Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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.... Labor's finest minds. "Do yez know" said Jazzi "That the horn of a bull, when applied posteriorally, can leave a mark almost identical to a Three-O at close range, and the famous scar on the underside of Vicmanistan's favourite son?". An article on this subject was about to be published in the very prestigious Vicmanistan Medical Journal, the "Lance It", but Turbo, ever the modest professional, declined to allow his scar to be forensically examined, and that ....
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.... "Put on these red T shirts and get ready to .....
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...... "workers" at the Turbine Goat Farm (TGF) out in West Shepp, which is the largest in the southern hemisphere, so Tubb needs all of those rather swarthy bearded gentlemen to "look after the goats", and to ......
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Which is identical to what is the outcome of a normal Turbine Corporation Board Meeting or AGM. .... Jazzi was actually intending to go to Shepp for a Latte and when her entourage of 130 accidentally ended up in the Mallee she said "Erky perky, I now have sand down my undies, so are we actually in WA ..... or some godforsaken desert like joint NW of Toorak? Well, whatever, get me the F out of here and I'll do meet with Dan in the Melbournistan MASH hospital and get instructions on what tax to raise next." But the entourage actually loved the Mallee and wanted to work out how Peta Credlin had done so well, and was a pretty good sort, coming from an in-bred backwater dump like this, so they ......
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... the Turbine Cartels (TC-13) located in Shepp-aloa and Stanhope-aloa, or the Jalisco district in south Moorabbin. Those Mextorian areas are notorious for .......
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..... took a liking to Cappy's cousin, Cappy, and offered him a position as his personal body-double (complimentary kevlar vest included), & his .....
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..... and instead could all get a short-term plastic bottle-based rework every few months. The most popular facial remakes were Les Patterson/Turbo (same thing), Chopper Reid, Penny Wong, The Twigster, Rose Hancock, ......
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..... the wealth of the Turbine family was chasing Elon into the stratosphere (real high avref), but then a bloke from the backblocks in Tastarctica lodged a complaint with the High Court because part of the plastic in his plastic surgery said "Drink Coca Cola", ................... while his wife's said "Pepsi Max" under her left eye. This brand competition led Turbo to ......
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.... the population of Tasmania was identical, ethnically and dna-wise as those in Polynesia, which had originated in Taiwan and picked up various other features as they travelled south and "did" various other cultures on the way. The big difference in Tasmania is that Turbine Whiteness Ltd had taken a franchise from Michael Jackson and all Taswegians were treated, some insensitive souls say "bleached" accordingly. Even those who emigrated from Qld to Tazzy were given the treatment as Turbo had been quoted as saying in a policy statement "Surely nobody would voluntarily emigrate to Taztarctica, so if they are that bigger dill then a dose of Chlorine and a nose job won't do them any harm". The other 26.65% of the population were ......
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.... that this was a pretty good plan, but ever the ideas man, bull suggested that the Covid Checkpoiints should be revived, as they are available cheap and were much more effective than the Fruit Fly (avref) security system (where everyone now just bypasses by driving around on the tracks in the bush that leave the highway 5 kms before & after each checkpoint). "your car gets dirty on the track, but you still have your mandarins & cum-quats" bull commented. "we'll leave the covid signs on the checkpoints and everyone will immediately want face nappies, so we'll make a motza out of selling those, and in addition to stopping the trucks for a useless PCR check (which we will also sell, then resell/reuse 10 or so times), we can have fun shoving cheap chinese cotton wool buds 120 mm up people's snozzes, before also stopping people from heading home for Christmas to see their dying relatives. it will be great, and if anyone is silly enough, i also have access to 200 million covid jabs that australia chucked out but which i caught in my prawning nets, so there is a quid to be made, and we can also .....
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"Hey Tubb" she said after waiting 50 minutes for him to get off a pay-per-minute call to Thailand. "Your mate at CFCL is interrupting the food chain and is pulling the chain of all Mextorians too, so I suggest that .....
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... D-Day camouflage + those efficient Jabiru wings adjusted via angle-ginder to the shape of a Spitty. skye was so proud and he .....
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The above posting by Turbo is very prescient, as it was often said by Ernie Dingo that the big eruption of Krakatoa in 1883 started harmlessly as a Smoking Ceremony prior to the opening of the Krakatoa CWA's Annual General Meeting. ..... and after putting on the paper hat, bull rode away on the pink unicorn that fell out. While bull was described as "a little on the aggressive side" in a few police reports, to be fair bull has always mentioned that the wallopers at Queens Beach were unprofessional and had never liked him. However, it was also clear that "Jabiru Pulling Aparting" could not be allowed to continue, or similar civil disobedience will lead to chants like "From the Burdekin to the Sea, Bone will be Free, or Cost Even Less" that will become endemic (Bone is the hot bed of Qld's mango based political insurrection) based on the marches & protests that are increasingly taking over the Bone Town Square, and .......
