Captain

........... Frenetic Forum Sequence, which is the opposite to what has been happening here since post # 9392.

"I'm bored" said Andy "So I'm going on the Board to take RA-Oz to great new heights, although it means that I need to guard my reputation, not have any more reference to those suss issues with the hat, and I may not be able to play here quite as much, as I have new responsibilities that may elevate me away from this base form of communication."

"I voted for ya, Andy" said Brine, even though he lives in Mextoria "So can you get my rego done faster, maaaaate?"

"You had my support too" volunteered St Madge of the Blessed Helliview "And I dub thee Prince Andrew of the ....................

Brine was stumped and after a few moments said "I guess I'll have to write to Madge and seek some FFS help cause unless I know I'll...................."

........... always be wonder about it, FFS".

"Well" offered a well learnt and well spelt member of the Forum, "It means Fertility and Family Survey, or Facial Feminisation Surgery, or it is a common working-class bad speller's colloquial expression, as in "FF's sake, shut up Turbo"".

"No" replied the Twelve Incher (TTI) "It means .................

........$10,000 to send back to the family within ten minutes."FFS why would she do that FFS"said FFS Isaac.

 

"FFS don't you know?" asked Itzak "I was only telling Ezekial last FRiday not to touch them FFS! when..............."

......... Dragoslava asked in a deep and husky voice (and appearance) "HEY BRACKISH, WHAT MEANS FFS?" as she finished her 6th weight session for the morning.

Brine thought for a while and responded "Now, now Dragoslava, you don't really look like a husky, so come here my darling ........................... and sit .................................. staaaaaaaay .................. now roll over and .............

...approach on of the Serbian babes when.....

........ Salty protested Turbo's last post.

"I was just going to approach one of them, not "on" one, you dill Turbo" responded Salty with feeling "That comes later, after the Scotch and cabbage rolls, which my book says will have your average Serbian weightlifter hottie asking for ..............

..........hurt, especially when you're a rat."People don't like us; they recoil from us; they kill us with sticks; they lay bait for us; they set traps for us - you'd think we were a bunch of CASA FoIs", and......

......... he snuck away to his rats-nest under a log (not one of Andy's) where he curled up in a chewed up copy of the Herald Sun from 1993 (which had a topless photo of Joan Kirner on page 3), and longed for a better life.

Turbo, in the meantime, went back to his mansion on the hill, filled with scantily clad hot and cold running Serbian ladies (NTTIAWWT) (one of whom could bench-press 150 kgs [which is almost two Turbos]) and a couple of stripped Johno outboards on the floor of his quadruple garage.

Brine had driven over to Casa Turbo from The Nong earlier that day with his book titled "How to speak crash-hot seductive Serbian" and was about to ...........

Turbo notes the deafening silence from Ratso, and apologises for his thoughtless joke about the gnomes; he actually lovingly washed each one individually, and placed them back in the foyer ready for a new load of Minties, and.......

.......... then Andy flew in for one of Ratty & Ahlow's coffee & cake extravaganzas, after which he ducked around to the Rathouse on his way back to YSWG YSWG and filled the Mintie receptacle. However not with sweets, because he was hatless on that day and had eaten a crook profiterole.

Ratso has been unable to respond to recent NES posts until this morning as his keyboard has been soaked in tears from TurdBoy's attacks and thoughtless jokes, plus he has been out at the Wagga East Truckwash with the gnomes again after Andy's latest indiscretion .................................... although Ratso is a bit sympathetic to Andy's plight because he would be the same as Andy if he had to fly Wagga to Sth Grafton tracking direct over the Barrington Tops Bermuda Triangle tiger country in a 230 that is less than 50 hours since the valves were done.

The beloved Rat is now hoping for kind treatment from Turbo and the other vicious NES'ers as he recovers from the latest pummelling at Turbo's attempt at a joke, because Turbs doesn't realise how deeply his quips .........

...........................Ratso's littlest gnome's nose at Rattus HausIn spite of his down to earth blokesy image he portrays here, he is an out and out social poser, always parking the white Bentley in the parking spot reserved for VIP guests (like Turbo), growing ivy up the wall of, let's face it, a remodelled woolshed, having his suits made in London, smoking cigars (well actually the same one for the past fourteen years - it is put away as soon as you get out of sight), speaks like the Queen, has a similar wave, and........................

.......... has never been so hurt as he has been from copping this character assassination by Turbo.

"Thank goodness I still have Ahlox to go and have lunch with regularly, then coffee and cake a couple of times each week (even through we have both sold our planes and have bugger all to talk about)" said Ratsack, sobbing quietly as he stepped from the Maybach into the Bentley and picked up the phone which his Drive/Butler/Under-Footman had dialled for him.

'G'day Poxy" he said "Do you want to grab a bite today?"

"No thanks Ratso, I'm meeting Turdboy in a mo out at Gumly Gumly for a milksake milkshake so we don't want a poncy, poseur, drongo, wanka like you there, before we head off to Cowra to ..............

