Captain

35 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........body at the first attempt. It was a 1941 Ford Prefect, one of the ugliest little ......

......... poor people's cars that the working classes grew to love (along with Vanguards).

As can be seen from the above, Cappy came from the Working Class and has continued to strive at all times for righteous honesty, noble hard work, respect for his fellow man and the wellbeing of his surrounding community, whereas the above quotation by Cappy's best mate Turbo immediately demonstrates how forgiving and magnanimous Cappy can be, as it shows Turbs to be derisive of small vehicles, superior in his attitude about almost everything, and therefore to be a typical owner of red sports cars & numerous aircraft, who thinks that his does not .......

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"We don't know why our sales are behind" said OT since its big feature is a ZERO Spelling Mistake feature (no keyboard), but we certainly sell a few in Guinea Bissau and Roswell ...........

...... and this all led Onesie to contemplate the unthinkable.

But Onesie is nothing, if not pragmatic. (Although primarily nothing).

So he called Turbine Telecommunications Marketing (The Trackbine conglomerate calling the Turbine industrial behemoth made the front page of next day's AFR, plus, because OT is such an Aviation Luminary (our thousands of readers of the NES already know that OT is definitely an AL) it even got a run as the lead story in the Crash Comic) and after a heap of clicks, bangs and fadeouts he was connected to the TTM office in Mumbai where the receptionist was a lower cast member named .........

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

led to a multitude of conspiracy theories and wild claims of aliens, that linger to this day.

Not least of which is the shape of bull's head (mostly due to colliding with bedheads in addresses all around bone ..... but that is another story), yet bull's damaged melon fitted in perfectly with those in Tazzy that are so often the brunt of jokes by north islanders.

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

ensuring that the latest unknown aerial crash event will never be as poorly-recorded as Roswell, again. 

In line with TOSPIS's aims and desires, the next major aviation event in Tasmania will be recorded......

...... using TOSPISS's own invention, that is a cross between a box brownie, a GoPro, a $20 dashcam and a DJI drone, which the head tosser at TOSPISS calls a .......

THE MAIN THEORY BEHIND TOSPISS (Move over Bernoulli)

AND THIS IS THE SECONDARY TOSPISS THEORY

which relates directly to how to enter the circuit when an

FA18 is in the pattern, so will all aviators please take note.

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....the Americans were handling flight training, and the poor quality of the Flight Manual, written on Airmail paper which was hard to handle and useless in a dunny because .................

...... it was shiny, sharp & non-absorbent, which made your .....

9 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Lang and Bob sold the bombs to the Yanks, and Lang used the imaging and tracking equipment to find iron ore. Robert get the rockets and let quite a few go leading to the proliferation of UFO sightings reported at the time. Harley chose the scrap, and from it build a motor cycle empire, and .......

......... is still duplicating those parts today.

The riddle of the Canberra is a much more worrying one, as based on the results of a recent FOI request, it is now clear that the bomber was originally registered as a Part 19 AUF aircraft (19-0006 as it turned out) and had been highjacked over Hawaii by a Tasmanian nuclear scientist from Zeehan who was dissatisfied with the way that .......

8 hours ago, bull said:

Oh s%&tt now what ,thought Bull but in a flash of insperation he.......

.... subcontracted the invention of the electric starter to Trackbine Electronics and Motor Rewinds (previously owned by Lang Hancock & Robert De Crisp-pygmy, but then taken over by OT in a bitter ownership battle) who are located on the city side & 500 m down from the Roadhouse in Agnew, and who have proven themselves with their work on the ..........

4 hours ago, Captain said:

"I agree Tubby" said bull "As I prefer the mavericks and cowboys that live life to the ..........

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........full. Wild and Free that's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........

...... and these types are the natural enemy of CASA Staff and NTSB bits collectors/reassemblers, who say of the adventurous derring-do aviator (Turbs and bull ref) that they are .........

A TYPICAL DERRING-DO AVIATOR MAKING BEST USE

OF HIS ANIMAL MAGNETISM IN HIS RED CORVETTE.

MORE DERRING-DO AT THE AUF XMAS PARTY.

Santa does not have a Night Flying Endorsement & no artificial horizon,

nor are there any nav lights visible at any time. (Rudolph's hooter does not

comply with CASA specs re AUF lighting under Part 6 Cl 74.6.8.iv.16.12.B.)

AN EARLY LITHOGRAPH OF TURBS AND MAVIS (You can see why you would, can't you?)

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

We never seem to get those wonderful old stories these .........

.... days as everyone is just so goody 2-shoes and doing the right thing. They even follow some of the rules of aviation, like the Bernoulli Theorem, so how boring is that?"  

