Captain

1 hour ago, CT9000 said:

.......train their cats. Although he got a few side ways glances when he refered to the cats as furry little bags of dim simms......

........ who was very offended.

"I'm not dim" said Simsy who was Turbo's chief cat trainer and he was very good at it, because soon, the "Simsy & Turbine Performing Cat Show" (S&TPCS) was headlining at Japan's equivalent of Disney World, with franchises playing in Vegas and in 25 other countries, including as headlining  in the "Cirque du P'usse".

The S&TPCS went down particularly well in China and in French Polynesia, where the cats also went down throats and where the highly trained moggies were ......

THE CAT BAND WERE A HUGE DRAWCARD

SIMSY SHOWN IN AN EARLY PROMO POSTER

ONE OF SIMSY'S NUMEROUS TRAINED CATS IN THEIR WORLD

FAMOUS "SLEEPING BEAUTY AND THE 7 DWARF RATS" PERFORMANCE.

A CROWD FAVOURITE.

...... making copies for cats, and let me tell you, the moggies didn't go much on the fact that they had to put their ........

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Sir Arthur known as Art to the women of the village moonlighted making Chastity Belts for them. At one stage he was the only one ...........

........ that needed to wear one, as he had not yet "Maid his maiden flight" (avref) so to speak, apart from when he had previously gone solo.

"Art's Chastity Belts" (ACBs) were so popular & widely used that Tubb looked at amalgamating them into Turbine Sexual Products Inc (TSPI), but he then became aware of ..........

EXAMPLES OF SOME OF ART'S HANDYWORK

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....the Mayor of Darraweit Guimm, Sir Lancelot Lox.

Lance threw his torch ..............

........ into the air and said "F........

LANCE'S TORCH WAS THE REAL THING (A FIREY'S WET DREAM)

AND NOT SOME POXY NEW HIGH-TECH LED THINGY.

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......can franchise it around the world."

But CT dind't know how to catch wombats. He and Dave roamed the hills of DG on moonlit nights but Dave hadn't done his homework or he would have known that wombats can outrun dogs, and ..............

......... this therefore was the origins of the terrible blood-soaked (AUFcommitteemeetingref) stories of the Yowie and Bigfoot roaming the hills and the 5 Rivers of Darraweit Guim.

The stories were very similar to the Hound of the Baskervilles, and CT filled the role almost perfectly as the ......

39 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"The shooter was CT from DG and dave only had the camera rolling to show how inhumane rabbit shooting was. In fact the building in the photo, disguised as a church shows the homestead of CT's grandfather and the firing slots where CT's grandfather exterminated a whole tribe of .............

........... wombats.

"Oh wow" said Dave seeing another commercial opportunity.

"Can we recreate that? I hear that there are an excess of hairy nosed and hairy axsed wombats in this region of the 5 holy rivers, so with a bit of luck we can round up 8 or 10 of the little buggers and do a remake like the Gunfight at the OK Coral. We'll call it the "Massacre at the DG Holding Yard", so go get the wombats (& get some cute little ones too) + some more 50 cal ammo, while I get on the interweb & register that name so that we ..............

DAVE, WHO KNOWS HIS AUDIENCE WELL, AND KNOWS WHAT SELLS

IN THE CUTTHROAT WORLD OF SENSITIVE NATURE DOCOS, THINKS

THAT THESE ARE PERFECT FOR A DATE WITH A 50 CAL (AFTER ALL,

IT'S NO WORSE THAT LETTING A LION EAT A ZEBRA JUST FOR THE CAMERA).

A SIDE COMMUNITY BENEFIT (TO MAINTAIN HIS SOCIAL LICENCE) IS IT WILL

STOP THESE LITTLE TWERPS DIGGING  HOLES NEAR THE SIDE OF THE CT'S STRIP (AVREF).

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"As a descendant of Captain James Cook, Royal Navy, I ..........

....... call Shenanigans on this story, as I witnessed, 1st hand, Dave using his other hand to .........

THIS IS WHERE THE ENTIRE SAD TALE TRANSPIRED AT DG.

It's like a gay version of Picnic and Hanging Rock,

but with a few sordid variations (and a film crew).

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........get into trouble I must turn this camera off, but by a million to one, during the editing the sequence and his comment were left in.

The Daily Mirror proclaimed .................

..... "BIG DAVE A HAS (ALLEGED) AFFAIR WITH BLOKE FROM DARRAWEIT GUIM AND PLANS TO USE A 50 CAL ON HIS MISSUS IN THE UK".

This resulted in DG being declared a ..........

17 hours ago, CT9000 said:

......now that is how you f#####k a bunny......

......... which got a reaction from Dave, when he said "I must give that a try when I get home, and before I ..........

23 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"What rabbit?" replied CT and.........

..... then asked "Hey Dave, old mate, do you want to film my mating ritual now?"

"But there are no females around" replied Dave while looking about.

"Oh" responded CT "I don't need any females. Here watch this."

Dave was horrified but couldn't take his eyes off CT for a while, then Dave ..........

..... men are just mere sex objects, prized for their hunting, bunny busting, flying and NES skills.

"I think I want to join them" added Dave, as it had been a while for him too.

Then he continued with his diatribe "For this is a primitive, amazonian matriarchal society where women just take whatever they want, whenever they want it and the men are just there (often emaciated and begging for a rest) to do whatever the women ........

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

......"Oh, bother! I knew I should've gone to SpecSavers!  But never mind, there's only a minor difference in size, the physiology is very similar - and we're here today to examine the workings of........

