Captain

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......decided to run a Devil Night as a fund raiser, with a series of floor prizes to be supplied by the ...............

....... Turbine Floors and Lino Corporation, who have timber purchasing contracts in some of the most pristine rainforests in Sth America. That timber is therefore rare, pretty, a bit naughty (like stealing the Mona Lisa) and therefore in strong demand by the yuppy nouveau riche who are building in the canal developments in Darraweit Guim and around ........... 

THE TYPE WHO BUY THE BLACK MARKET RAINFOREST TIMBER FLOORS HAWKED AROUND BY TF&LC.

CONTRACTUAL DISCLAIMER AND CLARIFICATION - While their name is prominent on the fence around the worksite, Bone Concrete are a subcontractor to Turbine Big Things Inc (and have not been paid for 2 months, despite their invoices being submitted in a very timely manner ..... [Mavis does the accounts for BC as well as being Treasurer of the bone CWA. Mavis is a real goer, in more ways than one]).

34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and bone concrete was even now building a Big Devil out on the highway where .......

...... , after a lengthy tendering battle between Turbine Big Things Inc, OneVonTrack Huge Edifices Ltd  and bull's precast big devils nl, TBT won the job but ever since have experienced a lot of trouble getting one of the Qld Devils to stand still while they make a plaster cast.

The plan had been to undertake scaleup from the plaster cast using software from CT Animations and Scale ups, so the contract is running late and TBT have submitted their 1st claim for extras, which has sent the Bone Progress Association into a bit of a spin (which is very relevant for a Big Devil) and they have .....

A SMALL VERSION OF THE BIG BONE DEVIL ALREADY EXISTS, BUT IT LOOKS

A BIT LIKE HE HAS BEEN HIT BY A TRUCK & IS DRAGGING HIMSELF OFF THE ROAD.

THE ONE CONTRACTED BY TBT WILL HAVE A 100 SEAT RESTAURANT IN HIS LEFT

EYE WITH THE DUNNIES LOCATED IN HIS RIGHT EYE, PLUS IT WILL ALSO INCLUDE

A SUITABLY LIFELIKE, BUT TASTEFULLY DONE, TUMOR ON HIS CHEEK.

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

esoteric

Cappy is real well edumacated, but he will now be gone from the NES for an hour or so while he looks that word up.

Please bear with me dear NESers, but a close friend, who I first met during my initial Jedi training, where we both passed with honours & distinctions, has sent me the below joke about his name. He is a good bloke, a close mate of mine for many years and is great fun when he is piXXed.

47 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........Paradise."

"Moan, Moan, Moan" said Premier Gutted "We'll anchor the cable to the floor of Bass Strait"

"Why don't we just anchor Tasmania to Bass Strait" interjected .......................

.... OvT, who had a deep seafaring knowledge because his direct bloodline harks back directly (Do not pass GO) to his ancestor who was the 1st mate on the Batavia, hence Onesie's local name of OnevanTrack plus his predilection for human flesh and the occasional homicide.

But that was small news, as in FNQ they had discovered a group of Qld Devils (Devilous Backwardus) in the rugged hills up behind Bone. The Qld Devils looked similar to Tasmanian Devils but without the stripes.

A cursory examination by Queensland's finest wallopers has exposed a new export business by bull exports pty ltd, which has a large cage and the can of black paint, that gets loaded onto the Strahan to bone weekly ferry and is then ......

58 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

So Tenders were called for mooring lines from the two northern tips of Tasmania to suitable points on the Mainland, and the response was .........

...... a disappointing standoff, because the nearest & best mooring points were at Geelong and Sale, and those areas have The Rona.

"Plus, we don't want Vicmanistan rats leaving their sinking shiX-hole, scurrying along the ropes, and bringing their Rona, their bad attitude & their corruption down to this ....."

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...............cheered when he said that it would cost less and generate more power if he just pulled them all down and sold the scrap to ................

... Tasmania to weigh them down so that they would no longer float away, and that caused .....

15 minutes ago, bull said:

a sign of...........

...... prosperity and welcome, or at least that is how Turbo always describes it, yet his entire audience knew precisely what they were conveying to him, which was .......

40 minutes ago, bull said:

as the other UN delegates all as one stood up and .........