"I agree Tubby" said bull "As I prefer the mavericks and cowboys that live life to the ..........

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

He's like an old Rotax 582, I have to encourage him to start, and once he starts, I have to encourage him to keep going!"

"You are correct Onesie" commented Mavis "As I have always thought of Turbo as the personification of a 582 Rotax with 2 whiskered plugs ........ plus he gets a blue head too, when he is on the job".

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

new aviation disaster - a rear-ender!"

Which accords with the recent rise in aviation insurance claims due to squashed empennages due to just 1 post by Turbo that encourages aircraft parking and sightseeing, ..... and let me tell you that a CTRGHD up the rear of a Thruster when parked at 7,500 AGL is putting the entire aviation caper at risk.

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

"Thank you, Mr OT", said WC Bigglesworth. "Your suggestion is outstanding, and your offer is extremely generous, and I will make a recommendation that all.......

..... aircraft keep moving, preferably forward unless they are ........ 

17 minutes ago, bull said:

.....now this upset Mavis who..............

..... has been in a long term clandestine (but highly enjoyable & fulfilling) physical and mental relationship with Turbo, and who therefore believed every word that he had said, including his treatise about "stopping while aviating", so she said "He often stopped before I was finished, but more relevantly ..........

41 minutes ago, bull said:

It is a sure fire system to help save lives,[bit like lockdowns]  and keep you......

....... from becoming on fire.

This innovation was opposed by Ahlox and the Firefighter's Union (the FU), who felt that they were being unfairly targeted, particularly post Covid, where all of the best pyromaniacs were staying at home and there is a shortage of good matches (and a resultant shortage of good fires).

Ahlox and the head of the FU appeared on The 7.30 Report and, after having been seen during the rehearsal playing with each other's helmets, they linked arms, held hands and said ".........

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

but the Rev did what all good Ultralight flyers do, and stopped before he got within the 5000 metres of fluctus clouds.

SAFETY NOTICE - Over his many years of flying (avref), teaching and C'ing, F'ing & I'ing, your beloved Captain has noticed that when plying the aviation arts, it is never a good idea to "stop", no matter what distance you are from the fructose clouds.

Cappy is surprised at the slackness of the WF Moderatti in allowing this misinformation to have been posted on such a high profile and influential Aviation Forum and therefore suggests that Turbo's above post be deleted, in case it adversely influences students or other forum members. "Just image if a 747 Pilot saw that and thought that it is now OK?" Cappy said in his submissions to CASA, the FAA & the NTSB (NTTIAWWTBTW).

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

but he realised that if he jumped .....

...... his membership of the AUF (and his subscription to Wreck Flying) would be changed to .....

RatFeatures and Turdboy wonder whether Onesie, the CT and bull are going to participate in this wordplay with impartiality. Will they take part or stay apart? 

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......in working on Caterpillar products, before you try to part an unparted part, you have to part-loosen the part so it's partly parted, in part because the part may drop on your toe, partly severing it. In short it's wholly important for the long run, that ................

....... your partner be ready in the apartment, and in particular they need to be impartial if she (or he, NTTIAWWT) (or they if it is a tripartite relationship NTTIAWWTE, but with 3 it does need to have been bipartisan) however that also demands it to have been a "she" if it is to have been postpartum, because ........ 

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

As he dropped a bull gear on his toe, he realised ........

...... that he should have done more to pull apart the sub-parts that were part of the parts that he had parted, because, as Turbo well knows .........

PS - Meanwhile Turbo stood in the doorway with no dacks on, having pulled his pants apart. "I knew that I should have worn my glasses when I read that" he said apologetically.

4 hours ago, bull said:

]why i reckon i,m.......

..... better looking, less grey, more adonis & Jedi looking, and what's more I have a .....

15 minutes ago, bull said:

i,ll hang around to find out what ratty intends to do about it.....

.......... which was to emulate bull, but this time with a children's pageant which he cleverly & catchily titled "The Black Death" (see advertising poster below), for which the narration was akin to the early Enid Blyton novels and the musical score, which was written brilliantly by Cappy, but widely acknowledged to be in the manner of ..........

5 hours ago, bull said:

Coffee and snags flyins everywhere [avref] as people turn to the dark side the effect is being felt all .....

....... and with that post, bull's promotion of his new musical, "The Devil's Chalice" hit new booking records at the Hobart Masonic Centre (bull has now committed to rent the Centre for the next 2 years, after following Andrew L Weber's business model, which includes buying one of his BBQs), however the HMC is also where the Right Wing (avref) Tazzy Neo-Nazi's Party (the RWTNNP) meet each quarter, so a bit of a blue is expected at their next meeting where, during interval, the Devil Worshippers will be forced to listen to Swoss Setka, who has been invited to speak about the benefits of .............. 

