Captain

36 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......time for those Dad’s Army dudes who only lied Enid Blighting stories. As Enid said to Turbo once “Pink gets swamped by exciting young fans, and all I get are those xxxxxxx xxxxx half of them with no hair and the other half with no teeth. I.....

..... don't want them any more Turbo, but I do want you".

She didn't have to ask twice as Turbs was never oversupplied with lady friends, although he did do OK, so they say.

So this was the start of Enid and Tubby being an item, and hence the reason that "The Book of Brownnoses" was written.

In addition, the "Famous Five" was styled after Turdy, 1Root, bull, Planey & Cappy when they were younger ... and then when they were all older, she added that CT from DG and issued a new series of books called the "The Crotchety & Mediocre Six".

The relationship between Enid and Turbo was passionate yet turbulent (avref), so that it became strained when .....

TURBO'S FAVOURITE PHOTO OF ENID (WITH HIM STANDING NAKED BEHIND HER DURING TUBB'S PODGY PERIOD).

HE KEEPS THIS PIC IN A LOCKET BY HIS SO-CALLED HEART.

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"........to see me and post a photo, and the scum at the Club would be sure to share it."

Turbo realised at once what Cappy was saying. The Delhi Tiger Hunter's Club used to be the most exclusive in the British Empire, and was still only frequented by Mharajas and businessmen like Turbo. Cappy had been allowed in by his "Services to India" and "Nehru Medal" for his bravery at the Khyber Pass, so he was on a very thin string, and a photo of him washing dishes in a Mikado joint would ..............

.... dent his heretofore immaculate image.

What, with his exploits at the Kyber Pass followed by his invaluable input at the defense at the Kyneton Pass (much more savage than at the Kyber), not to mention what he did at the Kilmore Gap when he covered himself in glory by skimming through just above the sheep and well below all previous minimums (he had get-home-itis after being on the turps in the back rooms with various Generals and Admirals for 5 days at Avalon), so Cappy is running out of room on his broad chest to hold the medals and other awards that have flooded in from various pox-ridden countries trying to benefit from Cappy's aura.

Hence why so many begged him to come back into the NES and onto Flying for Old Wrecks so the result was a rise in sponsorship for the site and a waste of ...........

52 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...saluted, because Cappy weas notorious for not paying and would go to extremes from a coughing fit to hiding in the toilets. 

 

It was when Cappy turned on the fuel that .................................

..... Turbo knew that Cappy could be trusted.

But at the same time he noticed that the Skipper was using a pink & very affeminite, fairy dust covered credit card.

"Hang on" he said "That Victoria's Secret and Honey Burdette credit card looks like mine".

Cappy smiled and took a selfie to send to Onesie and bull, after which they all .......

TURBO'S CREDIT CARD WAS A LITTLE LIKE THIS ONE

BUT WAS WAY MORE PONCIER & LMBTQXYZ'er.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

 

It has all started one boring Friday ........

..... when Turbo was sitting in his palatial office atop Turbine Tower, and he rang his closest and best mate to say "G'day Cappy. I'm bored".

"Only boring people get bored" replied Cappy with a reprise of the saying that gave his kids the irits every time they mentioned being bored.

"How about we go over and see 1Root and see if we can help him get a 2nd?, then we'll come back via Tazzy to see bull & give his neck a tweak, and then flick up to DG International to see if that CT will give us an audience?" was Cappy's ever enthusiastic response.

Turdboy was unimpressed and still bored, until Cappy added "I'll pay for the fuel" after which Turds stood to attention and ........

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

This led to the notorious ...........

....... position of a multi-millionaire pilot, raconteur & NES contributor, driving for Uber (a subsidiary of Turbine Transport and Food supply).

While this was a quandary, Turbo was able to clarify & reconcile the position while ......

THE UBER RIDES TAKE LESS TIME THAN IN THE USUAL YARIS

WITH THAT TYPE OF MONEY & BEING A DEDICATED AVIATION SLUT, CAPPY ALSO BOUGHT A NEW L-39 SO THAT HE COULD FLICK OVER FOR A COFFEE WITH 1ROOT AND GET HOME IN TIME FOR DINNER. (THAT IS TURDY IN THE BACK SEAT CRITIQUING CAPPY'S COORDINATED TURN)

12 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"But that still doesn't cover anyone who chooses to have no gender!", cried bull, who had aimed at becoming genderless, to remove any chance of becoming alienated.

 

"This will require larger forms!", exclaimed Cappy, who had always harboured a desire to......

