Captain

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....the no win no fee group, who kept asking for their money back, which ........

....... encouraged Turbo to amalgamate with Clive in Turbine Palmer Legal Eagles PLC.

"Don't you worry about what this means, with the "Palmer" being added?" asked bull.

"No worries mate" responded Turbo "As I've been doing that since I was about 12, and even now I still practice it about .......

PS - So do I volunteered OT who is the current President & most active practitioner of the Western Australian Northern Kalgoorlie Shire. 

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....Turbine Immediate Action, Inc (TIA) in the form of Agent X.

Just as some backgound here, as NES readers know, there is nothing more dangerous than an agitated public servant. They sit there at the desk twisting the end of the propelling pencil  backwards and forwards for hours, getting more and more agitated and deciding whether to WRITE A NOTE. They may event be tempted to pull out the Parker and make it a FORMAL note. That this is the only work done all day by the first secreatry, is none of our business, but the propelling pencil wins and a quick instruction is written to the second secretary reading Take Urgent Action to Stem XI and underlined by a signature which required sixteen circular motions to complete. His secrtary walks it to the next office to the already agitated secon secretary who is also a member of this site and flies [avref] or says he does an RV. Steam comes out of his ears at handing to do something, but he gets to with his Biro and pens a NOTE to the third secretary, saying "Of your ass sunshine and FIX this for once. His signature shows a slight tremble. He hands his note to his secretary (not to be confused with the "numbered" secretarys) and flicks it onto his desk. This one explodes, grabs a felt pen and writes "YOU SHOULD HAVE FIXED THIS BY NOW YOU XXXXXXX XXXX  WIPE XI OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Spluttering, he give the note to his secretary who take it next door to the fourth secretary who looks at it, and writes "XXXX XXX I'm at lunch, who's XI?" then gives it to her.

(Well they're no longer allowed t do the last part)

Agent X..................................

TURBO WAS 3 MINUTES LATE, AS USUAL.

......... the chief negotiator from Remnark.

Salty was pretty snakey when the call came through, as his relaxing morning cup of tri-soy almond latte down on the riverbank, had been interrupted by the pleas for help from the boss cocky Mandarin in Canberra.

"I'm really not interested" said Brine "And I want nothing to do with those coarse unsophisticated clowns from WA. Do you know that they don't even operate on our time-zone, how crass, and their time is completely aligned with Beijing? So stuff 'em."

The Mandarin, who could only speak the PublicServantEase dialect hung up, went to lunch and considered what to do next. "I know" he decided "I'll take my RDO a few days early" and he .............

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"......spledding quickry to Scomo." 

But the political reporter for the West Australian, well versed in picking up unintelligent speech, was siiting at the table next to them, pretending to read the West Australian.

He later wrote the story and syndicated it to the Washington Post which ran it: "According to the influential aviation site "WreckFline" the little Chinese Dictator Jack XI, aged 61, previously a cotton farmer from Xiaoxin, China thinks we don't understand him when he speaks, and has asked for a meeting with President Joe Biden."

Such is the way of Chinese Whispers in ............................

........... Perthjing and all the way up the coast to Kalbarri Kong & Geraldton Hai.

"We all knew that political reporter was a spy" explained OT "As nobody actually "reads" the West Australian and we all just use it to disguise illicit touching in coffee shops, and .........

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

".......New Horrand island."

"Next we appry plessure to cave drewwers of New Sou Wares; why or tis New, it ORRD!", and with that Xi stormed off to..................

 

.......... have a giggle & a Kitchener Bun with Onesie down at the Freo waterfront and watch what responses come up next in the NES.

"It fun-nee" said Xi "As a leckon nobody will know what the XXXX I was getting at in that above quote and it will throw the NES into comprete disallay, before ........

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

and be forming a new plan for Tasmania to become a haven for............

...... CCP apparatchiks ........... and any other chics if they are good looking.

bull then quickly issued a press release - "me and Xi and onesie have always considered Taswan to be a part of China (lespect to each of the 14 billion Chinese people past & plesent ...... and to Bluce Ree {who has always been bull's favoulite} but also to his favourite Chinese lestaulant in Risdon) and our policy is to reunite our gleat peoples in order to reprace the lipoff that the plices of iron ore are in WANKERville. Taswan will be the reader of all South Pacific nations in our grorious conquest of the ............

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

This will ensure Taswegian leaders will be able to outrank any Third-World dictator at any world leadership gathering, and place Tasmania firmly on the world map as a place of outstanding leaders and.........

