Captain

SOME FURTHER HISTORY - Turbo and Nobu were international pen-friends between the wars and as a little joke they offered to exchange vowels for 12 months.

So for a year Tubb was called Torbu San and Nob was "Nubo the Knob" (He actually wanted to be called Bluey, but that was never on as his hair was not even slightly red).

They thought it was a real giggle back in those more innocent days.

"Torbu was a leal funny young plick when he was a rittle tacker, and I ruved frying down to Moolabbin to be birreted with him and his famiry. However those horridays fell a bit frat after we attacked Pearl Harbour".

"Turbo & I are brood blothers" commented Nobu.

NOBU IN HIS YOUNGER PLE-WW2 DAYS

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

".......Ooooh! there goes a RAT!" said Turbo, and Cappy's head nearly came off as he spun. When he turned back, Turbo was gone; nowhere to be seen, and not only that but ....................

....... five of the CWA ladies were adjusting their corsets and smiling in that "Turbo was here" kind of way.

The Captain checked the security cameras around the town and the below photo records Turbo's exit thru the Gumly Gumly Botanic Gardens, at the same time that Cappy was still looking around searching for his best mate and while the CWA ladies were looking at each other saying "Who did that .... and what did he (or she) do it with?".

The final sign was Turbo's usual calling card where he leaves a souvenir star knife (see example below, as made by Turbine Star Knives Inc) and a .................

A NEVER BEFORE SEEN PHOTO OF TURBO, LEAVING AFTER ADJUSTING HIS UNIFORM.

Note that his fingers are counting out "5" in Japanese characters + also note the thumbs up. Turbo just has to be the fastest and coolest NES member there has ever been, although bull probably comes a close second.

THE TURBO CALLING CARD, WHICH ARE THE TALK OF THE CWA

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

As he picked his coffee cup up he accidentally knocked the holder; there was a distinct metallic rattle from inside and................

....... he quickly explained "That's just a Rotax starting up (or shutting down) next door, so don't worry."

"No mate" the lithe Skipper said "What's in your coffee cup, except of course for the usual coffee, a double shot of JW Red, a pinch of cocaine and half a viagra?"

Turbo looked embarrassed, went quiet and thoughtful for a while, then .........

"WHY HALF A VIAGRA?" I HEAR FORUM MEMBERS ASK. IT'S TO GIVE

TURBS SOMEWHERE TO PROP UP HIS IPAD WHEN REPLYING TO THE NES.

A LOW COST, SOFTER & ALWAYS AVAILABLE VERSION OF THIS .............

On 15/01/2021 at 1:05 PM, Yenn said:

Having been a passenger on Indonesian internal airline flights I would consider anything possible.

I agree Yenn.

In Surabaya I have sat watching through the cockpit door when the Pilot and 1st officer were tapping on a couple of inoperative engine gauges after engine start, then had a bit of a chat and obviously decided the Indonesian equivalent of "Stuff it, let's go anyway", ........ and off we went.

Anything is certainly possible.

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

"Hang on!", cried Cappy, suspecting his old mate was just as crooked as he was - "We never got to inspect the coin! Pull the coin out again, so we can get a look at it, and ensure that there's no funny business going on here, or we'll have to......

............... investigate all those games of Strip 2-Up that you won at the Coonabarabran (soon to be renamed Cheersabarabran) CWA, because as you know, those CWA girls can get feral if cheated & they always thought it suspicious when you won 40 games in a row on heads ............ and 40 consecutive wins at Strip 2-Up gets a lot of gear hitting the floor, not to mention what went on afterwards when .......

THE CWA LADIES OUTSIDE THEIR CLUBHOUSE

AFTER THEY ALL GOT THEIR KIT BACK ON.

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy sounded a little doubtful, preferring to ...............

........, meanwhile, sit back and allow the less sensitive other forum members and NESers to put the boot in, just because he is a tad portly and a fat CT 155 (kgs).

So he waddled down to his hangar in the bottom paddock (his lady friends & the Taxman all think it is a hay shed) to prepare the Thruster with the 3 Blue Heads (on a common crankshaft of the Skipper's own patented design) to be ready for the 2021 Reno Air Races.

