Captain

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......led by the most fearsome warriors of them all, Lidless Thor and Soure Handme Lunch. These two warriors had singl-handedly ............

....... frightened the tripe (and the custard) out of the 22nd SAS & 29th Commando Regiments who are responsible for security at Parliament House.

"Geeez mate" said the Major in charge (identity & photo suppressed) "Have you seen the underarms & leghair on those greens ladies? After seeing those and listening to a couple of speeches by Sara Handsome Old, most of our blokes volunteered to go back and fight anyone who sticks their head up in Afghanistan, even after we had pulled out, because the Hindu Kush and the caves in Tora Bora look pretty cushy (kushjokeref) in comparison to .........

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....Sly will be in it then we can have a scenario of sly being captured by a tribe of giant African Americans fron a hidden valley south east of Alice.........

...... 's joint a little SW of the Freycinet ..... and just to be quite clear, they will be female (NTTIAWWT) African Americans (NTTIAWWTE) who will play the part of a tribe of Amazonian female warriors, playing the part of a Greens Party Female Collective (the most fearsome of all primitive tribes) who will be ........

.... hadn't always been filled up by capsicum & condiments being inserted via a piping bag with the nozzle stuck up his ......

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........Turbine Devil Hamburgers, which we shouldn't mention because ............................

..... of the tumours, but as Turbs so often says, as his burgers sell like hot-burgers "What is the worst that can happen? Even if ......."

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....open up a new offshoot, eBayChopsticks, which then caused the Chinese government to ..................

..... rename itself the Chinese Chopstick Party (CCP) in an attempt to dominate chopstick manufacturing worldwide, which could have been detrimental to the Tazzy Choppy Making Collective (the TCMC) which was the best thing since .....

A CHINESE CEREMONY THAT TRIED TO

MISAPPROPRIATE THE TASMANIAN

CHOPSTICK HERITAGE

bULL'S MATE AT THE STRAHAN HUON PINE CHOPSTICK MANUFACURING COLLOSSUS.

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......spoon (As convicts they rejected everything British down there) and started to eat his breakfast......

... with his single longish sharpish stick.

"I hate to tell you mate, but that's not a spoon" interjected bull, who knew a lot of useful stuff. "That's just a single long & thick chopstick, although I have to admit that it is certainly a big bugger, so ..... because I can see that you are having trouble eating your rice bubbles, may I suggest that you make it smaller, get 2 of 'em as a matched pair and learn to use 'em, Mr. Miyagi style."

A YouTube presentation on Chop Stick eating techniques was soon published by bullbine eating utensils PLC (Chop Stick Division) [beuPLC-CSD) and everyone was very surprised when the best take-up of this new technique was from Japan and China, where beuPLC-CSD sold 3 billion of the little wooden buggers. (Hence all of the Huon Pine plantations in Tazzy being chopped down overnight) "In hindsight it might have been better, cheaper and more environmentally sustainable to use bamboo, however my initial Choppies will last 50 years at least and boats can be made out of them after that time" said bull in confidence.

"who would have thunk that" commented bull at the AGM (AGM) and he then proceeded to ........

A RARE PHOTO OF bULL, HIMSELF, TEACHING CHOPSTICK TECHNIQUES

IN HIS MR. MIYAGI COSTUME. THE USAGE OF CHOPSTICKS BECAME SO

POPULAR THAT bULL INSTITUTED A "CHOPSTICK HUMAN FUCTORS COURSE"

TO ENSURE THAT THEY ARE USED SAFELY AND EACH SET COMES WITH

A COMPUTER LINK TO THAT COURSE.

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........tyre lever. "Why, what's wrong with this?" asked Cappy brandishing a ......................

..... longish & sharpish stick, which in Tasmania is called a .......

.... into officious CASA mode and charged Cappy with fixing a tyre without the correct ......

45 minutes ago, onetrack said:

....being a closet gay, and this was reflected in his choice of drinks. Many a time, Cappy was asked to leave bars in the wharf area when he ordered a gin and tonic, whilst everyone else in the bar was drinking XXXX or VB. "I can't understand this rampant bullying over my drink choices?", he complained. "It's not like I've.........

