Captain

......... they actually didn't fry anything, as the food was all BBQ'd after which the Benedictine flowed like water.

"And that was when we decided to give the Little Sisters of Mercy the flick and replace them with the Ample Sisters of Merci" explained Father Turbo of the boosted Horsepower.

"Our recruiting also went through the roof" added Brother Robin of Loxley.

"And-a-lot-of my-mates-joined-up-for-a-quick-cloistered-experience" said Monsignor-Bovine.

"But" added Bishop Andy of the Hat "That's not to say that we ..............

........... consult with the Cloister on the hill above Coffs which Andy often has trouble missing as he struggles to reach altitude on 5 cylinders.

That Cloister is run by that well known Order (and CWA junior member's commune) of, "The Ample Breasted Sisters of Merci".

"How did they get that name?" asked Ted.

"They always say "Thanks" once they have finished having their way with you" replied Andy, who has been beating a path to their door since ............

Ratsack has today become aware that the NES has again been ahead of its time when he, she or it noticed the thread titled "Helicopter Crash, Antarctica December 2013", where a Possum Helicopter went down in the Tarctica.

"And while the NES may have got the chopper's brand a little wrong when it spoke some time ago about an R22 going down on an ice sheet, the balance of the NES's thread accurately predicted this sad accident" said Nostradamus Rat in a Press Release that has been picked up by most of the world's media.

Spooky eh?

Fair enough Jetty, ..... and there is certainly a big difference between the behaviour & requirements of the 3300 and the 2200.

But if Russ wants an upgrade, I would absolutely recommend that he talks to Sensenich about what they offer for the 2200, as they are very experienced & their timber props are a work of art, plus are built to great manufacturing tolerances.

From my dealings with them, their service and technical responses are excellent & worth the call.

Regards Geoff

........ he's one of the few where even the great whites say "Erky Perky" before moving on to the next surfer in the line-up.

"Hey" said Ted "That's something that we can also do to make us fully sick Aussies. We can bugger off from work whenever the surf is up, smoke weed, perve on the creases in bikini clad babes and have our ............

........ and their leader, Garbage bin Laden-with-rank-old-Veges.

"Excuse me, lads" said Mr heavily Laden Bin "But Andy's reference to Dorrigo made me think back to when my dad gave me my "father and son" talk, at which time he confirmed that Dorri did indeed "go" like a dunny door in a force 5."

"Scuse me Garbage" interjected Al "But when do you want to do the Audit, as next Monday we have the Picnic Races Holiday in Coonamble, and on Tuesday/Wednesday the prawns are running at Lakes Entrance, then we are shutting down for the Xmas holidays, Hannucka and we have a piss-up for my second cousin's nipper being either christened, circumcised or doing the advanced course in Level 3 bomb chucking."

"No wuckers" said bin Laden-to-Overflowing "As next week I have planned to be crook on Thursday and Friday to make it a long weekend pig shooting out west, so how bout we do the audit in February and then we'll ..................

"......taste like leather and are rough to the throat.""I'm not going to put up with these outrageous attacks by the CWA" roared Maggott "I'm a BOARD MEMBER (nttiawwt)

 

"What are you going to do, throw a sponge at them Ha, Haaha, haaahaaahaaa" said .....

...... Maggott, who went under the pseudonym of Margot when attending the CWA AGM, while up to high-jinks with Locksley at the Blue Oyster and while attending RAA Board Meetings as their newest member.

"He, she or it is definitely "sponge worthy"" stated Mave while pinching a line from Elaine Benes in Seinfeld "And I'd also eat whipped cream off his, her or its ................

Russ.

I put a Sensenich ground adjustable composite prop on my 230 and it was great.

Smooth as, less noise. Was very happy with it. And they were recommended by several Jab agents (I think it was those in the USA and RSA).

Let me know if you would like some photos.

Sensenich have timber props too which were available thru the Jab factory for a while.

Regards Geoff

....... the Police in all states warned the Bikies to beware of the CWA hit squads.

"We eat Bikies for morning tea" said Mavis "And pikeletes too."

"You mean bikkies, don't ya Mave" said Gladarse.

"Oh bugger (NTTIAWWT)" replied Mavis "No wonder they ............

...... but Ted replied "CoooEeeee Sport, and to demonstrate how Aussie me and Al are, you will be aware that one of AQ's training camps was hit with a drone strike last week and 6 of our best guys were zapped, plus the drone killed a couple of Mullahs. Well, as a tangible demonstration of our "Skippyness", we have put those through as Worker's Comp claims, and our 3rd in command here, Has Bin Abadboy (but we just call him Brine), has submitted a claim for RSI from his vest sewing activity (and ADSD because he was such an excitable dickhead when he was a kiddie), however that doesn't all mean that we aren't ....................

......... as all Beeza owners knew, "A lack of engine compression leads to rider depression".

"Or" Ted chipped in "In Harley's case, they have been turning riders into mechanics since 1926".

"But" Al added "...........................

........ the tax office is also hard up for virgins and a couple of yours will go a long way down in Canberra."