Both Turbs and Cappy decided to give the Thruster a run over there as, after the test flight and the evidence of the broken chairs & Turbo's jodhpurs (now cleaned up and like new) etc, they thought the Thruster would have more chance of winning than would their original plan of taking the crashed, scrapped and rebuilt ex Pakistani, ex Venezuelan and ex-Turkmenistan F16 that Turdboy had rebuilt in the Captain's hangar (as shown in Tink's avatar).

"I reckon that my CT (avref not Turboref) would be a better bet" said the 9000 showing commendable brand loyalty, but Salty strongly disagreed, while bull remained silent as usual and Planey was incensed, letting everyone know, with a ..........  

TURBO, INSPECTING THE F16 BEFORE PARTING WITH HIS CASH TO BUY IT.

HE DID A GREAT JOB REBUILDING IT.

29 minutes ago, onetrack said:

They can't do that, that would mean......

...... that I'd be one of the 1st sent to the hoosgow, and the other prisoners would do to me what a number of NES contributors have tried to do ever since post #3, when ........

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

It was then that they noticed...........

..... the dot of shame on Turbo's jodpers, for he had done a spoonfull during one of the wingovers.

"Don't worry old mate" said Cappy with a peg on his nose "Worse things have happened, but I just can't think of anything more embarrassing at the moment ...... however it all proves that you never need to worry about all that MTOW, W&B and Checklist malarkey when you strap 3 blueheads together into a W6 and you have more power that an Offenhauser in your sprintcar."

Turbo agreed and added "But just don't mention my indiscretion on the NES, will you old friend."

"No worries Tink, old chap, I'll stay schtumm if you will just .........

SIDEBAR - The Captain hopes that the above photo does not dissuade CT9000, bull or Planey from posting here again. (The Skipper knows that Turdboy, Onesie and Salty will be OK with it, as they regularly dress in CWA uniforms too NTTIAWWT).

Despite the fearsome "look" Cappy is actually a lovely bloke, if not slightly "troubled". (Turbo knows this well from almost 5 decades of close friendship and working with Cappy regularly during that period to address several "issues".)

Eeeeeen also knows your beloved Cappy well from numerous AUF Natfly knees-ups ("What goes on [or comes off] at Natfly stays at Natfly" .... which was an AUF moto for many years) and Eeeeeeen will surely vouch for him rather than ban him (it is hoped).

........ that we find him a 7 3/4 size matron's head dress and a pair of size 13 white sensible shoes to match his deep matronly voice and his bad attitude, which is taking the Nursing Home by .......

THIS IS THE DESIRED "LOOK".

He already has the lippy & a set of fake medals.

...... back to some semblance of reality, so that it won't .......

4 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

Hi captain I just stumbled on to this whilst waiting for the billy to boil. Thanks for the welcome.   For your info a CT is an aircraft made by Flight Design in Germany.

Thanks mate. I've seen a few of them and flown one. And for your info Turbo is a ct of an aviator, made in Victoria.

10 minutes ago, onetrack said:

....which then led to discussions as to what the chook head count would be used for. "Hang on!", cried Turbo, "that's an uneven number of chooks feet, they must've either used a 3-legged chook, or a one-legged chook!"

 

"That's against all the rules associated with utilising chooks for writing! They'll have to go back to scratch (chook ref), and re-write the rules, utilising two-footed chooks only, to prevent any aberrant......

 

...... changes that might facilitate flyers enjoying themselves in freedom.

"I can understand the uniroute's obsession about banning 3 legged chooks" contributed bull "But how can he be certain that fraudulent votes weren't cast by 4 legged chooks and ballot harvesting through wonky voting machines like they did in Pennsylvania and ......

41 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

re write the rules for a flight review under the new licence system. They walked the chooks across a puddle of ink then onto butchers paper then called it the part 149 ............  {149 being the number of chook feet by their count}

SIDE COMMENT - Welcome to the NES, CT9000.

You'll find friends here, as Turbo is a bit of a ct too.

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........ramp check, which anyone knows is designed to catch those who never bothered with instructors in their lives and..........

........ that is where the feather (as mentioned above by onesie) comes into play again.

(That reminds Cappy of the old joke .............. What is the difference between "kinky" and "depraved"? ...... Answer .... If you tickle it with a feather that is kinky, but if you use the whole chook, that is depraved.)

