Captain

...two CWA members ......

In fairness to all NES'ers, Ratty the Protector needs to warn Turdy and all others that are so inclined, that according to Chopper's 43rd book we are involved in dangerous practices when saying things like the above ,as he reckons that the CWA are somewhat akin to a Vietnamese Crime Group, in that during the recent gang-wars a lot of members of the Melbourne Crime Families, and some Painters & Dockers, have been put through CWA sausage mincers when they crossed a democratically convened meeting of CWA members. They were hardened criminals pre-mincer, but post-mincer they were ...................

....belch and an explosion of garlic laden breath "There's nothing wrong with them old ducks in the CWA, they can cook a mean.....

...... bloke from Moorabbin.

"That reminds me of a question I've been meaning to ask the Turdster, as if he lands at Moorabbin while heavily laden, does that mean that he could be mistaken for Osama's bother Moora Bin Laden?"

... I reviewing Madge's post it seems like a plaintiff cry for help of a baby plover, and perhaps we should reconstitute that famous team which helped DitDot fly an R22 backwards to the Antarctic where......

.... the penguins still speak of that feat in hushed tones.

"Geeez the bloke that flew that Robbo down here backwards was a dickhead, eh?" they often say to each other under their pongy breaths, while the killer whales lurk off the beach looking exactly like CASA Inspectors hiding in the trees at a Fly-In, touching themselves with anticipation.

"And did you hear that Turdy took 37 minutes to insult almost all of the old ducks in the CWA, plus the members of the Bovine Protection Alliance." the penguins added.

Then the 12 Incher interjected, with a rousing ..............

............ get that red crayon back and use the tipex on the Conf. Ag. to delete "Madge" and write "Steve" back in, using his typical X.

However Madge had finally hit on the big advantage of being a Board Member. "You get hold of the membership list and you look at where all the fine unturbulent weather will be next weekend, then you head around to the member's houses in that region while they are out flying and you apply your f'n Q charm and boyish good looks to the bored wives and partners (NTTIAWWT) who are at home looking for company." he said is a paper that he delivered to the Institute of Company Directors.

During the 2014 Natfly weekend Madge plans to make a real pig of himself, and so far his record in a weekend is ......................

In the Turdster's defence he points out there is not an epaulette to be seen, and ........

And there, dear reader, is where the Tubby Plonker is not telling you the whole truth. (He would have made an excellent RAA Board member around 2010).

Because the Private RatEye has investigated this matter and he knows it to be true that TurdBro owns a set of ePaulettes identical to those shown in the below photo, which he often wears at the Blue Oyster Bar (BOB) to impress AhLot (NTTIAWWT) and for which Tubb has had a set of tiny sequined press-studs sewn onto the uniform. (The TurdyTatts can also be seen in that photo). He can therefore attach these epaulettes in about 5 seconds as he leaves the street and heads down the dingy stairs into the depth of depravity and filth that is the BOB. (The press-studs are similar to those that Turdy also had added to the mauve camisole (see pic of Turdy below wearing that item (great wig and implants, eh?)) that he carries in the bottom of his flight bag and which he uses to attach his name and number during ladies night at the Blue Oyster.)

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As a service to NES readers and contributors, ElRatty the Exposér is pleased to submit the following highly confidential information that relates to two of our most esteemed, yet suspect, members and I leave the following for all readers to evaluate ............ on a without prejudice basis, ipso facto the ins and outs of a duck's bum.

1 The following is a secret photo of the unapproved mods that AndySh@onthegroundatCoughs has done to the 3300 in his 230. Not a thru-bolt to be seen (so similar to his original engine before the last rebuild).

The only good thing to come from this, in your ReporterRat's opinion, is that the amount of polishing that he will have to do to the barrels will stop him from polishing his own quite so often.

Also, as a Ratsposé exclusive, the new lightweight seats for his 230 are also shown.

2 The TurdBro was snapped last Saturday at Moor-a-bin while about to take EAA for a spin up to f'n Q and back.

This proves that Turdy is, indeed, a man of steel, yet without too much substance.

Here endeth the Exposé.

...... it hit the fan (AvRef).

Then the highly qualified BaristaRat took a close look at Madge's Confidentiality Agreement (or Conf.Ag. as it is known in the wigged or comb-over rarefied air of Ratty's Barista friends).

"Hey everyone" said Ratpoo "In true f'n Q tradition, this Conf.Ag has the word "Steve" crossed out at the bottom and the word "Madge" substituted in red crayon, so does that mean that our beloved Madge Jayco is just a reincarnation of ..............

...... he stuttered.

"Come on man, spit it out" replied the AhLot without too much sympathy "What are you trying to say? Is it erectile dysfunction? You want to eradicate the TurdBro? You want to be an eremite? You want to have a feel of Nanna's ermine? COME ON WHAT IS IT? (he yelled).

"Fair-suck*of#the%sauce~bottle-HarLot" replied bull-from-boner "All-I-was-really-wanting-to-say-was-er-ar-er, ah, er ......