1 hour ago, bull said:

That wont work said OT we will have to.........

.... clean up the symbolism of the NES which, after all, is just an accurate reflection of wider Australian society, because Eeeeeann & I have been contacted by the head of the Victorian Constabulary, Commissioner Vic Pol, and he has made the point that recently in the NES we have included mention of Chairman Dan and the CCP, the Mafia controlled Tasmanian Opium Poppy trade, the WA KKK who control the southern rock lobster business, anything to do with Queensland, bull's leadership of the South Island Independence Front, the Darraweit Guim Separatist movement, the Moorabbin Masonic Lodge, the Remnark Farmer's Federation and most alarming of all has been the inclusion of the brother of the leader of the CFMEU whose name is Swoss".

"There is nothing more inflammatory than that" said Vic "As we don't want Swoss Setka & his family symbol mentioned anywhere, or the flags will come out and the Nazi sympolism, which is so often a part of the secret meetings & rituals of AeroClubs Australia wide, plus their satanic & Adolph worship forums on the dark web, will see the destruction of ......

1 hour ago, bull said:

[Turbo ready for work]   .and slowly drew a breath, the redness in his face was a dead set clue to his lying and...............

... cheating natural persona.

"I think you are my match, Turdboy old mate" said Dan "How'd you like to be my Chief Health Office, Minister for Health and Minister for China, all in one gig, you can do that easy peasy and then ......

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo flew it to Spring Street in his new US Army Backhawk which he'd just bought from Taliban Disposals, and offered him a ......

.... a way out.

"Listen up Dan" said Turbo, with his usual obnoxious confidence that all NES readers will recognize "F the Belt & Road thingo. After spending many years integrally embedded deep in aviation politics, and Wreck Flying politics at that (the worst and most vicious kind ..... except for the SAAA), I can tell you that just dealing with China and Covid is a doddle, so here is what you have to do.

".....

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

CASA would get him anyway or .......

...... which they did with everyone else that expressed an interest in aviation.

Meanwhile Turbine Industries were wary of dealing with CASA so they took a safer route and opened several new ventures, being Turbine Red Fluoro Clothing, Turbine Protesters Inc, Turbine Rent-A-Crowd Pty Ltd, Turbine Police Riot Clothing, Turbine CFMEU PLC and what is expected to be a good money-spinner for the next year or so, Turbine Tear Gas Ltd.

Turbo issued Dan with 1,000,000 shares, just to say a belated "Thanks" and commenced .....

HYUSUNG'S 5TH WHEELER TUK TUK IS VERY POPULAR WITH THE WA RELIGIOUS COMMUNITY.

HERE, RIDEN BY OT HIMSELF DURING THE PRESS LAUNCH.

FOR CREDIBILITY, OT USED TURBINE STRUCTURAL DESIGN FOR THE CALCULATIONS ON THE MAIN BEAM AND HOPED THAT THEY WOULD NOT CRACK LIKE HIS TRUCK DESIGNS DID.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Their tag line was "When you are in trouble, call the KKK", all the Abduls wore a white sheet and business boomed until..........

...... the company came under a 2-fold attack.

First, the other KKK filed suit in the Supreme Court (plus, they burnt a cross just for old times sake, beside the Clock Tower in downtown Perth ..... which also triggered support from 5000 undercover SA Apartheid supporters living in WA, but that is another story) claiming that they had a patent on the use of white sheets with the eyes cut out, and the 2nd was a commercial challenge because the Trackbine conglomerate never sit on their hands and under OT's dynamic leadership, they took over Hyundai in Korea and while there they also bought out Samsung (just because OT preferred the Android operating system, as he could never get his head around the Apple logic).

In addition to continuing to making 4 wheeled vehicles and electronics/white goods, OT cleverly merged the 2 companies and the resultant behemoth commenced making Hyusung motorcycles & Tuk Tuks for the working classes of WA in a disused warehouse in Peppermint Grove. 

The result of all this was that Little Ozzie Battlers (LOBs) like The Skipper, Eeeeeeeaan, The CT, bull and Salty could expect much ......

2 hours ago, bull said:

Hey OT do you still have   Abdul-Ali ,s phone number?  We need to.......

..... change the name of the ride service to Indian Special Insured Safety Co Ltd (ISIS Co Ltd).

"That may not work so well" was the comment from Trackbine Marketing who had been retained for advice.

"Well what about the All Queensland University Eating Deliveries Australia (AllQUEDA)" suggested Cappy who was a proven ideas man.

"That is a bit better" commented the Trackbine Marketing specialist who was 19 and had never heard of the Bed Linen family (or the 9th of November), and only .....