Captain

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

 

This message provided by Turbine Explanations and Perhaps overly Detailed But Not Boring at all Descriptions Inc. (TEaPODBNBaaDI)

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

At that point Turbo thought he heard another train coming and ducked......

.... but there was no need, as the magnanimous Captain forgave Turbo and turned the other cheek (face cheek only, as nobody turns THOSE other cheeks, with Turbo around) and all was right again in the upper echelons of the NES.

PS - The Lovely Jedi Rat is patiently waiting for one of his NES mates to jump to his defense. Surely Turdboy or Eeeaaannn will do so, but 9 hours of silence since he last posted is not too encouraging.

Perhaps even the peripatetic bull will say something nice?

Waiting .............................. waiting ............................

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

(Dear NES readers - OT is deeply concerned that the Jedi Rat is unable to distinguish between B-triples, B-doubles, triple road trains, double road trains, and single semi-trailers - even if he was hit by one. He probably thinks a Ringfeder is something that cattle eat from. This is a terrible state of affairs, and OT is thinking of giving him a ride in a triple road train for his 89th birthday, so he's brought up to speed (so to speak) on truck types, and this will also give him bragging rights in the nursing home, whenever a B-triple appears on the TV, and he can identify it immediately and confidently, just as well as he can identify the difference between a Cessna and a Tecnam....)

That's nothing OT. As 2 posts ago Ratty had bull chasing bull. So your beloved Captain is losing it, officially, the dopy old XXXX.

1 hour ago, bull said:

That was bloody Bull screamed Cappy ,lets go after him in the ...

..... Jackoffwallaby (evantual avref) as that will have no trouble sticking with an XR8 ute".

bull jumped into the front seat of the JOW while Cappy strapped himself into the seat of the co-pilot and weapons systems operator (WSO), primed the GAU-A8 Autocannon, read the Human Fuctors briefing card to bull using his great big serious gravitas voice, and ............

1 minute ago, turboplanner said:

....West Ceduna Roadhouse, kown for its.........

....... 5 weeks matured Chicko rolls and the yam ......

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

"I don't think that's a viable suggestion", said Turbo. You know how much I prefer to operate on a global basis, and I really want to get my hooks into Iron Ore and Gold (let alone those thriving rural industries of W.A., with their massive potential for scarfing millions off them - and have you seen the size of the trucks all those W.A. farmers have now?!), so I reckon your suggestion can be put in the.........

........ circular filing cabinet in the corner of the room, as after the concerns expressed by Salty, the CT, bull and the magnificent Jedi Rat in a recent Board Meeting of Turbine Enterprises (the holding company and the real powerhouse & engine room of the Turbine conglomerate and subsidiaries) Turbo made a statement to shareholders which read, in part:

TO ALL SHAREHOLDERS AND STAFF - Geez Louise, our last Board Meeting was worse than a meeting of the National Rona Cabinet and I need to clarify the following to allay concerns, so let me make it perfectly clear that, as much as I like and admire OT, I have no intention of allowing that ochre stained WA Sand Monkey to take over any business east of Rotty and that also includes the ........

PS - After considering OT's photo, we have concluded that while a couple of B-Triples might be a big deal in WA, such a machine is a dime-a-dozen over east (Salty has 6 parked up at the back of the house at his joint just so that he can look at them whenever he wants to) but these are hardly orgasmic in the eastern trucking scene.

....... so, to prepare for the next stage of the negotiations, he reached down and scratched his ........

.......... as during the great recession of '87 we only had Hungry Jacks and it took me a couple of decades to take control of Maccas worldwide (now badged as Turbine MacDonalds Pty Ltd - Trading as Maccas).

"I still have some changes to make to the menu (could bunny burgers perhaps be part of his upgrade, followed by souvenir toothpicks made from turned down bunny antlers?)" commented Turbo "As the business has not been too successful over the past half century or so and the franchise system has never worked all that well either."

OT was pleased to hear of Turbo's plans as he had bought the failing Domino's Pizza and Hardley Normal businesses in WA and could see an opportunity for cooperation with Turbs. (OT envisioned that he and Turbo would be like Jeff Bazos, Wazza Buffet, Dicky Branson, Georgey Soros and Marky Zuckerberg combined, and acting together  to screw everybody else. OT wants to control the next Federal Election too).

But a warning was sounded to OT by Eeeeeann who knew Turbo well from several bannings and he called OT from his 5 Star in Glenelg to say "Listen Onesie, Turbo is a deadset ............  

48 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......bi...and Turbo just knew they weren't going to talk about bicycles, so he ................

.... kept right away from discussing those other "cycles" which we all .....