...... every one of them (and there were hundreds) in unison made the W sign that is an insult in OZ (and which Turbs is accustomed to receiving), but in Europe it is a ......

11 minutes ago, bull said:

The furor was so load even turdo put his headset on. This is .......

........ normal in preparation for when Tubb's time comes to address the UN, as he does regularly each 6 months, and this time he rocked the room (RtR) when he said "F youze" and then, channeling Greta (NTTIAWWTBTW), he added "Blah, blah, blah, blah .........

18 minutes ago, bull said:

will be eco friendly ,they each will be fitted with.....

...... a 100 m high wind tower, 200 commercial solar panels, 500 packets of condoms (NTTIAWWT), and as Turbine so often says "..........

EVERYONE LIVING ALONG THE DG "THUNBERG MEMORIAL CANALS" IS GOING TO FEEL

LIKE A BRAVE AND GLORIOUS ECO-WARRIOR WHEN THEY LOOK OUTSIDE AND SEE THIS

MAGNIFICENT VISTA. GRETA WILL BE SO PLEASED.

23 minutes ago, bull said:

Now this upset............

..... all of the yuppies in Brighton who now commute in submarines, yet the Turbine beachfront properties at Darraweit Guim are already a real estate award winner and the construction of the canal developments have commenced, with initial construction following each of the 5 holy rivers.

Turbine Pontoons and Boat-Lifts Inc have commenced construction of 1500 units, so that all properties on the canals will be ............

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........on shaky ground until bull came up with the idea of a giant gyroscope to stabilize the Moon, and the conglomerates carved out just about all the cheese inside the moon's surface, which caused.........

Spelling and other corrections by the NES Editor

..... a cheese glut that caused a price dip (not a cheese dip ... see below), which ........

A CHEESE DIP

TURBO (WITH HIS MUTT) ON ONE OF HIS QUALITY CONTROL VISITS TO

HIS HOLDINGS (100%) ON THE MOON. (THESE HOLDINGS HAVE NOW BEEN DISGUISED

THRU A SHAM COMPANY IN THE CAMAN ISLANDS.)

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

And so Coon .......

..... became Noom, on the insistence of Turbine Political Correctness Inc who are also consulting to the Commonwealth Bank under their new feelgood "Go Woke - Go Broke" mantra.

But ComBank's new policies were a minor issue once the Turbine Space Inc cheese quarry on the Moon became larger than the SuperPit (WAref and AlanBondref) and the moon started to wobble (Turbine'sgutsref) on its axis (3axiscontrolsref).

Turbs shrugged off the risk, but at the same time he tasked a team of 43 lawyers to check his insurance policies in case the wobble caused the Moon to bugger off out of Earth Orbit.

"Don't worry" said bull supportively while buying more TSI shares "As tides are a pain in the arse, anyway".

The moon and the Colony thereon were .......

ON THE MOON THE PIT IS BIGGER THAN THIS AND ALL YELLOW.

THERE IS ALSO A BILLBOARD AT THE BACK THAT SAYS "EAT NOOM CHEESE".

THE MOON WOBBLE HAS ALSO CAUSED CHEESE SLIPS ON THE OTHER SIDE

DUE TO TECTONIC INSTABILITY IN THE RICH GORGONZOLLA SECTION.

TURBINE MARKETING LOST NO TIME. GEEEEZ THEY ARE GOOD.

IS IT ANY WONDER THAT THE BLOODY THING IS WOBBLING.

TSI'S IRRESPONSIBLE MINING PRACTICES HAVE BEEN CONDEMNED BY THE UN.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Today Turbine Space Inc. has the knowledge to ................

....... supply all of the raw feed that is needed by Turbine Gorgonzola Ltd and Trackbine Mozzarella NL.

The problem with this was that cute little black & white dairy moo-cows, worldwide, were now partly surplus to the world's needs, so are being knocked on the head in increasing numbers.

This then means that Dairy Farms are being closed down across the country, which gives Viscount owners less Farmstays on which to go on holidays, however for those that do exist, there are less cow pats to drive through or to step in.

This connection between Turbine Space Inc and less cow pats throughout OZ, has further implications (particularly around DG) that ........