Your investigator Rat next ran into Al & Ted at their camp down on the Murrumbidgee where they were after Cod and Murray Crays out of season, so we sat amongst their litter of beer cans (they drink VB and it looked like Cairo on a good day, but more green) to discuss Osama and his organisation.

"Where did the name Al Qaeda come from?" asked Rat.

"Good question cobber," replied Ted as he took a swig of beer from a newly opened can and topped it up with scotch as the real bushies do "Many people think that the name has religious connotations, but Allan Qaeda was actually Osama's gay lover ............ not that there is anything wrong with that."

"Yeah" added Al "And I used to call him "Big Gay Al", so that people wouldn't confuse his name with mine, ... because Osama never thought I was hot."

"Then the boys from South Park heard about that name and used it for their "Big Gay Al" character."

"That explains a lot" replied Reporter Rat "And I notice that you have AQ on your blue truckies singlets, and then Gumly Gumly Chapter & "Bugger the Jihad" printed below that."

"Yes, well observed. You are obviously a top notch investigative Journo" replied Ted "But we have to be careful as when we ride our Harleys together the whallopers think that we are riding in a group "while patched", and then all these old sheilas try to come after us & run us off the road in their 317 HSV Club Sport CWA badged patrol cars, so the only thing that we can do is ..................

...... "How long have you blokes been in Oz?"

"About 2 weeks" replied Al.

"It is fully sick & we feel fully at home and fully like locals" added Ted "Just look at these Stubbies and blue singlets with AQ monogrammed on them".

"Too right" replied Al "We have already told our fearless leader that we are having a sickie this week and "Bugger the jihad", as we are going to the pub and then going fishing for a fortnight."

"And we've bought a weekender on the coast that comes with a new Quintrex and a 200 Evinrude" said Ted.

"I've bought a Harley, plus I've ordered a new Jab kit, & joined the RAA where I'll run for the Board next year, so we are having a great time getting "Skippyfied" & also getting pretty used to drinking a case of Breezers each night." replied Al.

"But we haven't been able to find a local virgin since we got here (and particularly after this year's Schoolies Week)." added Ted, "Except you, Loxie".

"Well hand over whatever imported virgins you have left" replied AH "And we'll call it quits on your BAS this quarter, as ..................

......... "Well" responded Mr Locks "I am one and I hope that I am not provided to some bomb-chucker after he has done the deed".

"I have just checked on line at www.jihad_benefits.com" said Al "And there is nothing in the good book to guarantee that the virgins will be female".

"Erky perky" answered Ted "As .............

......... and then there was a knock on the tent.

"Come in" yelled Al.

A tall dark stranger stepped into Al's vestibule (it was a pretty swish tent) and said "Good morning. My Name is A.H Locks, son of Dead and grandson of Boll, may god be praised (whichever you believe in ..... NTTIAWWT). I triple as a Moderattori Magnifficentti, as a CASA Inspector and as a BAS collector."

"G'day to you A H" responded Ted who was quickly becoming very Aussie and quipped "Does the "H" stand for "Hole"?"

"Good one" replied Loxie "Now show me yez Weight and Balance calcs, give us a squiz at the date on your WAC and please provide the number of virgins that were included in your latest BAS Statement."

"BAS schmazzz, my boy" replied Al with a motion that made him look like an Antwerp Diamond Dealer, little black beanie and all, "But ..................

..... which he thought may be a bit too similar to the last one, but he went ahead anyway and said "Let's knock off a JackACricket from Bone and fly it to New York to have a crack at the new WTC."

This had the desired effect as 9000 RAA members messed themselves laughing and 2 had heart murmurs, which was Al's cunning plan to gradually rid the world of infidel Fly-boys and ............

...... but I'm pretty sure that with Nanna there may be more "BOO" than "peaking", so don't let Andy get a fright of he may not make it to the hat.

Then, at that very moment, the official Aussie terrorism threat level was raised to "WY" status (Wet Yourselves) and the boss of EhZio said "...............

....... be free'd up from being the mainstay of the Ozzie UL scene.

"You should see what we can see from the drone in Al and Ted's compound (although we can't hear much over the backlash in the gearbox and sprag crutch)" replied the boss of EhZio, who was still loyal to the Bundy air cooled product.

"Now hang on there" responded the boss of the EhFP "As my National BCO is more important than perving on a few hot sorts sunbaking by the pool in berkas at Al and Ted's joints".

"Well" said the boss of EhZio "If you'll lend me half a division of CWA sheilas (and a truckload of pretty big Berkas) for my use in the War on Terror, I'll lend you a drone to ...............

And Politically Correct Rat could take this thread no further at the moment, because all storey line options to continue would surely get him banned (plus he needs to research wtf coloxyl is).

"No way" replied Eeeeen "Just let it all out and I'll be merciful".

"No Eeeeen" replied delicate and sensitive Rat "I need to leave it to others, as the FlyingVisionofLovelyness, or her dog, may read this post and I'll be ..............

.... And sheep do nothing for my libido" she added.