And in this case, knowing CASA and their activities on The Dark Web (TDW), a crate of chooks were used to .......... 

39 minutes ago, onetrack said:

...... She went on, "We've heard some disturbing reports coming from your neck of the woods, and your family associations, and we need to get to.....

........ be assured that all of the animals in the Moorabbin petting zoo are safe. In addition, we understand from bull (our part time undercover RSPCA operative) that onesie loves quokkas, which is highly illegal, even in the lower standards used in WA."

"Oh my" exclaimed Eeeeeen "The NES may be a animal lover's "ring". But I thought these guys normally operate on the dark web and not so much on this beige coloured .............

ONE OF THE INCRIMINATING IMAGES TAKEN FROM ONETRACK'S

COMPUTER BY OTHER UNDERCOVER RSPCA CHAPS AND CHAPETTES.

ON FURTHER INVESTIGATION, THIS QUOKKA WAS FOUND TO BE

UNDER AGE TOO.

....... this resulted in the RSPCA bringing charges for an unnatural ........

12 minutes ago, onetrack said:

......he was disease-free, and if he could still keep a good grip on his wand. For the Captain was well known for his strong and constant grip on his wand - which wand he pulled out and waved about, on a regular basis, at the most inappropriate times, thereby causing great consternation amongst the ladies, who all thought he was going to.........

 

 

.......... condemn them to a life of exquisite pleasure, but instead he rode off into the night, like Clint Eastwood in the "Joe Kidd" movie, where he ...............

ART IMITATING LIFE, WHEN CLINT BASED HIS CHARACTER ON THE LIFE

AND TIMES OF THE SKIPPER, AND CAPPY WAS RETAINED AS A

CONSULTANT TO ENSURE REALISM. As can be seen, The Skipper is a 

sucker for a delicious brunette and a good machine pistol.

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

Onetrack, meanwhile, is using his enforced quarantine time to find more constructive use of personal time whilst confined. This will help the numerous WF contributors who have suffered from time-use problems during their regular confinements for indulging in devious behaviours. Not the least amongst them is the Captain, who has served serious amounts of confinement time in..........

......... various accommodations over the years, from the Embassy compound in Beijing to a Chateau on the Austrian border, when various ladies (NTTIAWWT) have decided to make use of your delightful (& delighted) Skipper, resulting in him going missing for 4 or 5 days each time, and the Captain's mates thinking he had been kidnapped by Mossad. On each of these many occasions, all it needed was a skin graft to make Cappy as good as new, plus the need for a quarantine for a few weeks to see if ............. 

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

........... and how he can smell like a bloodhound.

This is particularly noticeable when Turbo's hair gets wet, or even when he is dry but has not been washed for a few weeks.

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........[Turbo prefaces this reponse by advising that RAM stand for Random-Access Memory] about, although a lot more memory than random access; as we can see he is a Mickey Mouse rat these days, unable to .........

....... get at Minnie, unable to fly (avref) and stuck in the sad world of the devout NESer, checking the forum each morning and walking out of business meetings to check his tablet each time an emailed notification comes thru from WF & Eeeeeeean.

It is a truely pathetic existence, particularly when he (or she) knows the groundbreaking activities of bull, onesie, planey, Salty & Turdy, who are all contributing to the national accounts with worthwhile projects that are ......

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........Lap top.

Turbo checked her disk and found a problem.

He knew Cappy wouldn't be able to help her because he only had a floppy, and ...........

...... if he gets the gig, it hurts.

But then again, he has plenty to ram .........

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

We've all been there and done that", said Turbo soothingly. "However, if you like, I can offer my services to........

..... ease your pain.

"Boo Hoo" said Lisette offering him, in return, her .......

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

"Oh God, no!", whispered Turbo. "Don't tell me - you failed to check if the zips were YKK when you bought that item?!"

"Oh no. Please done tell that the YKK bug is back again, 21 years after the last one." Said Eeeeeaaann with extreme aggravation "As I have get special servers and stuff to keep the forum going. That YKK bug can be very bad as your computers lock up and just at the same time, your fly bursts open and the little bird can fall out of its nest".

"Baby Eagle more like it" said a boastful Turbo.