Captain

"I can't get out. Help" he cried 'The canopy is locked and I'm stuck + a bit claustrophobeised"

"It's not locked" said Andy "It's just closed and those little lever things hold it shut"

"Well I never" said a relieved Ahlow, who put the other axe away "Phew and your beauty, now which way do I turn these levers and how do I get ..............

........... that after seeing that photo, Ahlow has 2 axes, and no wonder the 12 incher hasn't posted on the NES after seeing that pic.

Then Ahlot stood tall, pulled his shoulders back, puffed his chest out, tucked his paunch in, put his right leg in, put his left arm out and shook his ...........

... waited for it to turn into a boeing business jet, just like in that beer ad.

"Vere ist un saf worken statement!" :ranting:screamed the fluganstazi. "you kant do anyting vitout zee papervork und zee......"

........ papertrail, und zee papermache und zee papertiger ploos zee paperclip in zee paperback, to alles macht das paperweight.

"Now hold on there" said Loxlie, all indignant-like "What's this about paperclips, papermache and paperweights? Is some smartarse talking in code about my beloved beer-can."

"No .......... no ........... no ...............no ................................Yes" said the NES equivalent of that bloke from Dibley (was it the TurdyPlonker?).

'Well" said our beloved Loxlie "I've never been so insulted"

"yes._=# you .....//,, have" responded bull-from-bone, who had just completed Billy Gates' punctuation course "what,,,about,,when...you.............

There is at least one aircraft around here with an R100 engine in it and carbys at the front.

I'd love to see one done with the latest R1200 that has the water cooled heads. 20% more power and 20% more torque than last year's engine. Would probably give a good 80 - 100 hp when suitably derated.

..... , as es vill be rau, just like AHlox is.

"what's-all-this-foreign-lingo? asked bull from boner, "as-them-buggers don't know English and are crappy punctuators"

"Now hang on there chaps" sagt Suzan the FluganViszla (or 苏珊。女子名 as she is better known in China) "We need to give bull from boner the benefit of the doubt, just like Chamberlain did in '39."

But that was too much for the StuhlgangPlanung, who immediately went to his keyboard and typed ......................

....... Andreas the melone verrichten-er from hustens hafen was just finishing a .............

...... because everyone then realised that when a thru bolt popped the noise that followed was the munchen and lunchen of that cylinder, followed by the munchen and lunchen of the leaken downen.

But then everything changed again when the DeutchMark dropped and everyone made the connection between Detleff, Salzy, AcHtungLox, das TurboGroupenFeurerPlanter, the zwölf incher, die FlugenViszla, Eeeen Bäcker and that Austrian company that macht das Ax .................................................................... und .................

...... then Detlef piped up "Es ist sehr great to hear zee Cherman lingo again after zo long".

And it was all out of the bag, because Detlef had been masquerading as Nobu in the Japanese POW camp in Cowra, to get away from the poor quality bratwurst that was dished up in the Cherman camp in Mudgee.

"Ich bin a proud aerian" said Detlef "Und it has been a pain in zee arrrrse to have to hide mein brue eyes and dlop mein r's (und mein *rse) to act rike a .............

.... vill allow me to set up mein own vebsite and become the Eeeen Bäcker of Gümly Gümly" said the Arlot "Von were ve vill giff Poland a hard time und as I haff noticed in another thread I vill add an investigative journalism section and expose that the Flying Vision-of-Loveliness may prefer an image as a friendly brown puppy, but was actually exposed as being out last night for a tryst (not that there is anything wrong with that) with a 30 woman (not that there is anything wrong with that either) out near Cunnamulla, where they .............

......n old telegraph pole just covered with elbow skin.

"We do piercings cheap below the navel (NTTIAWWT) at the Blue (skyref) Oyster (H2Oref) Bar (BOB) during our family friendship gathering happy hours" said AhLow (devoref), trying to lure in more punters, so that he ....................

......... numerous body piercings."

"That's not scrutible, that look is more like "scrotible"" replied the Nob.

"I not get a piercing there" answered Aki with a wince and his knees together.

"I've had mine pierced" interjected Brine "I'd had a few scotches at the time, was feeling game, they had descended (avref) by the time I was about 25 and I thought that I would ...........

..... allow them to live the life of Lirey, in the manner to which they became accustomed at Cowla.

"But where's mine" asked Aki who was stuck with a flanchise for Gleat Warr and one motorcycle brand. "When I said that we wanted to go home in tliumph, I didn't mean go home on a Tliumph" he added.

"Halold Hort was a gleat mate of mine, before he went for the closs channel swim to Dunedin" said Nobu "But wolly not, as he is perfectry happy riving with 6 nubile kiwi backpackers down near Milford Sound (one of which looks like that ugly American sheila who ran the joint in Top of the Lake), and because there are sux of thum it means that he can have uvery Thursday to rest, a bit like the 12 incher and ............