...... then the WA leaders from Northern Kalgoorlie Shire (WANKerS) realized the cunny stunt (CS) being pulled (Turboref) by the Tazzy minerals mafioso who commenced a conveyor redesign to reverse direction and send Iron Ore from Savage River over to WA to be sold through the Exmouth Export Terminal at 3 times the price they can get in Burnie.

"It'll work a treat" said bull, the boss of the Tazzy Minerals, Apple and Heroin Poppy Exporter's Council (TMAHPEC) "As those WANKerS are "All the way with Chairman Xi" (ATWWCX) and will get us top Yuan, plus they'll ...........

11 minutes ago, onetrack said:

In line with this approach, International passports for people from the remnant Australian States will be required in both Tassie and W.A. These visitors will be processed exactly the same as all international arrivals, and have their bags searched for.........

..... anything at all with an eastern connotation. Bananas are as an example as WA is banana-less and any that are found will be inserted, as will any eastern grey kangaroos that are imported in baggage.

Then bull made the observation that will continue to make Tasmanians proud. "We are cutting off the cross-bass strait underwater power line that keeps the lights on in Mextoria and we will start laying a new cable tomorrow from Lonny to Esperance, which will .......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......Epaulette, who always mamages to muscle in, and who is proposing ...........................

...... to take over the SAAA, AOPA, the AUF, CASA, the NDSB and any other flying (avref) organisation with capital letters, and locate them all in a new high rise development at Zeehan Heights, which adjoins & is just downhill from Zeehan Muse.

"It'll be great" said E-Paul "As everyone will wear my 5-bar epaulettes on imitation military look jump suits ( fitted with a silky smooth, silent and quick acting zip that extends from XXXEhole to breakfast-time), and nobody will be able to supervise us as you can only fly into Zeehan 2 days of the year, but those days cannot ever be predicted, and even in the best weather you need to let down 5 kms off the west coast (as Ratso has done a dozen times) and hope that the clouds are devoid of granite or 10 ft wind-waves on 10 m swells."

But the thriving WA aviation sector objected to this plan and thought that they could mamage (turbowordref & turbohasnospellcheckerref) it a different way, wearing stubbies, thongs and the ubiquitous WA .......

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....the real intent of the flag. This will be done by replacing the star with a ...................

...... n insignia that indicated that the CCP's Belt, Jockstrap and Braces Agreement is in control of ........

33 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Declaring these locations colonies of Guinea-Bissau using the flag borrowed from the Torries Strait Islanders which features the rear end of a bull, but with more brown and green, and ......

.... a lot more reliance on .....

20 hours ago, onetrack said:

"Yeah, that's the problem with the Mexicans now", said bull, with a knowing look. "The virus has wrecked their thought processes, it's gone rampant through their State and communities, and now they think they can ........

........ still chuck their weight around like they used to. But NO, NO, NO (said bull with statesmanship & force while standing, looking like a cross between Billy Hughes and Uncle Fester) ......... as we all know, Tasmania and Western Australia are virus free and we are taking control. Cantberra will be shut down and the new centres of administration of the Commonwealth, now to be renamed the "Commondebt", will be located in Zeehan and Southern Cross, where Onesie and I will take control by .........

33 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......three months by which time $56.23 had been raised and it was decided ...........

..... that we should all hit the turps in a $56.23 spending spree.

The party was wild and once paralytic, OT asked "Are we hitting the turps or hitting the Turbs ........ or both?"

bull put his hand up (even after being told not to do that by a number of attendees) and commented "..........

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......a long time coming because OT's planning was tainted by OT's need to drink a pint of apple cider for every thought, and only one out of then of those was a workable one. West Australian NES readers will remember his homebuilt aircraft which took 17 years to complete, where he'd fitted a Jabiru engine in pusher configuration. First time it started it cut the fuselage off behind the engine, and the other .......................

......... time he started it after the rebuild it did the same thing.

"I knew there was something I should have changed in that design" said OT with his usual Biden-like stare, then he looked down at his 2 piece kit and said, like everyone else does "It must be Jab's fault as it couldn't possible be ............ 'um add 30 second blank pause here ............ 'um, what was I about to say? And who are you? Have the visitor's gone yet?"

As all NES'ers would by now realize, this is very unusual behavior by OT, who is usually as sharp as a tack and he was immediately defended by numerous wrecks on Wreck Flying, including by Eeeeeeaan  who for some reason considers OT a very valuable member (but crickets from Turbo and CT who appear willing to cut OT adrift based on this single lapse ... {what a pair of disloyal XXXXs ..... Q.E.D. Mextorians}).

