Captain

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The fighter aircraft were .....

..... yet to be invented when Cappy stood with the locals at the battle of Kyneton Pass and it was there that Cappy's jaffa stained & supposedly shot up, mangled hands were examined by various of the defenders.

There was a great hullabaloo when someone observed "Those look more like scars from old nail holes, then Cappy quickly yet quietly healed bull's neck and fed all of the defenders using 4 white bait and a ........

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy ...........

....... remembered Biggles from a very unfortunate incident at the ........

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....consumed a bottle of Bourbon and prepared a paper bag.

Cappy was transferred into the Mercy Flight helicopter, and flown to the Queen Victoria Hospital in Deloraine. 
it wouldn’t have surprised Cappy if QV came round the corner; it was so old and.......

....... the menu had been prepared by QV (Cappy just knew here a Vicky in their intimate moments when Alby was out of town) and the food had been cooked just shortly thereafter and kept in the Deloriane cold stores and seafood disposal facility.

Poor Cappy was in a bad way but his natural inclination (avref) and attitude (avref) kept him bubbly, chipper, outgoing, optimistic, philosophical, fortitudinous, chatty and ........

THE TYPE OF OVER-RIPE MANKY MANGO FAVOURED BY BULL

- he even wore the paper bag while practicing.

(BUT HE NEEDED THEM BIGGER THAN THESE, OF COURSE)

THIS IS THE TYPE OF HIGHJINKS THAT BUGGERED HIS NECK.

30 minutes ago, bull said:

.the front bar of the Bone rissole with Mavis after several wines,,,,not a very endearing account of his experience at all said Bull who had.................

..... been there and had done that.

bull had fancied Mavis for years and in preparation he had practiced on soft & juicy Bowen (YBWN/ZBO - avref) mangoes after he had .......

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy, who by now smelt like a Teslar car battery, was still screaming in pain, his head barely above the tea-black waters, and he cried "You XXXXXXX XXXXX, get...................

..... me out of here, as my appendage is like a Tesla door handle (the term "frightened turtle" is no longer passe in these days of saving the planet..... and besides, they had all been killed when the dam was built).

The brave & loyal Cappy added by way of clarification that "The redoubtable Planey + some other NESers may object to the terms "XXXXXXX XXXXX" as reported above rather crassly by the TurgidPlonker, however I can confirm that they were definitely dead-set XXXXXXX XXXXXs & the worst I have ever seen (and let me tell you,  I've seen a few) with .......

18 minutes ago, bull said:

...........trip up to Claremont Qld to stop Adani,[got kicked out of town lol] as their was a lot of kissing (NTTIAWWT) going on at that time. Now the thruster had slid along the main wire and started to flip inverted[avref] Oh shit mouthed cappy as he.......

 

..... carefully added a "NTTIAWWT into bull's above post so that no censure would come from Planey or the LMFHGTQIX community (many of whom are members of Wreck Flying) ............. then Cappy leapt into action and applied his considerable cat-like skills at the controls of the Thruster (which had nipped up one cylinder & whiskered the other plug while idling for yonks as it was hanging from the wire) and despite that reduced power Cappy pulled off (NTTIAWWT) an amazing & daring, yet fully coordinated ........

27 minutes ago, bull said:

.....go pro and he really wanted to catch the vision of a "thruster"flying along the Gordon river, but suddenly a group of protestors appeared and they had strung up some wires across the famous {by old Bob] Gordon river and the mighty Gemini hit them full on! Old Cappy saw that he had better...............

....... just hang on tight, as a Thuster hitting some wires across the Gordon was better than hitting a Tazzy Tiger sized Dauber Wasp and was not particularly earth (or even Thruster) shattering. In fact was just about similar to kissing Old Bob on the ......

..... one of the few Thrusters with 2 blueheads (avref).

The 2nd was the pilot (avref) who had been cruising at 15,000 ft trying to pick up favourable winds (he didn't want the jetstream as that went too fast and was full of jets, he wanted the thrusterstream and had found it at level 15 and minus 30 C), so not only was his head blue, but he was only wearing boardshorts and the end was about to drop off his ......

28 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

".....chimney as I see from your African American [black colour] eye sockets."

bull didn't see the funny side because he'd borrowed the Facet Opal just to try it out, and was swerving to avoid an Albatross when he went straight down the chimney and caught his ....................