... been flying rag & tube recently, or even worse, been undergoing helicopter training in the past 30 .....

..... and with that the Turbine Industries "We Are All The Same" Multi-Racial Policy was declared a success and adopted by the ......

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

"That coal pipe is just amazing! Look at how clean it is! That is going to be the secret to meeting world emission levels in the next decade! All we have to do is convert all cigarette smokers over to Wallys pipe, and the ozone layer will be saved, and we'll be world leaders in emissions reductions and.........

..... with that Wally perched on one foot (in his best Massai warrior stance, see below), bent his other leg and "cleaned out his pipes", while at the same time he "cut the cheese", after which he added a packet of Jatz Crackers (which he also scratched) while everyone looked on with amazement + with pegs on their noses.

Wal then nonchalantly sliced a tomato with which to .......

WALLY'S DEFIANCE OF AUTHORITY, AND OF NANCY, MADE HIM WILDLY

POPULAR AND CROWDS SEARCHED FOR HIM.

WALLY AND TURBO OFTEN STAND LIKE THIS WHEN THEY ARE

TRYING TO SNEAK ONE OUT.

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

“.......a favour” winning over all the Right to Lifers. Wally was asked to address the US Congress ........

....... where, to attract attention and provide a practical demonstration of the benefits of methane, he planned to sidle up to Nancy P and light one of his ..........

6 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

.....every one feeling good as the Volvo was an old F10 model seriously overloaded struggling up even the slightest hill belching black smoke enough to cover the highway from gutter to gutter reducing vis {avref} to about 30 feet.........

...... which led to Wally winning the 2022 Nobel Slogan Prize (he wasn't left wing enough to win the Peace Prize) with his world beating slogans "Smog in Righteous", "Volvo Diesels are positive for the Environment", "Steam Trains Smell Great" "Greta is a Waste of Good Oxygen" and "Methane does you .........

See 3 posts above.

TURBO IN A RARE PHOTO WHERE HE IS SMILING AND IS NOT INSIDE HIS 'VETTE TRYING

TO CRACK ONTO LADIES IN LYGON ST.

CAPPY - AND NO .... HE IS NOT DOING "THAT" TO THE RACOON.

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Wally, a clean energy expert. Wally was found by a Reporter at his coal mine with a bucket of water and a scrubbing brush. “No one can say this coal’s dirty” he said and it won an award for the most honest quote of the week as well as........

 

...... that unique quote single handedly reversing the world's push to be Carbon Neutral by 2050 and Wally joined Turbine Hydrocarbon Promotions Company as their MD, where he patented the slogans "Carbon is Good" and "Burn more Hydrocarbon to save the World", and this led to ......

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....also easy to see because she was very wide. So wide in fact that she was required to carry a sign on her rear reading "OVERSIZE" and .........

..... once the Nullabor Nymph (NN) read these posts, then also realised that her Nymphishness was under threat from the Pilliga Princess (PP) ............... [this is akin to the Yeti (Meh-Teh) (Turboref) feeling threatened by articles & photos about BigFoot (Cappyref) in the monthly National Geographic monthly tits and bums magazine] .......... , so the NN joined the Nullabor Sports Gym & Roadhouse located 300 m north of Bunda Cliffs, where she hit the machines to reduce her Wide Load.

Hearing this, the PP also started lifting weights at the Pilliga Clean-Energy & Carbon Neutral Workout Centre (PCE&CNWC, ..... where all workout energy is recycled into the power grid), and it was there that she came to the attention of ......... 

14 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Yes, Dear NES readers, bull had been a long-distance stock truck driver in a former life, and the smell of cow dung clung to him like.........

..... sand in the cracks and crevices of a WA Sand Monkey.

"where did bull cook up his stock" asked the CT, who hadn't been paying much attention as the story moved aimlessly, but as per Eeeeean's original charter for the NES, "And was he making beef or chicken or fish stock?" he questioned again.

bull laughed at this questioning of his culinary skills, as he was widely known as "The Tasmanian Rick Stein" because of his soft top grey Porsche and his ......... 