....... the repro-ductive sysem.

With that, a few kiddies (and a few wrecks in Wreck Flying) giggled at the chance of seeing a few "good bits" like used to be in editions of National Geographic that had features about primitive African & South American tribes.

Then Dave continued on in his hushed tone "Speaking of primitive tribes with unique courting practices, we have a particular treat in today's episode as we have been invited to attend some unique primitive mating rituals, and here we see the village of Darraweit Guim, that has been hidden away in the mists of time deep in the dangerous sub-tropical hinterland of Mextoria, where the .......

..... jollys from inserting its .....

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

....cumulonimbus cloud - which we must watch, as it could get very interesting! - seeing as this top-level predator, cumulonimbus, has been known to eat Jabirus in a few seconds, and spit the remains out from their.......

..... bottoms, which are located just under the tails of their cumulo congestus big scary brothers, and that ....

THE BELOW CUMULO CONGESTUS IS A CLOUD THAT ALL AUF FLYERS WILL BE WARY OF

FLYING CLOSE TO, EXCEPT TURBO WHO THINKS THAT THESE ARE FUN & HE LOVES TO STICK HIS WING INSIDE AS HE FLIES BY, BECAUSE RULES & CONVENTIONS ARE MADE FOR WOOSES.

....... entering into a mating ritual with a .......

........ no, not at all, things are just hunky dory, as with seemingly no effort she rises majestically off the road and exhibits the miracle of fully coordinated flight which only comes from a perfectly designed empennage, as her flaps are withdrawn (electronically) and she climbs (avref) towards to heavens with smiles beaming from her occupants who are reflecting on the great wisdom of their terrific purchase (Jabiruref), plus the fact that they are just using minimal fuel even on climb at 1000 fpm and ......

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....gave them the Ringer's flick.

With the rabbits out of the way he turned back to the camera and attempted to describe a pair of flamingos ................

..... but instead he mistakenly described a 6 cylinder/24 thrubolt Jabiru (Avref) and that is what started the .....

DAVE THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS A FLAMINGO.

WHAT AN ANTHROPOLOGICAL DICKXXXX.

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......upset David Attenborough who prefers them with four.

It was a difficult situation where ...........

....... David was doing a serious piece to camera and he was surrounded by grumbling 3 legged bunnies limping around in circles as they tried, but failed, to hop about in that cheerful bunny way that has been the subject of so many children's books (see examples below).

"XXXX this" yelled David and ...........

9 hours ago, onetrack said:

and Cappy would never again.....

..... get involved in Turbo's shonky scheme to make claims on the RSPCA's Pet Insurance Company thru his "Amputations For Food" (AFF) initiative, which he has registered as a religious charity (hence Mavis being a member of the Sisters of the Blessed 3 Legged Rabbit), and which has been proven to really get the bunny population offside, but also to .......

As is usual with Turbo, the economics are pretty good. Participants buy a baby bunny for $2.50, use it as a pet while it grows up then whip off one leg and sell it as chicken for $5.00 (wholesale price and more if you retail it), then claim on your pet insurance and get awarded $50 per leg as BD (Bunny Depreciation). Then reinvest $2.50 for another baby bunny after killing Bunny #1 for skinning & use in aircraft interiors (this adds another $5). This scheme is now being taught in Pre-Schools with Turbine Bunny Supplies Inc providing the tiny baby hoppers.

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......good enough for me.”

‘Have these four legs then” not realising what was about to....

..... happen, which .....

.......... and Brine, who always followed the plagiarist's, fornicator's and Wreck Flyer's code of "Never admit anything, and never ever apologize" said "See Cappy, old mate, it's Chicken."

"Oh, OK then." responded Ratty with his very attractive child-like innocence "Your assurance and evidence is ...........

23 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Salty said, "I'm sure I saw some gay kind of drink, like that, in there" - and that immediately enraged Cappy again, and he...........

......... immediately started to type a complaint on the NES. Some crass yobo members might use the term "whinge" but others recognize Cappy's posts as works of great scholarship and ..............

19 hours ago, Captain said:

..... all white made from tens of thousands of rabbits tails that have been ring-barked around their ....

AND SO, to our hundreds of thousands of readers & YouTube subscribers, I say that we have seen something here that has never happened in the previous 15 years of the NES's smooth examination of major world political and aviation issues (avref & polref).

The CT has, deliberately and with aforethought, ignored the above post and jumped back to one by OT (NTTIAWWT).

The Skipper's above post has been consigned to the waste-bin of history (can you believe it? And Cappy has never before been so insulted ............................. again).

The CT will, of course, now claim that "It was the Covid what done it" just like everybody else does & uses the WuhanFlu as an excuse at the moment, but I say it was deliberate ..... (so what a total CT he must be).  

BELOW IS THE FABRIC THAT HAS BEEN RESERVED FOR THE LINING OF BRINE'S NEW AIRCRAFT (AVREF).

IT DOESN'T LOOK AS ATTRACTIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE, WHAT WITH THE TENS OF THOUSANDS OF THE BUNNY'S RINGBARKED BUMS.

AND PLEASE CONSIDER THE POOR BUMLESS BUNNIES THAT REMAIN AFTER THEIR TAILS HAVE BEEN HARVESTED.

..... all white made from tens of thousands of rabbits tails that have been ring-barked around their ....

PS - Salty is actually Dicky Branson's twin brother ....... although quite a lot older and a fair bit richer ..... but no longer a virgin.