"Me either, however please don't drone on and on about that" confessed Tink "But camels, now that is another matter that I have a prior for (it was on a camel ride on the beach at Broome when the Rat yelled out "Get off and give the camel a go"). It wasn't fair" he added "As the camel, whose name was Scot, got off scot-free yet I was the passive participant, and .............

Andysh@all overcoffs, post: 399248, member: 94[/email]] .....................Sheesbin just had a stunned look on her face as Turdy bundled her into the.......

...... passenger's seat.

"I'm the legendary Turdy, I am tough (Tough-Turdy) and using a crappy french accent like the Knight in the Search for the Holy Grail, said "I scough at the MTOW, who'll ever know if it gets up around 700 kgs as there are only so many CASA Inspectors and zee odds are about 250:1 zat we will get away with eet ............. and I shall take you to see the moon and stars."

"Je t'agree, so fill the tanks to the brim, pack a dozen condom-ants and let's go" replied Sheila, "Et what's more, je .....................

, post: 399248, member: 94[/email]] .She responded angrily, "Do you know who my husband is?", and Turbo made the mistake of smirking, and then........................................................

........ he puffed out his chest (AvOxyMoron) and said in Yidish "Too right I do hot-stuff, you're one of the Bed Linens and The Turdster is about to show you the wonders of your family's products, but first let me ..................

Curses as Ratty has been gazumped by Tubb again in the above response, resulting in 2 stories now running in parallel.

..... frying pan at breakfast time (***** cue Ball-cooking Now music, as Madge swoops in for a crack at another member's spouse) as those mountain oysters are both filling and ........

My Aunt was out in the garden the other day and as an exclusive for NES readers I can divulge that she received an email with an attachment that is the New Membership and Renewal of Membership Forms where Madge has used his new-found powers to require all Members to attach a photo of their spouse, partner or "occasional other" (NTTIAWWT .... cross out those that do not apply) so that he can be a bit more selective and up his hit-rate from home visits while members are out flying.

"....show-them-who's-the-dominant- sex" (although he'd lived in none all his life he'd managed to catch the bone-dash disease just like that."Wow" said Turb, lost for words and having to use one of his daughter's expressions, "that is a Brilliant strategy I can remember being ready to confess to anything when I was set upon by three CWA members and their cream sponge cakes, and............"

The Rodent wonders what was the reason that Tubb's daughter "was set upon by three CWA members and their cream sponge cakes" (not that there is anything wrong with that) and he wonders why such an unseemly episode should become one of her well known expressions, however Ratty will just move on with the NES rather than embarrass Tink and his daught.

....... at around that time the AFP Commissionary-er conducted another brief Press Conference to praise one of the volunteers that are so vital to this Bikie Control Offensive (The National BCO).

He commenced by saying "I have called you all here today to read a letter that confirms & acknowledges the selfless community spirit of the NSW Riverina and I quote the following which I received this morning "Dear Commissionary-er. I support this initiative and as I have been missing out a bit lately I would like to volunteer to be the official tester of the CWA Ladies powers & techniques to torture and cripple men with their bodies. Please tell the ladies (and particularly Mavis) that I can meet them tonight by the southern light-pole at Robertson Oval at 11 pm" ........... and, the Commissioner added that this selfless letter was signed by a Mr. A. H. Locks, for whom he proposed a hearty round of ...............

..... "That's where the Turdster has it all wrong" said the ComMissionary-er of the Federal Wallopers at a press conference. "The ladies of the CWA are here to capture and cripple the Bikie Gangs, not to impersonate 'em"

"So what's the plan?" asked an eager reporter.

"Well" he replied "Once we capture a few of the 1%'ers, the ladies of the CWA will turn their attention away from my fresh, crisp and innocent young Constables (and Constablettes [NTTIAWWT]) and will use their CWA bodies to threaten and torture the bikies into submissions and confessions."

Then he added "I cannot guarantee that some of the Bikies will not be harmed (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is very likely), and some will also surely become infatuated with Mavis's considerable skills. To that end, and in accordance with the Geneviève Convention, we will be issuing each captured bikie club member with a set of Qantas eye shades and a poison tablet in case the ordeal becomes too great."

"Bring it on" yelled the Sergeant at Arms, Legs, & Everything-in-Between of the Bone chapter of the Satan's Straight-thru-Exhausts, from the back of the room, "And we'll ...............

...... while it is not yet well known, these same tactics are being used again, with the CWA being secretly mobilised to be part of the Federal Bikie Taskforce which is being led by the AFP, but with each of the State based police taskforces reporting to & thru their local CWA.

This is working well at present except that a couple of the Police Taskforces commented, off-the-record and anonymously, using words to the effect "Geees, but we are getting sick of black tea, scones and Mavis acting in a predatory fashion to any of our good-looking young constables (who each appear to disappear for a day or two down near Mavis's farm and are then returned with a dazed look on their faces and a need for a skin graft)." and "Bring on the Bikies, as they'll be easier to manage than Mave and the "Can Whip Ars*" girls."

Time will tell how things go from here, but if the CWA's decimation of the P&D was any indication, the 1 Percenters are in for a .................