Captain

28 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......only those who have drunk at the holy CASA Hotel, "Mick'sNuts" would be permitted exemption from this regulation.

The industry waited with bated breath, but meanwhile Turbo had received the AD information via his Satellite Infotainment Centre, and immediately took the precaution of throttling back, and the flying boat immediately rose into the sky. He'd painted "front" on the props before he fitted them but now ................

........... he wasn't so sure, after again reviewing the Jack Newton video (which in itself had a Kamikaze element).

"It is interesting and relevant" said onetrack "That the WA Premier has just added Covid Isolation Hotels (CIH's)" to the list of approved Kamikaze training targets and has approved the use of live bombs for such training in WA."

In a statement, the WA Premier said "There is no use doing KE training without the need for the trainees to shut their eyes and feel the heat plus the sensation at the end of the "Ba", which outside observers & KE CFI's hear as "Bang" at the end of a successful KE training flight".

Planey, who is a serious training person and never allows a sense of humour to interfere, said ".......

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

However, this total destruction can be easily avoided, if maintenance facilities educate themselves as regards the AD, and the recommended modification of simply replacing the above-numbered powerheads with........

...... a 4 stroke Yamaha or Honda of the same capacity (although the disadvantage is that you need to wear a rising sun bandanna when using such engines ...... and all journeys are one way).

This caused CASA and the Auf, with support from P-Plums, AOPA, SAAA, AMROBA and the AGAA to issue a statement "The Australian Govt does not support Kamikaze protocols within Wreckreational Aviation, nor even in the GA community (unless of course if you have a Kamikaze endorsement [a KE)) and we must insist that ..........

TURBO PROUDY MODELLING HIS KE ENDORSEMENT INSIGNIA.

Dear NESers.

The Captain has-been (cappyref) trolled by Turdboy over recent days and Ratty feels violated , abused, oppressed and unsafe.

Turbs has been sending notes to me via Messenger and making constant references to my Gin affliction.

Eeeeeean and today's duty Moderator 19 have been informed.

To obtain an appreciation of the Skipper's Gin affliction, below is a video of my mates', Eric and Andy's, rendition of my composition, "Gin House Blues", and I can be seen occasionally in the video playing rat-bass (Eric always likes me beside him on his left so that I can help him out if he stuffs up a guitar solo ... [you'll see Eric look at me a couple of times when he hits a wrong note or two during his solo in this video, and you'll notice that I am supportive & hope he gets it right next time]).

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

but just then there was a .....................

......n AD issued with regard to Evinrude powerheads (engine numbers to 269458 to 497843) when used with motorboat floats, which pointed out that .........

....... "NO DUNNY FOR THE NEXT 90 KMS" with a follow-up sign 200 m down the road which said "UNLESS YOU ARE ON THE SOUTHERN SIDE OF THE MURRAY, WHEN THE ENTIRE STATE IS A ...........

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

It all went wrong for Const Simmons when he arrested a drunk, and he said to him, "Hold it raight dere, Mista! - or I'll put mah gris-gris on ya!!" - and the offender yelled out, "Hey!, this blokes a............

........... walking time bomb, as everyone knows what effect grits, gumbo and jumbalaya have on the bowel and wind (avref) generation departments." (Simmons, or Simmo to his Aussie mates, had been declared a Climate Change hazard by the UN & WHO, in response to his levels of methane production, and had been banned from carrying a cigarette lighter or matches).

"Geeeez" said Doubtfire "Open the window, mate, before you do that next time."

"Ahhhm naht sure thayat there will be a next time Maaam" was Simmons response "As there is an unstarpable goods train a cummin down the track and we have no ........

...... a terrible habit of ........

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........Constable Doubtfire who was off duty and on holdays, but had recognised Cappy who was standing up on the back seat mooning anyone who came close.

Doubtfire went into pursuit mode as they have to do in the country when all they've got is Hilux utes, and ..................

....... they are faced with Corvette driving Mextorian border runners, giving them the one-finger salute.