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.... and within 15 minutes of Turbo's last post, Chris Bowen was on the blower. "Hey Tubb, It's Chrissy B here" he said "Will this new power source get me out of the poo with net Zero?" "No Chris" replied a rather surly Turbo "But I can give you a couple of free moggies if you like, however there is no net and there is no ......
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..... hydroponic mallee root shops, all designed so that city people can sneak them home to grow them on their apartment balconies. As a result of great marketing by the Quambatook Country Women's Progress Association, mallee roots became a fashion accessory. This fitted in perfectly with the new tree-hugger fashion of having the outside of buildings covered with vines and flowers, except that once the mallee roots exceeded the 5 cubic metre hydroponic pot & had sucked the 100 mm dia hydroponics water/food supply pipe dry, the "Roots-de-Mallee" (as they became known in Venice, Paris & their twin city of Moorabbin) went berserk & took over the ...... Once the "Roots-de-Mallee" got a foothold, they were able to strangle all of the plants shown below in just one month, and take over the entire area. Mallee Roots therefore became the Cane Toads and Rabbits of the 2025. (Some Trendies even tried to flush the mallee roots down the dunny, like they had done when the crocs got too big, during the 1980's pet baby crocodile fad).
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..... unearthly prices on CAT & Komatsu spares. (He doesn't really have Komatsu spares, so when needed he just puts 5% black in the CAT yellow and sprays old clapped out CAT pieces as new for Komatsu gear). As well as Esperance #1, OT also lists "Pearly Gates #3" for those wanting Leave Passes (The Big Fella is Pearly Gates #1 and Onesie's mate Peter has been issued with, & has signed for, PG #2. On the other hand, Esperance #2 connects the caller with .....
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.... a 4 hole punch, 200 clear plastic paper holder (foolscap size because they are cheaper) & 6 reams of A5 recycled paper from India, so that the ....
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..... Turbo could sleep the sleep of the righteous on a bed of mallee roots, as he usually does (10 hrs of deep sleep, no wuckers" is the way in which he often describes it). As most members of Aircraft Pilates and Wreck Flying well know from his posts in the technical Fora, Turbo is what we call in Australia "Fair Dinkum Righteous" or FDR, because, as it says in the Bible, The Koran, the Torah, and the Kharma Sutra "Ye verily, anyone who is shot in the freckle by his best mate, and survives, is both righteous and blessed" and that is why Turbo has formed the .....
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..... and I'm well known as an inspiration in B&S rooting circles. Why, my king-sized double swag has known some .......
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Their new and effective internet advertising slogan is "De-tree the planet with TLC".
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..... so the ABC immediately categorised him as an anti LJBTQMRS, trans hating, Rotax loving, Nazi, fascist, Trump lover, whereas the Reporter was undercover from Pravdah and .....
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.... little Chrissy Bowen was put in charge of free-felling all native forests across our great brown land (well, it would be once all the trees had been cut down, air dried, piled up & burnt). In response to a lucrative contract, Turbine Land Clearing took their D12's and 2000 m long chains and applied their mallee clearing practices to all of the planted forests, and soon pine trees were horizontal and looking like the aftereffects of the Mt St Helens eruption. "It is so much better without trees" said Albo/Raj to Rajeena as it's so much easier to see the horizon (avref), and as he stood on the verandah of his waterfront joint on the NSW mid nth coast he came up with the slogan for the next election "From the mountains to the sea, Skippies will be Free .......... of trees, Koalas and ......... TLC did a great job on the pine trees throughout Mextoria, see below photo. "Cop that" said Turbo as his cleanup crew prepared to knock down those few recalcitrant sticks that were still standing ....... and to also tap any remaining koalas, wombats or sugar gliders on the head with their repurposed Seal Clubs.
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.... Albo, who had changed his name to Raj, and his latest wife, Rajeena, because they .....
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Dear readers of the vintage of most AUFers will appreciate that the decoration WAS in a "most un-Australian manner" however these days the decoration shown in Onesie's photo are now standard in 5 suburbs in Sydney and 8 in Melbournistan. It's still 1975 in both Qld and WA so the Iphone won't be released for another 32 years, and they will be fine for a while.
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Thanks for your excellent post, as always, Turbo. I had not realised that the GRU had added a 2nd level since I was last out there to unblock the dunny, a long-drop which is hidden behind the green dorms and snooker rooms. (As all NESers would know, it is not easy for Rajs to block a long drop, so it was not the most pleasant of jobs). PS .... Cappy has added another 1.5 Stars to the Motel sign after he bought the site, which he did as a blocking move, as the GRU will surely need to expand and cappy will then have them by the short and curlys.
