Captain

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Not even "Billy the Kid" Turbine was .......

.... able to keep his "Spittle Gun" primed, locked and loaded, continually when faced with the terrible scene that ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

No one was faster on the draw than Turbo, even the Indian pickpockets, and they soon ........

........ realized that nobody could get it out and have it spit, faster than Turbo.

"Oh Turbo" said Mahatma in breathless anticipation "Ready ..... set ........

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....being mistaken for Hugh Hefner.........and we know what that means...............

..... that Turbo, who was equally famous (and infamous) in aviation (avref) circles (avref) would need to add his own unique stains, which is a bit of an issue for Tubb, without .....

26 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Right then, Turbo started planning how he could acquire a HondaJet. It would involve some sharp corporate moves, a modicum of share ramping, and the issue of an IPO for the next Turbine Inc venture, the move into......

..... the rarified air (2avrefs) of jet ownership meant that Turbs needed to also buy a red silk & velvet smoking jacket ............... and in true Turbo dynamic fashion he was able to buy one, from an on-line auction, which had been owned by Hugh Hefner, then by Bill Clinton and finally be Jeffrey Epstein, so based on that, Turbo had a good chance of ......

THIS MAY ACTUALLY BE THE ONE ................. BUT WE WILL NEED TO CHECK THE STAINS TO BE CERTAIN. (THAT IS ALSO THE SAME SMUG GRIN THAT TURBO HAS, NOW THAT HE IS A JET JOCKEY).

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... you put your foot down and blue tyre smoke follows you; you .......

..... feel euphoric, like when you used to be satisfied by a Morry with a transplanted Vanguard engine, cruising the main drag on a Saturday night (that Saturday cruising was one of about 6 reasons why Turbo earnt the nickname "Turdy"), before you got above your working class station and commenced .....

IT WAS NOBLE & RIGHTEOUS TO ASPIRE TO THESE.

WITH A SINGLE 1 1/4" SU, NO LESS.

36 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....vintage Alvis Speed 20 convertible, which he'd bought when he was still wearing his epaulettes with bars and wings - because the Alvis was noted as a chick magnet, and it fitted with the WW2 Spitfire pilot image that Cappy had been carefully crafting for years - until the day when he......

........ first saw a red Corvette (talk about Granny magnets) when his knees weakened and his .......

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....top on his .................

..... magnificent shiney.....

.... replace the .....

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........made the people wonder why Cappy would say such a thing, and people began to whisper that perhaps he had done it to shift suspicion off .................

.... Onesie, his move on Turbo's long-term squeeze, Mavis (it is just a casual attempt at a conquest, just because Turbo has been there a few times) and the OT's other attempt to take over the ........

10 minutes ago, bull said:

and bumpy road for the NES and now we have a mole amongst us,,,,,,,a petition was started to employ Sargeant Doubtfire to persue the offending member who is reporting posts from the sacred NES and has broken the secret code of members and whoever it is  should be.............

.... made to do a Bart Simpson and write out 200 times "I will mention Turbo's name in every post". (Although his castigation in Glasgow was certainly justified do to his involvement in the last bushfires)

This really .....

19 hours ago, Captain said:

and they will .....

....... Dear Reader, witness the decline of the NES to a sad position where .....

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

The word got around about Turbo's amazing gas-production ability, and soon he was in demand for.......

...... the production of the contents of the new "Turbine SuperCheap" chain for their "Fart-ya-Bastard" product, which is part of their "*****-ya-Bastard" product line, however F-y-B failed in the market because women wouldn't buy it, so they took the easy way out and purchased Trackbine's very successful "Start-ya-Bastard" subsidiary and thereafter used that name.

But latest news is that "Turbine Petrochemical Corp" have discovered a way to convert Methane into Hydrogen in an endothermic reaction (it's just a shame that is had to start with Turbo's "endo") and that Hydrogen will be available to cars/ motorcycles  at a cheap commercial rate that is cheaper than petrol, and to AUF Flyers (avref) at a cheap (avref) concessional rate, so all TPC needs to make that happen is a Gov't Research Grant of $15 million (so just a little bit more than the Twigster's) and they will ..... 

SOME OF THE OTHER PRODUCTS

TURBS DURING HIS TIME IN THE SPACE PROGRAM

AFTER BEING IN THE JUNGLE WITH THE CIA AND CAPPY.