"If only compasses hadn't been banned" lamented Doubtfire "As while there we only compasses in WA when Onesie led the charge to ban them, there were GPSs in the rest of Stay-ya that got banned as well when some Pubic Servant in the ACT overstepped the mark in the Compass Ban legislation" (GPS will not be available in WA until 2034).

("That's an interesting turn of phrase" commented Turdboy as an aside "As I was once charged with a public act using a pubic serpant".)

Then Doubtfire added "Now I'm in danger of accidentally crossing into Victoristan and not knowing it because the screen in my Hilux says GPS is illegal and is not enabled, so I don't know ......."

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....if Cappy hadn't been so fast on the trigger they could have made a ground breaking decision to ban Compasses from aircraft, because it only encouraged speeding in the turns.

 

Meanwhile bull was checking his own facts and..........

... and if Turdy hadn't gone out of turn, Planey would have been the star of the NES.

What is the world cuming to if Dan's man, Turbo, can interrupt the Story in this manner?

17 hours ago, bull said:

now post on here that there is a thing called a compass and the big W is for WEST and the big E is for EAST also that big S is for the south [for the mexitorians] and that big N thingy is for NORTH .  Now i know this will be totally confusing for Tinc and Bull and onesie and Turdo,,,so this water argument holds NO water at all said EEannnn,the answer  you numbnuts is Australia is an ISLAND so no mater which direction on the compass you go, so long as you stay in a straight line [and have a VERY GOOD RANGE]  YOU will come to water  ok   .  [fact check that one !!!]

"That can't possibly be correct, bull, my good friend" said Planey "As if that was the case, life rafts would always be compulsory, we'd all be wearing life jackets with those gas bottles that you can use to make fizzy drinks out of, every Drifter would be fitted with floats and the Human Fuctors course would include breast stroking instructions."

"Good point Planey" said bull "I'll check my own facts and get ..........

10 hours ago, onetrack said:

it was time to put the Tasco's away, and ask someone......

     about the orientation of the water to the east and the land to the west. "So which way is west" Turbo asked onetrack and then just so that Turbo could be fully informed (and for the elimination of doubt) "And which way is up (avref)?"

Onesie thought for a while and a couple of coffees later said "Up is when you have to push against that gravity bullsh1t .... and west is over the water, until you get to Rotty".

"No" interjected bull, who remembered the drum from his time as the mayor of Bone "The water is on the east."

"Never" said the uniroot "Don't be a dick, the water is always in the west and I cannot ever accept any different proposition (or even adjective). The only water in the east is the water supply at Kalgoorlie and that's too small for the EvinDrifter 6000 to land (avref) on."

"You are all talking thru your hats" interjected Salty "The only water is a long skinny bit that goes roughly east-west and sometimes runs dry."

"WHAT?" said onetrack, bull and Tubby in unison?

"This all makes no sense and I don't accept any of that" was Turbo's comeback "As a Mextorian I can assure you that the water is always in the south and and the land is in the north."

"This NES discussion is getting out of hand" said Eeeeeeean (another Mextorian) "And might confuse young Forum members who, if they listen to these very experienced aviators and aviatrixes (NTTIAWWT), won't know which way to go (except "up" as per onesie's excellent explanation), so I will ........

PS ........ Nobu thinks the water is in every possible dilection, when he is at home frying his Jabilu in Japan.

FOR NEW FORUM MEMBERS AND FOR STUDENT PILOTS ......

........... PLUS IN ORDER TO LIMIT LIABILITY FROM THIS POST,

BELOW IS AN OFFICIAL AUF PHOTO. THIS IS "WATER".

... the kick up thing on the front of one of those Jump-Up aircraft (avref) carriers, Turbo (thru his skill, pluck & determination) was able to get into the air (avref) with a high nose angel (refer photo several posts ago).

The Evinrude power heads growled, the crowd gasped, Turbo produced his best Kingsford Smith grin, the CD8999 reconsidered his options and bull ........