..... putter on the fire grate.

"I would have been happy with just a par score." said bull as he consulted with his advisors as they played the fourth hole.

"have you decided to run for the Presidency of Tasmania, sir bull?" asked one advisor.

however bull was preoccupied.

"what the heck is that WA dauber wasp doing in Tazzy, and why is it wearing a tiny Mountain Design parka?" he asked, not knowing that Turbs was growing them at a wasp farm just south of Strahan, hence the need for the small yet very warm clothing.

The cold (oh the cold) made the wasp really dirty, and it wasn't just the mud, and he saw bull as a ........

THE FEARSOME WA MUD DAUBER WASP

HERE SHOWN FULL SIZE.

THIS ONE HAS A RING ON HIS LEG SAYING PROPERTY OF TURBINE

WASP FARM AND THE WORD CAT CROSSED OUT WITH TEXTA

1 hour ago, bull said:

....some southern ditty whilst Turbo looked for a way out! Cappy suddenly looked over at Bullwho looked like "Lurch"]  and yelled.........

...... "g'day bull, old mate & welcome back. What's the real story with your neck, as Turdi has been telling everyone that it came from you having your head up your .......

..... second it hoisted the Victorian flag (red with a sickle rampant over Dan's head) and sang ......

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...............annulus. Mud Wasps of course are indigenous First-Nationed to Wagga Wagga  and each year at the annual Mud Wasp Stampede, thousands of peple each bring their annulus and trained wasps to see ..................

......... all of the Mexicans who drive up from Moorabbin and other nearby sh*tholes for what all Mextorians think is the best & most exciting event that they have seen in decades.

"We love it up here in WW, the MWS is a fantastic event, and oh, feel the freedom once we crossed the Murray."said a Vicmanistani lady.

"I've never seen so many "Stand with Dan" bumper stickers" said Ahlox, a leading WW local (and possibly Citizen of the Year for 22/23).

"We all LOVE Dan, Dan's our man and we all love .......

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It’s always hard when English is your second language.

And there dear readers is endemic Australian racism at work, so is it any wonder that us wogs and other 3rd & 4th Nations peoples are demanding a voice to Parliament and that immigrants be enshrined in the Constamatution?

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...... blowfly through Wagga Wagga or .......

..... a mudwasp up your .......

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...........shove the the throttle into War Power, hitting the Ki Gas button at the same time the Corsair picked up speed.

Turbo had been on the web and bought his GPS made by Graet Gpswith non glear sceen. It's line wasn't magenta but hey, who really cares as long as it tells us where to go. A sister company had flashed up, which sold military equipment, and had a handy MiG 29 system available for US$29.95 fee postage, so he'd bought that and had only just finished installing it in Charlie One [AvExplanation Corsair No 1] [avref] #genderNeutral, #USMilitary, #Combat, #TopGun, #FollowTheMagentaLineClub], and the Mig system had picked up the Lock, but what the Ukrainians didn't know was that Turbo had been asked by the CIA to check out the JCurveSubDrone developed by TurbineBattleIndustriesCabooltureInc. which was a wing mounted device, fully autonomous designed to pick up a lock, detach and spear off in a circle to confuse the enemy then zoom in and destroy Battleships, Carriers, aircrtaft, whatever locked the Corsair, and at the present time it was going through the Big U like a blowfly through Wagga Wagga or .............

Poor Cappy, who is just a normal battler in the NES, needs a bit of time to digest that, as his head is hurting.

No wonder AHlox buggered off ........... + bull and that CT from DG, apparently.

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

It was while Turbo was out doing a few aerobatics and circling around radio masts and sh!t, that he saw.......

...... a Ukrainian battle group sailing up the South China Sea, hell bent on testing Xi's resolve.

As it turns out this was a bit of a bluff as once Ukraine captured the Russian navy and put to sea again, they only had 4 sailors for each boat and only 6 officers for the entire fleet ...... not to mention that the country's credit card was max'd out buying fuel and Big Mac Happy Meals for 48 at today's high prices.

"Ziss weell be a great test of democracy at its finest" said Volodymyy to his hottie missus "As we will run each ship under Kibbutz-like principals and see how we go".

