Captain

....

His glowing red finger went prying.

..............

.... the Sarg to the Cunstable.

"How did you know my name was Harry" responded the Robber's Dog.

"Oh, sorry" responded the Sarg "I thought your name was Steve and that was just the way that Tink described your head."

"I've never been so insulted" responded Ahlow "Well ............. at least, not since .............

......... got a finger that glows in the dark."

"AH Choo come home."

This photo was taken 2 days ago of McJockLox about to push the little red button to start the Axe. His right hand has its scrawny fingers crossed ....................

"Why, just ask Nanna and Constable Doubtfire how good his finger is at pushing their buttons. They reckon that our much loved AhModerattori Magnificenti is .............

...... "no-mate" said-bull "Ahblessyou-is-definitely-known-as-one-of-a-class-of-supernatural-beings,-generally-conceived-as-of-diminutive-human-form,-having-magical-powers-capriciously-exercised-for-good-or-evil-in-human-affairs."

"I agree" said the 12 incher "It's either that or RoxOff is a f.............

...... the First Class FryingVisitor turns her attention to frying her fellow F'n Queens-landers during her occasional visits to the NES.

"Well I've read Sue's post # 7863 where she was vociferous & visibly very viscid (and vicious) vis-à-vis her fellow f'nQ'ers, and I reckon that it is only in the Queen's land that they still use Miles." commented the Sea Dog.

"I prefer to get knotted" offered AhChoo, "But I have just realised that the ASI in my fine European Beer Can reads in Kms/hr ................ what? ........ oh bugger (NTTIAWWT) ...... that is why everyone has been laughing at me when I told them that the Szara cruises at 140 knots and that my Axe is the fastest one out there (despite the fact that RatFeatures went slowly past me in his 230 when we last went down to Yarrawonga doing our best impersonation of the Roulettes)."

"Worry not AhRockoff" said the Frying VisionofLovelyness (and forensic accountant) "For you have for a long time been thought of as a ............

....... "Which is typical of this mob" said the previous RAA Executive. "All they do is criticise, so if they aren't prepared to nominate for the Board then they shouldn't knock what we are trying to do by saving the rest of the Board from voting and helping the members not to worry about stuff by not telling "em".

"It's not that sort of knocking, you drongos" replied the Sea Dog to the 12Incher "It's a Rotary Axe with an ..................

Logan the Bogan ........... tee hee ........ good one Tink and I can't bloody think of anything equivalent.

"There's nothing wrong with Old-Wives" interjected Mavis.

"Nor Logans" outerjected Logan, who was a bit ..............

But the team listening as one moved to ignore....who did tubs think he was kidding... Certainly not the team! why the moment he declare "he thought" they knew that what he had to say next would........

..... upset the small Italian sports-car, cause Turbid's outboard to drop its guts (again), occasion Andy to do the same thing in a fedora, make Loxly close the Blue Oyster for cleaning for the 1st time in 3 years, make the 12 incher go slack, cause Brine to change to rum, make Madge run for the Board after changing his name to either Jayco or Jab-a-Roo ....... and trigger the RSPCA to wonder why the possums around Bange-It-Holme all quiver in fear just like the Bange-it-Holme women do when they see a red Vette approaching (from behind) with Putrid leaning out and saying in a loud voice "Are you interested in a quick sprag, do you have an SMS, and ............

"..... "I've been using "Rot Guts in my outboards for years" he added."Not............"

....... a good thing to mention at this time on a Sunday morning" added Andy "As I had a bottle of Tubbo's Rot Guts Outboard Lower Leg Lubricant last night and am a bit crook, so will someone pass me a hat, and make it a big one too, and I'll do an impersonation of Billy Shatner (who also flys a 230, but powered by a 914) making ............

"No" replied SteveLox, continuing his JabBaiting "All you need to know about trees, dear Andysh@alloverCoffs, is how to miss 'em if a thru-bolt pings off, because it's the bloke that makes the leak-down testers who actually makes the money."

"Well said, RatPoo" added Turdy "As that is how I bought my latest Corvette, like Barry Hall's, from making Leak-Down testers made from possum by-products, and the big selling point of differentiation with my Leak-Down testers is that they always read OK and that way nobody gets disappointed or has to do any of that nasty engine stripdowns. The RotaryAxe owners love them too, because my testers also ..........