THE SHARK'S (SHARKREF) FIN HAD THE SAME EFFECT AS THIS.

The very fin that did it for Turbo, note the evidence of

impact (avref) damage, on which the RSPCS are taking their legal action.

The TurbineBlaster from Turbine HiFi. (Thru which the The Skipper has

recently played his new Dean Martin CD). You can see the issues that

this added to the EvinDrifter 6000 and can get some idea of Turbo's

undoubted skills as an aviatrix.

........ the CD9000 himself, laughing and counting a substantial wad of cash.

"Some clown has just bought my CD's entitled "Hooked on Deano", which I have been trying to flog for the last 15 months, so now I can call myself CD8999".

"i though your forum name was ct9000, after that aircraft that is made in europe?" commented bull quizzically.

"Yes" responded CD8999 "But now that my CDs have started to sell, I was thinking of upgrading to a J230, however looking at the performance of the Turbine Industries new EvinDrifter 6000, I might go that way."

While, dear Reader, bull & the CD were chatting, Tink was still strugging to get airborne (important avref) as the Evindrifter had hit 150 knots but was being hindered by the weight of the pilot (avref), the 2 Evinrude 3 litre powerheads, the scantily clad hostie, the 1st class upper deck lounge (Tubb never travels any other way) and the incredible .....

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......fitting the anchor, I wet myself and had to go out and buy some new clothes."

Turbo just ignored him, started up the engines, taxyed to the calm water, and witn one had on the tillr, gave it full throttle.

On the pier that day the monthlys farmer's market was in full swing, and ..............

..... this was a fair dinkum Farmer's Market where they had banned the $1 sh1tshops and had stalls which sold the deformed yet yummy vegies that Woolies reject, some dude selling home made gellato & lavender soap with lump in it, which is sometimes hard to tell the difference, some craft made sugar coated almonds, and all catered for by 20 CWA ladies using the biggest urn in the southern hemisphere.

As Turdy accelerated, a giant rooster-tail formed behind the aircraft (avref), everyone on the pier looked up, the engines gave that typical Evinrude hesitation & wheeze caused by 6 old & tired whiskered plugs, and the crowd .......

27 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo is pleased to advise NESRs that he is more than happy with the flow of jerky prose mixed with pathos being dished out to the thousands of Readers. Turbo had simply been busy re-covering the wings on his latest snap up - an old Drifter built to the 710 MTOW. He fitted......

....... 2 Evinrude power heads that were left over from the NES of 12 years ago and that gave him .......

Dear NESers. 

I had a rather distressing call from Moderator 14 a little while ago to deliver a message from Eeeeeean, who is concerned that the NES is moving quite some distance away from its original intentions of recording lots of mentions of Turbo.

As you will all recall, the NES was originally established as a mechanism to consistently record stories about the legendary Turbo and Turbine Industries, and this was going great with mentions of his thousands of exploits.

However Turbo has been very quiet of late, mainly because the NES is now about bull and onesie et al, plus Turbinia is now in a lead roll ...... and Turbo never really got on that well with her over the decades since she was born.

Eeeeean's main concern, reinforced strongly by Moderator 14 (who has always been a bit of a crawler to Admin) is that whenever he is a bit disillusioned Turbo has a tendency (NTTIAWWT) to duck down-market to P-Date and vent his spleen.

So please, if you can, and if you feel so inclined, make up something about Tink and hopefully he will return to our fold.

Kind regards Ratty

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

So she walked around to the bistro, and promptly spotted ......

........ Salty's suntanned frame, huge biceps, blue eyes, perfect luscious lips and the bulge in his pants .......... where his wallet was located.

In particular she noted how he occasionally fell off his bar stool as he slipped off his wallet.

"He'll do me" thought Turbinia "And who cares if my new darling, Brine, is not a conversationalist and only appears in the NES every now and then like a seagull after a chip, I reckon that I can mold .............

14 hours ago, bull said:

forever be remembered as the night of infamy for Cappys performance was well below par and Turbinia beat the shit out him and left,followed quickly by bull with full flap and high nose angel on the old 58 he..............

