Captain

.......... wee kee-wee.

"Why are you pucking on us ..... and my wee-wee is not to wee" asked & asserted Russell the New Zulander, "As I aaam alrudy a member of RA-Oz, because if you believe in the theory of continental druft, we'll soon in moored off Coughs Habour and I'll be able to sit in my Batch while wearing my Jandals & my Lemon Squeezer (see pucture below) to watch Pandy crap in his beanie, while I ...............

Lemon Squeezer haaat worn daily by all New Zulanders, even the hākuis.

..... addiction to poor diction, as that is the first time you have ever spelt it without a "u", and you .......

..... exposed for all RAA members to see, and instead I would just be lovable old Madge from f'n Q, f'n a ......

...... up it comes. Then if I think about a new 912 EI (AvRef), I immediately ....................

Effi, "coloured is good, for bags""What do you mean..........."

.........." responded GoldyLocks, who's only experience with paper bags is that his wife asks him to wear one over his head whenever she wants a ...............

.......... Mextorians, who slunk across the Rio Murray in the dark of night, then slithered upstream along the Bidgee like the sewer vermin that they are, and defiled what was a perfectly normal Riverina family New Year gathering, where the women were .................

.......... these are the types of intimate family Christmas/New Years outings that fond memories are made of.

"There is a downside however" remarked Rathole "As I have an appointment at Calvay Hospital this morning to remove the part of the daisy that is still in there, I have to appear in the District Court next week as a witness in the action that the RSPCA has brought against my brother Ahlot for the liberties that he took with that cow (Ahlot is not really my brother, however we invite him to our family shindigs because he is such a lost soul and his personal story is so sad), Mavis has the irits because that mattress is the one that she uses to entertain some Cunstables on the riverbank down near the cop-shop, and...............

...... you put your left foot in, you pull your 12 Incher out, you sit Andy on a hat and you shake it all about, which does sound a bit like a standard Saturday night at the Blue Oyster, but instead is a ..........

......... decided to move to the South Island and add to the standard coefficient of height.

"That would be no good" said E Paul Ette "As all my 4 ft green Flying Suits/Jump Suits/Onesies (delete those that do not apply) won't fit any more, and worse still ..............

...... doesn't quite outnumber the bars used by the well known southern skippy epaulette wearer, but then again ............

....... had 8 second fuses on all bombs, 8 cylinders that worked in the Zeros (which were known as 8-o's to the pilots), 8 bullets in each machine gun, 8 Mhz set frequency in all radios, 8 litres of fuel in all kamikaze aircraft, 8 ............

........

"But fair suck of the sauce bottle there, Bandy old chap" interjected Nobu "As we are not irregal immiglants, we are officiarry still crassified as "plisoners", ...... but as Billy Shakespeare so eregantry put it "Four walls, 3 mess huts, 2 watchtowers & a couple of outside pit dunnys do not a plison make", so me and Acki are riving the Aussie dleam, paying off an LEDwing while financing a new EI Lotax, we both have 317 HSV's, we rove Claig Rounds, we think all Corvette dlivers are wankers, and we .............

Minivagen, and a Schn.......

.... auzer that has a Schnitzel in its mouth, cask of Schnapps around its neck, a Schnoodle on its back and a Schn...........

....newly white painted jetty and the sign and the sign "Welcolm to Sharke Ireand" (Turbo points out that his secretary made the spelling errors - she wasn't hired for her literary ability)He went on "We have been very closely watching Ahlot since he bought the krautzenvagen"

 

"But the war's over!" said Salty (previously Herr Mangler)

 

"Is it?" replied Turbo "Why then are there.................."

......... signs over his hangar doors which say "Arbeit Macht Frei", and he has a ..........

........... his contributions to this thread, and most others on this forum, remained unchanged and of similar weight.

"That's always the issue when you have been a long standing member of the intelligence community" added Turbo, whose under-cover activities had lead to the capture of Plasticine Finger, Dr PerhapsNot, The Perfumoes, UnSung Who's She, Donnie Osmand (the bloke who shot Kennedy and was subsequently killed by Jack Amethyst), and who had lead the extensive Aussie spying program during the vital oil concession negotiations about Fort Dennison & Shark Island, where his signature success was the ...............

.... wove their evil magic.

"Perhaps Turbo is "Blade Runner"" observed Eeeeen, who had been tying to ban Turbo for years without success.

"Or he is just a swiss army knife (with a cracked side plate)" chipped in Brine.

"I have always thought of him as Edward Scissorhands" replied Andy "Or Bambi, or ............

....... not even if you listen to him on the radio."

"Copy that" added AhLow in an attempt at humour.