AN EXAMPLE OF ONE OF THE CUTE LITTLE MOO-COWS THAT TURBINE SPACE INC

ARE KILLING WORLDWIDE. TURBINE AMMO SUPPLIES ALSO PROVIDE THE CARTRIDGES.

FOR OUR CITY BASED NES'ERS, HERE IS A COW PAT BEING ACCIDENTALLY STEPPED IN.

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"It is intended ......

...... that this "Colony" of bull, CT, OT, Cappy and Turbo NOT involve any examples of medium to industrial strength gay moon practices (NTTIAWWT), nor that those 5 be allowed to bore everyone to death, so a suitable quotient of ladies, aviation reading materials & an old Flight Sim program are being selected, for transport with them on the moon shot, and this should all ensure that ..........

8 hours ago, bull said:

rather strange shaped .........

 

..... lump, that .....

8 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Speaking of witches", said Cappy, has anyone seen........

.... the seat that I bought off Naomi's broom. I paid a lazy $250 Aussie shekels for that and a little less for Elle's, but I must confess that I do like ...... 

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........1852. It was a robust, but very secretive organisation which flourished in Tasmania which still operates on mid-1850s regulations for all Councils and many buildings. Not many people know that CTWC campaigned (in secret of course) for a Casino in Hobart, and this more than anything else brought Tasmania into the 20th Century. Today CTWC are the largest shareholders in Wrest point Casino, Crown Casino and Star Casinos, and regularly bring in Oriental high flyers for their gratification. CTWC Ltd was the model constitution for RAA Ltd, after Epaulette got involved in some Masquerade parties and they showed him he photos they'd taken, and then ...............

...... the Constitution became an international model (NaomiCampbellref) which was quickly adopted by Guinea-Bissau, California, the Spratleys and ......

NAOMI STILL LOOKED PRETTY GOOD THE LAST TIME THAT

CAPPY HAD DINNER WITH HER, ALTHOUGH SHE IS GETTING

ON A BIT NOW (THIS PHOTO TAKEN BY CAPPY'S PHONE BEFORE

THE JEDI KNOCKED HER BACK AGAIN ..... FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME)

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

That cured her fear of aircraft; she never went near one again, and instead ........

..... she joined the CTWC.

The Central Tasmanian Witches Coven had first been established as a No Liability organisation in .....

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......stray shell hit nearby and everyone was on the ground. This was a serious................

...... frightener, as the white shorts soon revealed.

"I can never work out why the Navy chose white, as it always shows the .......

...... action.

"I nominate Adam Goodes" said Domenic.

"Well, in that case I nominate Ben Cousins" replied Marky Mark "With Eddie Betts as his seconder".

"If a seconder is needed, then I nominate Martin Bryant" replied Dom who was obviously no longer mucking about "If that does not happen to also be bull, as you never know on a forum whom is whom, and in a similar vein, I guess that even Turbo could be Ivan Millat, even though Ivan is kaput."

The negotiations began with Adam running at the other side with a replay of his discussions with the 14 year old girl at the MCG and Eddie countered with kicking a goal from the forward pocket, then .........

THE NEGOTIATIONS OPENED ON A VERY OPTIMISTIC NOTE

26 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........and refuse to test anyone.

They still talk about the night the President of the Balcatta RSL was told he wasn’t getting his New England Waugh 12 inch steak because of Marky’s edict. “ WHO THE XXXX DOES HE THINK HE IS” thundered the President “HITLER!?”

Marky froze; the plastic surgery, the elocution lessons, the new hairstyle - surely ...,,.......

........ that was enough to disguise the facts that he was in lederhosen (with his left hand fiddling away like Turbo does) had an Iron Cross around his neck and was adorned with a rather hot and eager Eva Braun on his arm.

The mention of the H word in polite (and apartheid) WA society was enough to ........

THE VERY CROSS THAT HE WORE

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and it wasn’t long before Turbine-Woolworths Freightlines was hauling fruit and veg to Freo shops Tariff-free.

Marky............

...... Mark then imposed a smartarse restriction that all of Tubb's drivers needed a negative Covid test no more that 10 minutes before they arrived in Eucla, which forced Turbine Covid Testers & Laboratory Animal Infectors PLC to mobilise .......