Captain

".........in that case the first course will be Big Angus Bull medallions, so as Mrs Beaton used to say 'first catch your bull!', and......

............ the response came back "you'll-never-catch-me-in-my-tyrojackacricket, you-mexican-wankers" as bull turned a right base over the azure sea & white sand on approach into Bone for a full-stop landing after a weekend of passion on Hamilton (the island, not the bloke [NTTIAWWT]).

To which the Moorabbin Mauler replied ..............

My Aunt wonders what Turbo was doing up at 3.58 am this morning. Just getting home from dinner and high-jinx in Lygon St after a bank job, she assumes.

Jelly belly Clive Handjob tripped over a bar stool as he reached for his banana split and .....

.......... out popped Mal Turncoat, who had been hiding in the 2nd fold in the Handjob's belly, ever since Andy Setscrew outed him the other night.

Turbo, who is an experienced political apparatchik, turned to Mal and turned on him when he said ".................

....Mario Condobolin and Magic Montpelier.Magic was immediately seen as a plant by the Underbelly gang, and ......

.... taken to task by Turbo " Mad Tony" Mockbell-Williams.

"Listen up St Madge-ic. If youze don't start make'n your payments and putting out for ......................

... after seeing Captain's photo he has just made an appointment with a specialist to have some lumps removed from his chest."They are about as useless as a sore **** on a boundary rider" he said, but Madge................

....... had first dibs on those lumps and had arranged to loosen Turbo up with cheap wine and shallow compliments down in Lygon St on Saturday night, after which St Madge the Defiler had made a booking in a 5 star joint in the names of ......

...our members, though not in a bun, because...

.......... Turbo looks so much more desirable (and young) with his hair down ..... but then again ....................

"you can eat %$#@#$% cake!" which shocked.......

..... both El Bandito and Brine, both of whom didn't like cane-toad cake. For it tastes like one of Andy's used hats and it is no wonder that Wreck Flying computer software %$#%%'d it out.

"That is why we live in southern climes" they both said "But we do like ..................

"............so melodious?""That's because I've got him by the..........................................." but there was a choking sound as Endo was quickly silenced by Epau, and ....

..... he added "We tried that before back in 1962 (when I was a young and dashing risk taker known as The Evil Weevil of the South Island ... just see my website) and it didn't work then so we shouldn't have anything to do with it now. Just do nothing is the best plan for the next 20 years and re-adopt the old "Secrecy-is-the-best Policy" Policy as we could run a real enjoyable RA-Oz if it wasn't for all those bloody members who get in the way, but aren't really all that important after they pay their fees each year."

The Blessed Madge (who certainly couldn't claim to be a Virgin, although he is verge'n on middle age) continued to rise silently, turned to the masses and decreed "..................

suppository of all wisdom!" St Madge fell to his knees, then remembered he was a saint, and started to rise. "Down, dog!" roared a passing...

........... busload of hippies from a commune located on a crown reserve in the foothills behind Coughs Harbour, who were heading north to protest, and sang out with that bloody boring & tiresome chant and counter-chant .....

"What do we want? ............ Free the aeroplanes.

Who do we want it for? ........ Right handed people.

When do we want it? .................. Not sure yet so we need a little further guidance & practice, but ................

A shadow fell across the landscape...

.......... when Clive Handjob strode into view and blocked out the sun ............... and most of the scenery.

Then St Madge of the blessed Observatory noticed a shaft of light shining onto the ground below Clive.

"Geeeeeez" said St Madge, eh "I've heard of that before but never really believed it could happen for real, eh. That sun is shining out of his ...................

.... "I'll stand for the common man" exclaimed Madge, hitching his skirts up and stepping out of the wreckage of his ......

....... reputation, which has been destroyed by the NES in the eyes of the establishment, but enhanced out of sight in the opinion of the deviant counterculture that is the FlyBoys and FlyGirls of WreckFlying and RA-Oz.

St Madge was amazed that the latest Gallop* Poll* indicates that his primary vote in F'n Q has tripled and he has also been called by Clive P to see if Madge will agree to be the next Pauline Hanson of Ozzie Politics, dye his hair red, bash a couple of soft targets (Turbo and Salty come to mind) and stand for the Palmjob Party under the slogan ...................

