Captain

Rat..."but I note that now as a result of us being more environmentally aware, that its gone back to being brown paper based so I'm a bit worried as to its ability to last as a result of...............

........ the FootLong dribbling while on the job and the brown paper elongating like a thru-bolt in a ...........

.....sticky note at the top of each side saying "Anyone will do, bring a paper bag if you're not sure .........."

....... that you can stand looking at my melon while we get down to business, as I am prepared to wear any paper or plastic bag that will satisfy you and get the job done." (The Twelve Incher had previously appeared on one of AlphaHarmony's TV adverts while wearing a Coles Shopping Bag, but that Advert was rated as a disaster, both for AlphaHarmony and also for Bandy's prospects with the ladies .......... or the blokes NTTIAWWT).

Based on the above, Ahlox, in his capacity as a Moderatti Magnificenti (and a bit of a devo), checked out the 12 Incher's avatar and concluded that he did not look too bad (but did not exactly look attractive either) so Ahlox suggests that any interested party should consider a David Jones shopping bag as a minimum requirement.

"I have one" said .................

THE ABSOLUTE MINIMUM REQUIREMENT.

THE 12 INCHER WITH A PROSPECT, BEFORE SHE REALIZED THAT SHE COULD SEE THRU THAT BAG & BECAME SO VIOLENTLY ILL ALL OVER THOSE FEET THAT THEY THOUGHT SHE WAS AN EBOLA VICTIM.

....Alpha 160A which was so ugly that mo one else had ever taken a photo of it, thinking it was a mound of old fencing materials and offcuts from the local cabinet maker. Wear .....

..... and tear on Turbo had obviously taken its toll, as the Alpha 160 A is much more attractive than the basic 160 model and is so sexy that it has its own dating sites named alphaharmony.com and alphaSVP.org, where the 12 Incher has a ........

....dating profiles from RSVP, eHarmony, and JabJabber, the latest place to meet and.....

............ exchange selfies of their best bits.

In the case of the 12 Incher, that involved a selfie of his ............

.............know that he has thirty three seized engines (which is almost as many outboards as Turbs has been through since 1975) out the back of his workshop, and they are the ones where the engines could be found."Who was it?' asked Hatso, but the truckie just smiled. Truckies are cunning that way, he was waiting for Hatso's Silence Ceremony, and he knew that then he would have a bargaining...............

........... chip to add to the Peas and Corn compote that results from each roll of the cheeks.

In the meanwhilst, our best mate Andy the goose tamer, was preparing for his debut at the RA-Oz Board Meeting and St Madge of the Blessed Indoctrinator had been given the gig as "The Mentor de Hatso".

"I'll look after ya for the first 5 years" said St Madge to the still enthusiastic & wide-eye'd Andy, who had just had his first glimpse of the Compactus out the back and the 3.7 million manila folders which contain all of the member's ................

WARNING ......... WARNING .......... WARNING

TO ANY NEW MEMBERS OF THE EXCELLENT REC. FLYING WEBSITE.

If you are a relatively new member of this website and are looking for guidance in your Recreational Flying activities, we wish to point out that the 12 Incher (and yes it really is) and TurdBoy have finally gone too far in their posts 9432 - 9434 inclusive.

Until those posts, the NES had maintained an air of credibility and any members reading it with care could apply the espoused principals without fear or favour.

However the management, staff and friends of Wreck Flying must point out that anyone using Tomatoe, Barbecue, Tobasco, Chateaubriand or Béarnaise sauces in their 2200, 3300 or 4400 engine has an increased risk of engine malfunction, not to mention the use of South Carolina Ketchup which is just a plain silly suggestion by Turbs as this Ketchup has been well proven for a long time to contain highly corrosive elements that have given trouble in the past in various Lycoming internal combustion engines and in some Pratt and Witney turbines. But in all fairness & in the interest of full disclosure, it should be noted that Hollondaise Sauce has shown encouraging results during early testing.

Eeeen has asked me to add that he requests all contributors to the NES to consider the new blokes and blokettes who may read their material and to revert to keeping it factual in future. Although he also asked me to add that the frozen turd concept might be a godsend for the sport in extending the life of the valves in these engines. Eeeen has checked out the entropy and enthalpy of this scheme, not to mention the angle of the dangle, and he has given it a big tick plus taken out a preliminary patent. He also likes the additional supply of prosciutto that is the by-product as this has reduced the price of prosciutto worldwide and the market in prosciutto futures on the New York stock exchange has fallen to its lowest level since the great prosciutto scare of 1936, which Eeeeen remembers so well.

