Captain

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

“......chew the soup.”

Underneath he wrote “sent from my IPhone 18 Executive”.

The soup had a rathe familiar smell to Turbo and he looked at one of the 20 litre drums which said “Ploduc of orstraya no cars were harmed in the process. Only Turbine Farm product used.” The pricks had been buying it on the yellow market, so .....

... Turbo called his accountant, Arthur Anderson, who he still uses even though they went broke in the 2001 Enron scandal.

"No mate, it's just me" said Arty Andersen to Cappy, a one-man-band Swedish immigrant operating out of a rat-infested hovel in Frankston "Don't tell him as Tubb still thinks I am a world-wide operator".

"Listen Arthur, please arrange to bill the CPP for the diff between the black-market price and what we normally bill out for the Cat Farm's short soup." said Tink.

"Do you want me to bill for the soup made from cat chunks wrapped in filo?" asked Arty "Or the completely liquidy short soup that you make from the cat's ..........

TCF'S SPECIAL CLEAR SHORT SOUP

IT'S THE RIGHT COLOUR STRAIGHT FROM THE CATS

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Some space to land on and the cat’s head was now stuck under the fridge. Turbo grabbed it hind legs, flung it away from him and ducked........

..... under a devastating right claw, as the cat came back in killer mode, intent on making Turbo's face even worse that it is now.

Turbo ducked just as his Motorola rang. He looked at the screen and it was CT.

"I'll just burn him, as he calls me a couple of times a day" said Turbo, but the message ding went off and Tubb dialed 101.

"Hey Turdy" said CT in the message "I have landed (avref) on my feet again as I just got a call from Xi and he needs under-runway space for about 10,000 protesters. He has doubled my disposal rate and every planeload will include half a tonne of Short Soup, so if you need a feed just come up to DG and we'll ...........

TURBO, WHEN YOUNGER, TAKING A MESSAGE ON HIS MOTOROLA

WHICH HE STILL USES DAILY

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

It wasn't........

...... real happy about that as cats (felines not D11s), in a similar manner to Turbs and 1Root, often need .......

51 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.............move it to Cappy's place, and then report it stolen. Cappy was always getting himself out of trouble anyway. It all went well until..........................

..... Mrs Cappy thought that he had bought another "f'ing aviation 'Project'". ..... (and a burnt out electric Drifter at that, so who can really blame her?).

Well, didn't that cause a stir which could be heard all the way from Kapooka to Moorabbin (even amongst the gang wars down there), but Turdy just sat back in his rocker with his snail-trail covered struggle-rug blanket over his knees, slurping his cheap bootleg scotch and sucking on out-of-date 2nd hand cigars, that .......

WHAT MRS CAPPY THOUGHT THE DRIFTER PROJECT LOOKED LIKE

WHAT IT REALLY LOOKED LIKE

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

“S*$t” said Turbo bearing at the fire, but.........

(Note the appropriate edits to suit this delicate audience)

....... making bear noises at a fire has never worked well (just ask AhLox who bared his a*se at a fire when he was a young recruit, but later decided to use water and foam instead).

However Turdy was made of sterner stuff (back then anyway) and he decided to .......

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..............jumped in the electric Drifter, and pressed the GO button, but nothing happened. Where can you find an electrician at 8 am in Jodphur?

He waited..........and waited..........and..........

 

..... eventually a sparky in jodphurs arrived on a white Charger (it was a 318 too) with a Dick Smith (avref) multimeter in his left hand and a .......

A PIC OF THE ACTUAL SPARKY IN FRONT OF HIS CHARGER

(NOTE THE F-ME BOOTS.(

TURBO AFTER A HARD CHUKKA IN THE PUNJAB

WITH MORE OF THOSE BOOTS 

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

But it was when the pretty girls started to throw themselves at his feet, that Turbo realised there was a lot more to this being a religious leader than just throwing around a few stale buns and the contents of a dozen cans of Tuna. There was now the ability being offered to him, to........

..... be the spiritual leader of a billion people & surely there must be a quid or 2 in that, so he ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

"Apologies NESers, but I just have to break in here" said Mavis "As that is the TurgidPlonker that I knew & loved, and who I have seen pantless so many times, but from that photo he has lost weight and been working out too, as he is usually .....

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

When it was over he asked them to lunch and then pulled the Esky out from under the gown and flung its contents over the audience; gutted raw mullet chopped into little bits, and .......

...... 4 pieces of Naan bread.

"It might not exactly be equivalent to the loaves and the fishes as performed by that other bloke, but it is pretty close, and as long as there is no Indian equivalent of Pontius Pilot (avref) then everything is hunky dory (fishref) and I shall continue on with my ......