".......... There was a rattle at the clubroom door, and they caught a glimpse of an epaulette.......

.... "Je ne say leakdown" said E. Paul "As every Jab owner will dive for cover and at the same time poop their pants."

"Leakdown test, leakdown test, leakdown test (and Thru-Bolt)" yelled AhRoxOff who loved sticking it up the Jab owners (figuratively speaking of course) although he was well aware that the words "Sprag Clutch" "5000 rpm" "ULP (and "ALP")" and "Gutless" had a similar evacuational effect on him.

"Oooooh" said the Hat splatter and leakdown specialist "That ...........

............ "When will they........."

....... ever learn that I am neither right nor left" replied Andy (Le Chapeau Defacateur Incredable et Le Leakdown Failer Mélancolie) "I prefer it right up the middle, where .............

...Cowla we just dlink sake and build midget submaline in tunnel under latline and wait for big frush. No risten to blauroclats, onry risten to Turbs who send seclet messages from BangerherhomeSome messages so seclet, we not even.....

... aroud to blaudcast it."

"But rets get back to Turdy's pubric stoning, as I am in favour or that, but only after the SMS has been checked." he added.

"Beauty" said the small Italian sportscar "As I'll take 2 boulders & 3 packets of sizeable river gravel, where do I sign that I've seen the SMS and where is the best vantage point to chuck them from."

"Up here" said Ratty, who had been trying to ...............

...."Why would......""

....... these drongoes keep persisting with this NES garbage" added the Alpha Lava "And as I want to be the final arbiter on whether all threads live or die, I think we should immediately shut this one down."

"I aglee" yelled Nobu "This is clap and should be ..............

Andys@coffs' date=' post: 305580, member: 94[/email']]...That Endo Scoap is a pain in the ar$e he thought......

Endo Scoap (Tee Hee. Good one Chapeau Defacateur).

....... so he referred Endo's performance to his mate, Micky Morethanonecoat, for a 2nd opinion.

"What do you think of Endo's management of the HPA" he aksed Micky.

"Well" responded Micky, we Morethanonecoats have had a fair bit of experience with the Pokers who run the HPA (and the HPSA for that matter) and I reckon that ...........

used in the hokey pokey.... Tubbs was speechless (No really!) "how does doing the Hokey Pokey help while looking at a wizzie leak?" Well said rat its like this.....

...... the Hokey Pokey was the equivalent of an early form of a game of strip Twister, as once you put your right foot in, anything was prone to happen.

However that has all changed and the latest Safety Management System that was put in place by Hokey Pokey Australia (under the insistence of the HPSA) has found that the Hokey Pokey is inherently dangerous and as a result it has effectively meant that those with the correct endorsements can Hokey to their heart's content, but Pokeying has been suspended pending an upcoming Coronial enquiry and a submission from a rival organisation, the Sports Pokey Association of Ozz, whose Board will meet with the HPA Board @ UndoneFly next month at NarrowMind.

"Big things are expected to come out of this UndoneFly" said HPA Secretary, Endo, who ...................

Salty who had been having troubles lately "but they seem to be getting closer and closer to..................."

...... a successful wiz (even a bit of a leak would be ok), or ultimately to an exploratory gloved finger to be ..............

....saving up money to bring the rest of his family from overseas by boat ......

.... and there the sad tale takes a twist, as Turdy was the product of Boat people, and so was the Harlot. It turns out that the lineage of both was directly traceable back to a tryst on the poop deck of one of the vessels in the 3rd fleet, and the Ass-ange kiddie was also related through that line.

"That's why Wizzieleaks has been after the Tuber Player's expose on Ratpoo" said Julian, flashing his best silver-fox look and supercilious grin "But I can't pay for it at the moment, unless you will take a couple of Ecuadorian pesos as deposit."

"I like a good Wizzie leak" said ............

"What's wrong with being involved with a goat?" asked......

...... the Turdster, after all Cookie had one on the Endeavour and that all went well, apart some occasional jealousy amongst the crew.

