (and a few blonde chicks) can convert bomb-chuckers into capitalists" commented Arse-Armour in an interview to the West Australian newspaper, and he added what has now become a PLO promotional catchphrase ….. "Capitalism before Capital-Punishment" ….. as they renounced violence, threw down their weapons, kissed each other (not just on the mouth either), bought cuddly puppies and kittens, donated heaps to Save the Children and the Salvos, wore crosses, became members of Amnesty International, the Red Cross and WWF and then pledged peace unto the world for evermore or longer.

The rest of humanity rejoiced & got busy getting pissed.

But them Arse-Armour (or AA as his new friends and the FIFO PR company that were rebadging him to look like a mid-eastern Santa) put his arm around the WA reporter and commented in the friendliest of tones "The Tunnel tours are going gangbusters, mate, however now we have a fXXXn tax problem as recently advised by PWC (Palestinians, Westbankers and other CXXXXS), so we have sent the ugliest of the FIFO brides off the Canberra to blow herself up in the Tax Office building. That will surely cure that (and her), and ……..

The Rotty Tunnel business is booming (explosivebeltref), see the below link.

https://www.rottnestfastferries.com.au/packages/train-and-tunnel-tour/ 

That appeared to be the end of that, but Turbo also knew of a sub at Holbrook, had been inside it, and read some of the POH (averef) in the excellent museum nearby. Coulf they tow it, all the way to.......

 

……… Narooma (the Snowies are just a minor irritant to the turbocharged TinkyWink) where it can be ……….

BULL IS NOW ON HIS FINAL WARNING, AS DURING A RECENT MODERATORS' RETREAT AND CONVENTION WE IDENTIFIED BULL'S SUB GIF, AS SHOWN ABOVE, AS A DEPICTION OF A PHALOUS & EJACULATORUM (AS MICHELANGELO USED TO DESCRIBE THEM). THIS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED AGAIN (ALTHOUGH WE DO CONCEDE THAT THIS MIGHT BE CONSIDERED NORMAL IN FNQ AND AROUND BONE) ..... MOD.

...... correct, as usual.

The TurbidPlonker is an interesting member of Wreck Flying as he is never wrong (just ask him) .... except for the low flying (avref) Renmark incident (avref), however if you recall a NES post about 200 - 300 ago, Turgid had taken on the Project Management of the Future Aussie Sub Program ("It's just a big waterproof truck with a few appendages that goes up (avref) & down (avref) as well as fwd (avref) & back (bombaimerjokeref), so no wuckers") was his memorable quote and admirable laid back attitude), but the new Subs had blown (Palestinian ref) out from just $50 billion to $135 billion and Tink was just a little anxious, which he tried to disguise by his old sub on the beach story.

And that proved to be ......

The sub on the beach at Freo. A rare photo.

......tunnelling experience he’s sure to be sent to......

 

..... Rotty as a Tunnel Rat to clear ....

....dead end. Turbo knew that like a dog returning to its vomit the vilification would continue until Turbo stopped mentioning Harold Holt. He picked up the phone and called political journalist Hunter Catchem.

 

“HOLT FOUND - rumour of a relationship with Captain Cook descendent” the newspaper blared.

 

”That should send him into orbit......

 

..... when Harry goes onto the Speaking Circuit to relate his experience with the Chinese Sub, the 72 Virgins, his time flying the Drifter (avref) and his .....

Apologies for breaking into Tink's excellent story line, but new video has just been released of a FIFO member who has made it into show biz in a big way ......

and the disappearance of sir Nobu ,[who was last seen  after a late night meeting with Turbo in the cross looking for that harlet that calls him randy]

 

.... whereas Tubb's real name was "Alone", until his relationship with Sir Knob blossomed into a ......

....it hasn’t turned him. Readers will note that since Turbo brought up the name of Harry Holt, he has gone into a frenzy of red herring waffle. This out of character and one wonders what he is trying to hide. Could it be.......?

 

... that Turbs has lost the plot (again).... as at was the Skipper who identified Tubb as Harry Holt after his dive off the dam wall, but Tubb was under extreme pressure at the moment because he is also the subject of a critical reexamination of his role in the Lawyer X saga, the death of Yasar Crackafat and .....

Following messages from the hundreds of Palestinian members of Wreck Flying (avref), the Captain wishes to be an equal opportunity contributor and therefore offeres the following news items for consideration of their recreational (recref) aviation (avref) relevance, however the Skipper is pleased to advise that he eats soy regularly and  …………..

https://www.news.com.au/world/orthodox-rabbi-declares-ban-on-soy-as-it-makes-students-gay/news-story/203b7e34a80dad793f30ee43e444246f

"How about I fry some sausages for lunch?" he asked, and the Captain turned green ....

 

….. with envy, as he had always admired the Turdyplunger (from afar …. which is always the best place with Tink) as the Skip had always wanted his own letterbox and thereby to create his own line of onesie's about the Palestinian Hustle and to also plaster the little kids with political slogans (which he thought preferable to them wearing an explosives belt). Below are the 1st examples of production, which are selling like hot kababs.

But all good things come to an end and in this case ………….

The Captain's new line of stick on moustaches for women are also selling well.

....Turbo's Skip.

 

This prompt from Turbo helped the Captain remember the video of Turbo during his period as a soccer referee, where his skipping (Turboref) was a source of admiration by all on Wreck Flying (avref) and on Wreck Soccering.

The below video is a brief but representative display of Turbo as a referee and as a WF/WS contributor (Many on Wreck Flying had already discussed this aspect of Tubb's numerous posts which came to a head when Tubb and Onesie argued so vigorously in that legendary thread about the Sportstar prang at Renmark).

[You can see below why Tink wanted so much to be a Moderator, but was refused that honour.] ……….. MOD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-3cuCEt9k8

Harry’s bolt hole tunnel back into the Portsea cliffs might be discovered. “Quick, get some concrete” yelled Harry who had been living a carefree beachcomber’s life for half a century. 

 

“If they find me.........”

 

... Zara is going to want another piece of me, and while Tubb's drought would make that seem attractive, Harry had converted to Islam and done a deal to have early access to his quota of virgins down on the beach.

"It's not that great" said Harold "As they are only still virgins because they look rougher thru their letterbox than do Onesie and bull combined (and that's pretty crook)"

But Harry, like Tubb, was pretty desperate for female company, so he .....

..... as close to Indiana Jones as Tubb was ever going to get.

Either that or he was doing a reconstruct of the last dip of Harry Holt.

"Oh crap" said Turbo, which didn't sound too much like Indiana, so it's Portsea & the PLO tunnelers all over again, and that means that .....

Based on his dressing down, the TinkyWinkler thought about doing what, in the chauffeurs community, is known as a "Lady Dianna", so he sped up and searched for a bridge column, however this weekender (for he has a few) of the Captain was on the Nullabor and even Tinks could work out that a 2 ft saltbush probably wouldn't do the trick.

So he thought further and decided instead to do a "Prince Andrew", but Andrew knocked him back.