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

[Turbo deeply apologises for any offence the above photo may have caused to NES readers; he was sitting the the left rear seat, and unfortuately had eaten a bad oyster in Dubai]

... and as everyone learnt from the time that we both spent protecting each other's backs in the jungle with the CIA (hence our enduring 1/2 century long friendship), never get near the south end of Turbo after a bad oyster, a manky bit of capybara or even a few maggots in some chicken .......... and that is the unfortunate origin of his nickname "Turbo", as once the flames started at the exit, it wasn't long before the ........

The Jedi feels the need to bring the last post by the UniRoute back into an aviation (avref) context, as the photo posted by the OneRoot reminds Cappy of his time flying transports for the CIA when the rebels would have a potshot or 2 and he needed to get out of the jungle quick-stix. I hope that NESers can appreciate the similarity between OT's above photo of Turbo (seen there after his extreme weight-loss program had been completed) and Cappy pulling the yoke (avref) back in the below photo, (photo taken by the Sandonistas with an Instamatic, when they were yelling "We curse & salute you, brave Captain" but in Spanish.

Cappy is so glad, now, that he kept the Herc, bullet holes and all, as a

souvenir (but it needs a bit of work).

23 minutes ago, onetrack said:

They think we know f***-nothing!

NY must have a pretty crappy translation App as he is missing a ' and one *.

23 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Turbo was totally unaware of the major international political upset he had created, and he went on happily, offering his services to........

....... Sikorski and Nanchang, even during these times of heightened international tensions, as one of Turbo's personality traits which makes him such a delightful companion, bon-vivant and best mate for almost 50 years, is that he is blissfully unaware of a lot of things, but particularly his tendency to be .......

...... would last just 3 Takeoffs and Landings (duoofavrefs) after the warranty period.

Turbo. the Go-To Aeronautic Engineer (G-TAE), was particularly pleased with the fact that he had pulled the SSHLS out of his XXXX back pocket, as he had copped a lot of flack about his wing (avref) mounted nacelles (avref), so with the SSHLS proving its worth he was able to slip in an additional invoice for "Knowhow", which he had previously invoiced under the terms "Guesswork" and for "Punts" ......... however that latter term had caused a bit of a problem because the Honda beancounters had mistranslated it and thought that he was calling them a bunch of .....

7 hours ago, Captain said:

to go directly to a 1,200 kgs limit (+ or - 20% so that members could still have the fun of cheating a little) and get rid of that word "Ultra". The AUF had already taken the 1st steps and registered the name and initials of the ALF

The word must be out, well and truly, that the weight is about to be upped way past 1,200 kgs, as the latest version of the Honda Jet has been marketed by Turbine Aviation as compliant with the impending ALF Rules & will be single pilot dual turbine endorsed via an automatic, no check-ride, no BFR bit of paper. As a result, numerous owners of Thrusters have confirmed their orders with deposits paid, and are lengthening the strips on their 5 acres.

Note the colour scheme below, which has been specifically designed by TA to provide familiarity to Thruster blue-head owners. There is even a 2-stroke oil stain that has been painted onto the rear of the fuselage.

54 minutes ago, bull said:

Now this got the attention of the local greenies and animal lovers and it was ...........

...... all put down to Climate Change.

Cappy has responded to bull's post as Cappy has made the same mistake in the past by missing the fact that a new page has clicked over. Cappy has put in a registered complaint to Eeeeeaaannn about that, and the 15 minute edit limit, as Cappy can't complete anything in 15 minutes any more.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The ten thousand members of RAA (9800 of them refugees from GA who had been waiting for the 760 kg MTOW to bring their Cessnas and Pipers across due to blindness, artificial hearts, and sh!t like that were .......

..... therefore keen to get a whizzbang negotiator like Johnny Kerry & his private jet, to take up their weight fight with CASA and the NTSB (always remember that the AUF are lurking), to go directly to a 1,200 kgs limit (+ or - 20% so that members could still have the fun of cheating a little) and get rid of that word "Ultra". The AUF had already taken the 1st steps and registered the name and initials of the ALF and has ......

THE BELOW PHOTO SHOWS STEPHEN THE STONEFISH, IN THE CENTRE, WHEN BACK

IN THE WATER AND TELLING HIS MATES ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCE GOING THRU THE

ROLLERS AND ACCELERATING IN A FRACTION OF A SECOND TO 250 KPH.