..... live beside the harbor and .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Turbine Medical is producing a pill for that now Cappy. 

As an Ideas-Man (Planeyref), may I suggest that TM also add the ingredients from those blue (or is it now green) pills so that it will make the recipient ready for anything?

13 minutes ago, bull said:

" Did you get to meet....................any good stunners? asked OT ,as the talent round here has really fallen off and..........

...... that's just the blokes (not that anyone should assume the sexual orientation or the/them/they/thou etc of Turbs, that CT from DG, 1Root, bull, or Planey for that matter.

"I agree" interjected Planey "AS it would be nice to have a few chicky babes on the NES who flaunt it a little ........ and include a bit of aviation (avref) chit-char into this tome.

bull took offence at being assumed to be a bloke and .........

On 18/11/2022 at 8:18 AM, Captain said:

 

Cappy apologises to our thousands of NES lurkers, and to Planey, as he had composed a witty yet pithy contribution yesterday that might have won Cappy a Pullitself prize for journalism, and for some reason the expansive post just buggered-off (journalismref), which is just plain (avref) cruel for those waiting with baited breath for Cappy's words of wisdom.

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo called them AA batteries, and ......

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

After a while it started to lurch all over .........

..... the joint (not that Cappy was smoking anything hallucinogenic) and the phenomenon reported above by Turdy about trailing winding wires picking up Tesla Y rays is exactly true as reported by bull.

"down here is tazzy nobody pays for power in their electric vehicles, as all we do is trail 30 ft of 20 amp fuse wire and we run on power sucked in from the aurora australis" said bull (except he didn't use the inverted commas & other punctuation that I have included here), then he added "it's beaut, because my crook neck, as recently cured by cappy waving his hands in a biblical fashion, when added to the green power of the ab (as we locals call it) is a sure fire ..........

TASMANIANS FAVOUR JUST USING THE GREEN LIGHTS &

TURBINE INDUSTRIES HAVE A NEW POWER CELL THAT

SEPARATES AND CHUCKS OUT ALL OF THE OTHER COLOURS,

WHICH ARE SOLD CHEAP TO NON-BRANDNAME CAR

RECHARGING COMPANIES.

NOT MUCH TO HARVEST IN THIS ONE

BUT THIS ONE IS A RIPPER AND CHRIS BOWEN HAS ANNOUNCED

THAT HE WILL TAX ALL GREEN LIGHT THAT IS SUCKED UP USING

NON-BOWEN INDUSTRIES SUCKER UPPERS.

TURBINE INDUSTRIES ARE APPEALING THIS MOVE.

..... pushed the throttle even further forward, the electric motor wailed like an electric banshee and then sounded like a Detroit Diesel 2-stroke on heat.

The Drifter leapt off the banana tree and flung itself into the air but then gave a slight ster-ster-ster-stutter (the little bloke in the Kumushkan village in Uzbekistan who had been in charge of installing the windings had slipped up when he went outside for his arvo smoko during a critical stage of the manufacture) and as a result Cappy was hanging by his short and ........

THE WINDING SPECIALIST FROM KUMUSHKAN - ACCREDITED TO AS 9056

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

Cappy screamed at the.......

..... lady whose grip was lustful yet extreme and as a result "it" stretched to over a foot, which meant that .......

1 minute ago, turboplanner said:

...fetlocks. What Cappy didn't know was that Mavis had been recording him on her phone.

At the next CWA committee meeting she presented ................

.... a motion to make Cappy a life member for all of the girls to "use" as they see fit.

Barb seconded Mavis's motion and became a bit excited.

Gwen just wanted Cappy to keep the urn topped up, so she voted in the positive, while Clarise was intent on .......

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"Have you seen my wife anywhere?" Sometimes  one could wish Cappy had a little better understanding of diplomacy because he dobbed Turbo right in the camel dung, and ............

..... replied "Not only has your doppelganger been sampling the goodies at home, but he is running for PM of Pakistan again while you are down here to play cricket ..... but with a bit of luck, you might sample the local delights that Tink has left behind in Moorabbin, I am sure."

"But isn't Moorabbin a bit of a s**thole that is even worse than Karachi?" questioned Imran "And aren't the CWA ladies down there a bit used in the ........

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and then realised his mistake and pretended to cough and cough and cough, but ...........................

..... the questions kept coming.

"Will you play in the Big Bash this year and ........

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He then turned his attention to .......

....... the (assassination) attempt on his life when he went up to finalize the battery impregnated fabric contract.

