Captain

MODERATOR 12 has been informed about the true meaning of the term "Ant Trap" and the terrible fate that befell Anthony when he was ensnared.

Charges are pending, we understand, against Turbine Pedos Inc, and it is suspected that Moderator 14 is part of the ring that is centered around the conglomerate that is Turbine Kindergartens and Pre-Schools Pty Ltd.

...... but just at that moment, mid Sunday morning, the phone rang at Turbo's joint.

"Don't worry Jeeves, I will answer this one, so you just go back to cleaning the silver and my trophies (all of which are gold, from his decades of winning lots of competitions and events)".

"G'day" said Turbo, into the gold plated handset.

"Apologies that I haven't called earlier Tubb" said Dan "But I have been flat out this week trying to find another excuse for a lockdown."

"I have one" replied Turbs "As The Skipper has been giving me grief about my typos ..... and it just turns out from my examination of his bio on WikiCelebrities, that he is in the critical (under 45) Covid age group."

"That's good enough for me" answered Dan "It'll happen this week then Tink, and thanks for your guidance on this, plus your mentorship during my stellar political career, but I also hear that you are a leader in, and at the top of, the National Aviation Scene, ...... so can you teach me to fly?"

"Too right Danny, my son" replied Turdy with pride, but then his almost negligible sense of humour kicked in "However you won't need to hire an aircraft."

Dan was silent for a moment then replied "You aren't going to make some crass & smartarse joke about my flappers are you?"

"Oh no" stated Turbo "But technically your ear loading would be lower than a Cessna 150, and you also have ......

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....skyrocket.

And using this information Turbo, on his return from the Spratleys with the Corsair safely parked in its hangar, ant trap topped up, and passing sea traffic recorded, was able to update ASIO on the current state of the Indo M. and then ............

.......... Captain Sillyonoupto sent a PM to the boss cocky at ASIO which read "G'day Sport. Why would Tinky Wank have topped up his "ant trap" on a Corsair, when everyone (even my mates Onesie and bull, who both moonlight for the Indonesian security organization ISIO [we all have a good chuckle about the pathos of that old Aussie saying "Issy wizzy was an Aussie etc etc" when it is us who is ISIO) knows that .......

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy turned his attention to bull again, and what to do about the joyride in the Corsair which even now was risking the life of Turbo who was following the Avmap line from Australia to the Spratleys, and was currently climing up the side of a 15'000 foot mountain somewhere in New Guinea, faithfully  keeping to that 6'8" agl. It was going to be one hell of a ride down the other side he thought, but just then.........

.......... a voice on the radio said "Hey, old mate in the Corsair, how are they hang'n"

"Ten four good budgie" responded Turbo "And who calleth, please?"

"This is the Indo Military and I am Captain Sillyonoupto" was the reply "And I am therefore weighed down with gold braid and arrogance."

"Geeez you have a strong Aussie accent, you sound like you grew up in Cloncurry" Turbs replied, trying to bond in order to prevent getting on Exocet up his clacker.

"No worries Turdboy" replied Sillyonoupto "I have never been outside of Java and Irian Jaya, but the bloke who taught me my English lingo came from Mt Isa, eh? Now ............... get back under the radar you wanka, or I'll dart you with a ..............

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Ond look at OneTrack, he .............

......... is always the one with his feet turned out. It's a WA thing where undies are never worn and loose ........

PS - Turbo's use of the term "Ond" is offensive and NESers have every right to feel unsafe.

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy turned............

..... a whiter shade of pale (procolharemref) and gave Turbo his favourite teddy (bear, not top) for ......

TURBO, EEEEEEEEEAN, THE SKIPPER, PLANEY AND FACTY DURING THEIR

FLOWER POWER BAND DAYS.

ROYALTIES STILL PAY THEIR AERO CLUB FEES.

TURBS AND PLANEY WENT ON TO BE A BIT ACDC WHILE CAPPY AND EEEEEEEEEEAN WERE JUST BORING OLD HETEROSEXUALS.

... the ...

16 minutes ago, bull said:

NES awareness message,,,,,The rat in mickey clothing ,has seemed to have lost the plot again......but thats an event that unfortunately ,like the rona ,,we will just have to live with that ,,,wont we???      ...the back of cappys mind had slowly started to..........

........ make good progress with his cure for The Rona (in partnership with Turbine Pharmaceuticals & DNA Tests Inc) where the blind testing was hard to progress as insufficient blind people had seen the adverts, but then again, anyone wearing sunnies was good enough for .......

........ cracked and threw ......

4 hours ago, bull said:

........... smoove batten to.............

...... batter (hit, not coat & cook) the first .......

"Hang on bull old mate" said Doubtfire with a voice like Rodney Rude "None of my battens have seams. They are all as smooth as your ........

...... could zig and could zag, both at the same time.

This fascinated Doubtfire who had previously been criticized, and had been the subject of an interdepartmental enquiry, because of her truncheon fetish, which resulted in her ..........

An image of Doubtfires truncheon collection, (excluding those that had

electrical cords coming out of them, or contained usb charging points).

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

And here, Dear NES readers, we have proof of Cappys frightening abilities........