Now back to the story ...................................... all innocence, but you and I ................

.........put an indentation in the side of a passing Kenworth and knocked a member of the Orang Utangs off his bike which........

....... made the truckie and the Orang Utang member spit chips.

"Hey" said the truckie, "These peas and corn will go well with those chips and also with the prosciutto that just fell to earth after that 230 went over, but what about ...........

.......... halfa kilo of frozen peas (also containing some frozen corn) which ...........

...........and running for his life because it's no goose chasing him this time, but a ...........

........... n appreciative Brahman heifer who knows prime meat when she sees it.

But first, Andy needed to un-handcuff (and un-anklecuff) himself from the steel structure shown in the photo (For our city readers ..... I point out that there is nothing unusual about this as it is just standard farming practice in f'n Q which Turbo and Andy have successfully introduced into the residential communities in which they thrive), where he had attached himself in a spreadeagle star pattern in readiness for the .............

Ratty's above reply was written before TurdBoy attached the photo to his post #9426 and Ratso says "Wow .......... that looks very much like what happened at the 2013 EGM" ...... with the members being that bull.

..........person to have around in a sticky situation. Like that time we were swimming around in the molasses tank, and Andy came up with a different way of cleaning up, by......"

......... walking down into a paddock of particularly good looking heifers and allowing them to ...............

ANDY IS NAKED AND FORTUNATELY, OUT OF SHOT TO THE RIGHT.

...perhaps a noce... Urrgh!"; as a spray of frozen peas riccochetted off one of Andy's frozen turds and nearly decrapitated the speaker...

...... who nonchalantly replied "But jeez this prosciutto tastes good. Don't ya just LOVE Tapas?"

"Speaking of torpedoes" commented The 12 Incher "I think that might be one of Andy's .......... and while he says that he may not be the best log in the woodpile (or the least stretchy thru-bolt in the engine), he is a good ..........

....the seven dwarfs."We'll change the face of f'n'Q" said MK.

 

"NQ" said Turbo who'd received a comunicae on where the border of f''n'Q really was and was in the process of quelling a fist fight between two Queenslanders, one of whom was adamant it started at Launceston, where..................

........... such a change will make sure that we win the State of Oranges." he said with that quiet, understated, self effacing confidence that most Queen-slanderers display, then we'll .................

........Grand Dinner, paid for of course by all the poorer members, reeling from the cost of engine rebuilds and licensing requirements; the peas hadn't even had a chance to thaw, and a couple of times when he rolled there'd been a little accident and frozen peas had broken some of the Terminal windows, and dented the corrugated iron.

"I'm going to have to send a communicae out about this damage" said Mickey Mouse, but no one was listening to him because the great....................

..... coup had started, with Miles & Kilometers and Leigh Shore both planning to make a cumback, ably supported by some dopy walloper from over there, an army General, a rabbit cocky, E Paul and ......

......and that was the problem with Hatshat - he didn't see, and in fact was legally blind. There was an incident after one Natfly (and this was supposed to be kept confidential so don't tell the board members) where he was ramp checked, and passed with flying colours. In one despicable act of treachery the CASA man said "point to the Duty Windsock!", and Hatso who had been leaning against his wing (a frightening situation I agree) knew the wing was a 90 degrees to the 273 degree heading from his voice coil compass when he parked, pointed to within...................

....... the CASA bloke's own jacket and then down at his sock, for Andy was well aware that the CASA Inspector had been rolling up onto one cheek every 15 minutes over all days at Natfry after eating 3 big bowls of pea and ham soup at the ......

...There's no such thing as a free lunch, and unfortunately the process leaves a frozen t#rd at the back end, and this is where the BOG Grinder comes in.....................

.......... as it slices thinner than the finest Palma or San Danielle prosciutto, automatically adds a few other Tapas type ingredients and these delectable concoctions are then ejected from a newly legislated (See CASA By-Law 28.776.92.(I). (iv) 6.4.8) chute which protrudes from the aircraft right on the theoretical W&B point, and they float down into .............