Subsequent investigation has proven that Turbo was mistaken for Imran Khan (they are the spit of each other and could be twins) and poor Tubb copped a bullet for his troubles.

However, the battery/fabric contract was too important, so the Pakistani government apologized, gave Tink a free lunch and he forgave them.

The bullet wound was nothing, as it was offset by the fact that Imran's missus even mistook Turbo for her little Snooky Khan and lay down with Turbo for a few of nights (it had to be more than one, as she just assumed that after the shooting, he was tired and didn't have enough blood to do the job on nights 1 & 2).

However, on his return to OZ, Turbo scratched the rash and gave a Press Conference to address his thousands of followers (but who did they REALLY think he is?) and he commenced his address by saying "............

IS THIS IMRAN OR IS THIS TURBO? NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE AS THEY LOOK IDENTICAL.

(TURBS LOOKED EVEN HOTTER WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER)

(Those eyes (and his money) are the reason why Cappy agreed to be Turbo's closest friend).

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbine put in a sharply increased offer to all the companies. Sgt beat it. Turbine had shorted the market and immediately withdrew their offers

Sgt now could even afford jocks and defaulted and the market crashed. Turbine made another $5 billion and Turbo went to lunch, but the Drifter......

..... development continued apace, as the Sarge is a dedicated inventor and wanted to meet the market for an electric Drifter. After all, how much worse could the reliability be for a cheapest tender price (Kazakhstan is now cheaper than Mongolia for such items) set of electric motors & batteries, when compared with a BlueHead and their consumable pistons.

Turbo's lunch became an extended affair once all of the waitresses realized who it was sitting at the big table (albeit alone ........ very alone) in the high roller's room at the Nam Phat restaurant, so they started to compete for his favors and he .........

1 hour ago, bull said:

.back to recharge the..........

...... batteries of the 1st electric Drifter (patent pending), which he had knocked up (mavisref) in his spare time between weedings at the GGLTCs.

This development made the Sgt the "Eveready Bunny" of the aviation world, and he was flattered to be also called Elon Musk II, so Elon-like, the Sgt put in a bid for Marky Z's FaceBook and he also submitted an offer to purchase NASA although many thought that only Turbine Enterprises had the readies to take on the yanks in this way.

The Sgt then sat back to wait for the .......

55 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

rater

..... hence his name at the War Memorial and his moniker on Old Wrecks Flying.

55 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"Never in the history of mankind have so many people owed so much to Sergeant Cook" but it was changed by MI5 because .....

....... Winnie's halo had slipped after WW2 and MI5 had gone woke, so they changed it to "Never in the history of persecuted peoples have so many downtrodden wretches (including those in Tasmania and WA) been owed so much by that colonizing spiv, Sergeant Cook" and MI5 even dabbled in the whole reparations issue, until they realized that .......

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...... Anishinobe ......

....... "Did somebody call me, or my sister Anishi?" asked Nob, as he .........

46 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Ziigwan thought for a minute and then said Zigwan.............

...... Trudeau, who is a wizzbang dinky-di 1st Nations person. In fact he is so PC that he is also a 2nd and 3rd Nations person, as long as they speak Français canadien.

"i speak that lingo" intejected bull "and it goes down a treat when i am cracking on down at the pub on a friday night (all NSers know that it was friday night highjinks in the back seat of the valiant that caused bull's crook neck in the first place .... "but it was worth it" he said, with a grin on his face and a lump in his ...........

57 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

[Special note: Cappy is suffering from post grammatic shock]

Too right Tubb.

Cappy has infused, included, introduced & inculcated several big, unnecessary and unproductive words into the NES lately, and somewhat commensorately, he has used up his entire 2022 allocation and supply of letters.

And as all NESers will have observed, Cappy's supply of humour is also running low ....... Some cruel folks may say it buggered off years ago.

Cappy's level of edumacation means that he also wishes to point out that "Never Ending Story" (NES) should actually be "Never-ending Story" (NS) and requests that Moderator 6 immediately undertake & initiate a Wreck Flying website wide correction by printing an apology on all forums and within each page of each thread.

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....... Abraham Lincoln shot himself ......

There is Turd changing history again, as we all know that Abe was shot by JWB.

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

As he flew along he sang a popular rap song ...........

...... "Onward AUF Soldiers,  marching as to War (with CASA)", sung to the tune of P-Diddy's greatest hit.

With Kanye West changing his name to Ye, Turbo charged his to Turd and Cappy changed his to Pee, but Onesie & bull had ......