........ however, as is always the case with 2 headed entities, The Skipper wasn't aware of that there was a 2nd version of himself (Onesie's above post has been a bit of a shock), but he must admit that he often walks a bit funny (a bit like Elaine's dancing on Seinfeld) and Ratty has always thought of himself as a better looking Edgar from Men-in-Black (see below) and Mavis (played by the attractive red-head in the below) always liked the way that he ..........

....... ample ......

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The old male monkeys displayed every afternoon on the roof before turning their......................."

........... brightly colored behinds towards the evening sun, just like Turbo does at the Morabbin Aero Club and onetrack does 2 or 3 hours later at the Royal Perth AC (or when he is around at the Premier's joint for 6 o'clock drinkies).

This all confirmed Cappy's theory that because only the primates have one womb (ladiesbitsref) (this is not to assert that Tubb and onesie have a womb [although they certainly are a pair of XXXXs]) and all other animals have two, that we primates originated as aliens from outer space (warning-warningwillrobinsonref) and that we ............

36 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....greasy and slippery and smelly, it's just like when I was in.......

...... drag and performed for ......

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...corkscrew to .......

.... shove up .....

....... lift the lot up above your head, like the Ape did in 2001 A Moorabbin Odyssey (played by Clark Turbo in a costume hired from Turbine Film Sets & Cozzies Ltd [TFSACL]), give thanks to San-Gweech and then put the breadly, meaty & furry concoction on your ......

Is-a purfect-a for da San-Gweech

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

"The first thing you do when you get a new loaf of Italian bread is throw up on top of the wardrobe for 3 days to let it harden up! Then, after 3 days, you get it down, and ..........

........ take it out to the garage where .......

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"RUOK?"

"RUOK you too, .......... and the horse you rode in on" replied Ratty, without his reading glasses on and without reading Turbo's message fully.

But Ratty did notice that Turbo had knocked off his San-Gweech joke from a video that Ratty had sent thru to him. If he could spell "plagiarized", Cappy would have added that term in here.

On 09/02/2021 at 11:23 AM, Captain said:

CAPPY'S NEW MAT SALESMAN LOOK ..........

Can you see the sad and distressing glazed eyes, the broken nose, the blank stare and the lines in his pockmarked face, caused by dealing with CASA, having to attend Human Factors lectures and imbibing in 2nd rate Gin as made by Turbine Distilleries Pty Ltd? 

The Skipper noted the lack of willingness by seasoned NESers to get involved in Fatwa related (boom-boom/bang-bang type) issues, so above he has turned the NES back to non secular hard/naughty living and aviation (avref) related issues (all as approved by Turbine Editing & Media Management Inc (the TEMMI). Planey was very happy as a result.

10 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Yes, I see no problem with commission sales for me", said Onesie, "But you'll have to grow a decent beard, wear a blokes frock, get yourself some sandals, and...................

......... strap on a Semtex vest, before you ..........

CAPPY'S NEW MAT SALESMAN LOOK ........... EXCEPT HE IS NOT A RANGA.

17 hours ago, bull said:

and the rat has contemplated the religion for its OTHER benefits plus the government  benefits are pretty good too. He was heard to say as he visited Westfield shopping town and did not see one other people beside islamic people ,But that 4 wife thing sounds pretty cool?,,,, spoke up onesie from over in the corner making a prayer mat . Why even the other day he was telling me about .............................

......... a venture that he has put together in JV with the Turbine Weaving, Crochet, Embroidery & Quilting Institute (the WCEAQI), where onesie has formed a company (70/20 Turbo's way of course [with a 10% sling to Turbo's great mate, Cappy) called "Onemat", which is a clever play on his onetrack forum name and they make Prayer Mats which can also include the WA insignia, they can be woven with that dirty brown WA crappy sand and mud colour, and can have Mark McGowan's name embroidered into them (below is an example .... and please note Mark's tora, tora, tora type rising sun motif, which is part of his family crest & which radiates out when he bends over).

"I did some market research" commented Onesie proudly "And there are billions of 'em, so the market is strong and if I'm careful with the proceeds I might be able to buy that CT9000 that I have always wanted ..... but ......

17 hours ago, bull said:

and the rat has contemplated the religion for its OTHER benefits plus the government  benefits are pretty good too. He was heard to say as he visited Westfield shopping town and did not see one other people beside islamic people ,But that 4 wife thing sounds pretty cool?,,,, spoke up onesie from over in the corner making a prayer mat . Why even the other day he was telling me about ........................................

AS HAS BEEN EVIDENT BY THE PASSING OF TIME SINCE bull's POST, FEW ON THE NES ARE WILLING TO RISK A NEGATIVE FATWA BY TACKLING THE MUSLIM QUESTIONS POSED BY bull.

HOWEVER, YOUR CAPTAIN, EVER THE BRAVE NESER, HAS SPOKEN TO A NUMBER OF MUSLIM LADIES WHO ARE INVOLVED IN PLURAL MARRIAGES AND WHEN ASKED, THEY ALL SAID THE SAME THING ........... AND I QUOTE ................. "إذا مات سيموت", WHICH WHEN ROUGHLY TRANSLATED MEANS "IF HE DIES, HE DIES,"

The photo below shows bull at the last "back-to-bone" family reunion.

He was in a lot of demand as the bone CWA ladies love a bloke with a manly mustache, an ammo belt and an eyebrow.