The Ukrainian battle group comprised 1 cruiser and a gaggle of destroyers (so Australia was at their mercy if they headed further south, and the fleet hadn't fired a shot since leaving Vladivostok, so when Turdy appeared over the horizon in one of his Corsairs, the Chinese on the Spratleys put down their dim sims and sat on their wharf to watch the show, while the Ukrainians locked on.

Turbo, on the other hand, saw his predicament and sh........

THE 48 UKRAINIANS IN THEIR BATTLE GROUP.

THIS PHOTO TAKEN BEFORE THEY LET FLY AT TURDY.

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....had him tied to the next ICBM test missile and dropped in the sea of Japan, just to give the Japanes an idea of what they were in for if they laughed.

 

The Emperor ............

...... was a bit confused, as he thought that it was North Korea that lobbed the missiles.

"But if that is what Turdboy says, then it must be the Chinese" concluded the Empelol "And prease stop these class nationalistic chalacterizations and taking the mickey prease Cappy".

"Velly solly mate" replied Cappy and went after Turdy's post.

"Listen Tubb" he said "The Koreans are a velly diffelent ethnic lace than the Chinese and if Kim isn't velly careful, the Ukrainians will kick his a*se too as they head onwards towards world domination and where the Zalenskyys will eventually be ..........

SOON TO CONTROL THE WORLD, AS JUST CHINA AND THE USA TO GO.

IT WILL BE NICE TO HAVE A BLONDE HOTTIE GIVING US INSTRUCTIONS.

SHE CAN HACK MY COMPUTER ANY TIME.

16 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......squirts because they had modelled their whole defence system on Russia’s, and the Ukrainians had just shown that a 14 year old with the right software could take them out before he opened his next coke can. There was only one person they could talk to......

...... Zelenshyy and his missus, because until their victory over Russia, China had bugger all Chinese to Ukrainian interpreters (after all, why would ya?).

"What we do (我们做什么)?" asked Xi to his Foreign Minister, who just happened to be learning Bulgarian in his spare time.

"I will solve the issue expeditiously (Ще реша въпроса експедитивно)" replied the FM.

"Don't be a smartarse with your foreign lingo (不要对你的外国术语很聪明)" answered Xi, and ...........

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....the Ukrainians incorporating all of Russia into Ukraine, releasing 30 million political prisoners in Siberia and banning the use of salt on every meal and in every drink in Russia. Within this 30 million were some of the smartest brains in the world, including ..................

........ the Russian royal family who, while in custody for umpteen decades had bred up (there was nothing else to do when locked up) to be about 25,000 and they all looked like the bloke below, even the women.

But the release of all these toffs was nothing when the new expanded Ukraine started to pick fights with the Chinese across their shared border just north of Inner Mongolia.

As you can well imagine, the Ukrainians had their tails up and this really gave the Chinese the ........

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

with the all important "Weapons OFF" dongle, and DoubleTrack was able to sell them over and over again, because who was to know where they went once they disappeared over the horizon, and this ..........

..... was the 1st appearance of the Boomerdrone that has since been advanced and perfected, such that OZ doesn't need any nuclear submarines any more.

With a fleet of Boomerdrones that were waterproof and powered by a pocket-sized nuclear reactor, Xi crapped himself after the Chinese stole the plans, and the Russians surrendered immediately, which lead to ......

THE FINAL SHAPE OF THE BOOMERDROME. IT WAS ORIGINALLY

GOING TO BE A BENT STICK WITH A FEW DOTS ON IT, BUT THE

1ST NATIONS WANTED A 40% ROYALTY, WHICH EVEN ALBO

AND HIS BLEEDING HEART FOUND TO BE A LITTLE EXCESSIVE.

A PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHED PHOTO OF AH IN DRAG,

TAKEN WITH ONESIE'S BOX BROWNIE IN THE CRIB

ROOM AT PERSISTANT AEROSPACE

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

No one thought anything unusual about the fliers becaise WA people were very trusting then, but OneTraak ............

.... one of the few clear thinkers in WA, knew that most of the other Nazis buggered off to Argentina and Argentina was still competing to lure the Big H (as he was known to his mates at the JandakotLuftStallag (the JLS). (Most NESers will also know that Argentina and WA are still competing to be in the lowest performing economy in the southern hemisphere, but that is another story line for a future NES).

