Captain

...lack of human affection as a child which made him turn to all things mechanical for love"Madge piped up with "You should see his collection of....

...... steam heated, mechanical, lifelike va.................

"I'll just drop him a lion about wether he can send us the new Ops Manal with the bits about taking good photos, getting the contrast just right, and the 32 tablets about composing the photo for the left side, right side and rear, and whether the letters need to be in Arabic or whether American would do, and also......."

......... in Hebrew, he thought remembering the lingo on the tablets, but fearing a Hamas rocket up the Kyber (ConfusedGeographicRef).

"I have an easy solution" said Andy "Get the new Ops Manual on a Samsung Tablet, which will allow you to edit it and issue it to all RAOz Members via Memeo Share."

"Great idea Andy, as even Blank Page will be able to understand those instructions, and once the Ops Manual has been solved by Turdy, we will use his proven engine failure skills to ensconce him as RAOz Techman."

"I agree" said the 12 Incher "As Turbid has been involved in engine failures in Trucks, Cars, Outboards, Aircraft, Pacemakers, Dialysis Machines and has proven that everything mechanical that he touches turns to custard, so he's ideal as a Techman. Tink is the common denominator in all these failures, so that's invaluable experience to an employment pathway into C*S* (now seen as a swearword by the WreckFlying computer)."

"He is certainly very common" said Brackish and added "It's the .............

Andy was incensed! Who in their write mind or even their spoken mind would describe Tubsy as semi literate! When it comes to electioneering we cant afford to be sitting on the fence in no-mans land (ww1ref) so Tubs, if you need help composing some thought into something to be written here let me know and I'll be first to help.....as soon as I get a plan, and a costed resource allocation model and don't forget the extra time needed to allow me to cover the technology changes since you were a young troglodyteen with your very first set of clay tablets.........

...... which some new NES'ers may doubt, but El Ratsack can attest that it indeed was Turbo who came down from Mt Bogong (pronounced Bogan) with a full set of tablets that comprised the bulk of the present Ops Manual, hence the difficulty in rewriting it ........... which is proving as difficult for RAOz as finding the Ark of the Covenant has been for Archaeologist Rat.

"You are right, Ratso" said Turbid "My tablets were as ground breaking as the ones that Moses lugged down and like his, mine would be hard to improve on. After all and as an example, how would you like to have to draft a re-write of the Ten Commandments ........... although a possible improvement might be to drop that one about not coveting thy neighbour's wife and on 2nd thoughts that wouldn't be too hard using "Track Changes" in a Word version. However just having 9 Commandments is not as catchy from a marketing point of view."

"Hey Tink" suggested Andy "Why don't you help RAA out this weekend and duck back up to Mt Bogan and see if you can get him (or her) to supply a draft of the new Ops Manual, but get it supplied on Carbon Fibre this time rather than clay."

"Bugger traipsing all that way." replied Tink "As my Vette uses heaps of juice, I'll email him (or her) and have him (or her) send me a set of tablets via Facebook, .......... so Ratso, as you sit on a stool to his (or her) right, will you please PM me the Big Fella's email address when you have time, then ...................

TURBO AT BOGONG WITH THE SOON TO BE SUPERCEDED OPS MANUAL (SECTION 4 IS CLEARLY VISIBLE) ................ AND YOU CAN SEE FROM THIS PHOTO WHY THE MANUAL MAKES SUCH A BIG THING ABOUT NOT OPERATING RECREATIONAL AIRCRAFT IN A STORM AND NOT FLYING TOO FAR OVER WATER WITHOUT A LIFE JACKET. THE GRASS STRIP AT BOGONG IS OUT OF SHOT TO TUBB'S RIGHT.

Responded like those at the EGM, "Keh?... No speaka da English, and certainly no speaka da P&L" which worked for them but caused Andy to take an involuntary dump.........and started looking for something to burn (RAAFref...or was that riffraff)

..... "You can burn the candle at both ends like me and Turbs do" commented Brine, knowing that Andy is a party-animal "Or alternatively you could light your own .............

....... thought that Eeeeen was a tad overgunned for possums by the use of an AK47 (fitted with double extended mags) thru the gun-port of Madge's Heliview. 

 

"That's hardly fair" commented Madge, the CWA spokes-lady during an interview with Koshy on Good-Morning whatever it is, who wasn't anywhere near as chirpy now that Port Adelaide have copped a flogging, so he turned on Madge (who was wearing a see-thru Crows jumper) and said "............