** For reasons of copyright, Wreck Flying wishes to clarify that the "Gallop Poll" referred to by Ratface was a poll taken by 2 pissed punters at the Ingham Trots last Saturday night, and does not relate in any way to the well known Gallup professional pollsters.

No No bryony..... . Hit him on a cross anywhere and Madge will be reduced to........

..... being just your average bog-standard Deity wearing a bondage outfit, which makes him eligible for .....

My aunt is out in the jardin wondering why nobody had commented on the photo of Turbo in post # 9101 and his gigantic .............. ...................... ....................... .......................... ....................... hands.

......... it will sell like hot-cross buns in Mecca during Ramadan, when ............

"Well, that's nice, isn't it?" questioned Ramsey Usef bin Liner "All we do is fly (AvRef) a couple of planes (AvRef) into a couple of buildings and you all whinge like stuck pigs, but then you strike back by insulting us with Ratso's hot-cross bun reference, because as you and we well know, those crosses on those hotties are the crosses of the Knights Templar of which St Madge of the rampant Mallard is a member (Mont Perrier Chapter). And we have never been so insulted (yet aroused) by the photos of Turbo in a Templar uniform that have been dropped all over the middle east from B52's. Many of our blokes looked at that and ended up with a tent in their Kaftan. Just look at the one of Turbo below and tell me if that is not offensive and ...............

TURBO AT HIS JOINT AT BANGE-IT-HOLME.

"And then there is this picy of the Mount Perrier Mountie (see the one below that I keep in my wallet) that was dropped from a flight of Thrusters all around the mountains of Afganistan where many of our cells have been without womenz for years. The boys went crazy when they saw it, dropped their AK's, even had a tub, and then headed for Townsville (via Indonesia and Xmas Island so they can't wait to be defended by that Greens darling with the cat's eyes & the double barrelled name ...... and I don't mean that candidate for the next Miss Australia quest, Lee Rhiannon, either)" added Ramsey.

ST MADGE ALL BLACKED UP AND READY FOR THE NEXT BOARD VIDEO HOOK-UP (OR THE UPCOMING MT PERRIER B&S BBQ).

......... it will sell like hot-cross buns in Mecca during Ramadan, when ............

....your Gypsy Major fails, you know that you are in for a.....

...... a bloody short glide.

"I thought that he was a Morris Major (the one with the little light behind the name badge at the top of the grill)." said Salty.

"More like a major disappointment" responded Nanna "As you would think that a Deity could keep going for longer than the life of a 2200 thru-bolt." For Nanna had spent a fair bit of time ...............

Madge's stiffly extended skid (avref), and Madge.........

.......... then turned the other cheek ........... so the Walloper hit him there as well with considerable gusto (for his name was Gus).

St Madge of the blessed RAA fell to his knees from the blows then turned 90 degrees and exposed his buttocks.

"What are you doing now, you clown?" said the Copper who was a tad homophobic and before looking at Madge's exposed clacker had thought that he had seen everything (including having witnessed Rodger Rogerson delivering the annual Bob Askin/Henry Bolte lecture on Police Corruption with a straight face.)

"I'm turning more cheeks" St Madge replied "It's what Deities are supposed to do, according to the Deities Australia Operations Manual and what's more, after you pummel these last 2 beautiful pink firm cheeks, the DA Ops Manual says that I must ...................

277 powered Condor, which didn't have the aspect ratio of the Pterodactyl Pterminal, but also didn't have the exciting wing flex - and the PP couldn't have flown down the street anyway. As the cries of "rev you little b%&%*&%" (familiar to all in the early UL scene) faded, the 'vette surged fowards and did excruciating damage to...

........... to the fence that the Condor was attempting clear (another familiar activity from the glorious AUF R&T days).

"Thank the f'n Q Deity (bless his little polyester socks) that Tubb stepped in" said the uncertificated but brave Pilot (sic) (another AvRef & familiar activity of the glorious AUF R&T days), as that fence was .................

.......Mia Mia via Umbillico, Jacksons Hole, Watsons Gully, and the post office box at Outer Nothing using his newly purchased GPS with Romanian Maps, and then.......