...... the exhaust had cracked.

"Geeeez" said Acki "The Skippy Gov't and ASIO did such a great job, as mentioned by TurdBro, that even the Empelor didn't know that we had captured it, and given that Darwin was then the centre of known culture in the western world (since overtaken by Bone ........ or possibly Montpelier ...... or maybe Coughs&SpitsHarbour), if'n they had known they would have stopped our imperial expansion plans there and then and .............

...... we can capture Darwin rike we tlied to 70 years ago, then we can go home in tliumph."

"Hang on there old mate" said Aki who had become a Dinki Di Aussie over the years of sneaking out of his plison cerr & attending B&S Balls in Cowla to clack onto the local windrife. "I rike it in Cowla as there are no earthclakes, no tsunamis, no nucrear leactors, no puffer fish, no harry (or carry), none of that bloody kamikaze nonsense, and no ..........

..... and developed a "Phillipino Fetish".

........ inertia, ......

"He never touched me" claimed Ertia, who was a hot chick from Czechoslovakia, whose dad had been a leading hand at the Szara factory and had done the final inspection on the Locky's machine "Although I did see Tinky Wink doing some weird stuff with that tube of KY, while inverted up in the S-KY (avref)." she added hastily.

Then Ertia's dad piped up and advised "We left those rivets out as the plane was initially due to go to South America and the buyer wanted it to sound like an Inca flute when it flew over, a bit like the Pipes of Pan, but the order was mixed up when we received a pile of cash from Australia from some other Pan............

...... I have a pearl stuck where the sun doesn't shine."

"But where stuck is it" said bull-from,.*-bone "As you are one of the Magnifficenti Moderatti and the sun always radiates from your .................

so situation normal, just pass on by, nothing to see here ................ and nothing to worry about, so the horde of NES readers (all reminiscent of the bar scene in Star Wars) just waited ........... and waited .......... then our beloved Turdo sprang to his feet and said ............

...... furt me, there are more sheep there than I was expecting, so now what do I do, bring the sheep to the map or do I take the map to the sheep?"

"Now, that's another HF issue for some mug to write a chapter and some cryptic questions about, as sheep and maps don't mix because ...............

.......... and then the penny dropped, as Madge was of Dutch descent and had received all of his schooling (so it wasn't very long) in the Ovens Region of Mexico.

And then Madge started to compose a new section of the Sub-Human Factors Testi Book, on the dangers of long distance flight when furts are anticipated.

As a result, all RAA fuel tanks will hereafter be limited to 35 litres (defined as the optimum furt cooking period) and the S-HFC syllabus will include sections on the dangers of Baked Beans, matches, silent-but-deadlies, seat cushion combustibility and the almost lethal dangers of enclosed cockpits (particularly when combined with big sniffs).

"What a great idea" yelled some rag-&-tube ratbag "This is how we'll force everyone back to the good old days, flying drifters below 300 ft, furting to our heart's content and .......

"He looks very furtive" said Turbo helpfully, "and he........"

.......... actually did furt."

"Erky perky, and hang on Turdo" said Ratty "Moderator (magnificentti) Lox will never let you say that the Madge is a self-abuser."

"Why not?" asked Turdy "As he's been doing it himself for .............

....... but I'd vote for ya, as you are a good bloke, and a .....

...... just wait until I'm on the Board and I'll go up to 11 gold bars and epaulettes that are 18 inches long, each."

Then Madge took the opportunity for a bit more self abuse.

"Your a dickhead, Madge" said Maj.

"And what are you look'n at Maj, you wanka" responded Madge, who then responded "...............

........... started to gyrate (each time he started to engage his pre-rotator ..... which is Madge's way of describing self-abuse), and in the Expanda's case the swagger-stick was a stagger-stick, but at least he was "safe", as his yellow gummys were fluro safety yellow, his cheeks were safety red, the pearl on his stagger-stick complied with the requirement of the sub-human factors course, and his ...........

.....as the 30 FT high stack testified...................

........... "This NES is getting out of hand and is no longer believable" said Ratsack "As I have never before seen or heard about a 30 ft high stack of Wallaby's fried testies. And who has been cutting them off before cooking them?" he added.

"And now in post # 8016 Turdy is accusing the Madge Pop-Top of going all gyro on us, a worse accusation that saying that Madge is really going commando with his .................

...... that forced a comment from the Frying Visitor "Why would they show movies on the side of a gravel stockpile? We don't even do that in s'n Q."

"Oh" said Turdo, who was wisely world "They do that up at the fizzy water mount because .................