Captain

.......... Nanna, who added "My hearing isn't all that it used to be and I am partly blind too, so you boys can guess what I have been up to each day for the past 60 years, (and Merry Christmas to all you fine studs in the NES too, .... plus Madge the @#&* as well. Come up and see me some time ..... for a good time) and WOO HOO .......... Did he say "Organic" or ..........................

........ in his usual manner, Andy handled the oozing with aplomb and said " I know, I'll stick a plumb in it and sell it at the next Farmer's Market, on a stand with a name that will attract a lot of attention, called ............

....started to turn pink, then brown, then green, ..........................

........ which are the same colours that the 12 Incher turns as it goes from 3 to 12, and eventually to a shiny purple type colour.

....Christmas pudding started to ooze..........................

....... from each opening, including his ............

We'll give you references Andy; always a problem when you are in a specialist industry.

"Geeez Louise" thought Andy "A reference from Turdy, Rathole, Poxy & Scabby Loxie, the 12 Incher and Salty. How can I possibly go wrong."

"I'll give you a lefelence, arso" volunteered Acki.

"Oh yeah" said Andy "With a lefelence flom a convicted excaped war climinal I'll then have the full set. And worse still, some of them even fly behind an Axe"

And this demonstrated very clearly that things could indeed get worse for Andy, plus he had a bit of a rumble in his comic-cuts from a crook bit of CWA Xmas pudding ...... and no hat in sight, so he ..............

....but would like to wish his fellow NESsers a happy Christmas.

Same like the 12 Incher said. Compliments of the Season to all who contributed here in 2013, for making this a bit of fun.

My Aunt wants to know if anyone has seen AndyCoughs&Splutters, as he appears to have gone missing from the NES and she hopes that some Board Member, who Andy has shirt-fronted during the year, hasn't put a contract out on him.

..... men are men, ladies are sheilas, LAME's are nervous, the CASA Inspectors are BIG %$#@'s, everyone (including each one of the down-their-nose-gazing members of the Board of the SAAA) is just one medical away from being a loyal and enthusiastic member of RAA, and the .................

Turbo is not computer savvy and doesn't know how to get back out of the blue footnote comments, but ......

....... this is an interesting comment by TurdBro, who Ratty knows for sure doesn't have any trouble getting into numerous Blues on other threads in this Forum, when Turbo has the ............

...electronically castrated him, but in a further act of unrepentance, the Locker posted a selfie on Facebook. Turbo wondered why anyone would do this; he'd been told in his younger days that it sent you blind, and that these people were filling orphanages to overflowing because it drained your brain also, and Turbo had..........

 

Turbo most respectfully finds it necessary to correct Ratface - Madge is only a little %$#@

............. first (right) hand experience, and even now in what could possibly be termed his "middle" years and partially blind, Turbo is still doing it via his red Vette, plus there was that time that he ...........

Ratty & his Aunt can't see why he has copped the flack from Tink over whether Madge is a BIG %$#@ or a little %$#@, as there are two obvious issues:

(1) Whether BIG or little, there appears to be 100% agreement, at least, that Madge is definitely a %$#@, and all that is being debated is the magnitude of his %$#@edness .

(2) Ratface is not to blame as it was Ahlow that said it. See post # 8446, where this very fact was reported by none other than our Fearless Leader, Eeeeeen (see photo below).

"....warned about his language weekly, has been banned seven times this year, and is on a warning right now for saying that Madge is a%$#@ , and not only that, but......"

..... "Madge is a BIG %$#@" he added unrepentetly and while flouting Forum good taste, before Eeeeen brought the big stick out of his cupboard up there in Brisvegas and ...............

....ex-wielder of the moderati stick of death."

For it had been revealed that the Pox had been stripped of his authority when he....

....... first joined this Forum.

"He's a pain in the ars*" said Eeeeen "So we just let him think that he is running the joint, but he is actually .................

Further to Turdy's admissions, as above, a major scandal has also occurred after Santa's workshop had their Christmas Party last weekend, when Santa apparently had a little too much of his favourite Green Ginger Wine, Absinth and Sambuca cocktail and tweeted something about all ankle biters giving him the screaming Andys, Rudolph being a bit of a harness lifter and he then posted photos of the Elves doing unspeakable things to each other in the back seat of the Sleigh. Like all AFL and Test Cricket players, Santa is now going through counselling on the dangers of Tweeting while pissed.

...... a certain Taswegian serial epaulette adorner, high office craver and onesie green flight-suit wearer."

"You are light" lesponded Acki "It is I, the serial pest flom Raunceston, Stanrey and all praces in betleen. (For Acki had forrowed Chopper to Tazzy and been given asyrum & immunity from plosecution from some sensitive pending charges in the North Island.) Some even lefer to me as the Stanrey Nutt from Stanrey, ex Cowla, ex Hiloshima, ex Horrywood Heartthlob, ex ...................