.......... won her heart, and other bits, with his well known bull brand of derring-do in the 58.

"Only 11 to go" said Turbinia with a wicked gleam in her eye (just like her dear old dad gets when he ...........

AN EXCLUSIVE PHOTO OF THE NOSE ANGEL AS

REFERRED TO IN bULL'S ABOVE POST.

9 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The more Cappy smiled, the more ................

......... he looked like a sleek Blackbird (avref) .............. well, a manky old Crow, anyway.

ALL NESERS SHOULD NOTE THAT ONETRACK AND TURBO BOTH JUST ARRIVED AT THE SAME TIME. (MUST HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE SAME VIDEO).

4 hours ago, bull said:

 Slowly rising from a crouch the rat said in a weak voice,,, yeah i'm ok just this bloody new car of mine is so hard to start in the mornings i,ll have to..............

....... put both feet on the ground (avref), get wider tyres, and think up a story so that Turbo does not tumble (aerobaticsref) to my intentions about Turbinia.

"Turbo and I have been friends since before the war (WW2 not Iraq) and Turbinia was therefore made during our close friendship & I may have even been nearby at the time, so while it feels wrong to take his daughter for a ride, I think it might feel nice too" said Cappy to himself as he fortified himself with another triple Bombay Saphire (while doing a few practice circuits and four 20 knot crosswind landings).

bull was taken aback when he thought about ........

oNETRACK IN HIS ONESIE WAITING AT THE SIM AND SALAVATING AT THE PROSPECTS.

(Yes, he does look a bit like a WA version of Wilfred, doesn't he?)

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

Onetrack replied with one of his best lines, "Ahhhh, how about we try out the seating in the sim, first - so we can familiarise you with .......

........ flight at 5280 ft (AMSL avref) and using my central stick (avref) between your knees.

"Ahhd lurve thayat ........ and you-all look so murch like Tarm Cruise (4' 9"ref), dear onesie" said Cindy-Lee, going all gooey.

So the uni-root made a booking at the Sim Motel, just down the road from the Sagebrush (there is a well worn track between them, mainly used on Grab-A-Granny night or Grab-a-Grandpa night [NTTIAWWT]) and Cindy-Lee slipped (avref) into her pink flying suit (avref), to be ready to .........

CINDY-LEE, ALL READY TO BE

TAUGHT WONDERFUL

TECHNIQUE BY ONESIE.

3 hours ago, bull said:

Ahhhh i dunno if ya are telling the truth drawled the yank [later found out to be turdo dressed in his best village people costume] a jackaroo,s terminal velocity , weighing only 180kg was about 120kts. Nah it,s true squeaked Bull [still suffering from the brass monkey effect]why even the Captain .................

........ knows that if you are going to hit the Sagebrush to have a crack at Cindy-Lee, you don't want to be squeaking. Instead you need to be more like Onesie or Tinky and .........

15 minutes ago, onetrack said:

 

"No, I swear on a stack of Bibles it's true!', said bull. "You see, I only started off to do a few circuits at 1500', but then I accidentally got my undercarriage caught in this passing........

........... 230 Jabiru (or CT9000). The acceleration was amazing and that Jabiru 6 just purred below me without any hint of gearbox backlash, as we shot up to 20,000 (AMSL of course) in less that 5 minutes. I thought I was a gonner because my nails had gone blue (even visible underneath my black goth nail polish) and my ................

bULL'S POXY HYPOXIC FINGERNAILS TAKEN VIA A SELFIE

THAT DAY @ 20,000 FT (NAIL POLISH REMOVED FOR CLARITY).

bULL'S USUAL NAILS AT MSL

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

............followers.

At Reno, bull was having trouble starting his ...............

....... approach (avref) to Cindi-Lee, the best looking waitress at Reno's famous Sagebrush Saloon, where AUF flyers (and Tazzy Devils (bullref)) are held in high regard because .......