"AND NOT A SINGLE CCP SAS MEMBER'S MEMBER IN SIGHT AT THE TIME" HE ADDED.

YOU CAN SEE THAT STEVE LOST A BIT OF BARK WHEN THE ROLLERS GOT HOLD OF HIM,

NOT TO MENTION WHEN HE HIT THE WALL JUST PAST WHERE bULL WILL BE STANDING.

THE STONEFISH 2000 THROWING COMPANY PTY Ltd is pleased to report that 250 Stonefish have been successfully tested through the below converted Tennis Ball throwing machine, reaching speeds of 250 kph and with an accuracy of 3 MOA. The next stage will involve our brave volunteer from the South Island and updates will be provided through ASX Announcements and in the popular press.

35 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

.......shoulder rocket launcher test program where the bullet proof vest wearers { testers } were getting progressively harder to find......

.... particularly after the rocket launchers exploded.

But bull was made of sterner stuff, and in his effort to aid the Aussie defensive preparations against China, he decided to fully evaluated then test the comparative codpiece designs being promoted by both Tinky Wink and the UniRoute, and to then make a ...... 

THE SPECIAL COD-PIECE BEING PREPARED FOR bULL AFTER HIS FITTING

(NOTE THE POLISHED CAT AND KOMATSU COMPENENTS)

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

All new designs have a few bugs that need to be ironed out", said OT smoothly. "We're addressing the slight weight problem, and it won't be long before........

...... we will be conducting some real world tests, where our model will be wearing our patented cod-piece, to protect his cods, and we'll be firing 100 pretty cranky stone-fish at him using a modified tennis ball throwing machine. We only have one small issue at the moment, and that is we have a durth of volunteer models".

bull thought about this, and while he is naturally very brave, he had also learnt not to ever volunteer for anything, during his time in the .....

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

By now the Chinese were frog stroking as hard as they could go, free of the stone fish on the sand but the shots had terrified the stone fish and they had now taken off away from the Australians but straight for the Chinese with their legs wide apart, exposing the family jewels to the poisoned barbs of the stone fish .......

"Why would the chinese be rubbing the french?" interjected bull.

......, the sight of which inspired a new bout of dot painting by the Native peoples in that Stone-Fish Serpent region, and these sold like hotcakes, as the Skippys found the view, from the south, of a northbound Chinese SAS member, with his jewels exposed and his member heading down (avref) and with a northbound speeding stonefish with spines heading up (avref) to be very attractive, and the painters (respect on respect, past, present & future or whenever etc) made more money that year than they could have made flying (avref) south and playing AFL.

This all triggered a ........

AN EARLY ATTEMPT THAT HAD THE STONEFISH HEADING NORTHEAST.

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Smiling at the carelessness of Australians giving away such handy hints by mistake, the first CCPSAS  platoon caught a "rooster" ........

...... which was actually a Cassowary ("Why these loosters brue?" asked one of the grunts), but it was too late as the Cassowary kicked and scratched the living XXXX out of them.

"Wow these Aussies must be tough buggers (particurary the Steggles & the Ingham famiries) to rive & work with these loosters, not to mention the LedBacks and the King Blowns, so I leckon we should all ..... 

"BROODY DANGELOUS ROOKING LOOSTER" SAID FU

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......e-faced (courtesy Four and Twenty Pies, brought to you by Turbine CAT Oriental).

The CCP with its considerable resources, turned its attention to Australia and decided to bomb Darwin..............

.... but then they thought "Why waste the munitions as the next cycrone will wipe it out anyway".

This aggressive move, however, highlighted the 2 stages of government in Australia where everything is duplicated.

An example is the RAA's relationship with CASA were exposed, where 500 members are serviced by 7,500 bureaucrats.

Whereas the NTSB  has aligned itself on the dark web, quite separately & independently, with the AUF and their 15,000 members, 8,000 of which now have the new NTSB Float endorsement, are best mates with the 4,700 public servants in the NTSB and all get full together in a dark room each Xmas. (The NTSB have dumped their "Bottle-to-Throttle" regulations as a result, so that everyone can fly home afterwards).

President Xi considered this situation in detail and pronounced to his airforce "Don't worry about bombing Darwin (unless, you just want a little bit of practice .... and if you do, make sure you miss the broody Port) as these Skippy guys are already f.......

"MISS THIS" XI SAID AND SQUADRON LEADER FU QU AGLEED.