The owners of this website, my Aunt and the writer advise that the NES is a work of fiction and any simirarity to persons living, dead or mentally incompetent are coincidental only. The NES never lefers to leal people, except Loxie (who is unleal), and the 12 Incher, the FlyingVisionofLovelyness, the Turdster, Eeeeen, Salty, AndrewCoughs&Splutters, SloppyButtCrack, Planey, bull-with-the-boner, etc. and so-on.

"....Poxosis Virtuois in the British Empire after the invasion of....." DON'T SAY IT!" yelled...

...... the Lockster, who still had trouble living with the fact that he was around when the Boers initiated that little stink down Africa way, when poor old Breaker was treated so abominably after Colonel "Stiff Upper Lip" Locky, CBE, KCBM, VD & scar, had been the lead Barista at the Court Marshal, then was in charge of the firing squad, and then ............

........... don't want my tea-leaves read." (It was AhLow's turban, crystal sphere and black cape that did it, not to mention the full-house and royal routine flush of tarot cards that are painted on the tail of the Szara).

"I'm not a Psychic, you dickhead, I'm a fully qualified Psychiatrist" was often Poxy Loxy's response, "Although some people have referred to me as a bit of a tea-leaf at times, whatever that means." he added.

"why-do-they-call-him-poxy-loxy?" aksed-bull.

"Well" replied Turbo "It's because he was and is (and it is certainly not for comic effect), as our mate Poxy has had the world's longest recorded case of ...............

..........said "Well, I have never been so insulted ............ except for that time that Ahgetyourrocksoff used the microphone at the BOB to call me shallow & to say that I have trouble with relationships, which is obviously untrue because your beloved Ratty is ..............

..."I'd love to be flinged, flung, or flang one day" muttered Andy, as he reached for his toolbox and pulled out a.....

......... flan that his wife/girlfriend/partner/boyfriend/slave/domestic prisoner (strike out those that do not apply) had made for his smoko, so let us all hope that a flim-flam man does not fling the flan into the fan, as that would ..........

.......... he fingered a bolt that he had knocked off from the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

It was one of those big bolts too, from down the bottom near the water and Tink had pinched it from the Sydney Bridge because Melbournistan doesn't have any decent bridges and also to help out his good mate Andy if he had another issue with a thru-bolt.

Andy was ..............

...... act like most other f'n Q'ers.

"Listen guys" said Fruity "It only took us a couple of million years to learn that we are on a losing streak if we defecate while hanging upside down. Even Andy doesn't do that. And I have to add that not learning like we did would be equivalent to the RAA Board crapping in their own nest by still keeping secrets (and secretes) from the membership, or re-electing some of the previous dunderheads to the top table, or even ...............

....... as those Flying Foxes have more in them than Andy has in a single sitting.

"Yeah" said Andy "That's a 6 gallon hat on a 750 millilitre melon, so give it here and I'll fill it in 20 seconds flat"

"Hold on there Andrew" answered the Flying Fox, who was fairly formal (Fruity the fairly formal flying fox) "As I want you to know that ...............

........... Madge got all indignant, just like Ahlot does when Tink questions his manhood, and Madge said "..............

....the cause of a little jealousy. For all who knew Turbo also knew that he carried a little picture of Madge in his wallet, with this message written on the back - ..........

........... "Cum fly with me Madge ...... oh mystic Boardie one, in your axe powered Lightwing, above the clouds (if it will climb that well) where we will break the surly bonds of earth and I'll apply the erotic bondage of handcuffs, then we'll kiss the stars while I check that your charts are current & undertake a mini ramp-check of your ............

........... Blue Oyster and in the corridors of power in the RAA, where Andy is held in awe, or is that "oar", or is that "hoare", or should he perhaps be buried in "ore"?

"And why bring Cosette into this" replied the 12 Incher who was a great fan of Les Misérables and had the hots for the defenceless little Cosette. (Perhaps the 12 Incher is actually Victor Hugo's nom des plume on zeeés forumé).

Madge jumped to Andy's defence as they are good friends, with "affection" being possibly too strong a term, but their warm cuddly kind regard for each other has been visible to Turdy for a while, and .............

.......... demand that I suck their toes, just like that red haired Princess sheila did when I had my back to the Camera while wearing my budgie-smugglers with Briney monogrammed on them ..... ("Although mine looked more like Blue-Wren smugglers" thought Salty) & we made the front page of the RAA Journal, the BOB Weekly Newsletter, and the .................

............ and the 2014 rules for the RAA Board Meetings were set.

"But where did they get that photo of me" asked Brine, who was particularly careful about the pictures that he permitted to be released, and who was a particular target of the paparazzi, which ............

.......... Salty's tongue, after a big session on the Turps.

It was at this time that both Andys@onhisthumb and Madge Jayco struck a deal with the devil, to ...........