Captain

...... witch's broom (avref), which you place between your delightful (if I may say so) .........

Penny flying side saddle & flashing it during her TIF (avref), but still able to pull 4 Gs in a steep turn.

(You can see why Jack was so besotted with her, eh?)

Note that she has released flares, so there must still be some SAM emplacements down in Tazzy.

4 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Penny screamed in outrage at being asked such a lowly question, and............

........ deftly inserted Jack's best and most cherished broom, rough end first, into his .......

41 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........mohawk hair which he had carefully nurtured for years, removing his complete scalp.

Jack screamed and lunged at the Governor's daughter but she caught him in the oats with a well aimed shoe.

Jack ..........

..... had always liked it a bit rough, which is another bull family trait, and as a result Jack was in love (plus the Governor's daughter offered him the opportunity to lift the family up about 17 rungs on the Tazzy social ladder, from the family's then sad & decrepit base at the ........

...... erect ......

...... as is a tradition in the bull family, Jack decided to take advantage of her predicament and he rudely ......

.... the bull family are well known, in the game keeping, poaching, mango & aviation industries for ......

1 hour ago, Captain said:

and into the clutches of ........

"How come bull can say "crutches" and not get banned, while I get a week's suspension for just talking about the plicks on rose bushes .... and on P-Date" commented Nobu somewhat belligerently.

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....the Turkish community, which these days outnumbers Australians in Melbourne. In fact there are rumours that Lord May Sally Capp, who would leave a Spanish clapper for dead when it comes to talking to the media about anything, is considering renaming Melbourne Melbournestanbull  (the double ll being a secret memorial to bull who passed through Melbourne on his way overseas to Tasmania, and .........)

 

 

..... who has fitted in so well in the land of Bob Brown and the gay (as in happy) high jinx that 1st attracted bull away from the delights of Bone and into the clutches of ........

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....pointed the nose directly at the ground, and ....

.......... as it was a substantial beak that Turbo has (however probity prevents any of us from commenting on his middle eastern and Mediterranean origins ..... but it is only fair to disclose that Turbo's ancestors did fight on the winning side at Gallipoli [so he marches backwards at every Anzac Day march if Dan gives him permission) and his nose was used to cushion Ossie's bounces.

The disclosure about Turbo the Turk has then brought observations into the NES of how Turbo is the spitting image of Recep Tayyip Erdogan, the present Turkish President and, with Turbo's nickname being Tayyipyip (because he gets the yips about his PIOs (eventual avref)) plus the existence of the very successful Turbine Kababs and Falafels Inc has excited ........ 

TUBB'S TWIN BROTHER. GEEEZ THEY ARE IDENTICAL. ALTHOUGH TINK

LOOKS LIKE HE HAS HAD A ROUGHER TIME OF IT.

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo line the Auster up and went for a 30 minute spin then decided to go back to the field and take his good friends Cappy, OT and bull for a spin. The strip had a hump in the middle. As Turbo came down the six finals and rounded out over the strip the aircraft sank..............

...... into a fit of .......

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

but when Joe Biden was approached, he said ................

...... talk to Hunter and my Brother, then once the kickback is arranged, I will be happy to say whatever is written on the teleprompter, before I have a nanny nap and ........

18 minutes ago, Captain said:

The UNHCR issued a press release .......

.... which read "Japan should get back in its box and not attack NZ, plus we support the supply of Kookaburras to Africa, with the attendant demise of Willy Wagtails (which always appear to us to be smartarse little buggers that flit hither and yon for no real purpose)."

11 minutes ago, bull said:

What shouted sir Nobu [just back from his latest trip to the land of the long white cloud where he was ............

...... made an honoulaly Mauli.

"Jacinta AhSo is hot and New Zearand is a ruverry joint to visit, plus it would be rerativery easy to capture the next time that we have a clack at the South Pacific." 

24 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"I know what I can do!", he thoughtfully said out aloud, to no-one in particular. "I'll repackage the cat meat in more colourful cartons, and mark it as.........

.... Quokka" Turbo added, "But just give me a few more days" he added "As I am just on my way back from Davos after speaking at the World Economic Forum and meeting with Billy G, Georgie S, Jeffy B and Marky-Mark Z, with whom I have become great mates ..... and with whom I have arranged to supply 4 million tonnes of frozen Kookaburra to the UNHCR to solve the hunger issues in Sub-Saharan Africa (with each box of frozen Kookaburra, the recipients will be given a cuddly Kookaburra toy made out of Willy Wagtails). The UNHCR agreed with me that Kookaburras are good tucka and nobody will miss them as they are a pain in the arse when they wake us up each morning, so it's a win-win for everyone except the Kookaburras (which are just an overrated Kingfisher anyway)."