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... Turbine Colonoscopies on the Go Inc ......

All NESers, the public generally, and particularly student pilots are warned that Turbo is just an amateur Colonoscopist and his attempts to gain access to possible patients are not endorsed by the AMA.

He has only turned to Colonoscopisty after the ladies discovered that he was just an amateur Gynecologist too.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....

इसलिए उन्होंने तहसीलदार को फोन कर मोपेड पर फतवा बनवाने के लिए कहा

isalie unhonne tahaseeladaar ko phon kar moped par phatava banavaane ke lie kaha........

... and as has been the case so often whenever he goes, the TurgidPlonker's skills as an orator & languaphile saw him anointed as a God in a manner similar to the way he is regarded on this forum.

But, as usual, that wasn't enough for Tubb so he .......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

This would require a bigger encabulator, but ............................

..... also another pair of "boots", as that was not a spelling mistake in Turbo's post, rather, he had given away a major part of his encabulator secret,  so Turbo ever the entrepreneur, decided to do a Peter Brock and advertise the units personally but in Hindi, so he ......

...... alerting Turbs to a new way of eating (for humans, not Tigers), that led to the formation of Turbine Smorgasbords & Bainmarees PLC, which ...... 

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

ou can hear both barrels on the H&H going off, see te result of Cappy's legendary shooting skills which left Turbo to dispatch it with two bamboo sticks and a kick to the shoulder, before...........

...... Turbo said, in his usual calm & considered manner, "Don't worry Cappy dear friend, as I have done this before."

"Done it before?" questioned Cappy with just a hint of anxiety showing in his voice (The Skipper has done some dopy stuff in his life, but this was certainly up there).

"Yes Captain, my best mate, please just hollow out that piece of bamboo and turn it into a bamboo catheter after which I will subdue this particularly cranky tiger by sticking it up his .........

THE VIEW THAT TURBO HAD, JUST BEFORE HE REACHED

IN & GRABBED THE TIGER BY THE GOOLEYS, THEN QUICKLY INSERTED

CATHETER #2. (TURBO IS NOTHING, IF NOT BRAVE YET

FOOLHARDY ALTHOUGH NEVER OPINIONATED, BUT THAT

IS WHY HE IS SO BELOVED BY  EVERYONE ON WRECK FLYING (AVREF).

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

What could he call it? He thought for a long time and finally came up with "Turbine puts a TIGER in your tank." The sales volume was so good he had to pull product from several dog pounds, then cattle lots, then............

, after Turbs came up with the totally original promo of supplying fake Tiger's Tails that the punters could hang out of their filler caps, Turbo added the zoo to his supply chain in order to get the real stuff, but it wasn't all plain (avref) sailing (boatref).

"Have you ever tried to whack a 25 mm diameter catheter 100 cm up a real tiger?" he explained after he got out of hospital "I was only saved by my baited breath, which was so-named because it smelt like old prawns 5 days after the fridge went off (there is a subtle power warning there for Mextorians as they shut down more power stations).

Turbo found that once the seepage and infection stopped and the bandages were removed, the scratches on his face added mystery & ruggedness, as he looked like he had been slashed 5 times in a sword fight, so his success rate with the ladies tripled and he ........

THE TIGER WAS PRETTY SNAKEY, EVEN BEFORE TURBO INSERTED THE CATHETER

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...resulted in the wheels touching imperceptibly and the aircraft coming to a smooth crawl well before the end of the runway, Turbo gave the twin 30 mm canons a burst of 2000 rounds, and killed 17 bunnies for CT, then it was off to the.......................

....... DG Pub for a skinfull.

"While I iron myself out, just top her up please CT, and I'll do a few circuits and put the chooks off their laying." Said Turbo. "But how do you do 12 touch & goes when you have to use an arrestor chute each time?"

CT is an aviation expert and replied .......

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo decided to make another pass, the .........

...... reason being that while Turdy said it was "touch & go" (avref) he couldn't do that yet as he hadn't mastered the landing (avref) technique of a J20, so he had to make it a "pass" (avref) because Tubb needed 5000 m of safe concrete to get the thing landed and stopped (the only Manual available with the J20 was headed "HOW TO RAND" but was in a dialect of Mandarin, and Turbo can only read his Apple).

The only location in range with 5000 m is DG International so he peeled off (avref [& mandarinref]) and headed south to the safety & security of the China-like Dan Land, so the J20 felt at home (although the cockpit voice prompts often broke in and said "Try not to be so ham-fisted on the contlolles, you crot". (Turbo also chuckled when in Ground Following Mode under the radar at Albury, the voice said "Tellain, Tellain, purr up"., to the extent that after he flared at DGI, Turbo found himself saying "Rand you bugger ......... then 3000 metres later "Prease stop".