A few of the wags at the JLS called the Big H an AH-ole behind his back, but he didn't get the joke, although Eva had a little titter that matched her tiny little  .......

A RECENT PIC OF EVA AT THE FREO BOTANIC GARDENS, SHOWING THEM OFF.

(Feel free to enlarge this photo if required)

BIG H HAVING A LAUGH WITH HIS JLS MATES AT THE SOUTHERN CROSS FLY-IN

ONCE HE HAD HAD A SKIN-FULL OF SCHNAPS.

The brown shirt and the shoulder strap fit in perfectly in WA ......... and blends in with Marky Mark's Security and Covid Police (the much-feared S&CP).

On 05/11/2022 at 12:08 PM, Captain said:

had been billed as the Slobodan Milosevich of the 21st century, so he ........

 

A DEFIANT TURBO DURING HIS INITIAL TRIAL

"i always knew that the guys at the fly-ins described turbs as a bit of a slobberer but did not realize that was his real name' said bull, once he came back into the nes.

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

This statement only caused a major uproar, and OT lost control of the meeting, so he left the arguers to it, and went outside and started up the.................

....... Wes-Australiese Jool- en Buisfederasie, which was understood and endorsed by the RSA expat box-heads who control aviation (lugvaart) (avref/lugverwy) in WA.

However, Onesie made an interpretation error and designated the distance for the straight-in approach as being expressed in kettings, which meant that the straight-in final started 36 m from the klavier sleutels and that was worse than Rule 303 and was ........

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

when a trike was seen to nip in front of a Dash 8 some 51 miles out. The passengers heard the Captain say, "Folks (Qantas now uses that neutralgender term now), not many people know the Dash 8 is a fully aerobatic aircraft and today we're going to give you a ride which is better than Dreamworld's long drop, and the passengers were pushed back into their seats by the g forces of a perfectly executed barrel roll around the trike which left the Dash 8 in front and wake turbulence like a Louisiana hurricane. The Drifter sat upside down with it's legs in the air for a moment then disappeared in a bundle of rags tubes and string. The AUF Salute was never performed again, until .......

...... Turbo referred to a Drifter (that fine AUF stalwart) as a Trike and the hoard of Drifter driver members of the AUF spat the dummy.

"Anyway" said Planey "A 50 mile straight-in is essential now, as since Qantas have included the Acknowledgment of Country on every flight, the ever PC AUF require all pilots (sic) to recite it before every landing, but to show due respect and not rush it ........ which is a bit hard when turning for a short final at Avalon with an FA18 up your clacker."

So 50 mile straight-ins became the norm again, except for those AUF pilots with a stutter, who were per-per-per-per-per-per-permitted to make a se-se-se-seventy mile fer-fer-fer-final and all AUF members became familiar with the required wording being added to their pre-landing checklist "This is your captain speaking, so pay f'n attention to this announcement". 

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF COUNTRY

The AUF & the CWA, and all that fly under their fine banners, acknowledges Australia’s early arrivals  (including the couple of blokes that were dropped off from the Batavia ...... [who may actually be Onesie's forbears - just say'n])  – the initial Australians – as the Traditional Owners and Custodians of this land, it's grass strips and its nav beacons...... and gives respect to the old wrinklies – already dead or not quite dead – and through them to all Skippy rule benders who have an AUF license, because all the rest are wooses and are not real pilots.

The 50 & 75 mile finals were then ..........

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

And so it was applied to Ein Snit, him being family and all.

 

Ein Snit flew an unusual aircraft called a .............

..... n EinS*it, because that's what it induced once you were below 1000 ft and had to make any turn. 

It was the EinS*it that caused the huge boost on the number of straight-in approached, with every EinSh*t pilot calling 50 mile straight-ins and not caring what REX or Quaintarse RPTs were coming into the pattern.

A 50 Mile Straight In Approach (AFMSIA) eventually became known as a ...........

28 minutes ago, onetrack said:

anyone even remotely familiar with Afrikaans would know straight up, that the name means "cut" in Afrikaans - thus the name being a crafty, hidden reference to his CASA-given powers to cut pilots.....

........ or is "cut" perhaps just a miss-spelling of the treasured Aussie personality descriptor, an example of which is "Onesie can be a bit of a cu.........