A TYPICAL WESTERN AUSTRALIAN AFTER THE WIND GETS

UP ABOVE 10 KNOTS.

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....blue singlet and pinch his thongs and sunnys. It was a cruel world bull had lived in at ........

........ various concerts, where his loyalty switched back & forth umpteen times between ACDC and Slim Dusty (bull fancied Joy a bit too), but when Slim released "The Lights on the Hill", bull was .......

4 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...."Ice Creams With A Kick quickly shortened to ICWAK by those on the know and the girls were all over bull to the extent of................

....... rubbing soft-serve all over bull's body (including even there), which sent him into convulsions when the gin got into his ......

7 minutes ago, onetrack said:

....home-made cakes, which the female tourists would flock to, thanks to their widespread reputation. But unfortunately, thanks to the cake enticements, the 1st Officer always ended up with the fat ones, which was not what he had originally envisaged, when he set out the cake enticements.

Bull had a better idea. Icecreams were the ultimate girl-enticement and he would change the offerings from cakes to icecreams, thus ensuring he got a bigger range of sizes in girls.

Turbo spotted the market immediately bull mentioned icecreams, and within 24 hrs, Turbine Superior Ice Cream vans were being signwritten and contracts had been signed for the supply of......

......... Greensleeves music boxes (Turbs lacks imagination sometimes) and soft serve machines plus a supply of 5 tonnes of crushed nuts, so that it reminded Turbo of his .....

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

In addition to this the Applicant must ..........

......., like any good 1st Officer on a Cruise Ship, ensure that any unaccompanied female tourists (or males, NTTIAWWT) have the opportunity to partake of his affections and his .........

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....other services were demanded, and the applicant had to service the helicopter and ........

...... anyone else that wanted a quick ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

It was when Turbo was building a Helicopter [avref] Express to the Yarra Valley vineyards with all you can drink, that .......

........ he was flooded by job applications from 300 ex-Vietnam Chopper Pilots and 400 same vintage AUF members who reckon that flying Choppers is kid's play (after all, how hard can it be?).

"Wowee, all the grog you want and all the chopper flying you can handle" was the heading on the front page of Flying Australia.

However bull was much more cynical, because he knew the complete background, which was that .....

In the event that the above posts cause offence due to the lack of avrefs (avref), we are pleased to advise that both of the above Call Centres have been built using the remains of WW2 RAAF (avref) hangars (avref) & airforce (avref) nissen huts.

ALWAYS WITH AN EYE TO A BARGAIN, AND IN A RARE EXAMPLE OF COOPERATION,

TURBO AND OT BOUGHT 200 OF THESE, WITH WHICH TO BUILD THEIR CALL CENTRES

......... AND OT'S FITTED PRECISELY OVER THE MOUSE FACTORY.

OT ALSO KNOCKED OFF 5 WITH WHICH TO BUILD HIS LATEST MANSION IN PEPPERMINT GROVE.

26 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......followed the "landiing" of spit upon a subcontinental and the need thereof to go forth as unclean and from there climb the ladder, particularly if the SC was middle-aged. There were ways out of the shame though. If you built an Ultralight (Avref) from Verygoodsirbunningsgiveyou wings, you went up three steps immediately and qualified to be a train Stationmaster. The system wasn't perfect .................

...... because Turbine CallCentres PLC, which had never ever evaluated or promoted their staff on merit (the TCCPLC Business Model was identical to that of WA and Mextorian Labor) so the poor Subcontinental and Bully Beef Tin struck persons all felt that they had no option other than to ........

THE DISGRUNTLED STAFF AT TCCPLC

THE EVEN MORE DISGRUNTLEDER SKIPPY & AFRIKAANS STAFF AT TRACKBINE CALLCENTRE

& SHEEP PENS PTY LTD, LOCATED IN SOUTHERN CROSS ABOVE THE MOUSE FACTORY.