Dafydd's post # 1 is spot on.

In addition, I believe that talk penetrations for a gauge should be avoided where possible and on my 230 I used a Dynon fuel flow gauge. That and once you get used to the sight glasses in the cockpit, plus maintained a liberal safety margin of fuel remaining, worked well for me.

But that is only meaningful if the tanks are filled, the aircraft must be on level ground and it must then be flown coordinated.

The cross-feed between the J wing tanks means that any slope and full tanks is a waste of money and you can pump half a tank out of the breather if flying uncoordinated immediately after take-off with full tanks.

But, in my view and experience, an accurate fuel flow gauge is way preferable to having an additional hole in each tank for a float of other type of level sensor, which are suss anyway in long shallow wing tanks.

Regards Geoff

........ "And speaking of torture".....

...... said Ida, "While Turbo has been very active here on the NES, let me tell you that he hasn't been too active where it matters with me, why he .............

........startled expression, let go a horrendous wind gradient (esoteric avref), and headed straight for the President's Tent, where.....................

....... CASA had him bent over .......

.....one day Ratso had been conned into attending a local horse show, and becoming bored had rummaged in the back of the Rolls and found his wicker picnic basket from the previous weekend, in which there was a jar of oysters.

With a gleam in his eye he quietly sidled up to a horse stall and started feeding the oysters to a grey mare, leaving the stall door ajar.......

.......... the lovely grey mare put its head down and nuzzled the lovable rodent with the bottle of oysters and they were set to be friends for life, until there was a rumbling in the lovely grey mares intestines (which on a horse are 300 yards long), and the mare looked up with a .............

A LOVELY IMAGE OF RODENT AND GEE-GEE

HOWEVER EXPERIENCED NES READERS JUST KNOW THAT THIS IS WHERE THE PONY WILL END UP DEPOSITING HIS CROOK OYSTERS (WHICH IS STILL MUCH BETTER THAN FILLING A HAT).

.............but Turbo had run out of ideas, and sometimes kick starting Ratso's daily brilliance was like trying to start a Morris Minor on a cold morning (aviators can substitute the engine of their choice so we don't upset Harriet).

"What goes with oysters>" he thought, but.................

...... had obviously never had a crook one, as the effect from a single bung mollusc can cause an eruption that even Andys@sthgrafton would be proud of, for ........

........Proof Reader of Chinese laundry tickets..........................

...... or the changer of Use-By-Dates on bottles of oysters, or ............

"...........rocket.............."

...... or celery, or ............

............sip on those poncy Pimms, or..................

...........rrrrr, fair go" said Peter Imms "I don't mind Ida sipping on me, but for TurdBoy to call me "poncy" is like Brackish or the 12 Inchers being called ...........

.............a bridge out to it so he can get there without having to swim with his holiday shirts and toiletries between his teeth, and.........

.... this proved that Turbo is losing it (again) as he always swam to his beach house when it was possible to just walk there from where the bloke is standing on the right hand side.

"For some reason he seems to just like holding his toiletries in his mouth" said one observer "Which is apparently a bit of a Sunset Boulevard/Corvette owner "thing" at the moment"

The Magnifficentti Moderattit Splendifferoci thought that there was incriminating evidence in that photo of Tink's beach house and have blown-up (AvRef) a high resolution version which when enhanced, showed a set of fingers poking out of the lattice of the door on the 2nd floor.

The MMS referred the matter to Inspector Nobu who issued the following statement.

"G'day again, you NES wankers." said Inspector Nobu while wearing his RMW moleskins. "It's the Aussie Nob here, mates. I'm sure that you will be wlapped to know that I have been lepatliated and given this glouse job as a boss of the warrapers back home, and after those MMS dlongoes found those fingers in the picy, we examined that ratice and found that Madge and Ida (both members of the Cootamundla CWA) had been implisoned there as Turbo's sex-sraves, .......... however after a few months they had to get a boy in each week because Turbo wasn't able to keep up to the job."

"A girl has needs" added Ida "And Turbo is a nice enough bloke, but just unable to ..................

.........leave the yacht."Turbo really wasn't a social climbing person, and had become sympathetic to the poor rich aircraft owners who were having trouble with their engines, so he left his beach house (pictured), and put together a team of engine technologists who had extensive experience in issue diagnosis of Holden Engines, quality analysis, fault diagnosis and rectifications, as well as being highly resourceful, self-motivated, team players, and glass half full guys.

 

Turbo has made a short promotional video which gives some of their history, and their skills (for example at 13:40 we see the insulated coil method of boosting spark), and he is hoping that with his team, engine troubles will soon be a thing of the past, and .........