....... "That must be like questioning incompetent committee members & treasurers at an EGM", and he looked quizzically at Andy (now flying from Sth Grafton, which is upwind from where he sh@atCoffs), who ...............

...hunting roos whilst smiling and aviating is a big no-noBUT...possum poaching was allowed near Bang-it-holme which gave a distinct advantage to the Turdbro

 

This freedom to pot possums from 300ft or less (Avref) caused the local CWA some consternation as they.....

....... thought that Eeeeen was a tad overgunned for possums by the use of an AK47 (fitted with double extended mags) thru the gun-port of Madge's Heliview.

"That's hardly fair" commented Madge, the CWA spokes-lady during an interview with Koshy on Good-Morning whatever it is, who wasn't anywhere near as chirpy now that Port Adelaide have copped a flogging, so he turned on Madge (who was wearing a see-thru Crows jumper) and said "............

...yawn widely.

........... then smiled a rueful smile with a glint in his eye, all of which were against CASA RecAv Rule # 16.4.6.(iii), so Eeeen was handed a CASA bluey which further outlined the allegation that .......

] ....... Ahlow was forced to break off his scheduled media announcement, just like Face Palmer did recently in NZ, to try and deal with fallout of the anguished WreckFlyer membership...but without much success right up to the point when Eeeeen was forced to............

..... give Ahlow a holiday when he added a DH logo to the list of "Likes" that was actually a photo of .....

"Paper trails" are yesterday's methods, massively expensive to manage, in every way. Digital/electronic....wins hands down.Source specialist tech company, list your wants, your concerns, I know for a fact a good outcome will be achieved here.

Raa's outgoings ( $$ ) will seriously reduce once system is in place. Ongoing vigilance to system housekeeping is easily addressed.

 

Absolutely no concern, no negative possibility , no what if's, no whatever's, can not be addressed within a digital/ electronic system.

 

Arguing against digital, is an unwinable argument.

But:

1. Re your last line, who is that aimed at and who do you think is arguing against "digital"? I don't see anyone except perhaps the dinosaurs that used to be on the Board who resisted this for years.
    
    
   
2. I've been on the Boards of a couple of public companies where some whizz-kid has made a presentation something like yours above (but with 50 pages of filler). Management always felt so warm and fuzzy after it.
    
    
   
   But after warning that it more often than not just aint that simple, we would typically get a request about a week before the management's deadline that said something like "We are about 97% there but not able to quite go live yet. Just approve another 5000 mhrs and there will be "Absolutely no concern, no negative possibility , no what if's, no whatever's, .............".
    
    
   
   The number of subsequent requests for additional time & budget varied with the complexity of the issues but I think I've only seen one that came in on-time and on-budget.
    
    
   
   And in the meantime the targeted end users were whinging like stuck pigs.
    
    
   

I'm all in favour of RAA moving this way but for anyone to say that this is a no-risk no-delay activity when Certification of Pilots & Schools etc and Registrations of Aircraft are involved in a complete branch of aviation is concerned, with their attendant liabilities and responsibilities, is living in fairyland in my opinion unless you are totally familiar with all of the issues.

Regards Geoff

BREAKING NEWS

Following on from Ian Thorpe's recent coming out, it is understood that Ahlox will be calling a Press Conference on Wednesday.

All NES'ers should stay tuned.

Sensitive Rat still feels a little hurt and remains a bit glum as if there were not mints on offer, Turbo probably wouldn't visit the RatHaus again.

Ratty's hand written note says it all .............................................

The NES's beloved Ratsack has just realised that Turbo has used the "Creative" like on the above post and Ratty is hurt to such an extent that he will take this up immediately with Eeeen and the Rodent's great coffee & cake mate, AhPox, as the innuendo associated with the "Creative" icon is even worse than that which applied to the "Unhelpful" icon (now banned & thankfully beyond Turbo's reach).

Given this attack by Turbo, Ratpoo asks whether NES'ers can now see why Ratso lacks self-confidence and is borderline dysfunctional at playing Doctors and Nurses or Cars and Garages?

And he further asks how you would feel if someone of Turbo's eminence branded you with such a cruel moniker?

Ratty is now going to the pub for a long lunch and to lick his wounds.

If only there was a "Hurtful" icon, Ratus would consider using it.

........What he hadn't noticed was the FOI talking to Madge who had been telling him how much better the Association was now that they had some real men in control, and how they'd weeded all the ferals out of the business.

 

"Well what's that?" asked the FOI pointing to......................