But Tiubo's innate skills have saved him many times when he has gone too far, and in this case, those skills ......

TURDBOY ON LATE FINAL AT DGI

"Were is the randing gear rever" he was heard to yell.

On 26/11/2022 at 4:41 PM, Captain said:

........ IT MUST BE NICE TO HAVE AN INEXHAUSTABLE SUPPLY OF MONEY ......

Side Note ------ I just had a call from Turbo & he was almost too excited to speak clearly ....... as he just had another windfall when one of the Chinese Squadlon Readers on the Splatlees offered Tubb a 5th gen fighter to replace his ratty old F16.

So the news is that Turbs now has a low hours J20 and the below photo was taken when he did his low pass over Chez Cappy and said bugger the Kapooka Restricted Airspace ...... although a couple of the more zealous recruits let fly at him with automatic weapons fires (AWF).

8 hours ago, Old Koreelah said:

Captain it’s good to see you back on the forum. I’ll defer to your greater experience of Americans.

Maybe you could comment on what you think is behind the amazing behaviour described by Dan Gryder.

Thanks Old K.

Dan G has really hooked into the AirBoss and if it is true that the AB gave the P63 the instruction to move up, then that is bad, but I would have always expected that any decision for the P63 to do anything, finally comes down to that pilot ....... particularly when he knew that he would be blind and close to the other aircraft.

As we all know, in this caper it only takes one small misjudgement for everything to turn to custard ....... although in the 5 or 6 sets of footage that I have seen there appears to be aircraft all over the place with various speeds and turn radii, so a major worry anyway IMHO.

The (perhaps limited) footage of the briefing, as commented on by Juan Brown and Dan G, also seems a bit lacking in thoroughness.

I have attended a number of airshows in Dayton OH where the show was certainly thrilling, but often a tad hairy, with lots of old bold pilots having their brand of fun.

What say you on my thoughts?

Best Geoff

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...................calls up the pilots on their discrete frequency (some idiot yank had scratched it into the panel during the atomic tests in the Pacific), and reminds them he has video of the last base coming out party, and that usually allows him a leisurely flight up to Pine Gap where he gives them the one wing down flypast and calls on the radio in Chinese, but ..............

............ that joke is becoming a little tiresome because Turbo has done it every month since ......

TURBO PAID A FORTUNE FOR THIS ONE BEFORE HE REALISED IT IS A MOK-UP

THEN HE JUST GRINNED AND BOUGHT THE ONE THAT HE FLIES TODAY.

IT MUST BE NICE TO HAVE AN INEXHAUSTABLE SUPPLY OF MONEY .....

YET HE REMAINS SO HUMBLE ....... + SUCH A LOYAL FRIEND.

17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

but sometimes ........

..... it does get noticed when Turbs does his usual poser fly-by under the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and on each occasion an FA18 is scrambled from Williamtown, at which point Turbo always ..........

On 24/11/2022 at 9:47 AM, Old Koreelah said:

Another depressing aspect is the apalling level of ignorance among many Americans given a gun and a badge.
I believe 54% of Canadians have a Uni degree but a similar proportion of Americans can barely read at a primary school level.

I have spent a lot of time in the USA on business and leisure over many decades and that generalization by you is rubbish, Old K.

23 hours ago, turboplanner said:

he's only looking for strip ballast, but ..........

...... the demand for un-commemorated vertical grave sites was outstripping supply (CT & UN can only auger out so many holes in a day, so .......

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

This was a big mistake, because you didn't mess with CT anytime anywhere. The 203 people who sat down in front of him at the 2015 Falls Festival can vouch for that, because...........

....... they are all sleeping under the 2nd Rapid Exit Taxiway ....... and CT planted them there for free (what a ct).

Back then CT and UN had a jointly owned civilworks contracting company called CTUN Concreting, and CT had to pay UN 203 times for this work, as UN wanted nothing to do with freebies.

CT has a similar reputation on Wreck Flying, evidenced by .....

17 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Very soon we'll see unicorns flying over this airport, along with the flying pigs that have long been promised to us, and this will usher in the new Age of...........

..... DG being the centre of world Zombie activity.

Then it was realised that CT had built DG International's runways in the shape of a cross which had concentrated all the spooky stuff right where he had buried 90% of the Mafia's body disposals since 1940 (what a ct).

"I know" said CT to UN "I'll whack in another parallel runway that will surely despook the joint".

"but that might make things even worse" postulated bull who knew a lot about Zombies and Werewolves because he mixed regularly with .......