........ as a result, Turbo's video has become the reference bible for the Aircraft Industry, it has added 45 minutes to the life of Turbo's own outboards between rebuilds, Quaintarse have given an undertaking to use a dubbed version of the video as worker ingenuity training and daily inspiration when they transfer their engine maintenance operation to NE Afghanistan, the AOC have purchased the rights ahead of the next 'Lympic Games, and the video has now been licenced to all TAFE colleges and universities in the southern hemisphere.

"Glass half full?" reflected Tink "Mine overfloweth mate, I've made a motza, and as a result I have retained Julia's builders to do an extension on the beach house so that it will have some glass in the windows and ............

..........offered Johnny one of his Cured Meat Pies (CMP) which he regularly buys at Turbo's Roadside Emporium (TRE) which was a galvanised iron shed with an ice cream dish for the money. Turbo had found the pies lasted about two weeks on the shelf without any serious complaints, and it was a great way to get rid of possum meat, or .......

..... other offal.

"In true aeronautical fashion, one is getting rather turned on by the liberal use of acronyms" said JC, who looked like he had just overdosed on Viagra, "So while one has a quick strum of one's guitar shaped lute, please follow one's instructions &, unless we can get them cheaper by sailing to New Zuland tomorrow, go get a gross of those CMP's from the TRE (but check the UBD's) and give them to chef to serve for TEA in one's stateroom (one lives on one's yacht, don't ya know, so one must be rolling in it). Then ask Dangerous Deborah (with the double D's) to have another shave and an APC before she gets in the RAZZ & joins one in one's SPA for a QF before we ............

.........thought he might be able to pull it off, and having watched many reality makeover shows, knocked on Salty's door.He recoiled in horror as Salty opened his.................

...... lunch, then ..........

"When one is old money, Ratto, one doesn't make a song and dance about it; rather, one makes one's way to 'Z quietly and nicks one's kiwi fruit from the nearest orchard, then choofs back old boy. One knows a bargain when one sees one, you see." said Turbo, reading from Britain's "Richest 200".

"As you know, the real Johnny Cash passed away some years ago, just before I'd bought tickets to his show" continued Turbo, and my men on the ground tell me this one is actually a little computer technician with multiple personality syndrome who also plays Dangerous Debbie"

 

"Well who........?

...... woulda thunk that I'd be pinged so quickly." said Salty while wearing his new Dangerous Debbie outfit.

"One thinks that Dangerous Debbie from Dandenong is hot and one wants one with her" Johnny Cashed-up said to his Butler who doubled as the Bosun in charge of the foredeck crew and also as the under-footman for the chefs in the lower galley. "I say, Jeeves, please duck down to the Nong and aks Dangerous Deb to have a tub, have her don some aftershave, then dress her in her finest and bring her to one in one's cabin before giving the rest of the crew a shot of shore leave, what?"

Jeeves, being a man of the world ...............

.....arxx (his favourite word).........

......... doesn't one just hate dealing with plebs like this on Rec.Flying?" said some knob "Surely one can't be expected to share one's air with non-spellers who surely can't be trusted to obtain a certificate or build a flying machine. One must get one's butler or one's secretary to post one's complaint to one's thread."

"One agrees" said Johnny Cash "As I am retired early, mine doesn't stink either, I am a classically trained plucker domiciled on a yacht so how good am I, and one flits over to NZ whenever one wants a kiwi-fruit, a flying lesson or .........

"....n ironed on member of the Minin Party""Don't you mean Mining Party?" asked Dazzle getting mildly interested.

 

"I know what I mean" said Madge, "and I don't mean..........."

..... the Minger Party.

" Because I wus worried about those supersillyarse knobs what clit-icise those of us here what cannot spell or illiterate proper, I looked it up in the dickshunhairy" interjected Ahlot-the-(minger)-Harlot ..... "And "Minger" means "A male or female who fell out of the ugly tree at birth and hit every branch on the way down", so now that I done thunk it thru (and have stopped looking in the mirror), Saint Madge frum Mount Perrier, near Rotaxrua, may well be a Minger Prince (or Princess .. NTTIAWWT) and that means that he can now move directly to the top of the ..............

....... who picked up a little of the local dialect wherever he went, and...........

...... then dropped her back at the pub the next morning to pick up her car.

"I fly a Rightwing" Madge said proudly "Because I am a .............

.........run amok in the Townsville RSL, and ask where the five dollar handbags were, and.......

....... where were the actual rissoles (or dud he actually mean r-soles, given that it IS f'n Q).

Maaadge, whose great aunt's great great grandmother had been a Queen (so it is hereditary...... NTTIAWWT) of the Waka (so that must be hereditary too) tribe thought long and hard, and eventually turned to E Paul at a boring Board Meeting and said "My great aunt's great great grandmother wasn't really all that great, but she did grate on ............

.....hud meuved to FFNQ from Tezzie after he had been caught wearing he epaulettes (epilets Madge) in Church, but had been moved on by A4 after a tyre kucking uncudint in Clifton Beach, where ......

....... he kucked an old codger who was tired, thun proceeded to ...........