The UNHCR issued a press release .......

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

According to Tasmanians, when roasted over an open fire they taste like mutton, but for mainlanders they taste like ........

..... hogget, as Mainlanders know that when a sheep is just that one year older it becomes mutton, when it tastes more like Kookaburra.

With this, the Kookaburra food supply industry took off when Aussie punters realized that Kookaburra was only half the price of Mutton.

This revolution in Aussie cuisine was lead by Turbine Native Birrds for Tucka P/L and was an instant success, as Turbs had been banned (again) by Eeeeeean based on a report from Moderator 17 and had plenty of time to spend building up the business of the TNBFTPL and to .......

(Enthusiastic NESers will also note that bull, Onesie and Salty have gone missing in action after sanctions had been taken against them by Moderator 17.)

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..... mutton birds, in season .....

Ratty has written to Moderator 17 objecting this post by Turbo.

The sexual cycles of the mutton bird are not a reasonable topic for the NES.

..... [bull's reply fully removed due to his excessive use of full stops. 5 is the limit and Turdboy is also on a warning ..... Count 'em ..... Moderator 17]

........ [bull's entire post deleted due to blasphemous non use of capitals] ..... Moderator 17.

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......aft fuselage in the upper.....................

........... "Stop right there Tinky Wank" yelled Moderator 17 who was new and had just graduated from Sydney Uni with a Masters in Gender Studies and a PhD in being a boring tit (littlebirdref). "You can no longer use the term "upper", said Mod 17 "You must now say "upp-a-genericperson" and any reference to 'er or him is not permitted in Eeeeeean's forum."

Brine took umbridge at this, plus he (sorry ... it) was really very upset about the glass slipper insurance controversy and he (sorry ... it) replied with a .................

22 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....a week every month listening to the wonderful stories of adventure and checking out the latest toilet cleaners.

We can't say who it is, but one of the main forum complainers goes under the name Capitan, and he is the loudest complainer of the lot, having almost brought Toyota to its knees with complaints about the weak spots of the Land Cruiser. Jack Absalom might have been able to cook a roast in a saucepan on the exhaust manifold but Capitan can tell you where every manifold crack starts and every noise............

........... starts in the clutch of the Rotax gearbox.

This further gearbox reference made the hundreds of NESers start to think that Turbo is obsessed with Rotaxes and their gearbox rattles.

bull put it down to Tubb's mum having been frightened by one when he was gestating (erky-perkyref), but Salty thinks that it stems from Tink's obvious and much deeper issue.

"Listen" said The Skipper with a start (avref) "The majority of NES readers and lurkers don't give a rats (Rattyref) about Tink's gearbox fetish. They are much more concerned at the breakage rate of the Glass Slippers and the flow-on effects that this causes to the .........

...... a big fat .......

....... everyone knows that a glass slipper can often also relate to your ........

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

This sounded very familiar to Turbo who was still smarting after Cappy let out the secret that he was the one that hung his girlfriends nickers from the flagpole at the local High School, and ................

......... there was a subsequent enquiry held in the Boss's Office as to why Tubb's "Girlfriend's" knickers were a pair of size 46 Bonds boxer briefs (with a fly).

Turbo looked embarrassed and could only reply that "................

THESE ARE THE VERY "KNICKERS" THAT WERE INVOLVED. The practices 

at many Victoristan schools are somewhat questionable, as are many Victoristan

peoples who are the product of such institutions (Eeeeeean excepted of course).

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The photo had nothing to do with smugness; Turbo had just told Dan that Cappy's fly was undone, and Dan was desperately trying to stop himself from laughing.

......... while Cappy was going through his usual 5 minute routine to tuck it all away.

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"Well how can we know before they've thought about it? they haven't spoken" questioned Dan with that clever look on his face, but Turbo was ready. "Because of the ingredient I top it up with" replied Turbo And I can't....."

......... give you any more detail than, it contains a small dose of "Victoristan smugness" which, as usual, is included in anything that I post in the NES or place .........

FOR THOSE NESERS THAT LIVE IN THE FREE STATES AND TERRITORIES,

BELOW IS A TYPICAL EXAMPLE OF VICTORISTAN SMUGNESS.