22 minutes ago, bull said:

pulled out some photos of the carnage with the super bunnies .what are we gunna do now screamed Mr Bean from down the back of the last red coach???,why you bugger have spilt me cup of tea! ........You think thats bad piped up Cappy from over in the dark at the side of the tunnel where he was hiding you should see the state of my...............

........ undies ........... again, and I'm running out of my clean supply, so soon I'll just have to turn them inside out".

"How come bull has copies of those Super Bunnies, and I can't get any?" asked Eeeeaann "Those F'ers are ginormous XXXXX".

"Because bull has a lot of power in Wreck Flying while you areaway at the SA beach in exile" replied Turbo defiantly (he knew that bull wouldn't ban him like Eeeeaan did and does).

"I object to the term Super Bunny " said CT "As that makes me feel unsafe and bullied, plus it indicates a paternal bunny hierarchy that is unacceptable given the importance of bunny ladies." (One of CT's fantasies was the be a young Hughy Heffner in a red smoking jacket [and for the smoke to be due to friction rather than tobacco]).

"I agree CT and I think that the full Latin name (Sylvilagus Leporidae Grande) should be used at all times, as it makes them sound more cuddly, it sounds more trans-sexual, plus ........ 

NOTE FROM ADMIN - Eeeeann is still stuck in Glenelg by another Covid shutdown and a desire to stay well away from Chairman Dan, so he is unable to visit DG to apply his considerable aviation expertise and to take some photos of the carnage for the Incidents & Accidents page. We therefore request that either CT of Tubb please post some detailed pics here or provide a link to a suitable security camera live feed from DGI. - ADMIN 

13 hours ago, CT9000 said:

......just realized that the 2:15 Boilnda train may have a problem 'cause there are no train tracks. And now looking up at this mother of all bunnies, it is possible that the idea of being conned may have been a bit hasty ....... 

....... however this line of thinking changed immediately when the train shuddered as it hit the 1st Super-Bunny (Sylvilagus Leporidae Grande) and was then derailed after 5 of them held paws/feet across the tracks after one of them also bravely sacrificed himself by diving under & aiming for the fuel tanks, which he ruptured with his antlers.

As a result, XXXXX were trumps amongst the Flyboys.

What a mess, as there were super-bunny (SLG) guts splattered everywhere and derailed train carriages that even blocked the intersection of taxiways 8 and G at DGI.

Another NOTAM was obviously needed but the CT had influence at AirServices Mextoria and at the NTSB's Mextoria office located in Main St, Darraweit Guim, so he .......

A PHOTO OF THE INTERSECTION OF TAXIWAYS 8 & G AT DGI IN HAPPIER TIMES.

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

After discussing this giant cave for some time during which eerie sound came up from the cave the Mayor suggested Cappy go down the hole, Cappy suggested Turbo go down the hole and Turbo suggested.......but CT had shot through like a Bondi tram, so it was decided that all thre would go down. As they descended into the darknes, strange sound and flashes of light could be heard and seen, and Cappy ..........

..... then needed to apologize for the mess, as it had just happened involuntarily.

Turbo was shocked, but stuck by his best mate, when he said ".......

WARNING WARNING TO ALL MEXTORIAN AVIATORS - I have just received a call from the Mayor and CEO of Darraweit Guim City & Regional Council asking that I issue a warning about developments at what he described as "some joint down by the 5 sacred rivers owned by some blonde & buxom silver-tail with an airstrip".

He reported that there has been a bunny explosion, not just in number, but in size, and he has sent me a photo, shown below, of a rabbit burrow beside the DG International Airport's main strip (on the right side of the parallel runway near taxiway 7).

All Aviators and Aviatrixes are asked to stay clear as this is perhaps more dangerous that the Woo-Hoo Flu.

THE BURROW IN QUESTION.

FIVE OF DGC&RC'S BRAVEST STEVE ERWIN (WITHOUT THE BARB) AND BEAR GRILLS (WITHOUT

THE CAMERAMAN) TYPE ANIMAL RANGERS WENT IN AND NONE HAVE BEEN SEEN SINCE.

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Meanwhile the CT had a burnt rump, and Cappy suggested that someone should put some antiseptic cream on it. Turbo moved towards his car explaining that he had to go to a wedding. Cappy threw the cream to CT and stood well clear.........

...... there is no way that I am rubbing THAT" he said.

11 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"We're on a real winner here!", crowed Turbo. "Sales are not only killing Nike and Adidas, the part of the population that is buying them, all want to go to DG, find some Jackalopes, and kick the crap out of them!

CT will be out of a job soon, he'll just have to relearn how to fly straight and level, and put away his.........