The Rodent noted Turbo's claims in his post # 8486 and he can now see why Turbo's responses to posts on this Forum are sometimes days behind the times.

"Why is that?" asked Brine.

"Turbo lag" answered Rathole "You have to wait for him to spool up before you get any action (or sense) out of him. Just ask the girls in the ye olde BangeItHolme CWA or retirement village."

(But you should see the size of his waste gate).

"Ah" said Salty reflectively "So that is why he ...................

........ dual lane hill at Bulahdelah? How the heck did you have the power to get up that?" asked Andy who was being a bit of a Madge type smart@$&*.

"You are being a typical air-cooled 3300 owner smart@$&*, mate, and of course we .................

...... his leg on a LEDWing that had just arrived in Coughs&Wheezes.

"What waypoints & frequencies did youze use on your trip to Coughs" Andy aksed.

"No waypoints or radio, although we did listen to Kerry O'Keefe broadcasting the test from the MCG" said the bloke in the left hand seat "We just came down the Pacific Highway and had a hell of a time getting the wing thingies through the pedestrian crossing in Kempsey. But when one of Turdy's trucks went past us we ..................

...... even to get the tail wheel thing-a-me-jig off the ground.

"That is why the new 2014 RAA Regs have all RiteWings and Axe powered other brands registered as motor vehicles rather than as 24's or 19's." said Andy who was still feeling cruel and had accepted the fact that Madge is a medium sized @#&*.

"The new RAA Regs require a number-plate bracket on the front and at the rear of the so-called aircraft, so .................

...... don't you all think too much about that young sheila in post # 8471" added Mavis, "As we all used to look like that, and in 30 years she will have 300 kgs of under-wire below that bodice, just like the rest of our CWA ladies have, plus her .............

Your adorable Ratty is a bit erky-perky about this chat about planting one on Turbs, but then when the Rodent looks back at the photo in post # 8471 and his beady eyes are drawn to those little bits of string between his bodice, the rodent again says "What the heck" and "In for a penny, then in for a pound", however now that Turdy has admitted to running the desperate pick-up line about "I'm gay, so how about trying to get me back over the fence" (NTTIAWWT), he/she/it is somewhat less attractive and Ratty would just prefer to revert to thinking of Turds as a senior trucking industry executive and speedway has-been.

"WOW" yelled Nanna "I'd like a crack at one of those, or even an elbow at one of them would be enough. What's his address and is his Super Fund pretty healthy, because .............

Turbo was grossly embarrassed by the photo published by Low as a Rat. He'd invited him into his home, and that bloody Rat must have snapped it with his camera. It's true that Turbo is a member of the Green Leaf Society,...........

Regular readers of the NES will surely know that this is a lie by Turbo, as they also surely know that with a hot chick like that on the premises, Rathole would not have wasted time taking a photo, but instead, Ratty would have planted a couple of "Likes" on Turbo's neck and immediately tried to crack-on, then suggested that they check out the back seat of Turbo's Corvette.

"Bugger pictures when there is a good sort to be ravaged" Ratpoo would have said.

"Besides that, everyone knows that Turbo is a "Tea Leaf" not a "Green Leaf"" added Bandy.

........... %$#@#$% %^&^%$ ^&&^%$ &^%%$#@ - there it's out, but don't tell anyone.

Turbo responded in his usually refrained and abstract manner: "If B12 spills any more beans he's going to be B2." he said, brandishing a Kukra, which.......

 

,...........

......... he/she/it used to force the 12 Incher to perform acts upon him/her/it, of which (and as is usual with him) Randy Bandy is not proud in retrospect but which felt pretty good at the time, and which ...................

My Aunt reckons that "%$#@#$% %^&^%$ ^&&^%$ &^%%$#@" as mentioned above by Turdy, just looks like a very detailed description of Madge, ..... and he is a big one too.

...... a Captain Hook fetish.

So Turdy just went with the flow, he pulled his eye-patch down over his good eye, puffed out his ample chest, and said "Ahhhh, Mavis my lassie (for she looked a bit like a Collie) look into this barrel (which came loose during Andy's last thru-bolt episode), feel my stump (on my peg leg) say hello to Polly on my shoulder, then lie back and think of England."

"Bugger Blighty, I love a massage-eau-trois" replied Mave "And g'day Polly, aren't you a member of the Upper Cumbuckter West CW&LA, and what are you doing up there on his/her/its .................

This is Turdy dressed as Hook. Is it any wonder why people invite him to go flying with them? As he so proudly says "The norks are real, mate."

..... a duck, a wombat, a big @#&%, a dolphin, a grubby weasel looking creature, a red-roo buck, an old squid with bits bitten out of it, a female Pekinese, and a ............