.......... Roman, an adonis like lad in an chamois lap-lap, stepped out into the street in front of Tink's 'Vette.

"I-a see-a that-a you have been lured into-a my trap-a, Turdboy, so just-a join-a the rest of the blokes over there who bought the Romanian maps package from Wreck Frying's Murky Plop-Shop as part of-a their ............

"..... after it was revealed that he got lost on the way to.......

........ the corner shop to buy some condom-ants, but he ended up nowhere near the Melbourne off-white eye, and was in ..........

.......... the two hot Hosties that were lounging behind them.

"I have seen St Madge, as the French say, 'paralitique' and 'in flagrante delicto'." said one of the Hosties to his associate, "And that doesn't look too .....................

Ma tante reckons that Andy will soon look like St Madge in that photo in post # 9072 if he gets elected in the next poll. And she reckons that it will take a big effort to fill THAT hat.

........rattling gurgling sound? And Don Qixote's bedraggled wet face poked through the baggage."Are those tears in your eyes? asked the reverred Deity, but before he could.................

.......... reply the Deity whipped out his wand (as he has always been prone to do, since he was a little duckling) and smote Donny Q with a mighty blow, as those Deity's crosiers are bloody heavy, particularly the ones made from jarrah, boab and sugar cane, then covered with the skins of cane toads like the one that St Madge uses.

St Madge of the blessed Duck also has a Mitre of his own design, which includes the Townsville tartan with XXXX cans rampant, and that goes well with his ............

MADGE WITH MITRE AND CROSIER ON HIS WAY INTO THE RAA BOARD MEETING IN TEMORA. NOTE HIS BIG SHINY RING, HIS "COME-TO-BED" EYES, AS NANNA DESCRIBES THEM, HIS TIGHT PURSED LIPS AND HIS TRIANGULAR HANKY AT THE READY. THE SIGN BEHIND HIM SAYS "UFFSTAY ASACAY AND UGGERBAY THE AAASAY OOTAY".

...is very difficult to handle in the turns, stalls without warning and is prone to.............but he was interrupted by the deity who said "Pass me the Chasrdonnay old chay ey?", and then disgraced himself by................

....... using the men's facilities in the rear of the Lightwing's First Class compartment. (For those that have never experienced a Lightwing Heli-View, Madge has always felt that their interior is very similar to the Upstairs Lounge in a 747).

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah, that feels better" said St Madge as he resumed the left hand seat and took command again. "My aircraft" he added.

"You do realise that we don't have a men's dunny back there" said the bloke on the right.

"Oh, bugger" responded St Madge "Is your baggage waterproof? So it's just as well that mine no longer stink since I was made a Board Member and a revered Deity, but what's that .............

fly firste editione ultralights like Skycraft Scouts, Eh?"

"No, not at all old chap" said the bloke who owns the G550 that was at the Temora BBQ "This Club is all inclusive, is for everyone who has the $200 K joining fee and who can provide the topless hosties for the annual knees-up. We even welcome the owners of T-300's and T-83's (or even T-383's) and one of our members from up north even has a Jack-a-Cricket and another is a deity with a Lightwing, so that shows how we are willing to mix with the common folk. I am informed by my butler that one even has an SS."

"What's an SS?" asked Andy, who was acting on the aggressive side & continued to Leer at this bloke after asking his question.

The G550 bloke chatted with the butler who was butling pretty hard, then replied "My man-servant advises that an SS is a scratched scrotum, which ..............

..... The Shire President took it seriouslyt and asked "What was he doing at the time he was leering at you, Else?""He......."

....... appeared to be touching himself (and Mave took a few photos of that with her box brownie just to be sure .... and as evidence .... & to show at the girl's night out) on his .................

...he wants to give "the greatest gift he can give" to some long-legged blonde highly-paid executive with a Leer Jet...

........... who was not a bloke (Turbo had been tricked before) and who wouldn't be too particular or picky or critical, as Turbo ................

.... Turdbro thought that the food was OK but the sleeping arrangements........

........... made it very difficult for him to remain a virgin (he is still "saving himself"), because .............