.......whether I was entitled to one bar, or the three I now wear."Ratso continued to explain Madge's secret missions when he wasn't praying in the Holy Church of St Ignition, but realised that Turbo wasn't listening, in fact was sobbing uncontrollably.

 

"What's the matter", asked Ratso kindly. "The hired a DOG minder" cried Turbo and burst into a new round of sobs.

 

"Now all we can expect is................"

........ more notes from the Ops Manager and some 2014 additions to the Bible dealing with the key issues associated with the clandestine visits of St Madge of the Two Ignitions, the Gospel according to the disciples St Weight and Lord Balance, why you are a nuff-nuff if you wear Dunlop Volleys in mixed company and how Flight Suits and gold braid make you look like a real wanka unless you have actually reached the rank of a real Wing Commander in a real airforce.

"And" whispered The 12 Incher to TurdBro who is as deaf as a post "They haven't hired a "Dog Minder", it's a "BOG Grinder" and has been hired in order that Andy can .............

.........Madge, who since his elevation to Madge the Silent, had taken to waving his arxx as he walked. Bluey smirked, and saliva started dripping from his jaws.From left field came the delicate little crunch of tennis shoes (which are all you can wear in a Lightwing) and.................

.......... then Turbs tumbled to what had been going on for years.

The 1956 model Dunlop volleys were worn in the Helliview as a weight saving measure and the numerous visits made by St Madge to YSWG YSWG (he would always leave the aircraft there when attending Board Meetings in Queanbeyan Heights, he was also a regular visitor to the Soirée Nights at the Blue Oyster, and after both types of visits everyone was very gay [meaning happy] NTTIAWWT).

Turbs soon deduced that this was not because of St Madge's great personality or outstanding physical prowess, but rather, it was due to the mind altering effects that comes from St Madge of the blessed Madge-ic Mushroom.

It is an interesting quirk of fate, dear readers, that Ahlox was the only regular at the Blue Oyster whose mind was altered for the better after a night on the mushrooms in the washroom at the BOB. However as those of you would know who have been moderated by the plick, his mind started from a pretty low base.

It turns out that St Madge of the blessed Madge-ic Mushroom was delivering them a tonne at a time in the Lightwing, which wasn't so light on the way down from f'n Q, but he flew the aircraft in typical RA-Oz fashion, saying "Stuff it, it has always been OK before, I'll just tell 'em that the tanks weren't full when I took off, what's a W & B anyway, who'll know when I'm up there at 9,999 ft, and what are the odds of some CASA drongo being there when I land on the grass at YSWG YSWG ...... or which of them CASA dills would be game enough to question an outstanding & dedicated silent Board Member like me about ................

..........is quietly contemplating those angry eyes boring into him and saying to himself "Wait for it, wait for it, waaaaaait for it, ........................"

............... what department of CASA are you from?" as the eyes on that steer look very similar to the 15 yard stare of your average inspector, and of E Paul, except that neither have ever been seen to move that quickly, and the steer isn't wearing a flight-suit (fitted with a zipper that goes down further than decency dictates).

Bluey settled down beside the choock shed that was a lean-to off the hanger by the farm strip, he touched up his canines using the chainsaw sharpener and he waited for ............

".......gave it a pat on the head, and it did the rest, which was rather unfortunate because Epaulette........................"

....... exhibits a couple of those qualities (as does Poxy before his shower each week), and Bluey ..............

BLUEY PRACTICING.

.......Bible, which Ratso at first thought was to encourage him to purer thoughts, but on closer inspection he found it was a bulletin from the Ops manager explaining that when you paid your fees you were not necessarily allowed to fly because......and it went into ten thousand variations of what might be right and what might be wrong, in simple easy to read English, which was a problem because the Red Rat was at 9,999 feet and.....

........ had a clear conscience but an opaque insurance and a misty public liability because he had paid his dough but had jumped in the aircraft without his certificate, with maps there were 3 hours out of date and without the rego label being visible from the port wingtip. (While Ratty did not have the Certificate or the Rego papers, he did carry the credit card acknowledgement and he reckons that is all he needs because nobody's gunna tell him what to do).

"Not many people will be looking from the port wingtip at 9,999 ft" said Ratty with considerable logic, "And I'll land on my farm strip where Bluey has been trained to eat anyone who smells like a CASA Inspector.

"How did you train Bluey to do that?" asked Brackish.