.......... the flanno hanging on the Moron's coat stand and the wine rack in the luggage compartment filled with a mix of Ben Ean, sparking Porphery Pearl, and cheap scotch (SaltyRef) which was made in Sri Lanka in the town of Dundee which used to be called Sri Jayawardenapura Kotte or ஶ்ரீ ஜெயவர்த்தனபுரம் கோட்டை for those of you, like Madge, that are familiar with the Tamil lingo.

The FOI thought about this and said to St Madge "How about joining us here at the CASA as we almost have more ex RAA Officials than you have members, so you'll feel right at home, and all you have to do to work for the Government, to be part of the CASA family and come to our wild & debauchious office parties is to sign this form & give us 10 secrets with which we can screw RAA under the guise of applying sound oversight."

Madge considered the offer, thought seriously about the possible prestige (Madge would love to jump out of the CASA Mule & walk up to aircraft salesmen at the Avalon Airshow, ignore everyone else, puff out his chest and barge in between the owner and potential buyers just like the real CASA dicks do) and how much fun it would be to join Macka, Lee & Mick in order to apply faultless management skills in the administration of recreational aviation, then Madge reached into Tink's Moron and grabbed a bottle of Lanka's finest and said "You can take our freedoms, but you can nae offer me a ............

SOMETHING LIKE THE CASA MULE USED AT AVALON, WITHOUT THE SIGNS ON THE OUTSIDE AND WITHOUT THE EGOS ON THE INSIDE.

...."From Warrnambool I flew over the Alpine region and was tempted to land at Mount Martha which now has an all year bitumen runway. but since the fuel gauge had been showing empty for the last half hour I thought I'd better get home."It was a great flight, but unfortunately I fell out of the Moron when I arrived back, and a CASA FoI..........................

........ asked me whether I wanted to sign the petition being circulated by Kilometres-&-Kilometres.

"I am not pucking fissed enough for that" said Turbs.

"Don't worry about it Tink. What's a minor indiscretion like paralytic-ism all about anyway? We know and accept that everyone likes a little drinkies" said the CASA FOI "By the way, you look like you would make a suitable President of the new RAA that Kilometres & Windward are trying to found."

"Let's drink to that" said Turbo pulling another bottle of cheap plonk from the luggage compartment of the Moron. So he sat with his new best friend the CASA FoI and they told hilarious Flying School, Torture and CFI jokes and LOL'd all evening. "These CASA chaps are hilarious guys" added Turbo "Their office parties must be a real turn-on."

It was shortly after midnight when Ben Tley drove up ready to chauffeur Turdboy back home, because at the stroke of the witching hour the CASA FOI turned into a .............

a second Prince Albert piercing....but next to the first in his upper lip because they still didn't have one small enough to.....

........... place where Victoria (if that indeed was his real name) demanded it be located for best results.

"Ooops" thought Bobby Ll (name disguised to protect him in this Preliminary Report (ATSBRef)), who often hires a Queen Victoria outfit to wear at the Blue Oyster Tranny night "I'd better stay schtumm or someone is going to tumble about my penchant for doilies, black dresses and bustles."

THE DRESS THAT BOBB HIRES.

And with regard to the photo of Turbo in post # 9259, El Ratso can attest that Turbo was flying back to Moorabbin as soon as he finished the meeting with Ahlow and therefore restricted his drinking to a couple of Maotais, 2 double scotches and a bottle of a cheeky Pinot Grigio from Chatteau Bamedman, the remains of which can be seen in one of the glasses.

"What's the problem with that" slurred Turbs after Ratty reminded him that the rule is "12 hours bottle to throttle", not 12 minutes, but as Turbo pointed out "If I can get the bloody thing off the ground there won't be no booze busses at 7000 ft."

Ratty remained concerned all afternoon about his great friend and lolly thief who did fluke a half competent take-off from what he broadcast as "Runway 30 Grass Right" (a new runway that he made during take-off), so after Ratty had 12 hours sleep he hacked into TurdBoys GPS which showed that Tubb had tracked Temora to Moorabbin via Coota, Griffith (where he took on more supplies), Moruya, Hotham, Tocumwal and Warrnambool. (Shiploads of AvRefs).

When asked for more info Turbs proudly said "What's wrong with taking the scenic route (which also required regular 6 minute paddock based piddle-stops)? But I made it in the ...............

Ahlot and Turbo in the Natfly lunch tent discussing moderation, punctuation, spelling and grammar issues associated with several of Turdboy's recent posts ..............

.........."Ahlot for a start with his Loxenvargen" replied Turbo, Hatter with his Shitzenputen, Fourass with his Charabancen, .............................."