..... aspirations of making Crocs from real wild crocs. (The background being that he had killed a couple of 18 footers with 50 shots (each) from his pee-rifle but as well as being full of tiny .22 holes, the plates on their skins were bigger than your average set of Croc, so he could only sell them to people with huge ......

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

CT .........

...... was impressed. "XXXX me" he said loudly, and flashed his ..........

VITAL NOTICE - Airservices have today issued a NOTAM for the CT's strip at Darweit Guim International, due to the rabbit burrows now being enlarged to twice the size of a wombat's hole (burrow not his hole), due to the size of their antlers (average 3 ft span over the 6 pointers) and the fact that the average size of the new DG carniverous bunnies is 4 ft at the shoulder.

The NOTAM reads, and I quote "XXX15 VV5784 FHHHGAART DF'NG BEW DG INTL BCK BIG HO LE NO FLY NO MO RE U CUM BCK LTR BIG TIME, SO BU CK OFF XXVV77845 EGTT/QMR XX/IV/NBO/A/000/ 999/5129N00028W005".

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

However, there came the day when one of the Turbine ferrets got into the DG CWA henhouse, and promptly killed 6 young chickens. The outrage from the CWA ladies could be heard in Moorabbin, and it was only a matter of time before the CWA ladies presented Turbo with........

...... an ultimatum ... and everyone knows that when the CWA chicks are on your case, you accede.

However Turbs valiantly pushed back, and with good reason.

"Listen you CWA chicky-babes" Turbo said (bravely) "My ferrets deserve a feed of chooks before they need to head down into the DG bunny burrows, as how would you like to meet one of those big buck bunnies, as shown below, coming back the other way and on the offensive? I have lost an entire brace of ferrets this week and every one has been impaled on the buck's antlers then eaten by the other bunnies, which have turned carnivorous. The CT is in grave danger I reckon"

But our brave CT was defiant and could only say "F.......

ONE OF THE HIGHLY DANGEROUS ALPHA BUCKS, GUARDING HIS BURROW AT DG.

If you look carefully you can still see parts of one of Turbo's rotted ferrets stuck on one of his tines.

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo still remembers the day he inspected a neighbour's ferret and was told to just put his hand in the top of the box and grab the ferret under the shoulders. The XXXXXXX ferret grabbed Turbos middle finger and sank its teeth to the bone and Turbo had to shake it for five minutes until the XXXXXXX thing let go. .....

..... and since that time, Turbo has always insisted that a nurse be present before he will give his ferret a run ........, hence his formation of Turbine Lowcut Nurse's Uniforms PL and ......

PS- Turbo breaks his own rules, as his ferret is not bright green. His is a sort of dirty brownish & purple colour .......... but he certainly does need to shake it for 5 or more minutes after giving it a run.

53 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

small correction to yesterdays ref to my flowing locks of golden hair, Statement of truth here, I have a full head of hair just like a bowling ball.

BREAKING NEWS - CT affirms that he is SAHARA and confirms that he wears a long flowing blonde wig.

Many other questions remain unanswered. 

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...but he banged away as best he could, and by the end of the day after he'd skinned and gutted them he culd hardly walk.

The following day it started all over again and ..............

... CT was getting a cramp in his hand after all that ......

Meanwhile, spring has sprung and the annual rut is in full swing in Daraweit Guim, with the result that our beloved CT9000 has 9000 ruting bunnies going crazy on his strip (see the below photo taken just this morning).

For those unfamiliar with the annual rut at DG (and the same thing also happens at most B&S Balls out bush), the rut (from the Latin rugire, which I know that many speak regularly here on Wreck Flying (blessed are the cheesemakers etc) meaning "to roar") is the mating season of certain mammals (and humans [Ratso's edit]), which includes ruminants such as deer, sheep, camels, goats, pronghorns, bison, giraffes and antelopes, and extends to others such as skunks (SAAA avref) and elephants. The rut is characterized in males by an increase in testosterone, exaggerated sexual dimorphisms (Turboref) and increased aggression and interest in females (typical B&S behavior after a tinny or 2). The males of the species may mark themselves with mud (Saltyref), undergo physiological changes or perform characteristic displays in order to make themselves more visually appealing (Turbo'sCorvetteref) to the females. Males also use olfaction to entice females to mate using secretions (erkyperkyref) from glands and soaking in their own urine (OT, CT & bull ref).

The CT was embarrassed to watch these displays as his binoculars hurt his eyes after an hour or 2 and his back always gets sore from mimicking their positions.

THE DG BUNNY RUT IN FULL SWING

1 hour ago, bull said:

...that his pain was caused by his ......

......... overly tight .....

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

bull lost all feeling below ........

..... his corpus cavernosum, so he looked down and said "XXXX", but then quickly added ".....