"I took the ugliest scarecrow that I could find, gave it a paunch and a supercilious attitude which made sure it was completely up itself, registered it as a member of the Public Service Union, rented it an apartment in Canberra, gave it a 5 ft X 5 ft partitioned office in an open-plan CASA office, soaked it in stale urine and .....................

........... "For goodness sake keep digging as this is our best chance yet to flick 'em" yelled Brackish with desperation from the bottom of the trench "And also for goodness sake pull your dacks back up, Madge, as from down here you look like a ................

..... cross between Arnold Swartzenegger and Madge Allsopp (did you all see Arny's latest real estate advert where he mentioned Varger Varger?). But forget about that and get down here digging my trench, as once we get it dug, when Clive steps across into f'n Q it will snap off like a scotch finger biscuit and f'n Q will float off to join onto eastern Niugini & Bougainville where they belong, and then we'll see how chipper they are about secession."

"Good move, Salty" said his great mate Turbo, as he grabbed a jack-hammer to .................

So ewhere here its discussed having all CFI a board members was a bad thing, then we see the new ops manual being vetted by exactly that

I am absolutely opposed to having a Board dominated by CFI's where I believe that they will have such a clash-of-interest/pecuniary interest that they can't fairly represent the interests of your average member and would need to disqualify themselves from many of the discussions (but Board governance was abysmal for many years and I bet that they haven't done that at all times in the past).

However I do think that CFI's can make a relevant contribution to a scan and final (hopefully) edit of the Ops Manual. This Ops Manual saga was a scandal under the oversight of previous boards and I believe that RA Aus should do anything that it reasonably can to get it progressed and out to the membership. A CFI Review phase is a cheap way to advance the status of the document. CFI review of the document and their suggestions would also be a good and meaningful final check. But to put it out for comment to 8,000 members would be over the top and unworkable as it should be a prescriptive manual, not a consensus document.

....had also signed the "Pledge of Silence", so he had an overwhelming conflict and not only that but since he had dropped his dacks a growing number of people had loudly begun to chant "There's nothing there, there's nothing there!" so he was in a ..................

........... good position to be admitted into the "Magic Circle" http://www.themagiccircle.co.uk/, because nobody could hide anything substantial (or even small) under or behind that.

"Fair go Tubbs" said St Madge "First I go on the Board, then I post stuff on WreckFlying to inform the members and I cop a serve, then they all laugh at my manliness when I expose the lot to show that I'm not hiding anything. I'm starting to get the impression that I can't win, so perhaps they'd like to have the other Major back again."

"For goodness sake keep digging as this is our best chance yet to flick 'em" yelled Brackish with desperation from the bottom of the trench "And also for goodness sake pull your dacks back up, Madge, as from down here you look like a ................

Ma Tante is out in the garden writing with her plume and she reckons that she wouldn't let Madge anywhere near her cercle magique.

..........new Country of F'n'Q.""What do you mean?" asked Brine coming awake slowly.

 

"Clive Palmer has just suggested F'nQ should secede from Queensland" explained Turbo, "and 22 million Australians think that's a great idea"

 

But there was trouble in the camp. Madge the silent, who, as we recall had signed a Silence Agreement had been accused of not telling people what was going on.

 

"What do yer mean?" he said and like a good magician he spun around in his dinner suit, waved his arms and said "Here, I'll do it again so you can see there's nothing I'm hiding" and he....................

............ dropped his dacks so that nobody could accuse him of hiding anything.

"We haven't got time to be staring and laughing at that" said Brine, who had flown up to F'n Q immediately he heard that Clive had endorsed seceding. "Here" added Brine "Grab a shovel and we'll dig a ditch between Boulia and Maryborough before they change their minds".

But St Madge was a nationalist and ..............

.....it's CASA who set the rules there.......

I, for one, have no (none, zero, not a smidgeon of) faith in the CASA in the Rec Flying scene. (In my view the CASA's present attitudes & competencies should be limited to & focused on the Commercial Aviation sector and a more relevant, simple, competent and meaningful mechanism be found by the Government to administer non-commercial aviation).

And based on what I saw at the last Natfly, RA Oz now has some senior staff who think that more regulation is needed in order to make RA Oz a "world leader".

I assume & hope that the RA Oz Board is monitoring the situation and giving policy direction on this to the staff so that privileges are protected to the maximum possible extent.