...... however Loxley had hidden from his best mate Turbo that he had flicked the Loxenvargen and shaved off his Hitler moustache, to be replaced with Loxley going all Asian on us, wearing a sword, buying some missiles, driving a Hy-und-ai and all as depicted in Ahlow's new Moderatti Magnificentti avatar which is shown below.

Turbo was staggered and amazed at this change in Ahlox, plus how much weight he had lost, causing Turbo and Brine to both observe ..............

...... So could anyone tell him who or what is a 912?..............

..... and it came to pass that a 912 is a model of Porsche which never came to production back in 1950. It involved a V8, rear wheel drive and a transverse leaf spring rear suspension.

"If ziss design ist not going to cut zee sauerkraut here in zee mutterland' said Ferdi "Perhaps we should call it a Korvette or a Mineschweeper und kontakt General von Motorenschafftengeschifft to zee if we can flick it to them for a .................

........hamming it up because his smile was too broad, and he wasn't facing the audience, but............

..... his fist hand moved like Ginger Rogers and Fred A Stare when they were ...........

.........train them, as I've trained many other animals (for those new to the NES, Turbo is known throughout the world for his skills, and not many people know this, but he was the model for the film "The Horse Whisperer", and the technical advisor on the set until the unfortunate incident where he put down a horse with an axle to the forehead. He is also known as "Goat Whisperer", Possum Whisperer (he extracts them from ceilings, although some people have complained about the loud BANG! and ceiling stains, Flea Whisperer (all kinds of feas have a natural attraction to him), and Croc Rider (he's quicker than the idiot in NSW, and uses a fake hand just in case).

"But how would you.........................."

..... get a goat into a ceiling in the first place, and why do you always whisper to your goats from behind?" asked The Dazzler 37 7/8ths, who was being a tad risqué and referring back to his Greek heritage.

"It's a technique that is older than time, before I became oppressed and made to buy the white-fella's Corvette" replied Turbs "They talk about the Stolen Generation .......... well mine is a Stolen General-Motors, but nobody knows because I resprayed it red using one of Brine's railway carriage beautification cans (GraffitiRef) mixed with the blood of a ...........

....such delicacies as Orange Bellied Parrot on a stick, Le Growling Grass Frogge Fritters, and devilled Wombat, all of which he obtains from his friend Deb the Dangerous at the local Wildlife Refuge, and which......

.......... have bitten staff or guests.

This is evidenced by the fact that Uncle Turdy is developing a new recipe for Crocodile, now that there is an oversupply of Croc on the market this week after one tried to give his Keeper a love-bite down Shoalhaven way.

"That there is a NSW Croc" said Turdy "And we don't like them northern crocs, eh" he added "So I'm gunna get mine from brother Loxley at Werribee, as a number of Melbournistan's croc fanciers flushed theirs down the dunny when they grew a bit and became less cute (AhLowRef), then I'll .....................

..................qualify for the banquet featuring indigenous products from the local area, and......

.......... the well known 5 Dunlop Stars Possum Consommé that is prepared on a bed of finely chopped serrated tussock and drizzled with a jus of a freshly squeezed baby Koala, all prepared by one of Bange-It-Holme's & Moorabbin's finest & best loved indigenous leaders, Uncle TurdBro who also provides ............

.......... Loxy explained later to the press: "I was really trying to do a good deed..................................."

............ and was looking to flick the Beer-Can (RivetRef) at the time, so everyone was happy and it worked out well after I swept the taxiway."

"And what a coincidence" added Poxy "As I have the Werribee Poop-Plant Tour franchise & Icecream Shop, so have given Eeen a voucher for use with his enforced holidays and will also offer Salty the Deluxe Tour which will allow him to ..............

.....found himself on the end of Een's broom for abusing people, but before St Eeeeen of the blessed WreckFlying could.......

........... give Brackish a holiday for abuse and the continued use of the unhelpful icon (even after it had been taken out of the icon list), Salty volunteered for a holiday.

"I'd like to go to Fiji please Eeeen" he said "Either that or King Island or one of the five star Werribee tours (See http://melbournewater.com.au/getinvolved/education/programs/WTPtours/Pages/Visit-the-Western-Treatment-Plant.aspx) ............... or basically anything but here at the Nong."

"I know how you feel Brine" responded Eeeeeen "I'll arrange for ............

Hope you see my points

And as a matter of interest, given the nature of a few of your posts, have you perhaps changed your name & gender by deed-poll from XXX?