The defense of our dear friend and colleague (OT) was vociferous, elicited numerous donations and continued for .........

PS - Thanks to OT for his kind explanation re the big pliers. but this just posed more questions than it answered, as what has he been doing with that ear bud (erky perky perhaps? and no wonder he is going blind?) and is that a use that should be reported to authorities (or will Apple report it automatically when they interrogate his phone?)

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

a pair of 8' electrical pliers,

That's some serious pliering and crimping.

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He came back at Epaulette with "Why do you want to know,......Admiral, and that's when ............

........ she responded with her master stroke "Where is your mask, as don't you know that we are all in this together, and .........

42 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....  been telling a goup of backpackers how he walked the Tanami track, eating lizards and blowflies, and .....

 

...... had crossed the Simpson on his knees, in an act of penance, while dragging a wooden JC sized cross to Golgotha (actually it was to Big Red) and then ........

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......World Championships"

"You shouldn't listen to OT's rumours" said Turbo, "you'll go blind" and he opened the door a bit wider, which removed no doubt that OT was terribly wrong.

Cappy, now embarrassed headed for the bar where OT was ..............

 

.......... pole dancing (for cash and favours) in a very skimpy flight suit, and where he had .........

...... "I'm told that she's got an "outy" and not an "iny" (NTTIAWWTBTW), with plans to be a celebrity weight lifter at the ........."

46 minutes ago, Captain said:

It has now come to light during a police investigation by one of the 3 coppers on the east coast who are not involved in Covid enforcement, that a section of that wax model's uniform may have been "interfered with", and perhaps "soiled". DNA samples have been taken and a leading Melbournistan business leader & corporate head is expected to be interviewed in cuming days.

In a further announcement at 12 noon today (East coast proper time), it was divulged that Police are unsure at this stage whether the "Interference" and/or "soiling" occurred pre or post the wax modelling.

"Erky Perky" commented the police spokesperson.

3 hours ago, Captain said:

A WAX MODEL OF TINK'S OLD GIRLFRIEND

IN THE TAA MUSEUM. That stare as you

entered the aircraft was always a bit disarming.

It has now come to light during a police investigation by one of the 3 coppers on the east coast who are not involved in Covid enforcement, that a section of that wax model's uniform may have been "interfered with", and perhaps "soiled". DNA samples have been taken and a leading Melbournistan business leader & corporate head is expected to be interviewed in cuming days.

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........Ads produced by TurbineMedia showed his old gilrfriend who............

...... was a hostie & a hottie on the 756D Viscounts.

Turbo's decision for TAA to continue to fly the latest 816T Viscounts in 2021 was derided by Ricky Branson, but Ricky had always lacked vision, and this initiative turned out to be one of Turbo's usual masterstrokes (Turboselfabuseref) when the Covid restrictions were removed and TAA found that they .......

A WAX MODEL OF TINK'S OLD GIRLFRIEND

IN THE TAA MUSEUM. That stare as you

entered the aircraft was always a bit disarming.

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...z...........

..... zzzzzzzzzz's away out on the verandah in the morning sun (Melbournistan jokeref), dreams of Noelene & her very desirable full pack, and recalls his glory days running the Aussie trucking industry and being a brave SAAA & AUF flyboy (avref) where Turbo was the great hope of the side to negotiate an agreement for the SAAA/AUF to cooperate for the combined benefit of their members.

This was a bigger job than reuniting the 2 Koreas, but Turbs was up to the task and took the simple yet dynamic approach that he would just buy them both and include them as subsidiaries of his very successful Turbine and Northern Territory Air Services (TANTAS) or the rebirth of Turbine Australian Airways (a remake of the much adored TAA) where the ......

..... floated to the surface, flapped about aimlessly gasping for air (most of Tink's longish posts have that effect) and fearing another long pronouncement from Turdboy, said "That will be another half hour of my life that I'll never get back, so I sure do hope that he restrains himself and loquacts (the little known verb of the noun "loquacious") a lot less while he .......

...... is exhausted after reading, interpreting & précising Turbo's massive tome.

And Ratty is also worried, as his best, closest & most trusted mate, Turbo, has obviously taken more than twice the normal dose of his pills, so his webster pack has again been .......

PS ..... Turbo thinks that his webster pack is actually for Noelene Webster who is in room 32 just down the hall.

..... a highlight when done under the spotlights on the stage during Karaoke at the BOB, and a bit of a distraction at the Weightlifting at the Olympics when his snatch ......