"I beg to differ about Turdy's account in post #7825" interjected a Professor from F'nQU. "As our research indicates that Jimmy C named the State after the strange stilted houses that the citizens lived in, and as an indication of the IQ of most of them, when asked "What are ya" by Joey Banks, they would scratch their arses and say "I'm a Queenslander, eh", then sprout the State's motto with which they had been brain (sic) washed (so it didn't take all that long) ............ "Ah Queensland, paranoid one day, chip on the shoulder the next.", after which Cookie looked fondly at the goat, unfurled the sails and headed off to ..........

............page boy.We need more governance like that said Peterdout. If we had a page boy in every State and then added a Chief page boy in Canberra, reporting to a Page who in turn reported to a Staffmaster who was rersponsible to a Crier who took orders from Speaker, the efficiency of our organization would be professional.

 

"If we........"

...... could understand what Turdy was getting at, I'd volunteer to be his page boy (NTTIAWWT)" responded AhLox who already had the Prince Valiant haircut, but who was often too quick to pick up on a new idea for his own good. "But(t) (NTTIAWWT)" he added "Who will be the .............

Tubby have done more, to grab the attention of the gentle reader as he once more spoke in veiled terms of the Rat's past....In fact so often had he raised Rats genealogy in veiled terms that the Demtel management were seriously considering ditching their current advertisers in favour of Tubbs........when it comes to polishing Turds no one was better at identifying a master than the Demtel management, after all before Demtel who would have considered how much fun one can have with a steam mop......in fact to go one step further who would have considered adding a kettle to a mop in the 1st place......"That's nothing said Tubbs, if one can have fun with a kettled mop then just wait to see what entertainment can be had when you add a microwave to a........"

.... surfing contest. First you have the fun of chucking the microwave into the water while still plugged in (that is always a hoot to do on the dam at the farm, too, to give the ducks a bit of a thrill) but then at the surf contest you need to make tiny little surfers to be able to ride paddle pop sticks ..... so that they can ride the micro-waves."

But there was a problem, due to paddle pop sticks being in short supply and the futures price for that commodity had gone through the roof, because AhChoo & the 12 Incher had formed a consortium which had cornered the market in order to make ........

Ma Tante et mon Oncle are out in the garden doing stuff with a pencil & recovering from a night of hot action, et mon Aunt wants to assure all gentle readers that the Ratty gene pool is pure and clear, and he has nothing to hide nor fear from Turdy's investigations up in F'n Q (unless of course the Turdster can prove a carnal connection between Ratty and Butters Rudd). Ratpoo also wants to explain that the "mon Oncle" referred to in the foregoing is not really mon Oncle, he is just some bloke that my Auntie picked up at the grab-a-grandpa joint last night .............. but Ohhhhhhh, this is terrible ........... as it looks like mon Oncle has left his keys on the table in the jardin and they look like the keys from a SportSzara ...... oh non, & sacre-blue, could it be that ??????).

and got themselves citcelsyd'ed ....that really must be against the rules somewhere said Tubby.....who would have ever thought you could use a pineapple to do that???? and in any event why would you???? Tubby stood with that 1000ft stare...that those who had been to war and got a VD often have...as do those with dementia.....

Finally he said......

......... "That's the same stare that you get when your plane has been grounded for more than 3 months, after which that look turns to ..............

........Hobbs Meter."I was Hobbs Champion in 1949" cried the Rat before he could stop himself. and looking around he very sneakily.........

.......... explained that while "Champion" might be too strong a term, Daryl Hobbs wife, Charmaine, thought that I was pretty good, and certainly good enough to come back for seconds, fifths and twentyninths."

"'49 was a pretty good year" agreed Ahlot the Harlot. "I'm a little bit citcelsyd and had just returned from the war with a VD and scar, but it wasn't until a fronted up to my 1st Anzac Day march that I realised that this wasn't the same as the one that Roden Cutler had been awarded."

"I was in my late teens that year" said Tubb " And I remember when the Bange-it-Holme boys went .............

...good time can be had by all. That's not to say that a good time is always had with the Harlot, who is known for.....

........ his proclivities for Andy, the Mayor of Coffs, multiple (but shallow) good-times at the Green and Blue Oysters and the odd snap-roll in his ............