..... just at that very moment, the lagoon began to stir, bubbles started to show on the surface, a strange rumbling sound was heard (even as far as Cough's Harbour & the Adelaide Hills, so both Andy & the TAAjmahal did a spoonfull), the surface was distorted and out of the mire started to arise a figure so deformed, malnourished and terrible as to strike fear into the bravest of NES readers, occasional contributors and assorted hangers-on, for it was ...............

.......... why he had replaced one of the NSWPS buttons of her police blouse with a camera in the shape of a button, the last time they had a tryst by the banks of the beautiful Wagga Lagoon, just down from the Maison de Fire.

"How did you know?" he asked innocently.

"It was the water proof GoPro case" she replied "And the ................

...... all contributors to the NES, and even our newest member TAAjmahal, know that when the hAhlot is quiet he is actually at his most deviously deadly dangerous, like a brown snake (of which there are shiploads around here this season) sneaking up on a mouse, he has .............

.... an anti-skid braking system that often caused skidmarks in his .....

... the CASA inspector is wearing a silver see-thru little item with a Sonia McMahon type slit that went right up to his......

......... a sparkly low cut little number, but as per the RAA Ops Manual about wearing evening dresses in aircraft (Ahlow's version falls open at that page automatically), you must be careful as one of those sparklers in the controls of the 230 (or the Beer Can) and it will be ...........

"...don't do what I do all the time because I know how to handle it and you...."

.... , Andy, will just stay a little miffed.

"Wow & goodness me" reflected Ratty who had spent some time with AndySh@ at the EGM earlier this year, and the penny had finally dropped when he realised that Andy WAS a little miffed. It was the spelling that threw your beloved Rat, as on reflection AndySh@ and Myf Warhurst may be one and the same. "Just have a look at the attached photo" said ElRatpoo "And tell me that he isn't a little Myf" ..................

Now compare the above photo with the latest one of Andy after he finally had a successful leak-down test and lost a little of his puppy fat.

"Geez Andy, what a magnificent chest. What are you doing Saturday night?" asked AhLow (NTTIAWWT).

"Andy was coy and replied "................

No Ian. The RAA Technical Manager position has to be the best job in the world, even if it is often short-lived.

.......... "And I guess that the hose can also be used like Don Bradman did with the stump, to bat away assorted pieces of engine to stop them hitting your elevator on their way out."

Andy was a little miffed (NTTIAWWT) at this, having spent a lot of his hard-earned on getting the thing back together again.

"Sorry chaps & chapettes, but I need to jump in here" said Madge "As now that I am a board Board Member I need to take Turdbro to task with regard to his post # 8250 and his mention & support of "spinifex". As a f'n Q superstar and high level board Board Member I need to make it perfectly clear to new RAA Members that it is illegal to investigate Spin-effects, in fact any type of spin training is specifically excluded, so make sure that you ...........

And would the rest of you please shut up until we get this answer?

.... the bloke in the left seat, who was co*k-a-hoop at the moment.

"What does that mean?" asked Nanna, who had a set of quoits "And what is Andy's mobile number, as I haven't lain with a proper fly-boy since ......................

....... being an air-borne again citizen.

"Hallelujah and Yippee" said Andy "Full steam ahead, damn the leak-downs and hold the Locktight tight, because I'm gunna ...............

........ Loxie commented that given the manner in which Andy flies his Jab, and jabs his fly, this is is a matter of Stripped Liability."

"Erky Perky" said Salty "He doesn't fly in the razz, does he? ..............

..... certainly don't poke a used sick-bag with any of your usual appendages.

"I have six full sick-bags" said AhLow, giving out news that nobody really wanted to hear "For I have been flying with Andy when we did a quick flick that took in Upper Orara, Tallowwood Ridge, Towallum, Kremnos, Dirty Creek, Barcoongarrie, Coramba and back to Coffs and Spews Harbour ...... and I now know why he has to have a hat nearby, as his PIO's are something to behold."

"Geeeez" responded Brine "I always though that PIO meant Pilot Induced Oscillation, however in Andy's case it must be ............

...on a bucket so I could reach.........

...... (AvsickRef) into another bucket that was lined with an RAA monogrammed sick-bag, the instructions for which read "If you are going to chuck, then do not chuck this away during an Xmas Lolly Drop, if you are going to have a dump then dump this bag carefully if you have a tractor prop, do not retain this bag in your map pocket for more than 6 months after use, and do not ..............

...... ever running for the RAA board like what I did done."

"Hold the fort, Madge" said ElRattio "As I just looked up "clavicle" on WikiCollarBone.com and apart from the fact that you spellt it rong, it mentions that the clavicle has something to do with the "articular disc superoposteriorly" and I have to say, on behalf of most members of the NES, that we want nothing to do with "posteriors" let alone "superposteriors" (NTTIAWWT), nor the initiation that goes on by the OBC to new members of the RAA Board which I understand was copied directly from the Hazing Manual used on HMAS Ballarat (has anyone seen the top of that Pentel or the lid of the RAA's tartan Thermos Flask since our last initiation)?

"Wow" replied Madge "If I'd have known that sort of thing was going on I would have stood ....................

.... touching distance, however now that I am on the Board as a brave and diligent soldier of the f'n Q members, & in order to stop our beloved NES from grinding to a complete halt, I will grab him like a bowling ball, with my thumb in ........